Chapter Two
A wish during midnight
Kate’s POV
The warm breeze from the ocean is messing up my mid-waist black hair, but I love to feel the curls slowly touch my skin. It’s like the Wolf Spirits are playing with it. They probably are. I turn my face against the evening sun and break out in a smile when the sunrays heat it up.
The waves from the ocean are slowly crashing against the island’s shoreline. I’m walking bare feet along the beach and the pink starfishes are smiling back to me. The sand is so soft that I sink down a few inches when I put my foot down.
It is hot both daytime and night time here and it’s not often I feel cold. I am just wearing a thin blue sundress and the fabric is flowing behind me as I make my way forwards. I don’t have anywhere I need to be. No time to hold. He knows that I’ll be back; I have nowhere else to go.
The Island is quite small and The Rosalea Pack doesn’t have to worry about other Packs since the closest one lives several miles from here, on an even smaller island. I am actually the only person here who doesn’t belong to this Pack.
This place is paradise itself. It doesn’t matter that I have to struggle for every step I take. I can forget about my loss of energy when I’m out here by myself. I hate to see all the pity. Every wolf in Rosalea thinks that I am sick, depressed and beyond curable. I can’t blame them.
John Moore knew what he was doing when he brought me here, to one of the most compassionate Packs in the whole world. They care so much for everyone else’s wellbeing that it hurts inside me. He told them that I became like this when my mother died. Apparently I can’t accept the fact that she died and escaped into my own fantasy world. I was only five years old, too young to understand that my reckless behaviour made everyone believe his story. He even brought pictures of a two year old girl and claimed proudly that it was me.
He forced me to dye my hair black. I can’t remember what my blonde hair looks like anymore. It’s like it belonged to someone else, to Mary and not me. Poor Mary.
I will never forget the moment John Moore ripped my sister into pieces in front of my eyes. Thankfully she didn’t die. The bond we are sharing is very strong and I can feel her life essence. To sense it slip away from her is the most horrible thing I’ve ever been through.
I kept rioting against my kidnapper for six years before I finally understood what I had to do to break free from this pack. Children who live here are allowed to leave the Island to look for their mates once they turn nineteen. I begged the Wolf Spirits to not give me a mate on this Island and they just laughed back at my worries and said my mate is already chosen.
Rosalea will never let me go if they find me mentally instable, so I tried my best to act civil. If only it was that easy. My soul is sick; I’m even too weak to shift.
I look around worriedly just to receive assuring smiles from the Wolf Spirits. I opened up my mind completely to them when I was eleven and ever since then… they decided to show me their real selves. That never happened at home. I don’t think anyone at home have actually seen the Wolf Spirits in human shapes.
The Wolf Spirits doesn’t age. They have a bright aura around themselves and they are all so beautiful. Their power and wisdom is shining through and it’s hard not to fall to my knees when I see them. They only show themselves when no one else is around so I feel safe enough, out of reach from the Rosalea Pack.
They are my friends. Especially the white haired boy who’s strolling up to me with a grin across his face. He looks to be around twenty years old. You can say that he’s my own guardian spirit. He’s always here for me.
“Kate,” he greets with a melodic voice.
“Jupiter,” I greet back to him as he kisses the air in front of both my cheeks.
“It’s getting close now,” he continues. “Your birthday is next week. You must prepare to convince Alpha Eon.”
I put my hand on my chest, just above the heart as the panic grips me. What if it doesn’t work? What if the Alpha doesn’t listen to the Wolf Spirit’s wishes? They usually don’t sense what they are supposed to do. I’m terrified that I’ll be stuck here for the rest of my life.
It’s not a bad place to live. I love this Island to pieces, but I live here against my will. My family might never find me here. I miss them so much. I must see them again.
“You will see them again,” Jupiter assures me with a gentle smile. “You will return home and bond with your mate.”
“And if I can’t convince her?” I whisper unsure.
“You fulfilled your purpose here,” is all he says and starts walking away from me again. He dissolves into the wind, but I know he is here and always watching over me.
The purpose, yes. I just wonder what I need it for.
