Hi Everyone!!! Wattpad FINALLY let me upload this chapter after MONTHS of their 'review'.
So much of it had to be cut out and changed. I hope you love the end result.
Thank you all for all the love and support!
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Alexan
I never had a strong faith in the Gods, not in any solid religious sense. I knew they existed, I spoke to them here and there, and I did whatever my mother instructed me to, listened to stories about them before bed. Yet, I never thought them really to dictate my fate or pave my life for me, it always seemed within my control, following along with my needs and desires. Onyxia lived through her Gods, she prayed to them, made offerings to them, communicated to them, and lived passively to whatever was placed in her way just on the thought that the Gods put it there for a reason. I once found her devotion to be just another amusing fleet to her, but now I wish and regret. There was no possible way to accept that I have spent enough time with her for her to have been taken away. Nor will I leave this place until she is in my arms again.
It had been three days, the men were restless to move on. After I flooded the hard soil with the blood of many Vikings that my wife may have once been kin to and friends with, I had thought that the anger will leave. Yet, it hasn't. It made me angrier. They were people she knew. That she ate with. Trained with. Played with. Laughed with. They had hunted her. They planned to harm her, betray her. Kill her. The lack of loyalty sickened me.
The disgusting pit of sickness settled in me and hasn't left. Waiting for sun up hadn't helped, the cliffside was an impossible drop, the dead solider was a red spatter bellow. No Nyx. No Logan the dog. There was deep sea next to the drop were the Viking scum had flattened, but it was littered with rocks. If they hit them, the sea would've washed away any blood or evidence. My mind was soo full of grief that the night it happened I could swear I could head soft howls and whimpers. Somewhere in my distorted mind I knew, I knew, her dog had lived and was... somewhere. Besides the howling, I had most certainly heard a horse. Sabe had too, even though she won't say it. Overhearing her talking to Duscha, she had said that the fish catches often had paths leading to the sea, but weren't accessible from where we are. That if there was a horse, it would have had to walk a while, and walk a while back. I knew that bloody dog, it was a bizarre looking fiend, but it was Nyx's dog. That dog wasn't going anywhere without its master. Yes, a drop like that, a few broken bones, cracked ribs, maybe damaged leg, a dog could die overnight. Not Logan, I reassured myself, not her dog.
We had to move, but I made sure it wasn't too far that she couldn't find us, just far enough. I didn't bury their men, I left them dead on the ground for the crows. They don't deserve respect or ritual. As we moved I questioned the women; getting only an edited version but sufficient. Lucifer had gone home in a rage, he lasted until half into his dinner, well deep in drink. He couldn't stand the chatter, Sabe translated, everyone was talking about her and it made him furious. It had started with a shattered glass against the wall, a slam of his fist to a table, and the rape of a maid. A display, she said, to demonstrate to his people that they no longer had a princess, because she was tainted and turned by a rutting savage. Me. Only I couldn't say with conviction that I have ever brutally raped my wife. Nyx might interpret it other ways, so I stayed silent had didn't fall for bait as Sabe wanted.
Instead I listened, knowing that Nyx wouldn't have a clue about any of this. Her brothers' were away, well the twins, the younger one was injured. Queen Bellatrix had locked herself in her room, her son as guard, and her daughter with Nyx's handmaidens and her own in a neighbouring room. He had forced himself on his fifth wife multiple times before beating her so badly she couldn't breathe through her nose anymore, and was left twitching in her own blood the floor. Poor Bellatrix, I thought mournfully, she was a good woman. Truly. The sister was missing they said, and her elder brothers' were in hiding. Her youngest brother, they whispered, was dead. Broken neck, strangled until it snapped. He was raving mad, they kept saying, raving mad. Insane with anger.
It was my fault.
Their blood on my hands.
My wife was thrown over a cliff for my selfish actions.
My stupid ultimatum.
Too much to process right now, my thoughts were everywhere over the two days leading today. Still a week at least away from where we left our ships, we couldn't travel the way we came in from them. I was constantly telling everyone to go, that I'll catch them on the water shortly, but they refuse. No one says anything about my trips back to the cliffs, only a quiet enquiry everytime I return, but I find nothing each time. No sign of movement. No trace of her or the dog. I did find horse prints, for hundred metres away, but it was something.
Today the Viking's body was missing; sharks. Ghostly ones, with eyes of white and a body that looked like a living corpse. I had seen them tug him into the water by an arm, thrashing as they pulled him apart under the water. It had taken them three days to smell him, so that means they weren't in the area when Nyx fell. By the Norns, I've seen her fight a bear! I had no doubt she'll feud with a shark. My wife was many things, but gutless and cowardly wasn't one of her traits. She was frightening in her careless foolishness. She didn't fear things, she just faced them. I'd be grey and old fast if she passed that onto our daughters.
Torvi and Imogen have been growing fast, I didn't quite know what to do with them by myself at night. Rekker was no help, he slept, bored of his sisters from spending all day with them. During the day, he was utterly obsessed with them; playing with them, talking to them, holding them, telling them random incoherent stories with the poor communication of his two year old mind. His stories were hard to follow, bouncing from one topic to the next, but he got to an ending eventually. I didn't know what to say to them, they didn't look like they wanted to listen to me, they both just stared at me with furrowed faces and big blue eyes. They weren't exactly identical, but very similar. It was fascinating, how they observed everything. Like fluffy, fat tiny birds. Longwinded too, I pondered, I never knew children could be so gaseous. Burping, vomiting, sneezing, farting, shitting, and pissing. Then there was the screaming, it wasn't a 'help me, I want you attention' type of scream. No, not my daughters, no they looked me straight in the eye with furious faces and just shouted at me. Yelling. Screaming. High-pitched, ear-splitting shrieking. On purpose, I was confident.
