Madison p.o.v
(Modern Office setting.)
Thomas has been acting very...strange this last week to say the least. I tried chalking it down to the fact that Alexander Hamilton was out of town for the next two weeks, but in the back of his mind he knew it wasn't. He was nicer than usual towards me, honestly I was the only person he was really kind to, but it's just been amped up recently.
Also the seemingly innocent guiding hand on my shoulder or the small of my back lasted ever so slightly to long when he talked to me, like he was reluctant to pull away. The way he looks back to me every time he said something sharp and witty as if looking for approval. The smile reaching his eyes fully when I give him a reassuring nod and a small, shyish smile. Admittedly when that toothy grin turned back to him I felt himself tighten up inside, wanting him to give him more attention, but I quickly puts that thought and notion tucked away to a little pocket inside his brain that I kept chained up with the key thrown away. Wasn't the best way to go about things, but I've never been good expressing emotion and Thomas just made me feel things I couldn't explain, he didn't know why he had them but he did.
I may...have confided these feelings...kind of to Washington, who had kind of taking on a paternal/fatherly role to him. I didn't say to much besides I really value my and Thomas' closeness, but that he made me nervous when he was around, like I was in hyper-awareness and that concentration kept alerting me to not do something stupid. I told Washington that it was totally platonic feelings...but I could see in by his suspecting raised eyebrow that he didn't buy it. He did offer spectacular advice though, hint hint the note of sarcasm on the word spectacular.
And I quote, "James, son, you know Thomas isn't the easiest person to get along with and the fact that you can is a miracle and he values your company more than you know."
"Now what the hell am I supposed to do with that" he mumbled frustrated, rubbing a tired hand across his forehead.
It was 6:30 in the morning currently, but work didn't start until 9. I couldn't sleep in with with these thoughts running though his head. So here I am, thinking about Thomas in a totally work-inappropriate way eating lucky charms at 6:30 in the morning.
Gosh, I thought as brung another spoonful to my mouth, it's just the way his hair bouncing when he swings around really fast, his head always up high with that extra long stride. That malicious smirk that seemed to turn so sweet when he looked to me.
I was so lost in thought about Thomas that I hadn't realized I was letting the milk and cereal fall off of my spoon and onto the table. I sighed and jumped up, grabbing some paper towels to clean up the mess.
I am so fucked
I screwed around for the next 2 hours, doing nothing productive but taking a shower. He past the rest of the time watching TV and thinking of the man seemed to now consume his waking days' thoughts. I kept writing and rewriting a letter in my notebook I always kept with me detailing what I would tell Thomas if only I was brave enough.
"My dearest Thomas"—
No, it should be
"My dearest, Thomas" The comma changes the meaning since it's in the middle of the phrase. Anyways.
"My dearest, Thomas
How are you today? How do you feel? Is everything alright? Forgive me, but I can't help wanting to repeat those questions to you again and again. I always want to know how what you want and what you need, I want to take care of you. If I told you who I was, then you'd be mortified, you'd reject me and that would be the end of it. I can't deny that you have stole into my affections without my permission.
Love,"
I stopped writing at love debating on what to put. I had already decided to slip the letter in Thomas's mail box along the way to work before I lost my courage to do so. He debated on putting Simon, just for the humor of it. But he knew that would give him away for Thomas knew of the move "love, Simon" and even better knew that I enjoyed the book. therefore that idea was out. I thought for another before just settling on erasing the love and not putting any salutations at the end.
I folded the letter and got ready to get to work.
*time skip*
I got home at 3:45 exactly. Thomas didn't come into work today and he wouldn't answer my text when I asked "Are you sick?" and "where are you?" And I was really beginning to worry. I decided to send him one more text.
"Are you mad at me?" That question had been stuck in my head all day. What if I did something to make him hate me. I thought back to the last few days and wondered what I could have done. I just put the letter in his mail box this morning, but he couldn't know it was me. The feeling of anxiety was bubbling in my furiously. Maybe I should just drop by I thought as I dropped my stuff by the door walked into my bedroom. I took out some sweat pants and a fitted long sleeved maroon shirt. I knew Thomas liked that color.
I made my way out the door and to Thomas' place.
A short walk later and I was at his apartment, in front of his door. I couldn't find the words to say so I stood in front of his door for a good 5 minutes. What should I say? I just wanted to see you? I was worried? It sounded stupid even in my head. But I was already here.
Finally I brung my hand to knock of the door softly. I heard a soft shuffle from inside before the sore opened and there Thomas himself stood in the doorway. It took all my will to not smile like an idiot. He was still in sleep clothes, presumably never haven gotten dressed this morning. A pair of black sweat pants and a oversized long sleeved shirt that hung off of his slight frame perfectly. Finally I realized he was starring at me with a raised eyebrow as if to say what.
"Are you angry with me?" I asked and I knew as soon as the words left my mouth that I sounded like a child.
I saw his expression falter a little. His resting bitch face not quite as mean.
"Oh, James, I'm not mad at you." He reassured softy, looking at me as if the notion was ridiculous. I didn't believe him.
