How old were you when your happiness turned into a trauma? When I think about it, I was only 3 years old when my mother hanged herself in our rest room. Hindi ko pa alam ang kahalagahan nang buhay nuon. I was playing with my small puppy, Isla, when I noticed my mom was struggling. Her looks scared me, and I watched her die, crying uncontrollably when she didn't answer my calls. Ever since, I've been afraid that my mother's feet would reach my shoulder if I walk into the restroom by myself. For that reason, my brother and I departed the house as soon as the funeral concluded. Tumira kami sa Tita ko, which is kapatid ng aking Ina. I was just a kid back then, at hindi ko naiintindihan ang mga nangyayari. Ang alam ko lang, umalis na si mama at hindi na siya babalik gaya nang sabi ng kuya ko. I'm used to my father rarely coming home.
Ilang taon ang nakalipas at unti-unti nang nawawala ang takot at mga bangungot, ngunit hindi ko akalaing mauulit nanaman iyon.
I was 6 years old and it was raining. My father came inside the home drenched in rain as we were getting ready for bed. He was angry, wasted, and deranged all at once. Buong bahay ay nagkagulo, and I recall my aunt scolding him. She was accusing my father of being the reason behind my mother's demise. I was brought up to my room by my fourteen-year-old brother Ellison, who instructed me to hide under the bed. I pleaded with him to stay, but he didn't think Tita Lourdes could bear it. I quickly took my puppy, Isla, and hid beneath the bed when he raced outside. I was shaking, scared, and unsure at the time.
I prayed and prayed that night, na sana walang mangyaring masama sa kuya at Tita ko. But then I heard a loud scream that terrified me more. Sunod-sunod na tumahol ang aso ko at umalis siya sa tinataguan namin.
"RUN OLIVIA, RUN!" It was my brother's, alam na alam ko ang boses niya.
Hindi na ako nagdalawang isip na gapangin ang sahig upang makalabas sa pinagtataguan. I run as fast as I can while calling my brother's name, but my Aunt bloodshot eyes welcomed my sight. She was laying on the floor- bathed with blood. Nakatarak ang kutsilyo sa kaniyang sikmura at naririnig ko siyang sumisinghap. Malakas na iyak ang pinakawalan ko at sumasabay duon ang mga tahol ni Isla. Animo'y sinasamahan niya ako sa pagkasindak. Kalaunan, nilingon ko ang pinanggagalingan nang tunog nang sapatos sa marmol na sahig.
"Olivia," pabulong at nanghihinang turan ng aking kapatid na ngayon ay hila sa buhok ng aking Ama.
My father was positioned behind my brother's back, grinning like a ravenous wolf in the Little Red Riding Hood movie.
He chanted my name, akala mo'y kinakanta niya iyon ngunit nanatili akong nakatayong, gulat, takot at nagugulohan sa mga nangyayari. Madilim ang paligid dahil sa nakapatay na ilaw ngunit tandang tanda ko ang itsura nang naghihingalo kong kapatid sa tuwing kikislap ang liwanag na dulot nang kidlat. Putok ang nuo nito, maging ang kaniyang labi. Dumako rin ang aking paningin sa binti niyang wala na sa porma, dahilan kung kaya't nangingiwi siya sa kaniyang pwesto.
Patakbo kong tinahak ang pagitan namin. Ngunit isang dipa na lamang nang gumuhit ang matalas na kutsilyo sa kaniyang leeg. Tumalsik sa katawan ko ang malapot na likido.
"Dad, ano pong ginawa mo kay Kuya!" I cried. Sinubukang takluban ng aking maliliit na kamay ang dinulot niyang sugat sa aking kapatid. He then put my lifeless brother down and walked towards me.
His face switched like a father I used to look at. He carried me with his two bloodied hands and strangled me like a snake, and I am the small rat, winning, crying, and gasping for air. My body... That was too little at that time; it cracked its bones, which made me yell in pain. However, he stopped when I heard a tremendous "BANG" sound reverberating throughout the house, untangling me and making my father shiver.
I was 3 years old when I lost my mother. 6, when I lost my brother, my aunt, my father, and myself.