They didn't do it around their mother, no when Nyx held them they were snug, sleepy and silent. Utterly content under her spell, truly relaxed and happy. They stopped their crying the instant she showed up. They just looked at her with the same eyes my son did; full of love. Adoration; wholehearted devoted worship that consumed their little minds and bodies. I remember the first time they took Onyxia's breast, they just looked up at her as they drank, blinking slowly in a dreamlike gaze as they just watched her. It made me feel isolated, an outsider. They knew I had done something stupid, that's why they shout and scream at me. To punish me.
Sleep didn't come peacefully, as it shouldn't. If it wasn't nightmares and my mind replaying her fall over and over, it was torturously sexual. Painfully real, as if I had my wife right beside me. I could feel her fingers on my skin, the same way that she'd touch my face; the tremor to her fingers and the barely there pressure. The soft brush of her lips when she tugged me close to her body when I was inside her, as if she needed me as close to her as humanly possible. Like skin to skin wasn't enough. I missed her. More than anything, I missed her. I needed her. I would wake up and my body could still feel her, it was agonizing. Like the comfort of a ghost.
On the fourth day, I agreed to move further out. The closer we were to our ships, the more comfort everyone else had. That comfort didn't even reach me a breath's whisper. With every step my heart grew hard and felt as if it dropped day by day in my chest. As we moved, we left the deserted landscapes to come across scatters of farmers and working folk. They barely glanced our way, too focused on their own lives. Except when the children cried, then those curious eyes looked up. Every cried seemed to echo in my head. She had said, more than once, that I'd make a good father. A lie. I was failing her by failing them.
What would she be doing now? Was she hurt? Was she safe? Where was she? My mind spun with endless possibilities. For some stupid reason, I knew she was still alive. Somewhere. She would be in pain, lost, alone. I would give any chance of an afterlife just to know where on this forsaken island where she was. Nyx had to be alright. She had to be. I refused to believe that she wasn't. That damned woman was too strong willed and stubborn. It was her destiny to haunt me forever and be a permanent spike in my side. I would face death itself to fight the Gods if they have taken that away from me.
It was a punishment, I knew. They had dropped a rare woman into my lap and I didn't appreciate that gift as well as I should have. Onyxia deserved so much better than me. She had scars on her body, because of me. She's been beaten, because of me. Assaulted, because of me. Belittled, because of me. Isolated, raped, flogged, ambushed, and brought down to the lowest because of moronic me. A year, one single year and what have I given her in return for all she has provided to me? Pain.
Riding in silence, already burdening everyone with my foul mood and blistering emotions, I didn't want to inconvenience them with speech. It was only when my daughters' screeching grew ear deafening persistent and unbearable, that I relieved my suffering horse from my weight, and settled with my children on the cart. My daughters glared at me, screaming with toothless mouths like cross birds. I slowly picked on the routine that it was always Imogen that instigated, with Torvi following. Imogen bellowed with frowned blue eyes of my own, and clenched fists she waved threateningly at me. Her pale skin a fierce red of fury. They had eaten. They had slept. They had played with their brother. They had vomited, burped, pissed and shat, which I cleaned to the shock of my men. So what could they possibly want? It made me vibrate with frustration. I didn't know what I am supposed to do! They just kept screaming at me! Rattling my way on the cart, I glared right back at them. "What?!" I snarled, they paused their screaming, blue eyes observing me for a second.
As if they were somehow shocked I had the audacity to raise my voice at them. Torvi actually glanced at her sister, before kicking her feet my way then pressing her tiny fists to her nose in anger. Imogen, however, seemed to lean forward in her bundle of blankets, staring at me straight in the eye. "Aaahugh!" She thundered at me. "Ahh ughh arrgh!" She proceeded to argue, then her tiny feet started kicking. Trying to dislodge her woollen boots and blankets. I rolled my eyes, not this again. Gritting my teeth, I sat next to her. Fighting her off as I pulled her boots back on and tucked her tighter in her covers.
Punching at me with her fists, I had enough. Yanking her up and out, I hugged her close to my side before sitting next to Rekker and the unhappy Torvi, "It is bloody cold, and you need to leave your shoes on!" I scolded. "The both of you! I have had enough of you two pulling them off!" Sharp, miniature nails clawed at me, then she decided that pulling was her best option, and yanked on my hair and beard. Still blaring like a wild bear. "You're naughty! You are the most naughty, annoying little brats! Stop it!" Torvi started kicking my leg, let out low growls of insult. A hot feeling bubbled in my chest; one child was attacking me, another was kicking me, the third had started crying from all the commotion, and I could feel every one watching me. "Listen, you might not like it, but you're stuck with me." I hissed, my eyes burning. It was like this every day, every damn time. I could never settle them. She had. They would be crying, the second she picked them up or even said their names in that quiet stern voice, they would stop. It was like two sides of a coin. Obedient, laughing and happy with her, and a complete landslide of shrieking resentment with me. "I don't know what to do!" I shouted in frustration. Putting the child back down on the furred covers beneath us, I buried my face in my hands, groaning into my palms. I was useless! I couldn't get them to sleep. I couldn't keep them dressed. They weren't happy. They weren't settled. They didn't want me to touch them. I couldn't feed them their stupid crushed food properly, they just spat it back at me. They didn't want me to play with them.
