Brianna
As soon as I walked into Insanity, I knew something was off. I wasn't totally sure what it was, but something was...different. The air was thicker, almost.
The door to Barney's office opened and Hawk stormed out of it, his face hard. He marched angrily over to Hazel, who was sitting at the bar watching him with an anxious expression on her face. As soon as he reached her, he took a long drag of her beer and started talking to her, their faces inches apart. I went over to them, and they stopped talking the second they saw me.
"Brianna, hey," Hazel said in a falsely enthusiastic voice, and one of my eyebrows twitched up in suspicion.
"What's going on?" I asked, my eyes going to Hawk.
He sighed roughly and looked hesitant.
"Bri, you should probably take the day off. I'll explain to Barney, you won't get in any trouble and you'll still get paid," he said, his eyes darting to Barney's office door three times.
"Okay, seriously, what the fuck is going on?" I asked in a harder tone than before.
"Barney is...upset," Hazel said delicately and Hawk snorted, shaking his head before taking another pull of beer.
"Upset about what?" I asked impatiently.
"It doesn't matter. Look, when Barney gets pissed, and I don't mean someone hit on you pissed or he lost his paperwork pissed, I mean really truly beyond reason pissed off, there is not one person on this earth who can reach him. He's...honestly, Brianna, he's dangerous. I almost got my head torn off back there, and that was me, his best friend of over a decade, being careful. He loves you, and he would never forgive himself if he said or did something to you while he was in this state."
"Barney would never hurt me," I said without hesitation.
Hawk and Hazel exchanged a look that said they weren't so sure.
"Barney would never hurt me," I repeated more slowly, enunciating each syllable with certainty.
"I'm going to go talk to him," I muttered, turning around. Hawk stopped me with a light hand on my arm and I spun around with a loud sigh.
"Brianna, please, just go home. For your and Barney's own good," he said softly.
I stared at him for several seconds before turning around and walking again towards Barn's office. When there was a loud crash from inside, I walked faster. I heard Hawk walking behind me, but I didn't pay him any mind as I wrenched the door open and took in the scene. Barney was standing in a half crouched position with his hands pulling violently through his hair, which was sticking up every which way. His suit jacket was on the floor, his tie was hanging loosely around his neck as if he had started to yank it off then decided not to bother, and his shirt was completely untucked. I looked across the room to see a broken vase along with flowers and a large wet spot on the carpet, the wall above it scratched up where I'm assuming the vase had hit.
As soon as I took a step into the room, Barney's head shot up.
He was breathing heavily and his big blue eyes were wild and he just kept staring at me. I heard Hazel come up behind me and then he walked slightly in front of me as if to protect me.
At that, Barney's eyes got even bigger and he took several steps forward until he was right up in Hawk's face.
"Get the fuck away from my girlfriend," he growled.
"I'm just protecting her, Barn, you're not yourself right now," Hawk said calmly, holding up his hand in a placating manner.
"She doesn't need your protection," Barney shot back, his eyes going to me with a darkly possessive gleam in them, "especially not from me, never from me."
He pushed Hawk out of the way and yanked me into his arms, which wrapped around my back like steel bands. I put my arms around his waist and felt him take deep breaths with his face tucked into my neck.
"I was waiting for you," he said, his voice sounding totally different from the way it had seconds ago. Softer, almost childlike in its neediness.
"I'm here," I said, my eyes connecting with Hawk's who looked stunned.
"Where were you?" Barney asked.
"I was at home, baby, but I'm here now. Why don't you tell me what's wrong," I suggested.
"I was waiting for you," he said again, his voice less than a whisper now.
"I know, I'm sorry, I'm here for you, Barn," I said into his ear.
His body shuddered and he sort of half-sat half-fell onto the floor with his legs crossed Indian-style, holding me tightly to him in his lap, his forehead against mine. He opened his eyes and I almost gasped at the stark pain I saw clearly in them.
I heard the door close and realized Hawk had left. I turned back to Barney.
"Never leave me," he pleaded his voice shaking.
"Barney, I'm not-"
"Never leave me," he said louder, more of a command now than a plea.
"I won't-"
"Promise me."
I cupped his cheek in my hand and leaned up to give him a soft kiss.
"I promise."
"I'm so fucked up," he said, his voice cracking, "so fucked up."
This wasn't Barney. Or, at least, this wasn't the Barney I had come to know and love. This was the darker, more insecure, animalistic side of Barney. I knew if we even had a shot at going the distance, I would have to both get used to and learn how to tame this side of him.
"That's good," I said with a small smile, "makes me feel less alone. God knows I'm about as fucked up as they come."
He shook his head sadly.
"You're not fucked up, you're just smart. You shouldn't have let me in Brianna, you should have kept pushing me away."
My spine straightened and I felt a cold shiver run down my back.
"What are you talking about?" I whispered.
"I don't want to hurt you, I never want to hurt you," he said almost reverently, like my believing him was life or death.
"I know that Barney, you won't hurt me," I said, the bad feeling that had been present during this conversation steadily building.
"I don't want to hurt you, Brianna, I never wanted to hurt you," he repeated, his face contorting in pain.
"Barney, what-"
"I wish I had a choice," he whispered in a gravely voice, his arms tightening.
"What the fuck are you talking about Barney, a choice about what?" I asked desperately.
"I got a letter today," he randomly said.
"Okay?" I eventually said when he didn't elaborate.
"It's from my dad. He's out of jail and wants to talk."
So that's what this was all about.
Relief washed through me that it wasn't about me or our relationship.
"That's why you were so pissed," I said, stroking his cheekbone with my thumb.
"I'm not going to talk to him, Brianna, I swear I'm not," he said, with his eyes big and desperate for me to believe him.
"Barney, it's up to you whether or not you talk to your father, that's not my decision," I said, my voice holding a distinct note of confusion.
"You don't understand, you don't get it," he muttered, shaking his head.
"Help me understand," I said, grabbing his chin to make him meet my eyes.
"I don't want to be him," he said, his voice shaking.
"You're not," I said, "are you kidding me? Of course you're not your fucking father, Barney, don't be stupid."
"I don't want to be, God, I don't want to be," he said, his face going back to my neck, but I regained hold of his face and brought it back up.
"Is that what all this is about?" I asked incredulously.
He stared at me and didn't answer, but his silence was answer enough.
"Barney, you are not your father and you never will be," I said firmly.
"He didn't have a choice, Bri," he said sadly, stroking my face, "it took him over, he didn't have a choice."
"What took him over?"
"The poison," Barney whispered, "it was in him and it's in me. It'll take me over, too, and I can't let you get hurt, I won't let you get hurt because of me, never because of me."
"Poison?" I whispered.
"It's dark," Barney said, his voice so low and so soft I could barely make out his words, but every one was like a shot of ice to my system, "so dark it blinds you. You can't see anything past the darkness, nothing. Nothing past your own anger."
"You're not poisoned," I said, leaning forward to kiss him, but he pulled away slightly.
"Barney," I said firmly, "I love you, and you are not poisoned."
When I leaned forward again, he let me kiss him, but he didn't take over. He didn't heat up and dominate me like he normally does. He kissed me back, but only as much as he needed to.
I pulled back and looked at him frustratedly.
"Barney, you are not fucking poisoned," I snapped.
He smiled sadly.
"Maybe not yet," he said, looking over my face with a defeated adoration. He gave me a soft kiss. "But I will be."