Please be aware! This chapter contains a scene that may be upsetting to some people. Please feel free to inbox me if you have any issues with what you read here and have experienced anything that you feel affected by that is related to the issues in this book. I am here to listen to anyone who wants to talk and believe me, I have been there too!
I kept my hands laced together on the table-top and my eyes down as I sat at the dinner table whilst my parents paced back and forth in front of me.
'We have tried to be patient and we have tried to be understanding,' Dad was saying. 'You are pushing and pushing us to the limit Bethan.'
'You can't just do what you want!' Mom cried. 'Maybe it's our fault.'
'It is our fault!' Dad cried. 'Because we let them do whatever they wanted in New York. She stayed out late. She hung out with boys. She got herself into stupid situations and we allowed her to do all of that because we wanted her to learn from her mistakes and grow from them!'
Suddenly, it seemed I wasn't even in the room as the two of them began to converse with each other about me like I wasn't present.
'She didn't do stupid shit like this in New York,' Mom said. 'She is doing it on purpose. She is punishing us!'
'I am in the room!' I cried. 'I am not punishing you guys. I am just trying to have fun!'
'Do you understand what you have put us through since we moved here?' Mom asked me. 'You push us away and we try to give you space then you start dating that boy who makes you skip school and stay out late! Next thing we know you're being carried to our doorstep by that thug after your boyfriend left you for dead! You continue to see Archie and suddenly you're friends with Cal Lakey now! He carries you home for a second time after you go wandering in the woods late at night and now you turn up outside our house on the back of his motorcycle!'
'I didn't mean for all of that to happen,' I defended myself. 'I dated a boy; there is nothing wrong with that. I went cliff diving; so what, I was trying to have a little fun around here! Cal saved my life and you should be thankful for that! I went for a stroll through the woods and got lost and once again, Cal saved my ass! Tonight I honestly just needed a ride home and he just happened to be there and offered.'
'Don't play this down,' Dad said. 'It doesn't excuse the shitty attitude and skipping school and staying out late. You've been caught drinking already and your teachers have told your Mom that you're behind in almost every class.'
I rolled my eyes but deep down, I was feeling worried about failing my classes. I had never failed anything in my life and I certainly wasn't going to get into Columbia by acting this way.
'You're right,' I said. 'I'm sorry for skipping school. I won't do it again and I'll get my grades back up. As for my friends and having fun, I won't stop that. We always used to drink back in New York. You guys know I went to a house party every weekend and you didn't mind then! As for Archie, I don't even think we're together anymore and as for Cal, he isn't a friend of mine. He just happened to be in the right place at the right time.'
'How do you know him?' Mom asked.
I really didn't know how to explain this one without going into detail about my lurking and him threatening me and his pervert uncle or whatever trying it on with me.
'He saved my life Mom, that's how I know him,' I told her. 'No other reason, I swear.'
'Why would you get on his motorcycle?' Dad asked. 'Haven't you heard the stories about him?'
'Yes, I have!' I cried. 'Why would someone so monstrous and dangerous save my life twice?'
They eyed each other.
'Well...that's why we want to make sure nothing is going on with you and him,' Dad said, awkwardly.
'Are you kidding me?' I scoffed.
First Archie, now my parents. Why couldn't people just accept that I didn't want to be a total bitch to Cal just because the rest of the town did. It didn't mean I was fucking him!
'We forbid you to see him,' Dad said.
'Oh okay,' I let out a sarcastic laugh. 'You can't forbid me to see people.'
'He is bad news and we want you to stay away from him,' Mom said. 'No more riding on the back of his motorcycle. No more hanging in the woods at the waterfall. No more situations that involve associating with him or him bringing you home.'
'Should I quit my job too?' I asked, sarcastically. 'Because he comes in there almost every day for supplies.'
'No,' Dad said. 'The job can stay. You'll be professional at work and stay away from him outside of it.'
'I don't go near him anyway Dad,' I said. 'I am not friends with Cal. We don't see each other regularly.'
'So then there's no problem?' Dad looked at me closely.
'No,' I said, biting my tongue. 'No problem at all.'
'Okay,' he nodded. 'Go to bed.'
I stood to my feet and left the room without another glance at them. I mean, it was true, I didn't associate with Cal; we weren't friends. In fact, I had planned on avoiding him anyway to stop things getting worse between Archie and I. However, now that Archie had totally proven to me how much of a dick he really was, and now that Cal had saved my ass once again, I was furious that they would even have the nerve to forbid me to see him. It wasn't that I wanted to see him, but the feeling of all of these people trying to stop me from seeing him when everything between us was totally innocent was making me angry.
What was going on between Cal and I was nothing. It was nothing like what my parents and Archie seemed to think it was. They were thinking something romantic was going on between Cal and I. That was crazy talk. In what world would I ever find myself in a situation like that with a guy like Cal Lakey?