For the first time in days, the grief hit me. I was alone in this. My breath was shallow and my chest hurt as I wept in heavy frustration and hopelessness. Letting everything out in a loud, vibrating scream muffled in my hands. A small pair of hands patted my hair before giving me a feeble hug. I tugged Rekker into my arms, pressing him firmly to me in a constricted hug.
Keeping my eyes closed, I breathed him in. He smelt warm; familiar. I would never have been allowed to know him if it wasn't for my wife. Nyx brought him to me. She had done in less than a week, than I had the courage to do for a year. I never saw him crawl for the first time. His first smile or laugh. I wasn't even there for his birth, I saw him for the first time three days later. He was almost two now. A big brother who by law should never have been allowed to be around a woman who loved him as her own, never allowed to meet his half siblings.
My father never hugged me, not as far back as I could remember. It was tough love, but he did love me. Squeezing him tighter against me, I kissed the top of his curly blonde head. "I love you, you know that?" I murmured fiercely. "I will never ever leave you." He muffled something in my shoulder, pushing me away to hug my face against his. "You're a good boy." I told him, his sisters were squirming about, finally shocked silent. Watching with wise beady eyes. "You want to hear a story? Hmm?" My voice tired and aged. Sighing heavily, I dragged my son next to me as I lay down on the cart, the babies either side of my head. Their little feet kicked my way in the corner of my eye. They were quiet though, and their stupid shoes were still on their bothersome feet. Reaching out a hand I grabbed one of their feet, leaning closer to I could pretend to bite it. There was a squeal of offence.
Letting the foot go, I stared up at the cloudy sky. "This is the story of how bedtime is going to go." I began, "Once the horses stop, and we've set up a place to rest. We're going to make the bed, then all three of you are going in the bed. Then I'm going to use special magic to put you all to sleep where there is no crying, or screaming, or kicking, or pushing the blankets off the bed." I said firmly, I could hear soft laughter. I ignored it. Dealing with the adults are a different story. "Do you want to know what the special magic is?" I asked them, even though only one could form words. Thankfully.
"Yes..." Rekker murmured, his eyes flickering as he listened intently.
Swallowing, I continued. "It's a very special power that.... that mummy showed me." Hugging Rekker tighter to me, I stroked his head. So many times I tried to lecture him that Onyxia wasn't his real mother and that she was just my wife. Yet, she probably mothered him more than Sarabii ever did. "When we were travelling, after we went on a fishing trip, she showed me how to put naughty, restless children that don't listen to their father to sleep." As if the understood me, the girls muttered their nonsense.
Rekker sat up. "Am I a naughty child?" His face falling, disheartened.
Smiling at him, I couldn't get over how much he looked like me. I had missed it for so long. "No," I reassured, "She always said that you're a very good boy. That you're a good sleeper. That you were a very good boy for sleeping for a long time." My heart thudded in remembrance of that night. She looked so beautiful. My very bones ached to touch her again now. The pit of my stomach fell to think that she must have been pregnant then, Onyxia probably didn't even know it. Or maybe she did? She had been sick for a while before then. Still, she fought a bear that morning. I don't think she would have done that if she knew she was carrying a child.
Closing my eyes, I leaned back once more, folding my arms over my face. Nyx's face floated in my mind. "She said that to put a child to sleep.... You had to curve them against you, but put something in between so I don't roll on you, and so you don't roll over in your sleep. That you had to be snuggly and warm, and keep your shoes on so you don't get sick!" I snapped, feeling then kicking them off again. The kicking immedently stopped, and I felt Rekker moving about to put them back on cold feet.
Waiting until I felt a heavy child lean on top of me, and wait for me to talk more. "Do you know I was actually sixteen when I first met her?" They didn't, of course, Nyx probably didn't remember either. "Your grandfather, the one who isn't so evil, took us to meet the king, your mother's father, to make peace. It didn't work, of course." Anger bit into me once more, and I soaked it in. "At that point, I wasn't so interested in peace. I was a very angry boy, much like Torvi and Imogen, except their naughty and like to make daddy very angry- I swear if I hear one boot falling next to me, there will be no play time! – Anyway, the meeting was pointless. They were never going to agree. So I went for a walk... I was never one to like this land... but she was sitting with her sister. They were gossiping, I think, just laughing and telling jokes." She always had such a bright smile, like sunshine.
She had looked so happy, and beautiful, but I had been so blind to see it then. "She wore this violet dress, it flowed around her like water. Her hair was loose, like moonlight. So pale and long." My fingers twitched, I could almost feel the soft strands. I wanted her so much, I yarned to have her near me. It was like I had lost a limb, but I could still feel its attachment. "She had worn a violet dress when we married. By the Norns, she looked so beautiful that day. Nyx always looks so beautiful." I whispered. "It was just her. I just watched her. So happy, she loved her sister so much... I remember thinking..." Nyx would never see her sister again. That to, I have taken away from her. "I remember thinking to myself, that I've never seen someone so carefree. Like she didn't have a worry in the world." I stopped, not knowing what else to say.
It's amazing how the world could be so silent, yet so incredibly loud and restless with noise at the same time. No one spoke the rest of the travels, even as the night came upon us there was nothing, but the ceasing audience of waves, clopping of horses, grinding of wheels and rustling of trees. The sun wasn't out, it hid behind thick clouds, and sulked until the moon took its place.
