a.n. don't forget to vote and comment
• • •
Renleigh Kensington
Bed rest my fucking ass.
Literally who did they think I was? I had a company under my name which was for bloody sure not going to manage and run itself. I was the boss for a fucking reason and taking that away from me felt like what it probably feels like to be thrown in jail.
Harry thought he could keep me under control and lock the bedroom door so I wouldn't be able to leave in case I woke up before him. But this silly bitch didn't know I learnt how to pick a lock and I managed to get out of the room, fully dressed, at eight am. Which was already an hour later than when I usually got in.
I texted Liam to let him know I was going to be coming in today but will be late so if anything happens, he is in charge. To be fair, I could have taken the day off and let him deal with the business for now but it irked me that I was told no. I don't do well with no's if it comes to what I can and cannot do, especially when it's about work.
You come between me and my job and you might as well get to adjusting your will because you are going to be smelling the flowers from six feet under.
I made a quick coffee for myself—iced, of course—and just as I was about to take a sip, I heard Harry's feet tap against the tiled floors. Oh, here we bloody go. I just knew he was going to give me a lecture about how I shouldn't be awake or how I should be in bed.
"Morning," I grinned at him like nothing ever happened and brought my glass to my lips. He folded his arms in front of his chest, his shirt wrinkled and his PJ bottoms up on his shins.
"Do I wanna know how you got out of bed?"
"I put my feet down and walked away from the frame."
"I meant room but whatever—I don't want another smartass answer."
"Okay, moody pants," I replied.
"Renleigh, you are not going in today. Or for the next three months."
"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that to me," I scoffed. "I am going in and I will be going in for the next three months."
"Do I need to remind you that you were in the hospital yesterday? Where you got taken into because your body is over exhausted and it doesn't know how to function properly so it gave up on you?" he asked me with a judging tone, trying to get me to see his point. Which I did, however, it wasn't going to make me stop from going in.
"No, you do not."
"Well, then you need to keep it in mind and also put the coffee down. That's not what you should be drinking."
"Should I be drinking a fucking kale smoothie and eat scrambled eggs with salmon as well?"
"Why are you picking a fight with me again?" he asked. "I know you are not liking this situation and trust me, I don't like it any more, but fighting over something like your health is stupid. I don't understand why you want to push yourself more—if that's even possible."
"Did you not hear me yesterday? I feel empty, I feel like I have achieved nothing and siting around, laying in bed is just going to make me feel worse," I argued back because it seemed like he didn't understand that. Or if he did, then he decided to ignore it instead.
"The doctor ordered you to do that. I don't get why it's so hard for you to grasp."
"The same way it's so hard for you to grasp that I can't sit here and do fuck all."
He shook his head, disappointed in me and my decision. It was annoying that I had to go against him but at the same time I hated being wronged.
"Renleigh," he started off easy and soft. He used my full name, no petnames or anything, so this was going to come from deep within. "I see why you want to go to work—someone told you that you can't so you want to do it that much more. But the reason why you are told not to go to work is for your own good," he said calmly as he walked closer to the kitchen island and leaned on it with his elbows. He explained things with his hands and all then when he finished, he intertwined his fingers.
"I see why you could be worried and why I shouldn't go in but to reiterate—if I don't go in, I'm going to lose my mind," I said.
"Okay. You go in. I get a call, let's say, an hour from now, saying you were taken into the hospital again or that you fainted again," he stood back up again, his hands in the air and apart. "What am I going to do then?" he slapped them down on the surface with an angry expression. His eyebrows pulled together and his lips pressed into a firm line. "Hm? Because the first thing I will ask is if you are alive or not. That is how serious this situation is. Do you understand that?"
I sighed frustratedly and shook my head. We were never going to see eye to eye on this and unless one of us gave in, we were going to stand there all day.
"Harry. This has happened to me before..."
"What has happened to you before?" he pressed. "That you fainted? That you were hospitalised because you're ruining your health? That you couldn't move when you woke up in the morning? Or is it the emotional breakdowns that happen a lot more than they should? Which one is it, Kensington?"
"If you are going to just attack me with all of this, I don't want to talk to you," I stated.
"So, I'm finally getting to you, then?" he questioned. "Do I have to throw a few personal questions in there for you to break and see that the things you are doing to yourself are killing you? You know I can punch where it hurts the most, I have before and I'm not scared of doing it again if it puts you in the right mindset."
"Do that and I'm breaking up with you," I threatened and I was serious. "You throw the shit I told you about back in my face and I'm done with you. I'm not kidding, either. I'm tired of feeling like I'm talking to a fan when I share things with you. There are many ways to get me to see your point but thinking that you have the right to bring my past into it, is definitely not one."