...
I continued through school that week as planned and really forced myself to focus on my studies. Archie approached me more or less straight away the next day and acted like nothing had even happened all morning. His arm draped around my shoulders as we walked through the halls and he smiled and nodded and high-fived people we passed and to the rest of the student body, our relationship looked completely normal. My feelings of warmth and serenity and excitement were gone. These feelings were now replaced with anxiety and anger and sadness. This was not the boy who had pursued me that day in biology class. This was not the boy who took me on the most perfect first date at the shitty bar. This was not the boy who allowed me to feel pure freedom as I soared through the trees on our second date. This boy had began to change.
I had noticed the subtle signs, but to me they were minor. Now, I realised what this was. I felt controlled. I felt like no matter what I said to Archie to make him see what he did wrong, he could always find the words to turn it around. I felt like I couldn't get out of this because no matter what I said to him, whatever he said to me made me somehow see things his way and I found myself feeling for him again. I felt dull inside. I wanted to run away and yet at the same time but I felt the need to stay with him. I constantly told myself I was overthinking and that all of the girls here would kill to be with him. So, I stayed. I also stayed quiet and found myself playing the happy girlfriend role as much as something deep down inside me was telling me that something here was not right.
My classes went by in a blur and even though I wanted to concentrate on getting my grades up, I found myself drifting off into daydreams and going over the troubles in my life repeatedly. Archie was waiting outside of every class at the end of it, a gesture I once found endearing and now found suffocating.
I made it to lunch without having a mental breakdown and sat quietly picking at my food as Archie and his friends all talked about a party. The girls arrived, and I was thankful. They joined us and I could feel their eyes on me. They could sense something was off, but of course, we couldn't talk about anything in front of the guys.
'Did you enjoy our little trip to the waterfall then, Bethan?' Millie tried to open conversation.
'I sure did,' I nodded with a smile.
I could feel that my smile was weak and I could tell by the way the girls were looking at me that they could see something wasn't right with me.
'We'll do it again,' Kady nodded.
'I'd love to,' I nodded back, my eyes returning to my food.
I felt Archie's grip around my shoulder tighten.
'Will you be coming to the party girls?' Dylan asked.
'What party?' Kady scowled at him. 'If you think trying to get me there so you can get me drunk and up to some bedroom is going to work then you are delusional.'
'I was only inviting you guys, Jesus!' Dylan shook his head.
'I'm up for it,' Millie shrugged.
'Me too,' Tiffany nodded. 'It might be fun.'
'Fine,' Kady frowned. 'Bethan, you'll be there too right. So you can stop me making the biggest mistake of my life...again!'
Dylan gave her the finger. All I could feel was anxiety rising in my chest. My body tensed up as I suddenly felt everyone waiting for my response. This should have been a moment where I would laugh and tell her I would surely be her protector and say I couldn't wait to get drunk and party. All I was aware of was Archie sitting right by me. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if he would want me there.
'Um...I don't know,' I shrugged. 'I have a lot of work to catch up on.'
'You have all weekend to do that babe,' Archie said. 'Let loose a little. Have some drinks. You'll have fun with your friends.'
I felt an instant sense of surprise at the kindness which was soon replaced by anger. He was playing the perfect boyfriend; telling me to go enjoy myself with my friends. Everyone was buying it and smiling at his words and I felt nothing but the want to punch him straight in his face.
'Sure,' I smiled. 'I'll be there. When is it?'
'Friday,' Dylan said.
I nodded and forced a smile, ignoring Tiffany's stare and refocusing on trying to eat something. Archie's arm around me was really starting to irritate me. I felt uncomfortable and trapped and I wished he would just piss off somewhere with his friends and leave me with mine.
The bell rang and we all split up to head for classes.
'Bethan, we have English,' Tiffany smiled.
I felt my face light up at the realisation and as I was about to speak I was interrupted.
'Go on ahead, Tiffany,' Archie told her. 'I'll walk Bethan there.'
'Oh it's cool, Archie,' she giggled. 'We can just head there from here, you can go to class; I don't want you to be late.'
'No, you go,' he said, not even looking at her as if he didn't really care what she was saying. 'I'll walk Bethan.'
'Bethan, tell him it's cool,' Tiffany chuckled.
I stayed silent and glanced at him. His eyes locked on mine for the first time today and all I could see behind them was every nasty word he had said to me yesterday.
'Go ahead to class,' I told him. 'I'll walk with Tiff.'
'No,' he said, flatly. 'I'm your boyfriend right? I'll walk you to class.'
I felt my face flush red and I noticed Tiffany frowning.
'What's the big deal?' she asked. 'I mean...I didn't know you guys were official but...she doesn't need you to stalk her everywhere.'