We set up camp in silence, all knowing that with every day we took toward the ships, the further we were from wherever Onyxia could find us. If she was still alive. She was, every fibre in my body told me she was. If we hadn't fought, we would still be together. She would be here. Safe. Breathing and vivid beside me. Setting up my tent far from where the rest huddled, I ate my meal in solitude. Sabe tended to the children for a few ours, but eventually they came to me. Three little reminders that I was not alone, when all I felt was loneliness. They had played and exhausted themselves, but I could not send them to bed covered in dust and mud.
Bathing children was never a strong suit. Even my nephew when I helped my sister out on occasion. Not that I was in any way helpful, still to this day I don't know who is the more awkward; the children or me. Bundling my girls in both arms, Rekker followed me into a small cave. Warmed spring water trickled into a shallow pool. Instead of bathing himself, my son simply stripped naked and dunk himself into the water. Playing and swimming over scrubbing or washing. I shrugged, he'll get himself clean either way, I supposed.
The girls though, were tired and grumpy. I managed to strip them both as they punched and kicked, scrunching their little faces. Skin on skin, that's what Nyx always told me. Removing the top half of my clothing and my boots, I put my legs in the water as I sat at the pools lip. Imogen was already half asleep, so I washed her first. Gently cradling her in the water in one arm as I softly washed her tiny body. Her eyes were round with shock, as always.
I wasn't too sure she was ever going to like being in water. She never seemed to enjoy the sensation. She gently kicked her legs and tried to grasp the water in her hands, growing ever confused that she couldn't hold it. Making a loud unhappy growl as I washed her hair, she waited until I was massaging the water through her pale girls to calm down. When she was done, I held her tightly against my chest until I unravelled her sheepskin blanket with my free hand, plopping her into it and wrapping her up.
On the other hand, Torvi was a mover in water, never content with being still. I rolled up my pants to my knees and stood in the water, picking her up. She clung to me, but vibrated with excitement that made me smile. Crazed little thing.
Swishing her back and forth in the water, her eyes lit and her fists splashed. Her tiny body relaxed fully, Torvi laughed and smiled widely. For once, I could relax too. Comforted that for just this moment everything was fine. There was no screaming, no crying, and no thoughts other than towards my child. She was happy and playing, carefree unlike as I was. She wasn't plagued with worry or fears or unstoppable dread. She didn't see what I saw. She didn't see her mother fall everytime she closed her eyes like I did. She didn't relive that moment. Instead, her laughter echoed in the air. My eyes burned, and a lump filled my throat. They were so beautiful.
Washing her as carefully as I did her sister, I dried her off and wrapped them in blankets. It was better for them to eat and then be put to sleep; it was getting late and dark. As soon as I stepped outside with the children, they were carted away from me. Taken by the wet nurses and the women. Pausing for a moment, I took that in. As men, we weren't really trusted to care for children alone, were we? There always had to be female supervision. A mother.
The thought circled around my mind as I gave myself a brisk wash and dressed. As exhausted and tired as I was mentally and physically, I knew I wouldn't get any sleep tonight. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her fall. Sleep was unbearable. I couldn't close my eyes and dream of anything else. All I could see was her face before the fall; the betrayal and fear in her eyes. As I strode off to the far side of the camp, isolating myself, I could get it out of my mind.
A mother.
A wife.
The idea of that and the reality presented to me after my marriage nagged at me. I would never say my mother wasn't maternal or that she was a bad mother. Willow loved us; we are everything to her. She spoiled us as children to the point of frustration of my father. Yet, the love she showed us was candle light to the sun that was Onyxia's mothering. My wife had taken in a child that wasn't even her and treated Rekker like a priceless vase on a pedestal. My mother would never do that. She didn't even let me raise my son.
Admittedly, my idea of marriage was seemly distorted looking back at the mess I had made of it. I thought it would just be a lot like my parents. They liked each other, they were content, they had an agreed partnership in the way they presented themselves and were united. They had affairs, but they were both understanding of that. It wasn't anything to fight about. At the beginning, I thought mine was pretty similar. Onyxia and I seemed to get along, she didn't really seem to care about the other women – until she did care, of course.
Thinking back, I realise just how much I failed her in that two. I just didn't take her in consideration of my actions. Instead of perceiving her as complacent, I wonder if I had just been faithful and patient with her, would we have been far happier together? She wouldn't have left me, we may have not even lost the baby. I wouldn't have been a jealous brute because I would see that she was faithful, unlike me.
Right now, we could have been at home, in our bed. My bed, although I was thinking of just joining her room to mine, but I doubt Nyx would appreciate the removal of her own private space. She wanted - needed -somewhere to run to. Away from me. It would be a cold night, and she would have came to me to be held. I would have hugged her close to me. Closing my eyes for a moment, I could almost feel the warmth of her body to mine. The sweet smell of her, the softness of her hair. Taste of her lips. What if we never find her? Was the last time we were together really going to be a fight?
This was the second time we've pared like that. I refused to tolerate it. I was going to get her back, even if I have to climb into Hel to do it. She was alive, I could feel she was. It was selfish, but I wanted her back more for me than for our children. She was mine before they had her. I needed her with me. She was irreplaceable in this. Nyx was irreplaceable. No one compared to her. The thing was, I doubt she held me in that regard. I was replaceable, because I wasn't good enough.
What was wrong with me?
When I got her back, I had to show her. I had to show her what I have done, all I have improved. I have to prove that I was a different man. I was someone she could trust to care for the children. To be their role model. Someone they could look up to. I could be a better man, a better father. I could help share the load. That was something I could learn. It was doable. Possible. I could be the passive one, if that was what she needed from me. If she ever felt comfortable being touched again after what those animals did to her. Again, that had been my fault also. Every single thing was faulted right back at me.
I should have been the one to fall.