"You and I both know you will never see my point. Hell, you fail to listen to a professional's advice so I don't know why I'm standing here, running my mouth when it's clearly for nothing, right?" fuck. This was not what I needed early in the morning. Not after four months of being away from him. "You love to throw my feelings to the side when for once in a lifetime you are wrong about something and you shouldn't do what you want to. Nothing I say sticks in your head because you simply don't give a fuck about it and that hurts as much as you hurting yourself does. Of course, you wouldn't know that—you are too busy caring about yourself because who is more important than you? Then again, if that was the case, you definitely wouldn't be in the situation that you are. I mean, you are twenty-nine and the doctor said your body may as well be double its age. You are ruining yourself and you may think that's OK but I don't think the same."
"Professionals all say the same thing yet I'm still here," I argued back although even I knew my point was weak. He got me but I never not win. So, giving in, was not in any of my upcoming cards.
"Yeah, and for how long?" he asked. He shook his head and said, "I never thought I would have to say this but you are being fucking stupid," he laughed in disbelief. "You think I don't know what you are doing? Oh, sweetheart, I know you like the back of my fucking hand—you know I'm winning this argument and you have no way of recovering from this. Claiming that all professionals say... what exactly? That you burned out? No. That's not what they are saying—they are saying you are on the way there. Well, they have before you got hooked up to an IV yesterday because you didn't have enough of what your body needs. Going to work today is going to put even more pressure on you, give you even more stress and put you in a mindset that is impossible to get out of because I know how you get when you are at work."
"And if I stay at home for three months, I will magically get better? Look, I appreciate your concern and that you worry about me but trying to come between me and my job is something I never let anyone do and you are not going to be any different."
"Your health is coming between you and your job," he said sternly. "Your job put you where you are. Do you understand that?" he tapped his temple with his two fingers and the vein on the left side of his neck popped out as he raised his voice.
"Sure. Okay. My health came between me and my job. I understand," I gave up the fight but not the plan of going to work. Perhaps if he got the last word, if I said he was right, he would drop it and let me go. Then again, I knew him better than that. There was no way he'd let this go. "Anything else?"
"Yes. You are not going to work."
"Do you want your clothes washed? Shall I cook you breakfast? Oh, I will definitely hoover out your car, please pass me your keys," I smiled at him extra sweetly, my voice clearly indicating my annoyance.
"You are acting like a child. You are acting like I'm taking away your whole life."
"Because it bloody feels like you are!" I shouted back, for the first time since we started arguing. "It feels like you are taking away everything I know and love. I don't see why you can't understand that."
Harry stayed quiet and so did I, after that. He watched me and it felt like he was looking into my soul. I didn't know what his next move was going to be or what mine would be but I just knew things will not end well.
"I asked you once if you had to pick between someone and your job, who would you pick. Do you remember that?" he asked me the question carefully and his voice felt cold.
"Yeah."
"And you never answered me."
"I did," I said. "You asked me the question after I gave you my answer."
"I'm going to ask you again as I feel like things have changed since then—if you had to choose between someone and your job, who would you choose?"
"My answer is the same."
"Which means?"
"I'm going with my job," I stated. "Making me choose between someone and something I have worked my arse off for every day is the stupidest thing I have ever known. The fact that you have to ask that, is mind blowing to me."
"Okay."
"Okay?" I asked back when he simply said that one word. "You cause all this drama at half eight in the morning and end it with an okay?"
"I have nothing left to say to you," he said with a shrug of his shoulder. "Go, get to work or wherever the hell you were going," he sounded like he didn't care and it made my chest hurt. He was suddenly completely changed and cold and meanwhile it was most likely because of my answer, I didn't like it.
Also, he never specified who 'someone' was.
"You should have started with that question so we could have ended this half an hour earlier," I rolled my eyes as I picked my bag up from the stool.
"Yeah, I guess I should have," he agreed like he wasn't arsed at all.
I didn't know what to say to that so I just left the kitchen and him in it. Fighting with him a day after everything went back to normal was fucking annoying. I wanted to be on good terms with him but if everything was fine with people around us, then we had something wrong with us. It's like this universe didn't want us to be good to each other and I hated it.
I hated it because I loved him and fighting with him was the worst.
• • •
No.
No. No. No.
Not this again.
The smell. The feel of the clothes. The uncomfortable pillow.
Slowly, I opened my eyes and I found myself in the same damn room I was in just a day ago. Only this time, it was dark, the curtains were pulled in but I was alone for the second time. I sighed and when I leaned my head to the left, I wasn't as weirded out by the IV pushed inside my hand than I was the first time around.
Weirdly, I felt okay. I felt like I had the longest sleep ever but just like the last time, I had no recollection of how I got here or how long ago I got here or why I got here. Last thing I remember, is opening the front door and then the hospital stench woke me up.
I laid in the bed for a bit before the door gently opened up and in there walked Harry. I rolled my lips into my mouth as I felt like crying. I really wanted to just let the waterworks out but I didn't know how he would react. He didn't notice I was awake until he picked up the armchair and gently pushed it closer to my bed. He sat in it and until he was comfortable, he didn't look at me.
