Nixon
• • •
"I'm going to burn this fucking place down!" I growl into the phone.
"Nixon, calm down! What happened?" Kelis asks frantically.
I tuck my phone in between my shoulder and my ear while I shove some stuff in a duffle bag. "I can't live here. I'm packing my shit and going to my penthouse before I get arrested for arson." I demand.
It's so fucking tempting. She doesn't understand exactly how good it would make me feel to douse the house in gasoline, light it up and watch it burn. Let the memories that fill this place go up in flames, until there's nothing left.
"That's a bad idea and you know it." She insists, fear lacing her words.
"The cops took all of my drugs, there's nothing left." I assure her. Believe me if they hadn't, they'd been in my system right fucking now.
"I thought you didn't want to be alone?" She questions.
She's only trying to get me to stay because she wants me to mend my relationship with our parents but I can't do it anymore, two weeks has been more than enough. They're going to push me into relapsing.
"I'd rather be alone than live in this house for another fucking second." I retort. "They want me to leave anyway after I put my fist through my bedroom door."
Kelis groans. "What? Nixon! Just tell me what happened, maybe we can fix it."
I growl in frustration. "I was going back to my room after working out and your Mother and Father were digging through my stuff."
"Why?"
"Mom was talking about a pair of earrings she couldn't find and Dad came to the conclusion that I must have taken them." I explain, trying my best to remain calm.
We argued, I got pissed, rammed my fist through my bedroom door, and they ran from the room. If I don't leave my Father may end up calling the cops on me for destroying something else in this stupid house and I'm not going back to jail.
She huffs. "Why would he think that?"
"I don't fucking know, I guess because I'm a convicted felon that means I'm a thief too. Their logic is fucked so who knows why they think the shit they think." I heft my duffle bag over my shoulder. "I need you to find me somewhere to stay, with a roommate. I don't care what the place looks like, anything is better than here."
Kelis sighs loudly. "Fine, I'll start looking but it's going to be hard. Everywhere is going to be fully rented out until graduation."
"Make it fast." I add.
She groans in annoyance. "I'm on it, please stay out of trouble. Make Samantha stay with you if you have to."
"Samantha is the last person I need to have live with me, Kelis." I shake my head at the thought. If she only knew.
"I know she's wild but she cares about you, Nixon." She urges.
"Mhmm." I mutter, making my way down the hall.
"I'll call you after class, love you."
"Love you." I murmur and shove my phone in my pocket as I start down the staircase.
"Nixon, please don't leave." Mom begs me. She's waiting for me at the bottom, nervously playing with the gold Rolex on her wrist.
"Let him leave, Sloane." My dad says as he walks by us in the foyer, not even bothering to look up from his phone.
I stare her right in the eyes, the grip on my duffle bag tightening. "I would never steal from you." She doesn't say a word as I step around her and leave, slamming the door behind me.
I go straight to the garage, pressing one of the many labeled buttons on the wall. The garage is more of a showroom, filled with flawless vintage cars that have been restored to perfection. Dad has been collecting them for years. I bypass my car and go to my black and red GSX-R instead. No one on campus knows me by my motorcycle except Seth and it blends in better than a two-hundred thousand dollar GT-R. I grab my black helmet off the seat and put it on. I drape my duffle bag across my back and mount the motorcycle, the garage door behind me fully open by now.
I tuck the kickstand up, start the bike and ease out of the bay. It's been a while since I've ridden but I can already feel myself relaxing by the time I exit the gate of my family's estate.
On my way to my penthouse I make a detour down a familiar road, my heart aching as I park. I remove my helmet and leave it on the seat, stuffing my cold hands in my pockets. My duffle bag grows heavier the closer I get to the marble headstone. Just seeing her name engraved there gets me choked up, Knox Marie Hyze. I crouch down and press my forehead against the cool stone.
Why wasn't I the one with the mental health issues, why did it have to be her?
Her mental health declined because she stopped taking her medicine due to a misunderstanding. I wish I could go back and change my reaction to Taylor being there, tell him right away who I was to Knox, somehow fix everything so we could have her back.
I just want her back.
How is it I did drugs, sold drugs to addicts, worked with the Italian Mafia, and yet here I am alive but my little sister is dead? If I could trade her places I would. I cause more harm than good. It wasn't fair for her to suffer when her heart was so pure while mine is riddled with sin.