Not her.
Feeling restless, I dressed more fully, and hilted my weapons. "I'm going for a walk." I announced, briskly, walking off before I had gotten a reply. I heard two rushed footsteps trail behind me, but they made sure they kept their distance. The woods were dark under the low evening light, it took a short while for my tired eyes to adjust and turn shadows into visible obstacles. I followed a trail that lead towards the shoreline, wanting to stay close to any signs of water. What may wash up there.
The worst faded in and out of my mind. Was she alive? Was she in pain? Did the fall kill her? Did she survive the fall to only die slowly and painfully? Did she land in the water instead? Was she able to swim to shore? Did she drown? Did someone find her? Would they help or hurt her? If she was bleeding, would a predator pick up the smell? So many unfathomable possibilities.
It must have been at least twenty minutes that we trudged through the forest before I started noting that there were small housing lingering about as the woods opened up into a hilled clearing. The houses up on the hills reminded me more of a story Nyx had told. She had said when she went raiding, that she left Logan with an elderly woman who lived up on a hill. In a fishermen's village, near farmland like this one. This was unfamiliar land, I had no idea of which village she would be referring to. By location, this one would be in the right direction for a final destination if someone was going on a voyage. When she was leaving, she would have to follow the coastline away to exit, as we have to come in not too far away. The occurrence made me pause in my footsteps. Nyx had made a point of leaving her dog with someone, but not with family or someone in her service. She would want to be with Logan as long as possible, before leaving him behind with a trusted friend. Someone she knew would be her first contact upon arriving back to her soil.
The locals were indifferent to our presence so late at night, they carried on with their lives with tired memorized movements. Most of the village was in their beds, huddled in their homes with the lights off. I spotted one or two of the fishermen wondering around keeping an eye on me just in the corner of their sight. There was a recognition there that didn't surprise me. We had battled on this land before, it's likely that they knew who I was. We moved through the quiet paths freely and unbothered. The utter silence of this place was numbing. My brain was soothed into a trance by the soft wind and low crash of the waves down the hilled road. It was peaceful.
Looking around at the star-filled sky and tall trees, I saw the tranquil beauty of this place. It was a cold night, some of the crashing shoreline was icy. What if the sea was ice filled the night she fell? What if the rushing embrace of the sea greeted her with the smash of thick ice? No, I reassured myself, there would have been blood. There would have been a crash. Shaking away the thought, I continued to walk. There was pain. I was foolish to think there was pain the first time she left, but that sting of loneliness and regret was nothing in comparison to the agonizing burn I was feeling right now. Missing her was an understatement. Like there was a massive hole now, like something had been ripped from me leaving me empty and dead inside.
There was a house on the peak of a hill, a fire burned outside and the house was lit with burning candles; awake and busy. It seemed odd in the middle of the night, especially with the whole village readying for bed. But there was something else that made me pause my steps. Barely visible from the low height, but easy to make out what it was; a grave. There was a freshly covered grave by their home, placed to lookout onto the sea.
My heart sank.
With unsteady feet and trembling hands, I moved towards the house on the hill and the unmarked grave that lay beside it. The chocking feeling of dread filled my every pore. My brain stopped working and I moved on an automatic whim. My stomach churning as unsteady as the waves. The current leads this way. If she'd fallen into the water...
"Help!" An unearthly cry echoed in the quietness of the night. The ragged scream stopped me in my tracks, breaking the spell the sight of the grave caused. "Someone! Please! Help me!" The screaming came from the tree line; it was the high pitched wail of a woman. None of the villagers moved, but they did cast a wary eye. There was something I was missing here, but I wouldn't stay and think it over. Charging towards the direction, I followed the sounds of struggle. Coming to a small opening to see a young woman surrounded by three men.
There was a tipped cart nearby, it looked like these men were going to rob her, but decided they wanted more instead. No, I wasn't going to let this happen again. Not this time. I wasn't there for Onyxia, I will be here for this woman. Maybe with this good deed, the Gods might take compassion on me and shed light on where my wife was. Or if she was with them, for her to forgive me, and to know that I'm sorry for everything. Yet, every fibre in my body told me she was still of this earth, in this life. We will be together again.
Racing down toward the three men, I tackled the closest to the ground. My men followed suit far behind, doing their best to keep track of me as I darted through the darkness, although I know they were reluctant to cause a skirmish. The tackled man rolled, taking me with him into the rocky dirt, lashing at me with a dagger. Smashing already bloodied fists into his face, I let the frustration, rage and emotion over this whole situation that had been laid out in my path out. The dazed arrival of my appearance faded from the other two men, and the yanked me off their associate.
The anger had peaked, leaving me animal with untamed emotions. At this moment, I didn't care about anything or anyone. My mind was unclouded, leaving me free with wild ferocity. My body ran on such deep set anger, it felt like all I had left. It felt like that anger was all I was the whole time, trapped deep inside of me. No longer. Launching at the men, I throw a punch at one of them, a kick at another, dodging a blade that I wished would reach me.
With that thought, I stopped defending myself as much. I let a fist connect with my jaw, letting the sensation of dripping blood as my lip cut fuel me. I thought of Onyxia. All the pain and suffering she's gone through since I intertwined with her life. All the scars and bruises she'd collected since we married and I failed to protect her. Maybe this was just that; fate. Retribution for what I've caused. I knew I was going to win this fight, these fools were nothing but half trained pawns. Just to prove a point, I hit one at the side of the head with a hard blow, he fell unconscious immedently. Leaving me with two.
