I was once again lying down in a hospital bed, but this time it wasn't an accident. I had just given birth to a baby girl. I had finally given my mother a granddaughter and she was the happiest woman on earth. My dad had come briefly to see me and the baby girl. Her name? Temitope.
Lying down in the hospital bed, I looked at how my mother held the baby so close to her. Immediately my thoughts went to Ola. So many question flooded my mind. How was I going to break the news to him? How would he react seeing I never told him anything? Would he come to the conclusion that the baby wasn't his?
This bothered me a lot. And it was in this state of mind that I went home after being discharged from the hospital. I was once again back in my parents' house being cared for, by the very people I had vented my anger against. When I look at them now, I sometimes remember what the stranger I had me at the pub told me.
"You have wonderful parents, cherish them." He had said. I couldn't have gone through nine months of pregnancy without them. Here I was back in the very house I had left angrily, and all because of what my mother had told me. Now I will be in this house for as long as it takes to see me through the early stages of my daughter's growth.
This is what I'm supposed to be doing with Ola. This is something we are supposed to be doing together. But where was he all this time and why was his phone always switched off? I kept asking myself.
This is a question that was on my mind day and night until one day, a thought came to me while I was lying in bed. It was the strangest thought I had ever had. It was so strong that it was telling me to do just one thing-go to our former house. This was the very house where I had seen Ola in a pool of blood. At first I brushed it off as mere imagination.
But then I got up and sat down on the bed asking myself why this thought about the former house was so strong. Something was going on which I was about to discover. As curious as I was, I followed this thought and got out of bed and picked up my handbag. I went out of the room to see my mother playing with her granddaughter. Seeing them, brought a smile to my face. My mother noticed my presence and called me.
"Tola what are you doing carrying your handbag?" I walked up to her and took the baby from her and held the baby for a brief moment. I then gave her back to my mother.
"I just want to take some fresh air, mom. I won't be long." I replied. My mother looked at me intensely. She may have thought that I was bothered about something.
"Tola, I hope everything is alright?" She asked.
"Yes, everything is fine." I assured her. She nodded her agreement trying to believe in what I had told her. Yes, everything would be alright once I see Ola and tell him we have a baby girl.
"I won't be long, okay?" She nodded and went back to playing with her granddaughter. I left the house with my heart pounding and got into my car and kick-started it. I was going to the one place I had left years back due to a crime that was committed there. I was going back to a crime scene. I didn't commit any crime, but I felt like I really did.
And now, I was going back to retrieve the murder weapon. But there was no murder weapon, there was just a house that both my father and Ola had told me had been sold off. I still had the keys, but I guess, they won't be useful anymore. There must be new occupants, people who would never know what happened in that house.
I drove slowly until I finally reached the house. I parked my car outside and came down and walked up to the gate. It was slightly open. This was quite unusual as during our stay here, the gate was never left that way.
I pushed it open and went in. Someone, a gate man, was supposed to come and meet me and ask me who I was looking for. But this never happened. I then walked up to the front door and found it also slightly open. I stood as I heard voices coming from inside the house.
It was the voice of a man and a woman. The man's voice was quite familiar to me. I clearly recognized Ola's voice. My heart was pounding fast and I didn't know if leaving was the best thing to do, or walking right in and facing him was better.
I stood undecided for a few minutes. But almost instinctively, my hands went for the door and pushed it wide open. This caught Ola's attention.
"Who is that?" He asked, getting up from the chair he was sitting. Then I heard another voice.
"Honey, what is it?" came the female voice.
"It seems there's someone at the door."
"And who could that be and how did they get in?" She asked. I turned around with my back facing the door, and my eyes looking towards the gate. I could hear footsteps behind me and I knew he was coming towards the door. I closed my eyes for a second thinking about how this moment would be. Then I heard his voice.
"Hello, who are you and what do you want?" He asked. I guess he didn't recognize me, but then I turned and facing him said,
"It's me Ola, your wife." He stood staring at me surprised. One look at him told me he wasn't expecting to see me here. Then I heard the woman's voice.