Something was bothering him I could tell.
"You didn't answer my text..." I trialed off. I sounded like an obsessed girl friend.
"Oh- um well I've just been stressed"
"Were you sick today?" I asked.
"No, I just... needed a day off." He wasn't telling the full truth.
"Thomas" I warmed gently
"James, I'm fine!" He snapped. And I jumped a bit.
Why was he acting this way?
"I'll see you tomorrow James" he said beginning to close the door.
I finally said fuck it and pushed the door open the the flat palm of one of my hands. And quickly pushed into the doorway of his place.
"You are clearly not fine Thomas! Talk to me!" I was begging now.
He had taken a step back, his eyes were wide, surprised, considering I was usually so reserved.
"I... I-I can't..."
"Thomas please!" I put my hand on his shoulders.
"I love you!" He snapped.
I froze. A deer in headlights. He what? I'm sorry I must have heard him wrong. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. Had the man I had affections for really just admit feelings for me. Their was no other way to put it, no misinterpretations to be had with that simple sentence. I love you. A small three word statement that held all the power in the world over my head.
"What?" I whispered
"I...I love you James." He said his voice now barely audible. I had never seen him look so shy and scared.
Finally, I came to my senses.
"Are you feeling alright?" I asked putting a hand over his forehead to check his temperature. He was clearly delirious. but he swatted it away.
"Are you dizzy or anything like that?" Is asked
"Is it so hard to believe that I Love you?" He asked, his voice cracked softly sounding hurt. My heart broke into a million and one pieces in that moment.
I didn't say anything at first but he stepped closer to be, our noses almost touching. He breathed softly and I felt his cool breath brush against my face.
"James" he whispered.
"Thomas, don't make me do something regrettable please." I was so scared of rejection. What if he suddenly changed his mind and didn't love me anymore? I wouldn't be able to take it.
I didn't do anything in the end.
He softly pushed his lips up into my mine.
Sweet and short. I craved for more. So much so that even after he pulled away I didn't open my eyes for several more seconds.
"I got a letter in the mail this morning," he breathed pressing his forehead against mine.
"It made me think. Of the way I feel about you I mean. All the pushing my feelings back to keep you close... I just can't take it anymore." He breathed.
I knew exactly what he meant. And we sat in silence for a few more seconds before he spoke once more.
"Did you not think I would recognize your handwriting?" He asked, humor tracing his voice, the slightest bit smug.
I felt my self turn red and turned my fave away only for him to pull me back with cool, slender fingers
"How come you didn't tell me you were such a Romantic?" The humor wasn't lost in his voice at all at this point.
I didn't answer, as a matter of fact, I couldn't. I was used to Thomas' sassy, funny attitude, but honestly the biggest want in my life had come true. I hadn't realized Thomas was rambling until I zoned back in, not realizing I was in outer space in the first place.
"Thomas" I mumbled.
He seemed to not hear me he was going on about something but I couldn't focus on his words, only the way his face moved when he talked animatedly. His lips curling into a smile every so often, and his vibrant, beautiful curls bouncing every time he moved his face with the messier stands falling into his face.
"Thomas" I repeated. He went on.
I sighed.
Then I shut him up with a kiss like in the movies. Every bit as nice, and warm as the tv scenes looked like they should feel. He didn't respond immediately, but picked up quickly, reciprocating passionately, pushing hard onto my own lips, more than likely bruising them somewhat. He pulled back suddenly and I let a soft groan of displeasure escape my lips.
"You know I've had a really rough day and I really just want someone to cuddle with" he muttered, laying his head against my chest.
"I'm someone" I said, softly smiling, bringing my hand to run my fingers through his hair.
He didn't respond with words, instead wrapping his fingers around my hand and leading me through the apartment I knew well enough, and to his bedroom.
He gently laid his palms flat on my chest pushing me onto the bed. He followed quickly, laying down on me, tangling our legs together. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I never felt more comfortable. It seemed like the curves of his body were meant to fit against mine perfectly.
"You're warm" he lowly mumbled, his lips brushing against my neck as he spoke.
"And you're cold" I responded back, taking his cold hands in mine and rubbing soft circles in them, comforting.
"What took you so long?" He asked
"What?" I responded to his question with another question.
"To tell me. How could you have not been able to tell that I love you? I thought I'd made it obvious. In your letter, you said that I would reject you. How could you think that?" He seemed hurt.
"I don't know, I just didn't want you to hate me" I mumbled looking at the ceiling.
Truth be told I was afraid this was just a dream. That I would wake up and Thomas would just be my friend again and nothing more, and I'd love miserably, always wondering what if?
"I love you" I said after a moment of silence.
"What?" He wasn't asking what I was saying, more he was surprised that I said it so suddenly.
"I don't think I said it earlier. I want to make sure you know it. I love you." I told him honestly.
He brung his hand up to softly caress
My cheek, still laying down in me, just a little more to he side now.
I felt his breathing even out after a while and I was sure then he had fallen asleep. I wasn't far behind him either. I passed out, truly happy for the first time in a while.