~THE NEXT MORNING~
Ellie Devine's head and heart were all over the place. The more she tried to push Daniel out of her mind, the more she thought about his soft kisses and ever-so-fresh smelling skin and the way her senses prickled like static when she pictured his twinkling blue eyes.
She hadn't slept at all, tossing and turning, Wondering whether she should have kissed Daniel at all. Wondering whether she should have kept kissing him and got him out of her system like she wanted to when they'd started kissing. Eventually she'd got up and worked on a new song by the light of the moon.
When Kim and Meg pounded on her door at eight a.m., Meg was sombre in her sunglasses, sipping a can of Coca-Cola and groaning when they stepped into the blazing sunshine. It relieved Ellie that Kim was sane, sensible Kim today and she could move her mind on to other things with Kim by her side.
Then it was taxis, and interviews, and interviews in taxis on a fancy phone with a cute little aerial on the top that Brenin gave them. Brenin's assistant and publicist, a likeable woman in her forties called Nolan, had been put in charge of Slider while Brenin spent time with Glue. Nolan, in her silky shirt and fitted pants, tottered around in a pair of high heels the whole day, organising their schedule, introducing them to the people they needed to meet.
They went to a department store to buy a dress Kim saw in a magazine and to a music store to buy a couple of new guitar picks for Ellie. Three teenage girls with dyed blonde hair in Ellie's style blushed and stammered as they'd asked for a photo with the band when they queued up at the till. Then they'd gone to a radio station where they signed CDs and Meg joked with the lunchtime announcer about his haircut, got him flustered, and he'd missed the cue for his back announcement. When they exited the radio station, they stopped to chat to a group of guys wearing Slider t-shirts and sign some CDs.
"Els, Meg, check this out." Kim waved Ellie over to where she was having her photo taken.
Ellie sauntered across to the group; smiled around at the enthusiastic faces while Meg flicked a cigarette into her mouth and waited for someone to offer her a lighter.
"Where's that tape?" Kim asked, peering around. A tall guy hovering around the back waggled a cassette tape at Ellie as he flicked his lighter at Meg's cigarette. Kim nodded at him. "Yeah, check it out, Els. I signed one at Glasto too."
Ellie took the tape. "No way." She grinned up at the guy, who blushed a deep shade of crimson under his Slider beanie. In her hands, was Slider's demo tape—their very first release—with Jessie on vocals. The paper insert was a photocopied cartoon pencil drawing of a drum kit tipping over the edge of a cliff that Kim had designed. This was the demo tape they'd sent to as many radio stations and record companies as they could back in the day.
"Bought it a few years back," the tall guy said, blushing even more. "At that show – the one where Jessie was s'posed to be singing, but you came on instead."
"'91? The Afterblast gig?"
"Yeah. But I was there to see you guys." Pointing to the cassette, he said, "This is the first release of 'Green' ever, yeah? In the next release, it was you on vocals, but the bass is slightly different. More free form. And there's some weird in-studio talking at the end. It's cool. Different."
Ellie could never get over how much more her fans knew about her band's recordings than she did. She turned the tape over in her hands, casting her mind back to the day they'd recorded it. All the thrill of hearing her songs on tape, ready to share with the world.
Ellie popped open the cover; took out the photocopied insert and stared at Jessie's name written above hers on the sleeve. It seemed so long ago they'd made this tape when they'd all been friends with all the possibilities of their music inside them.
Kim snorted and grabbed for the tape and the cover. "Chuck it out. Who wants to be reminded of her?"
Before anyone could toss the cassette in the bin, Ellie rescued it from Kim's hands.
"Want us to sign it?" she asked the tall guy, whose expression turned from horror to relief.
"Yeah, that'd be cool. It's Matt. To Matt. Please."
Someone handed Ellie a pen, and she scrawled her name on the insert, before handing it to Meg. "You coming to tonight's show?" she asked the group.
"Slider should be headlining, not those Pommy gits," one of the other guys said pointedly.
Ellie adored her fans.
As they bundled into another taxi, Nolan turned to them from the front seat. "Your fans are great, huh?"
Ellie gave Nolan a small smile and turned to stare out the window. Seeing the demo tape and talking about the Afterblast show caused her stomach to gurgle like a novice yodeller. She'd been thinking about Daniel all day when she should have been thinking about ways to make sure Jessie didn't steal her livelihood from under her boots.
"It's so shit we have to keep being reminded of Jessie everywhere we go," Kim said, shoving Meg—who always liked to sit in the middle—aside so she could clip in her seatbelt.
"Do you reckon Jessie'll go through with it now Brenin's got us a proper lawyer and everything?" Meg wondered before sucking on the last of her cigarette and stubbing it hard out in the ashtray in the console.