"I'm so sorry, Knox." The words leave my mouth in an agonizing whisper. "You're probably watching me from wherever the hell we go when we die, ready to kick my ass. I've done some stupid shit. I know if you were still here you would have given me that look, the one you used to give me when I acted like an idiot. Like when I told you Seth and Sasha had started dating. You gave me that look, smacked me on the back of my head, and asked me why I didn't just go for it with her."
I suck my bottom lip in my mouth. She was so mad at me for not talking to Seth about it. She was adamant he would understand but I didn't want to talk about it, I was too busy feeling pissed and betrayed.
I shake my head. "I don't know why I didn't take your advice, it definitely would've saved a lot of heartache. I think I was just mad that she actually went out with him when she and I had been hanging out by ourselves for a few months. I thought we were cool. Why do girls have to put fucking labels on everything?"
Seth didn't really know, no one knew. I don't know why I hid my relationship with her when I was fully in love with her, maybe that's why. I was the quarterback, the guy every girl in school chased after, I guess I wasn't ready to let go of that. Maybe I wasn't in love with her then?
Do I even know what the fuck love is?
I trace Knox's name with my thumb. "I miss you. I bet you're raising hell wherever you are. I guarantee you'd be doing nothing but great things if you were still here. You always loved cars as much as I did, you'd probably be the one running Dad's company when he decides to retire." The thought brings a smile to my face, she was the only teenage girl I knew that could stick her head under the hood of a car and actually know what she was doing. Kelis likes the visual aspects of cars but she was never interested in the mechanical aspect like Knox and I were. Knox may not have been biologically my Fathers daughter but sometimes I think he loved her more than Kelis and I.
"You would be so mad at Dad for making Kelis take his place. Don't worry kiddo, I'll figure it out." I press my forehead against the headstone one last time before stepping away. "I love you," I murmur the words and walk away.
With my helmet on my head and my duffle bag securely across my back, I mount my motorcycle and head to my penthouse. The drive is short but I'm nearly frozen by the time I arrive. Maybe the motorcycle wasn't such a good idea in the middle of February.
My stomach churns as I get in the elevator after parking and enter my pin in. The place is eerily quiet when I step into the foyer. I haven't been here since I talked to Ryan the day I got out of jail. Ten minutes after Ryan left, Kelis picked me up and dropped me off at rehab.
I sit my helmet down on the floor in the hall and drop my duffle bag beside it when I notice a pair of bright pink high heels lying there.
"Took you long enough." Kelis says when I enter the living room. She's standing in front of the wall of windows staring out at the city view.
I should've known she would show up.
"I made a pit stop." I reply, my voice still gruff with pent up emotion after visiting Knox.
She turns around and arches a dark brow at me. "Where?"
I glare at her. "Where do you think?" I drop the glare and take a seat on my couch. "I wanted to talk to Knox before coming here."
Kelis' face softens at my words. "Oh."
"What are you doing here?" I ask, though I already know the answer.
She sighs and walks over to the chair in front of me and sits down. "I knew you wouldn't call Sam so I'm staying the night."
I purse my lips. "You don't have to stay, I don't need a fucking babysitter."
She shrugs. "I know."
Kelis jumps up at the sound of the elevator arriving. "I ordered take out." She says as she runs down the hall..
I pull my phone from my pocket, staring down at the cracked screen. I should probably get a new one but it's not like the thing is always buzzing or anything anyway, so I haven't bothered. I go to my contacts and scroll through the list. My thumb hovers over Seth's name. I've thought about calling him or texting him a million times, but I always back out. I know that if I try talking to him he will tell Ryan and then she'll want to talk to me. I was supposed to call her as soon as I got out of rehab but honestly I'm not ready for that shit yet. He probably wouldn't want to talk to me anyway.
"Oh my god, it smells so good!" Kelis gushes as she comes down the hall.
I lock my phone and slide it back in my pocket just as she rounds the couch and places a bag on the coffee table.
"It's going to be hard for you to avoid everyone being this close to campus, do you want me to find you a house to rent closer to Mom and Dads?" Kelis asks as she places the takeout containers on the table.