Backup came racing down the hill, drawing my attention to my men not the two fiends, the one I tackled took the opportunity to lash out at me. I barely felt the knife slash through my clothing to reach my skin. Leaving the other man for them to take care of, I focused on him. Soaking every single fibre of energy and emotion into taking down one person. Just like I did to that traitor that abused Nyx, before I teared him apart. My vision faulted and my mind went black, I punched, kicked and clawed, coming back to reality once there was a bloody massacre under me.
"Thank you." A soft voiced wisped behind me, "You saved my life." A young, pale woman sat teary behind me, she looked to be fifteen. Her heart shaped features were framed by a long mass of black hair, deep chocolate eyes stared widely at me. "You're hurt. I'm so sorry." She moved forward, and long elegant fingers touched my shoulder. I jerked away from her touch. The paleness of her hand reminded me too much of another's, as did the moon lit glow of her face. Her skin was like smooth ivory, wintery pale like Nyx's hair. She had a pointed nose, and pouted lips that were reddened from crying. Looking directly at her see seemed as young as Nyx; sixteen or seventeen, there about. Yet, were one was fierce and strong, the other was in destress and powerless.
My men cleared their throats. "We have to go." One of them ushered. "It's not safe here. The locals could retaliate." They reasoned. I nodded, agreeing. This was a waste of time. A useless walk that would do nothing to bring back what I mourned. The girl was safe, she would go home to her family. Taking in hat she said, I finally noted that I had been cut. A large gash across my chest, my flank, along my back. I didn't feel anything more than a dull sting.
The girl hurried to stand. "Please, take me with you!" She all but shouted, her eyes wide and there was a certain edge of panic to her. I frowned, the men were dead, and the village was close by. She was safe. Why would she want to come with us? She must have noted my confusion and hurried to explain. "Please. I have no one here. I'm all alone. You saved my life, I owe you to at least see you back to your camp safely. Would you allow me this kindness, for my own conscious?" Tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear, she looked up at me under long lashes.
Shuffling on my feet, I felt unsettled. I'm sure Nyx wouldn't want strangers near our children, but she would also curse me if I left a young girl on her own defenceless. My men held their tongues, waiting for me to decide. Something about this didn't sit right, but I suppose there were enough people back at camp to keep an eye on her. If she wanted to repay whatever debt she thought she owed me, then what was the harm? We are leaving this place soon, by that time, maybe she would say where she was heading and we could drop her off. "Fine." I uttered, gruffly. "Come with us." I glanced at the bodies on the floor. "Leave them here, someone will find them." Turning to one of the men, "There is a house on a hill back there, the home is lit up; awake. They had buried something. Find out who they buried." He nodded, leaving. With that, I walked away.
The travel home was quicker, probably because I was rushing out of the need just to be back at the camp. I quizzed the girl as we walked, she gave vague answers. There was something strange about her, the way she continuously wringed her hands, her accent, and certainly her manner. She was a foreigner. From the answers she gave, she was brought her as a servant as a child with her mother who had now died. Her home had been raided with her caregivers killed, and she was on the way to the main village. And that's where we had met, we saved her from footpads harassing her on her journey.
As we neared the lip of the camp, a question popped into my mind, which I completely forgot to ask. "What is your name, by the way?" I groaned out, admitting to myself that I needed to attend to my injuries rather than ignoring them. I had been bleeding this whole time, I just didn't care to notice how badly.
The girl let out a strange sound between a gasp and worried moan, "You need to be bandaged up, and you will probably need stitches." She fussed over me in an uncomfortable manner, almost matrimonial. Stepping away from her, I frowned to myself. Perhaps I had just grown to use to having Onyxia putting me back together, or me cleaning her up after a scuffle. I didn't want anyone else touching me. Even Sabe, who looked so much like my wife, was a painful burden. I reminder of the chain of events I caused. "Please," She yoked, "Let me help you. It's the least I can do."
Begrudgingly agreeing, I nodded stiffly. Turning when I heard the rushed footsteps behind me. "Anything?" I asked the man I sent to check on the house. My heart fluttered with hope, but my mind knew better. He looked forlorn, disappointed, but there was someone traveling behind him. I paused in my step for him to catch up. My eyes lingers to the willowing figure, even from where I stood in the darkness I could tell it was an elderly person. A woman, fishermen's wife by the look of her wardrobe. She looked flustered and annoyed, but there was a steely calm to her eyes.
He shook his head, "I'm sorry, my king" He rasped, out of breath. "I went there and asked, but they said it was just a dog. A family pet, they said." For a moment, I braved the thought of Logan. If it was him then Nyx mustn't have been far away. But I saw it in his eyes, he didn't think of it beyond just an old dog that had lived it's time on this earth. It was still dark out, and I felt the beginnings of tiredness return to me. We'll find them. I'll find them, and I'll bring them home. I glance to the woman, he nodded her way. "I spotted this woman within the home," He passed me something small and cold. "She was bearing this." I looked down at the object sitting in my palm. It took me a short moment before recognition hit like a bolt of lightning.
I grabbed the woman by the scruff of her gown. "Where did you get this?" I demanded, holding up Onyxia's wedding ring. "This is my wife's ring. Have you seen her? Did you take this from her?" Emotions fuelled my body fast enough to shake, causing my wounds to croak in pain. The woman's face flattened, closing off. But her steel grey eyes focused on me in a way that was eerie. It was like she recognized me; knew me.
She spoke slowly, calmly despite my aggression. "It was given to me." She murmured, "A gift." She said lightly. He eyes downcast to my bleeding torso. "Best get that looked after." She commented, pulling my hands away from her. Not attempting to take back the ring, but she looked bothered that I now held it. Fisting my hands, I turned with a muffled groan of anger, marching back to camp.