"Jessie won't give up where there's money involved," Kim said, settling back in her seat. "You know she could sell our songs to an advertising agency?"
Ellie creased her brow at Kim.
"For car ads ... or hamburger joints—"
"She won't be doing any of that," Ellie stated. Her lyrics and music used and abused in a TV ad would be the worst thing she could imagine. Worse than dance mixes. "Brenin will sort it out for us."
"Brenin's having dinner with Glue at a new restaurant in the city later on if you want to go?" Nolan offered as the taxi sped off.
Ellie shook her head and turned to the window again.
Because they weren't headlining, Slider would not be partaking in any extra-curricular activities. They'd be doing their soundcheck.
And Ellie would be staying well out of Daniel's Armstrong's reach.
***
~SLIDER'S DRESSING ROOM, BRISBANE FORUM~
Sporadic, muffled echoes of Will's drum kit burst out across the empty arena. Now and then, Daniel's voice rained out a random verse or chorus, accompanied by Gav's guitar chords. A song started, stopped and started again and every few minutes, a twiddle of a circus intro on an organ showered over the top of everything else.
Ellie lay on the dank smelling couch squeezed into a corner of their dingy dressing room, her boots resting on the arm. Now she'd stopped moving, and the jet lag had settled in, she'd let her mind wander. Daniel was in her proximity. She heard him. Felt him. He was close. She had this new special Daniel radar inside that alerted her senses whenever he was near. And it freaked her out how much she wanted to see him—and avoid him—at the same time.
"I know Glue has a lot of effects and shit"—Meg banged the heel of her boot against the dressing room wall—"but, seriously, why is it taking so long?"
"If they don't finish soon, we're gonna have to go on without a soundcheck," Kim huffed from where she sat in a swivel chair in front of the mirror, tapping her sticks on the worn edge of the dressing table.
Meg pushed off the wall and closed the door on the noise. "Should we be practicing or something?"
Kim swivelled in her chair to peer at Ellie. "You okay? You don't usually lie around like this before a show."
Ellie twisted her neck, saw Kim's stern eyes and twisted her neck back to stare at the cigarette-stained ceiling, trying to re-tune her thoughts to the real world. In a past life—a life before kissing Daniel—she'd be warming up her fingers and her voice. Checking the set list and the stage plot. Double checking her pedal board. But she was weird—fuzzy-headed and high—and even though she tried hard to stop herself, all she wanted to do was think about Daniel's face.
"I know you're stressed about Jessie and Sam—" Kim said.
"Don't mention their names backstage," Meg screeched, waggling her hands at Kim. "It might be bad luck!"
Ellie didn't want to think about Jessie or Sam either. Thinking about them dirtied her thoughts when all she craved to think about was Daniel ...
"Fuckin' hell, Ellie," Kim said, rubbing at her forehead. "Megsy's been acting like a fruit loop about James all day. I need you to at least act normal."
Ellie turned and blinked at Kim. "Sorry, sorry. It's jet-lag. I'm tired." She pushed off the couch, stretched her arms and bent her wrists from side to side. "Where's my guitar? Is Lachy here? Did someone check our tech rider before it went to the sound guys?"
Kim curled her nose at Meg, and they laughed. "That's more like the slave-driver Ellie we know."
"Oh! Wow!" Ellie scratched her hair, trying to get something other than Daniel in her head. How had she forgotten her song? "I've gotta show you something. I need my guitar."
On cue, Lachy poked his head around the door. He had Ellie's electric acoustic guitar case in his hands.
"Ladies!" he chirruped as they surrounded him with hugs.
Ellie smiled at her favourite member of their road crew. Lachy's long brown curls tumbled out from under a black 'Slider' beanie and he wore a Silent Moth t-shirt over baggy shorts and skate shoes. His skinny frame defied the odds - Ellie had seen him lift and carry some of the heaviest equipment they had with the ease of a weightlifter. And he always smiled, watched, looked after them. With Lachy around, Ellie knew everything would be okay.
"Gear's ready to load in when they're done." Lachy grinned. "Crew's waiting." He thumbed towards the main stage. "They'll backline their amps and drums - the stage isn't huge."
"What would we do without you?" Meg threw her arms around Lachy's neck again and kissed his cheek. Lachy looked pleased with himself as he handed Ellie her guitar case.
With a flip of the catch, Ellie folded the case open and her Gibson J-160E gleamed at her. But she had no time to fondle its smooth, mahogany sides. She found her notebook and straddled the guitar over her knees as she propped on the couch, testing the strings. The guitar had been tuned to perfection. Ellie had Lachy to thank for that.