But when he did, he looked surprised and I really did feel like crying. His eyes were a little bit puffy and his face looked flushed so I assumed he went to wash it. He grabbed my hand that had the IV attached to it and placed it on his cheek. One of his hands pressed against mine on his face and the other wrapped around my wrist. I guess that was when I let my eyes water up and the tears just found their own way down my cheek.
What made me feel even worse was when his hot tears rolled down the side of my hand. Like, my actual heart broke. There was a piece missing and I had no idea if there was such thing as heart piece missing filling surgery but I fucking needed it.
I couldn't stand the thought of him crying.
He sniffled before he pulled his face from my hand then wiped at his cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie.
"I told you to stay home, didn't I?" he asked with a broken voice, quiet, and hurt. "I told you to stay with me and you picked work."
"I'm sorry," I mumbled as I kept my eyes on him, both of them leaking with tears that I didn't bother wiping away. I just felt so fucking horrible and he was right and I never fucking listen but that's me. "I'm sorry I didn't listen."
"I should have tried harder," he replied. "I shouldn't have turned on you. I shouldn't have argued. It was wrong of me. Locking the bedroom door... I should have known it would make you want to leave even more."
"This is not your fault," a rigged breath mixed into the air as I wiped away my tears then sniffled. My emotions were all over the place after being pushed so far away from reach. "I was being a dick. I should have listened. I'm back where I was."
"I can't get it out of my head... it's like every time I have a moment to clear my mind, it creeps right back in... the way your body just collapsed and-and you didn't answer me when I shouted... I don't know. It fucks with my mind."
"It's okay. I'm alive."
"For now," he said. "Renleigh, you are pushing it. You pushed it this morning. When I brought you in, they said they knew this would happen. They had to sedate you because you wouldn't allow yourself enough rest. You've been out all day."
"All day?" I asked.
"It's quarter past seven," he replied. "They want to keep you in overnight."
"Oh."
"Yeah..."
This was horrible. I mean, I knew it was bad but the fact that the only way they could control me was if they put me to sleep with some kind of sedative, that was just crazy to me. I really have never been this bad. Fainting twice in a row was definitely not something I was used to—I never even fainted before. That should have been a big enough flag and stopped me from acting out this morning but it didn't.
The way I behaved this morning was most likely my way of trying to cope with the whole situation. Acting like everything is fine and pushing everything to the side is just how I deal with things and that's exactly what I did after I got home yesterday. I guess I just don't want to accept the fact that I'm out of control and it is because of all the shit that has happened lately.
"I didn't tell your parents yet. I didn't call anyone, for that matter," he told me after a while. He sat in the armchair with one of his arms folded under his other and his hand pressed to his mouth to keep his head from falling. "I didn't know if you wanted them to know or if you wanted to tell them. Worrying them didn't seem like a smart idea."
"Thanks," I replied shortly as I fiddled with my thumbs. Eventually, I was going to have to talk to him about what happened but right now, I was too in my head. The panic that started to rush through my entire body was munching me away and I couldn't stop it.
I went too far this time. I went too far and I didn't even realise it because I was that out of my right mind. The blame should have been on me yet I placed it on the pressure that surrounded me for the past year and a half because it seemed easier to try and truly understand my situation.
"The, uh, nurse came in a couple of hours ago to ask what you wanted for tea so that should be here soon," he let me know and I nodded. I was going to have to eat everything if I wanted to get out of here and get myself together. "Hey."
"Hm?" I glanced at him when he leaned forward and grabbed my hand gently.
"You know I love you, right?" he asked with his eyes hopeful. I kept my stare on him for a while, just took his features in. I missed him whilst we had to be away from each other. It felt like things weren't the same anymore.
My eyes teared up at his question. It sounded like he blamed himself for what happened and by making sure I knew he loved me, I felt like he thought I would know he didn't mean to argue with me on purpose. It was more so out of care and I understood that now. In the moment, not so much.
"Yeah," I nodded. Then replied with the two words that I found the courage to use and associate with the feeling I was too scared to actually admit. "Me too."
• • •
a.n.
ngl chief i love when they fight and also that end bit did sum to me like they were both so fucking scared and they had to cry and say ily you know such a rare thing between them i feel like
BUT YEAH. it was all a lie. their breakup i mean hehehehehe. that plot came to me so suddenly you know i literally only decided to make it a thing when i was writing that chapter like something else was meant to happen originally but then i was like nah cba jus gonna fuck wit everyone instead 😭
o i also changed all the covers cos i hated the teared in half ones lol these look so much cleaner and prettier. also i have a title for the new fic already and i almost posted the first chapter the other day but i didn't feel ready yet idk
but anyways thas itttttt see u in a day
xoxo