She tried to let out a light laugh to show she wasn't being mean but Archie wasn't buying it.
'Maybe you didn't know we were official because Bethan didn't tell you that,' he spat. 'I wonder why? Maybe she doesn't like you bitches as much as you think she does.'
'Archie,' I warned him.
'Excuse me?' Tiffany frowned. 'Bethan come on; he's being an asshole.'
Archie gripped my hand tight and I saw Tiffany glance down at it. She slowly looked back up to my face and realised I clearly wasn't going to leave with her.
'See you in class,' she said and walked away.
I sighed and felt the fury fill my body.
'She's a loser anyway,' Archie laughed.
I felt myself getting upset and snatched my hand out of his grip and paced away from him.
'What the fuck are you doing?' I heard him hiss as he followed behind me.
I burst out of the cafeteria doors and looked down the hall for Tiffany. Archie ran up beside me and pulled me near the lockers, his face getting seriously close to mine.
'Don't ever run from me like that,' he warned.
'Don't treat me like you own me!' I cried.
'Keep your mouth down,' he muttered angrily.
'No! Don't fucking treat me like I'm your property!' I yelled. 'You were so horrible to her! She is a good friend and you don't get to just control me that way! I'm sorry that you're upset about yesterday but that is not something I'll be punished for. You left me out in the damn rain and that is worse than anything I ever did!'
He studied my expression and I could see a million thoughts were whizzing through his mind. I tried to predict what was going to come out of his mouth next as with Archie, it could have been anything.
'How did you get home?' he quizzed.
'What?' I frowned.
'Yesterday,' he said. 'Did you actually walk?'
I felt my heart pounding. I hadn't prepared for this question. I hadn't even thought of what to say if he had asked me this question.
'Yes,' I lied.
He sniggered and stuck his tongue in his cheek.
'You are such a shit liar,' he said. 'Lying to me again! Tell the truth.'
'I bagged a lift from someone in the diner,' I sighed. 'I had no choice but to do so. You abandoned me.'
He didn't speak. He just stayed quiet, staring at my face, thinking to himself about my answer.
'You went to him didn't you?' he said.
I felt sick. He knew. I should have known he would find out.
'I'm not doing this,' I said, turning away from him.
I moved to leave and felt the tight grip of his hand wrap around my wrist. I was pulled back and he didn't let go, squeezing it tight as he glared at me with his angry eyes.
'You're hurting me!' I tried to pull away.
'Answer the fucking question and I'll let go,' he growled.
'Yes! Yes, okay!' I cried. 'Cal offered me a ride! I took it! What else was I supposed to do?'
He gripped my wrist tighter and yanked me closer to him as he furiously stared into my eyes.
'Walk!' he grunted. 'I did it so you would learn not to fucking mess with my head like that again. Not so you could go on some fun ride with your fucking boyfriend.'
'How many times do I have to tell you, it isn't like that!' I sighed, feeling so frustrated at repeating myself to him.
'I don't believe a word of it,' he threw my hand away and I grabbed my wrist to rub it where his grip had hurt me. 'You're nothing but a skank and I know there is something going on there. Believe me, Bethan, I will find out and when I do, no one in this town will want to touch you with a fucking stick.'
He shoved me hard and I slammed into the locker. I stood there startled and gripping onto my sore wrist. He scowled at me disgustingly and paced away down the hall. I remained frozen until I could sense he was gone and gathered myself. I forced the tears to stay away and steadied my breathing before adjusting my bag and heading down the hall to English.
I was completely traumatised by what had just happened. I found myself strolling slowly down the hall in a daze, the environment around me passing by like a blur. He had physically put his hands on me. He had called me a skank. He was accusing me again of messing with Cal. I couldn't deal with this. I was a strong girl who didn't take any shit from anyone and yet here I was, taking the worst kind of it from him.
He had shown his true colours. This was Archie Lane. Not the fun-loving guy who made me feel like the only girl in the world and knew exactly how to make me smile. That Archie Lane was all an act to get me where he wanted me. He didn't like me being around another guy, even a guy like Cal Lakey, who it was obvious I would never in a million years be messing around with. He didn't even like me having friends. He wanted to control me and make me play the role of his perfect girlfriend.
He had told Tiffany he was my boyfriend and this wasn't even something we had agreed to make official. He had took it upon himself to label us as a couple. I didn't want to be with him, but I felt like I couldn't stop being with him. He had everybody fooled. He was loved by all and he could ruin me within minutes if I crossed him the wrong way. Why couldn't I stop this? Why couldn't I find the strength to get away? The answer was simple. I was trapped.
Please leave a vote if you feel this deserves one and drop a comment with your feedback. These scenes are difficult for me to write as they come from a basis of personal experience and writing about them is a way for me to confront them and makes me feel better about coming through it all. Remember, I am only a private message away if anyone wants to talk!