Pausing at the lip, both women stood behind me, clearly wanting to follow me in. "Escort them inside. I'm just going to check on my children," I blurted out, the young woman blinked at me. "I'll be back." Without waiting for her, I stormed off. I didn't know why I mentioned it, it was unnecessary. There was just something about this girl, it got under my skin. Risking a glance at my sleeping children, I found them completely lulled in a deep sleep. They almost didn't look real in their stillness, like little cherubs frozen in time. So small and so beautiful. I looked at how tiny Imogen and Torvi were, it was hard to imagine that Rekker was that small once, or that his sisters will grow up and get to be as big as their brother. I wanted them to stay tiny forever as much as I was eager to watch them flourish and grow. I've let them down, now and many times in the future already.
Limping back to the cave, I found the girl already waiting for me, she was sorting out bandages and thread. Where from? I had no idea. She seemed more reserved than before. Deep in thought. Somewhere she had changed her clothes, perhaps from the cart she made us drag back. She wore a draped thin lilac gown, it made me falter in my steps. It reminded me of Onyxia's wedding dress, that soft violet-lavender fabric that held her pale body. Like flowers embracing an ivory statue. But where Nyx was the moon, this woman was dark night. Long black hair streamed down her like a fountain of ink. In contrast, the old woman sat patiently on a nearby rock, guarded.
She looked up at me, passive. "How are your children?" Glaring at her, I stripped off my bloodied shirt. "I hope they are well. It would pain me to see them so sad, although you look like you could use a good night's sleep." She chuckled to herself, "Oh, the pains of parenthood. I do remember those sleepless nights." She sighed to herself. "Sit down, Alexander. I believe this woman wants to pay you a debt." She eyed the dark haired girl like a raven to strike.
Clearing her throat, the young woman in question gestured for me to sit. Feeling uneasy, I sat close by but not next to her. She had to shift to get as close as she needed to be, I stared straight ahead at the trickling water. Zoning out, as she set her hook and thread. I could handle pain, Onyxia could handle pain. How many times have I seen her get patched up and not blink an eye? I would sit through this, I will feel everything single ache. It's what I deserve. My penitence. Letting out a deep sigh, I waited for her to start. Gritting my teeth as she washed down the wound and pierced the threaded hook into my skin. A sharp hiss of breath was all I allowed myself to release. Tolerating the pain in as much silence as I could muster.
Staring dully into the water, I let the pain fade me into a shock-like state of numbness. "You obviously know me, but I have no idea who you are." I began, "How about you fill me in; starting with why you have my wife's ring? And who gave it to you?" The edge of anger in my voice couldn't be contained. I thought about what was said. They were burying a dog. For all I knew this woman could have murdered my wife, killed off Logan and stolen her ring as a trophy.
She laughed, "'My wife, my wife, my wife'. She's more than that, you've just lessened her to fit your liking." She spat out. "I have to admit, I expected more from you, Alexander."
"That is not my name-"
"Your name is irrelevant to me!" She barked, standing up. As the young woman continued to stitch me up and bandage my wounds, I looked on to this elderly crone before me. She could be the woman that Onyxia once talked about, but that would be too far a coincidence. Yet, this woman had anger towards me that a stranger would not, an opinion of my wife- I caught myself in the thought, sighing I rephrased – opinion of Nyx that wasn't something from a commoner to their princess. This woman had met Nyx, she knew Nyx, and from that anger and resentment I saw in her eyes, she had been in conversation where I was most certainly the topic at least.
Swallowing hard, I pondered how to proceed a moment. What if this woman knew where she was? What if she was holding her captive? I doubt it, given her regard, but I wasn't willing to strike it out. She knew something. It was clear that she didn't think lightly of me, nor would she be forward with information. As far as I know, Nyx could be hurt. She could be in danger. A gift, she had said. The ring was a gift. Perhaps Nyx had used it as some sort of payment? An exchange for aid and care. "My w-" I took a deep breath, trying again, keeping my tone soft and non-confrontational. "Onyxia is not irrelevant to me though, and she has my name." Letting that sit in the air for a moment, I continued. "I miss her. I want her home." My eyes started to burn lightly, and a lump formed in my throat. "I have no idea where you got that ring, but if you care about her, if you know anything, you'd tell me." To my frustration, she just rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. Feeling a pulse of impatience, I snapped. "If you have nothing to say, then you are no use to me." My fists opened and closed, my breath was thick and stifling. "Remove her, I'll question her more when it's morning." I ordered.
She allowed herself to be shuffled away, keeping her head high and her expression dismissive. I found myself calling out in defence of her judgement. "I love her. More than anything." Her eyes narrowed, but she said nothing. "And I will destroy anything that causes her harm. Remember that, crone." I lashed, my body tense until her presence was gone.
Now, I was stuck with the nameless raven-haired girl. There was something off about the way she stared up at me, her large eyes doe-like. Innocent, but tempting something dark. "And who are you?" I demanded, firmly. Not letting her get away with avoiding the question once more. "If you want to use this camp as shelter, you best think of how to proceed carefully." I sat back down, and she continued sticking my chest, finished with the cut on my back. "I have had my fill of misfortune and dishonestly. Betrayal will no longer be tolerated so lightly." I warned.
She finished her work in silence, biting her lip and throwing cautious glances toward the opening. She avoided my eye contact. Either out of intimidation or fear, I wasn't sure. She was pretty, and her skin was like flawless stone. White and unblemished. Like a silken fae creature. But you can't trust the fae, and the gods were a mischievous bunch heightened by chaos.