I shake my head. "I'll be fine, I definitely don't want to live near our parents."
She grabs the remote and turns the tv on, pulling up Netflix. "Or you could... I don't know, stop running away from everyone?"
I glare at her. "I'm not running away from anyone, I'm avoiding a situation I don't feel like dealing with right now." There's a difference.
She gives me a look of disbelief and hands me a takeout container and an unopened set of chopsticks. "Sure..."
"Kelis, just drop it." I groan, ripping the clear plastic wrapper from the wooden chopsticks.
She gives me the most serious look she can muster. "Ignoring a wound doesn't make it heal, Nixon."
Yeah, but if I keep playing with the dagger that cut me the wound will just get deeper. You can only bleed so much before dying.
I don't bother with a reply.
Kelis selects a movie and we eat in silence but her phone doesn't stop vibrating the entire time. Fifteen minutes of off and on vibrating and I'm ready to throw the damn thing. "What the fuck is going on with your phone?" I glare at the device that lies face down on the coffee table.
She purses her lips and picks it up. "Just some guy problems."
I place my empty container on the table and cross my arms. "Is this guy harassing you?"
She shakes her head, her eyebrows furrowing at whatever she's reading on her phone. "No, I've just had..." She bites her lip looking nervous.
"Spit it out." I demand.
"There's this guy I've been seeing." She starts.
"Okay..." I trail when she doesn't continue.
"He... has a boyfriend." She answers slowly.
Oh fuck, maybe this is why she's being cautious about telling me, I don't know if I want her to continue.
I run my fingers through my hair and clear my throat. "So the guy you're seeing has a boyfriend?" She nods so I continue, "Is he cheating on his boyfriend with you, did you just find out and you guys had a fight or..?" I question.
"Well when we first started talking he told me up front he had a boyfriend but that they had an open relationship." She shrugs. "I didn't see it as a big deal but the more dates we went on the more he brought up his boyfriend. He ended up telling me that they're both bisexual and that his boyfriend is interested in me too."
I hold my hands up, a grimace on my face. "Fuck no, hell no! Fuck that Kelis. You told him no, right?"
I'm almost afraid to ask her. Kelis can be pretty wild when she feels like it. She does whatever she wants. No one, minus our father, can tell her what to do because she'll just do the opposite. I'll kill both of those dickheads.
"I told him no and then I told him I didn't want to see him anymore, so he's been blowing my phone up ever since." She replies.
My fists clench in my lap. "So he is harassing you."
"No, he's a good guy, he's just a little hung up on me." A small smile plays on her lips. "I really like him, I just... I'm not too sure about the whole having two boyfriends thing. I mean it sounds kind of fun but also stressful."
Kind of fun? Jesus fucking Christ. I shake my head. "Yeah, let's just stop talking about this shit now."
She laughs. "You asked."
"Well fuck, I didn't know this was what it was about. How the hell could I have guessed that you had two guys after you, wanting to be with you, together?" I cringe.
"Are you actually trying to say you haven't had a threesome?" She arches an eyebrow at me in disbelief.
"I didn't say that." I glare at her.
"So what's the difference?" She scoffs.
"For one I sure as hell never planned on talking to you about it. I don't want to hear about two dudes after my sister." I glower at her.
She purses her lips. "You asked, I answered."
It definitely won't happen again. "I'm going to bed." I shake my head and stand up.
"What? You don't want to hear about—"
"Shut up Kelis!" I growl and grab my duffle bag before stomping up stairs, her laughter filling the space behind me.
I step inside my bedroom and just stand there. Everything is exactly as it always was. My king size bed pushed against the far wall covered in a navy bed set with an abstract painting hanging above the headboard, hiding my safe. The floors are a dark glossy wood, the walls white. There's a TV mounted on the wall, a navy couch and light gray rug placed in front of it. The wall of windows with a perfect view of the city is the reason why I purchased this particular apartment.
I drop my duffle bag on the floor and fall back on the bed, kicking my boots off. My body aches from the workout I put it through earlier but I welcome the sting of pain my sore muscles give me.
Physical pain I can handle, I can control it, know there's an end to it.
Emotional pain? That bitch kicks my ass every time. I get lost in it and feel as if there's no end to it in sight. I drown in it, fight it, but I only come out worse than when I started.