I decide to make my way back before Susan starts worrying about me. I feel sorry for the woman who doesn’t know what kind of man she married. John is a respected doctor in this Pack, so he’s considered quite a catch and she’s so proud to be his wife.
I have my freedom here and I don’t want to risk him taking me somewhere else. That’s why I can’t tell anyone my real identity. Firstly, they wouldn’t believe me and secondly it would just make the rumours about me worse than they already are.
Knowledge is power and he still thinks that I come from the Sunshiny Pack. If only he knew the truth. He would be scared if he knew my strong connections with the Wolf Spirits. Every Ninjan werewolf is taught from birth how to communicate with the Wolf Spirits. Most of the werewolf population doesn’t even understand a thing how it all works. Rosalea doesn’t have a clue and that is to my advantage.
I drag my feet and sigh deeply. If only I didn’t have a family. Then I’d happily live with just the Wolf Spirits as company. The Wolf Spirits are like a drug to me. I constantly need their presence to live on.
I leave the beach and enter the flower filled meadow. I know every name of the greenery and what they can be used for. The Wolf Spirits told me to study herbal medicine carefully and so I did. Hundreds of different flowers are growing on this Island and my heart warms up when I look at them.
The nature here is natural compared to the fantastic gardens in the Ninjan Pack. I will miss this place when I leave. I will never return so I force myself to take in all the wonderful scents and scenery of my prison.
I pick up my basket from the ground. It is filled with seashell flowers; small blue flowers that are very strong medicine for the heart and bloodstream. They only grow on tropical islands like this one.
I know pretty much everything that is needed to be known for a tropical herbalist. I will put this knowledge into good use when I return to the Ninjan Pack. Everyone on Rosalea’ are skilled in this area, so it’s not a big deal for us.
You could say that I have a small identity crisis, but I’m mostly like a Rosalea. I lived here for fourteen years after all. That’s a horrible long time. I don’t remember much from before I came here, but my family members are still intact in my memory.
Starley, Mitchell, Princess, Tom and Mary Ray. I am Kate Ray The Little One.
I chant it often to myself so I won’t forget.
My mood gets darker when the small village gets into sight. Thirty families are living on this Island and my house is next to the clinic where John works. It’s painted in a dark blue colour and stands out among all the white ones.
All houses are small and ours has three bedrooms in it. My room pretty much only holds my bed and a desk. All clothes are stored in a big wardrobe in the hallway. I don’t need a big room anyway since I have the whole Island at my disposal.
Susan and John have two children who I was raised to see as my siblings. It was John’s calculating idea to make me more attached to this place. Kara is eight year old and Sonny eleven. I love Susan, Sonny and Kara like real family members, but I can’t feel the slightest bit of affection towards the man who took me here. They are like a foster family, but they can’t replace my real one.
Villagers waves hi to me. They always have huge smiles to share, but not large enough to light up my mood. They are mostly tending to their herbs and flowers that are drying in the sun. We earn our money by shipping them to a medical centre where they make most medicine today.
Our community makes money together and we share the income equally. Money doesn’t exist on Rosalea. It’s actually a perfect way to live by. Not many chooses to leave the Island and many who leaves comes back after some years when they notice how rough the world is out there.
My stomach twists when I smell the dinner Susan is putting onto the table. I push the front door open and enter the narrow hallway.
“Freya!” she calls for me. “You made it home in time for once.”
Susan gives me a huge smile when I enter the kitchen. She is wearing an old apron but she looks so healthy with sparkling eyes and chubby cheeks. Her hair is hanging freely and the big curls look so pretty on her. Kara is a miniature of her and Sonny thankfully looks like her too.
This is the largest room in the house and it is filled with pretty much everything as it also is our living room. We had a separate living room before Kara was born, but we’re just so many living on a limited area now.
I take my seat by the table and ignore looking at the man who I am forced to call dad.
It is fish stew with tomatoes on the menu today. It doesn’t look that bad, I tell myself. I put a small portion of it onto my plate and stuff my mouth full with the fork. I swallow the first ones pretty fast before my stomach realize that I’m eating. That is when the food starts growing inside my mouth and it’s impossible to swallow down.