Wrapping the bandage firming around me, blushing everytime her hand glanced my skin, she stood. Moving towards the pool to dampen a cloth to clean my bloodied skin. "My name is Gardulla." She murmured softly, pausing as if that was meant to mean something. It didn't. When I showed no recollection, she continued towards me. The brush of the damp cloth was cold against my warmed skin. "Your wife... she's missing?" She asked, her voice careful.
"For now." I rumbled out, stiffly. Annoyed, frustrated and on edge. That woman knew something, I just need to find out a way to crack her.
When it became clear that I wasn't going to be forthcoming with details of Nyx's whereabouts, she swayed to steadier ground. "You sound as if you love her very much," She whispered, "She must be a very worthy woman to have such love from her husband." She let out a dainty sigh, "I hope that if she is lost, that you are able to find her. It is a hard world to be away from love ones." She sat back, taking her hands from me. My body relaxed, freed from her soft touches that disconcerted me. "My family... I have no one now. I understand what it is like to feel like you have to carry the world alone, is all I'm saying." I nodded in acknowledgement, murmuring condolences. "Tell me about your wife, what is she like?" She prompted after a moment. "You must really miss her...?" She prompted again.
Grinding my teeth, and clenching my jaw, I conceded. "It's like not having the warmth from the sun anymore." I forced out. For three days, I held it all in. held that pain, the fear, the devastation inside of me. It burned to say such things aloud. It made her being gone too real. "She -" The flash of memory of her falling haunted me, I looked away to not think about it. "We have unfinished business, her and I... I just need her with me, so we can talk." I said simply.
There were no words to express my guilt and regret to the level of underappreciation I dealt her. All the memories I craved but didn't have because I was stupid, and egotistical and selfish. A blind, stupid fool. Out of everything, talking is something I wanted the most. Those quiet nights just saying nonsense things, pointless conversations, were treasured to me. Just to hear her voice, calm and tired, just talking to me. Letting me in. trusting me. I would be an idiot to think they'd be any trust now. She would hate me. The way she looked at me on those cliffs was if she was scared of me. I hated that the most.
"She has always wanted children." I blurted out, "Since the day we met, she always said how much she wanted to be a mother. That she would love to be one, one day." The girl, Gardulla, sat closer to me. "She would always make these little comments; here and there. That she thought I would be a good father. And I used to think to myself; I can do that. I can be that. I'll work it out." I clenched my hands together. "We lost our first child... It was my fault... I think that was when it started to fall apart. Her excitement, her experience was terrible, so all that excitement just faded. Then she got pregnant again. And I thought to myself that this is good, that it will be a good thing." I stared into the pool in front of me, barely feeling the absent stroking on my back. "When she was giving birth to our daughters, I thought she might die. She just look so small and fragile. I was terrified. But then she spoke to me, only me, the entire time. It was just us. No one else mattered. I want it always to be like that." I murmured, deep in thought. "Then I ruined it again, and that excitement she once had was dampened."
"I'm sure it's not your fault." Turning to meet her eyes, I found her sitting much closer than she had been. We were sitting skin to skin, her face only inches away. "If she is as wonderful as you say, I'm sure she would be grateful to have such a man by her side." Placing her hand on my bare shoulder, she looked up at me. "I'm very grateful to you." She murmured, bringing her face closer. There was a small commotion outside in the camp, but it lingered in the back of my mind. She brought her face closer, the soft smell of flowers in spring filled my senses. "You saved my life, it's all I can do to repay that debt to you. To really show you how grateful I am..."
"Yes, Alex..." A voice shattered the moment, dripped in sarcasm and heartbreakingly familiar. "Please let's all show our gratitude to such a man."
I turned sharply, standing all too quick, I knocked the girl to the floor. My hands trembled, and I couldn't breathe. Was she real? I stumbled a few steps forward, the light from the fires causing her to glow in a dreamlike state of reds and golds. "Nyx...." I gasped out. I rushed to her, not caring about the crowd drawn at the cave's lip. Pulling her tightly too me, and lifting her, I kissed her hard enough to taste a sliver of blood. "Nyx." I breathed. Placing kisses wherever I could, "I love you so much, don't ever leave again." I whispered barely over a breathless sound. Closing my eyes tightly, I allowed myself to shut down. My eyes burned as tears fell, and my body shook hard with emotion. Lowering her until her feet touched the floor again, I noted that she didn't kiss me back or hold me as I held her.
Those eyes that once looked at me with love, narrowed and I finally took her in under her hard glare. Her lip was bleeding from my kiss, but besides that her face was bruised leading to a cut at the side of her head covered by bandages. She held her left arm tightly to her chest, both her arm was bandaged, her midriff, her right shoulder, her wrist and hands. Her breath wheezed in my ears as we still stood close. Her eye weren't their midnight blue, but black. The whites of one eye was bloodied and red. She looked as if she was carrying her weight off her left leg, favouring one side. She had fallen, and she had hit something on the way down. I moved to cup her face in my hand, but she flinched back, jerking away sharply although I know that would have pained her. I thought I heard her whisper "Don't touch me," and when I moved forward she took a vivid step back.
My wife glowered at me, not even bothering to glance behind me at the girl now standing. What had she seen? What had she heard? Onyxia looked uncomfortable, if I so much as swayed her way, she pulled away from me. She didn't want me near her. She looked at me as if I was her most hated enemy. My heart shattered.
"Where is my grandmother?"