Meg kicked the door shut, then perched on the couch next to her while Kim resumed her position by the dressing table.
"Do you want me to—I mean, should I stay or go?" Lachy looked around.
Ellie waved him down, and he found a seat on the floor, resting against the wall with his knees up.
Ellie glanced at Meg. "Don't interrupt. I only wrote this last night. It's not finished but—"
"Just play the friggin' thing," Meg squeaked, hugging her knees to her chest.
Ellie played the first notes. As her fingers found the chords, she remembered the sweet harmony in her head and those undeniable feelings for Daniel flooded back. She closed her eyes and launched into the first verse, blocking out the harsh, cold lights of the seedy dressing room to return to Daniel's eyes on her; being wrapped in all the colours of him.
Ellie was so caught up in the music she didn't notice the quiet knock on the dressing room door, and the hushed whispers.
As she came to the end and opened her eyes, notes still misty around her fingers, she realised a crowd gathered around the doorway, approving smiles on their faces as they broke into enthusiastic applause. In the middle stood Daniel, his eyes concentrated on her flushed face. For a moment, there was no one and nothing else in the room apart from Ellie and Daniel and the sound of Ellie's heart pounding like the opening bass beats of 'Riders on the Storm'.
"Els, that was sick," Meg yelped with a crack in her voice. "Like, seriously, sick. Epic."
Ellie shifted her eyes from Daniel to grin across the crowd of faces - some familiar and others new to her. "Thanks, uh, needs a last verse."
Kim's gaze travelled between Daniel and Ellie. "You need help with that last verse, huh?"
"I have some ideas." Ellie stood, and Lachy jumped to help with her guitar.
"Slider! Soundcheck! You've got 20 minutes!" The lank-haired stage manager pushed through the milling crowd, clocked Ellie, Meg, and Kim and jerked his thumb at them. "Get your crew and move it."
Fuck, Ellie thought as the crowd cleared and they gathered their things together. I am so not prepared for this.
"That was awesome." Lachy stepped in beside her as she hustled down the dark corridor towards the stage behind Meg and Kim.
"My guitar was awesome. Thank you."
Someone grabbed the back of her t-shirt.
She glanced over her shoulder to see Daniel lurking at the side of the stage, and her heart jumped to her throat.
"One second," she said to Lachy and turned to where Daniel huddled behind the thick curtain wearing a crumpled blue checked-shirt and jeans.
"I-I can't ... you can't do things like that," Ellie whispered, pushing her hair behind her ears before folding her arms tight across her chest.
With his hands shoved into his pockets, he stood so close to Ellie she could breathe in his sweaty stage smell. As much as she wanted to curl herself into him and inhale his neck like a glue sniffer needing a hit, she knew that was impossible.
"I've been thinking lots about you," he muttered.
Ellie felt her cheeks redden, wishing she could be as open as he was.
"I ... really have to go." She glanced over her shoulder at the stage. "Some band only gave us 20 minutes to sound check."
Daniel nudged his hands deeper into his pockets as if to keep them there to stop himself from touching her. "Selfish gits. It was probably the singer's fault. You'd better sort him out later."
Ellie swallowed.
She would not be going anywhere near him later.
Behind her, Meg and Kim were helping with the setup. "I should—"
"Testing, testing, one, two, Ellie!" Meg hollered into the microphone.
"I need to tell you something, Devine." Daniel's breath caught in her hair, causing her skin to break out in a hot flush as she gazed up at him.
"I told you," Ellie said, "I can't do this—"
"Devine," Daniel murmured, his breath warm on Ellie's face. "I want you to know ... this isn't ... it's not a casual thing for me." He brushed a hand across the back of his neck and looked at his trainers before looking back at Ellie. "I understand you have rather a lot going on ... and I do tend to rush into things ... but I want you to know that I'm happy to wait until you're ready to be with me. If you want to be with me, of course. I was imagining how brilliant it would be if we could fall in love a little bit more."
A dizziness overcame Ellie as his words ran around and around inside her head and floated up to the sky, merging into the last verse of her new song.
"But you ... hardly know me," she murmured, pressing her fingers to her lips as if she could pretend they were Daniel's on hers.
"I know enough," Daniel muttered, his eyes shining down at her.
Ellie had no words.
Daniel took a deep breath. "You should go." He must have realised Ellie was in trouble after what he'd said. "And you know where to find me when you're ready."
Ellie nodded.
Daniel nodded back; their gazes fixed together.
Meg hollered again, and Ellie dropped her eyes; turned away, swallowing the rising chorus of emotions inside her.
As she headed towards the stage, she thought over what Daniel said.
It was too special. Too deep. Too much. Especially for Ellie Devine.