"Honey, who is that...," The woman had come to the door to see who it was. When she saw me she frowned. Walking away she said,
"Ola, finish with her and come and meet me."
It was Miss K whom I felt was indirectly telling my own husband to send me away. Standing in front of me, he couldn't say a word and neither react to what she had said. He couldn't open his mouth to speak. He kept quiet.
But I had to break the silence.
"The gate was slightly open so I decided to come in." From the way he looked at me, I guess he was confused or he was planning on telling me a lie. I looked around the house from where I was standing and knew he had lied to me about selling the house.
"This house was never really sold was it?" I asked. He kept on staring at me, while I kept wondering how he could do this to me. "And yet you made it look that way." I breathed hard thinking of all the efforts I had made trying to make sense of our relationship.
Right where I was standing, I was angry with him. But I knew my anger would not resolve anything. For some time now, I had been angry with my parents, and tried to avoid them. But my anger, first against my mother and then against my father, never stopped them from living their life normally.
Facing my husband, I realized that life still continued in this house even without me. Everything was perfectly normal. Ola was living a normal family life that didn't include me and our daughter. Some other woman meant family to him. And I knew my anger at this moment couldn't stop him from living this life. Standing there facing him I was disappointed and wanted to turn back and leave. But I had to tell him one last word.
"Ola, I loved you and still do. But I now understand what you did. You chose to live the life that you wanted. And that is without me." I took my smartphone out of my bag and found the picture I had taken of our daughter. I showed it to him.
"Look, we have a daughter now, Ola. We have a daughter." His eyes widened in surprise and for once I saw in him a man that really felt he had wronged me. If in that moment he had wanted to apologize and explain everything that went wrong in his twisted life, he was powerless to do so.
As painful as it was, I walked away from him without a fight, but with tears in my eyes. I got into my car and sat down for a while wiping the tears. Wiping them, it felt like I was removing a spell; a spell that had kept me glued to him for long. And once I had finished wiping the tears, I felt a sense of relief. I had taken a heavy burden off my chest. I was once again ready to live. I started my car and went back home.
When I got home, I met my parents with my baby girl. They were happy to see me.
"When did you come home, dad?" I asked him.
"I came once your mother told me you left the house."
"Why?" I asked
"She said she didn't like the look on your face when you went out." I looked at my mum who had probably thought my going out meant, I would get into some kind of trouble again. I sat down opposite them and smiled.
"Mum I told you everything is alright. Now you made dad come back home early from work."
"I know that. But you were not alright when you left the house. Now, you are." I got up and went to my room.
As disappointed as I was about the outcome of my relationship with Ola, I had to go out and distract myself. I definitely couldn't stay in the house after what I had seen. And I knew only one person could guarantee me the kind of distraction that I needed, Kemi. I got on the phone and called her. She was happy to hear my voice.
"Tola, na wao so you just forget your very own twin sister like dat, abi?"
"Kemi I balance na work hold me. But I get some free time now."
"Naim be say you ready for enjoyment, abi?" She asked
"Twenty-four hours I balance. Jus tell me where e dey happen."
"Come on now, that's my girl!." She shouted over the phone. "E be like say you arrive on time."
"Why?" I asked
"Your guy wan open another supermarket for Lagos again o."
"You mean Alhaji Kuti?"
"Na him o. Would you like to come because after the opening ceremony, heavy party dey."
"Ah, Kemi na me you dey ask? I wan even ready come out now sef."
"Okay now, I dey wait you." I ended the call and got dressed and went to the sitting room.
My parents saw me and stared at me.
"Tola where are you going?" My mother asked.
"I've been invited to an opening ceremony. Someone is opening a new supermarket."
A worried look fell on their faces. I knew they were not happy. I sat down opposite them and told them,
"Mum, dad? I've done everything for both of you. Mum, I've given you a granddaughter. Dad, I have my degree like you wanted. I now want to do the one thing I haven't done in a very long time."
"And what is that?" My father asked.
"Live." They were a bit confused by my response. And so I had to explain what I meant.