I keep chewing and chewing until tears forms in my eyes. I swallow it down little by little with encouraging smiles from Susan who doesn’t dare to taste her food before I’ve eaten mine.
I didn’t choose to have an eating disorder. I just lost my appetite after I arrived to this Island and it didn’t return. I could eat back then, but I kept throwing it up. I was that home sick. Now I feel like throwing up whenever I feel the smell of food. I tried all diets but there’s nothing I can eat without trouble besides the cookie and milk Mother sends to me every night.
The Wolf Spirits are embracing me, comforting me so the panic I feel doesn’t take over. I owe them so much. I live today because of them and their endless patience and care.
I manage to eat half my plate before I push it aside. I know John and Susan are measuring how much I ate and I know I’m not allowed to leave the table until they say so. At least I ate something.
“Thank you for the dinner,” I say, not bothered to fake a smile because I don’t feel okay.
I want to curl up in my bed and disappear into the black world that takes me when I fall asleep. I don’t dream. I never dream anymore. There’s nothing to dream about, I’m already stuck in a nightmare. The worst kind of nightmare where everything seems to be perfect.
“Are those seashell flowers?” John asks and nods towards the basket.
“Yes,” I answer him shortly without looking at him.
“Good,” he says pleased. “The next ship is going out in two days and it’s enough for them to dry until then.”
“I will sort them out after the dishes,” I add, not willing to let anyone else touch my work. They are my herbs and I don’t want anyone to ruin them. I’m quite known for me perfectionism.
“Alright sweetheart,” he says concerned. “Just don’t stay up too late.”
I raise my gaze and meet his with determination.
“I will sleep when I am tired,” I tell him coldly.
The anger is seeping through my veins and I forget that I feel sick. I rush up from my seat and pick up the basket on my way out, not caring to wait for everyone to finish eating. No one comes after me but I can hear Susan sigh.
The worktable is on the backyard and I quickly tie the flowers in small bundles with a thin rope. I hang them to dry upside down. The sun has disappeared beyond the horizon, but five lanterns is helping me see more clearly. It makes me calm to organise the herbs into perfection.
The man has two children of his own now but he still insists that I am his daughter. He’s not mentally ill in any way. He knows as well as I do that he’s not my father. This is his revenge for losing his mate.
I listen to the night around me. Most villagers have already gone to bed, but I love staying up. The night is my time. I can pretend that I’m alone here and no one disturbs my thinking.
I inspect yesterday’s work and I am pleased with the result. My fingers recognize every flower and leaf. The Wolf Spirits are watching me with interest while I put aside the tools for tonight. I clean the bench for tomorrow’s work and sigh happily when I’m finished.
I stride back to the beach with the Spirits dancing around me. Some of them as the wind, others as leaves but most of them as wonderful colours. I dance with them. I throw myself into the air and they grab me gently and put me back onto the ground. I love being free. I wish I was a Wolf Spirit.
The moon is lighting up my world and sends the ocean a tempting glistering shine. I make my way through the soft sand and shiver when I step into the cool water. The waves are caressing my feet and I make my way deeper out until it reaches my waist. I throw myself backward and let my dress and hair get fully soaked with salt water.
A midnight bath is a fantastic feeling. I swim on my back and reach my hand out to the moon in the sky.
“Take me home, Wolf Spirits,” I beg them. “I love you, so bring me home.”
I take a deep breath and dip my head under the water. The world sounds different down here. More at peace. The underwater world is so amazing. I like to dive and watch the corals during the day. I don’t want to go that deep during the night. I got caught in a crevice once and almost drowned. They thought I tried to kill myself, but it was an accident. I refuse to die before I see my family again.
I swim back to the shore and crawl when the water isn’t deep enough for me. I’m all out of breath and I rest on my back with half my body still in the water. The wet sand tickles my skin and my hair is all tangled.
It’s true that I live in my own world, but my world is beautiful.
The Wolf Spirits sings me into sleep and I welcome the darkness. I rather sleep in the wild than in a house where I don’t belong. I will get up later, when I have more energy. I just need forever to rest.