"I was hoping on having a settled life with the man I married. But I now realize that this is not going to happen. I have asked questions without getting answers and all of a sudden, I find out I have a brother. When I walked out of this house due to what you told me mum, you told me you stopped worrying about me." I paused for a minute before I continued.
"When I was angry with you dad, you said I was angry with the world. As I see it no matter how angry I might be with anyone, people move on with their lives. They live, and that is exactly what I'm going to do from now on."
I got up and walked up to the front door. As I was about to open it my mother called me.
"Tola?" I turned around and looked at her.
"Ola nko?" I smiled when she mentioned his name.
"He's fine without me. He's doing quite well."
"And you are not worried?" I shook my head.
"No, not anymore." I smiled and left the house. The air outside was cool and refreshing, I got into my car and kick-started it, allowing the engine to run. I sat down thinking of the life I had lived up to this point. It wasn't a good life, but it was worth the experience.
That day Ola walked up to me and told me I would be his wife, was the day I pursued this dream and never looked back. I promised myself I would be with him through the twists and turns of this life. But now, if I could to turn back the hands of time and erase everything and have a fresh start, I would do it.
I know it won't happen and so I have to move on and live, knowing that Ola was never mine and will never be mine. I loved him and still do. But if this is the result of loving him, then I am facing the consequences.
But it doesn't bother me anymore, and I will never be worried again. I am much stronger than all of this. I am Tola Segun and the one thing I won't do, and will never do, is give up. I have to live and move on with my life and finally pursue my dreams of becoming a top-class manager.
Love has probably failed me, or so I think. And so I need to focus my attention on pursuing this one dream. I am determined to move on and succeed. But like my father once told me, 'if you want to move on, first clean up your past.' My past was the twisted and complicated relationship I had with Ola.
It was a messy past, a past in which I searched for answers and could never get them. It is a past that won't be easy to forget nor erase. Because to do so would mean a definite breakup with Ola. But If breaking up with him is what it will take to clean up this twisted past, then I am more than ready to do so.
Yes, I have to break free from him and move on with my life.
The engine of the car was running silently. I could hardly hear it. But sitting in the driver's seat, I listened to it and realized that it had more peace than I had. This was peace that was missing in my life. Now, I can finally pursue that peace.
My phone rang like it was reminding me that Kemi was waiting for me. I reached for my handbag and brought out the phone. It was her.
"Kemi I'm out of the house and on my way coming." I told her.
"Okay." She replied. I put the phone back in my handbag and was about to move the car when I saw a piece of paper on the passenger seat right next to my handbag. It must have fallen out of the bag when I took out the phone. I took it and opened it.
It was a note. This was the very note Ola had written and placed in the bag along with the money. My eyes scanned through the note but settled strangely on a few words;
"Old scores have turned into new threats."
I couldn't take my eyes off of those words. It was as if my eyes were glued to them. Those words seemed to be telling me that the past was not yet over. I kept staring at them wondering what else was out there ready to torment my life again.
The stranger I met at the pub had told me to take back what was mine. He had told me Ola was mine and that I had to win him back. I shook my head as the thought of seeing Ola living a settled life in the former house with another woman, surfaced.
"Sorry stranger, I can't. I have to move on." I muttered. I squeezed the paper and drove out of the house. I wanted to throw the paper out of the window but stopped the car. As if directed by instinct, I opened the paper again and read the note one more time. As I read it something caught my attention. Something I had not given thought to. And it was staring at me right in the face.
I was shocked at what I had discovered. I took a deep breath and read the note one more time again and nodded my head. There was something wrong with the note, and I knew what it was.
"So, Ola you didn't write this note did you?" I muttered to myself. "You never wrote it."
I was going to Kemi's house and from there we would go to a party. This was a party in which I was going to dance and finally break off the shackles of love that had blinded me to Ola. But this discovery was about to spoil that plan.
"Why me, and what did I ever do wrong?" I asked myself. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I couldn't go back into the house now, I had to go to the party. Then I opened my eyes again and moved the car, on my way to Kemi's house. But I was worried because the handwriting on the note wasn't Ola's handwriting. I knew it could only belong to one man, someone I knew too well. Someone I don't want to believe could have done this to me-my father.
The end