Chapter 23: Wish (Part 2)
Listen to the song Eastside by Benny Blanco with Halsey and Khalid.
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Turn your wounds into wisdom.
--Oprah Winfrey.
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Elisa's POV
I have never felt so guilty about anything before. I froze right in my spot when I saw his face, I dreamt of this day alot. I dreamt about how much I'd hurt him the next time we saw each other, I would teach him a lesson so bad he'd wish he never met me in the first place.
But after seeing his face I just couldn't think of anything, I stared at him and I wanted to cry but he didn't deserve to see me succumb to the ground because of him.
His lips began to move and before I knew it I was shaking his hand and telling him it was nice to meet him. I wish I could've taken it back, I should've never gone through with lying to Raven about such a thing the truth would come out one way or another.
Sleeping on the bed in the guest room in Raven's house made me feel even more guilty. I hated myself for lying to her, she deserves better than that.
He must've given her his cute toothy grin and complimented her all the time, he must've done the exact same things he did to me cause that was his game and we were his toys.
It was 1:30am according to my phone, I started scrolling through my contacts before finding the name I was looking for, Lee Starr.
Lee used to be one of Ryan's best friend and he's the only one I kept in contact with after leaving DC cause in my opinion he was the only nice one there. Lee, Ryan and Zack were closer than brothers but Zack got closer to Ryan so Lee hung around with me more than Ryan in our junior year. Least to say he was the reason I survived my attempt to end my life.
My plan was simple and painless, pills. But he somehow ended up coming over to my place that afternoon and when he found me lying on the ground in the kitchen with the bottle of pills in my hand, he watched me swallow and I can still remember how he screamed before pulling me off the ground bridal style and putting me in his car as he drove to the hospital.
The lights were too bright in the hospital which ultimately made me doze off but somehow I knew Lee was there the whole time. It's weird but I could feel his presence around me.
Pressing the green call button I hoped he would pick up my call at such a bad time.
"Eli? Are you okay? Did something happen?" the person on the other side of the phone spoke.
"I'm fine Lee. Great actually!" I smiled at his concern.
"Oh good, then why call me at 1 in the morning!" he yawned.
"Why didn't you tell me he moved?" I asked dissapointed.
"Who moved?" he asked playing innocent.
"You know who! Ryan!" I replied whispering.
"What the hell! how did you know?" he asked as I rolled my eyes and sat up straight on the bed.
"Cause I met him a few hours back!" I replied angrily.
"Shit you're in Boston!? I'm driving there right now!" he said and knowing Lee he was capable of doing that.
"No! Don't! Why didn't you tell me he was in Boston when you knew I was considering BU?" I asked.
"Because everytime I tried to tell you, you would say you don't care and had no wish of knowing anything about anyone back home!" he replied.
"It was so embarrassing to see him again, I just wanted to kill him, and you know he's dating one of my friends who stays here?" I whispered.
"You have a friend in Boston?" he asked.
"Yea, a friend from rehab, two actually! And you know what's the worst thing?" I asked annoyed.
"What?" I heard him ask with a small yawn.
"He acted like I didn't know him! He just shook my hand and smiled like everything that ever happened between us just disappeared!" I ranted going on to tell him everything that happened.
"Shit" Lee exclaimed and I could tell that he was wide awake now.
"I know" I sigh.
"You know you have to talk to him right?" he asked.
"I know but I don't want to. I'm scared Raven is going to get hurt with all of this, I feel like I'm repeating her past right in front of her eyes!" I said closing my eyes tightly as I massaged the bridge of my nose.
"I think this is a good time to tell you that Zack goes to BU" Lee says softly.
" No way! I'm not joining this godforsaken place! I'm going to Brown and now I'm making sure I get in!" I announced as Lee chuckled.
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Ryan's POV
As I walked out of Raven's house I called Zack and told him to meet me cause it was urgent. Within minutes he was at my front door as I entered his car I ran my hand through my hair and think about the mess I just made.
"What happened dude? You look like you've seen a ghost" Zack said as he drove to any place but here.
"I kind of did! Elisa is in Boston" I muttered.
"What?" he asked pulling the breaks.
"When did you see her?" he asked getting completely serious.
"I was with her and Raven and Mark for the past half an hour and I fucked up big time!" I spoke.
"That's not a good combination of people, what happened?" Zack asked.
"She's the friend Raven invited over to her house. I acted like I didn't know her and she played along" I said disgusted at myself.
"Shit, dude you know you have to tell Raven" he said looking at me skeptically.
"I can't! I haven't exactly told her much about when I was in DC. If she finds out, she's going to hate me and I like her alot and I don't want to lose her!" I shouted angrily.
"You're gonna lose her if she finds out the truth in some other way and you know that!" Zack shouted back.
"But what if I can hide it! No one has to know!" I reasoned.
"You have to speak to Elisa before you do anything stupid" Zack said ignoring my previous statement.
"You don't understand Zack, you should've seen the way she looked at me. I hated myself for even being there, there's no way she's going to ever talk to me after everything I did to her. I'm surprised she didn't hit me on the head that very second!" I tried to reason out.
"The only reason she didn't hurt you today was because she cares alot about Raven, just like you do and even though the two of you think by omitting the truth you'll are keeping Raven safe, you should know that if you care so much about Raven you have to tell her the truth.
"Yea there's a chance she'll close the doors on both of you or she won't ever speak to you again but it's always better than carrying that secret around with you, in the fear of it all unraveling by mistake" Zack said with finality in his voice.
"I hate what I did to her" I spoke softly as I hung my head low in shame.
"I know dude, I know" he said patting my back.
"You know when I saw her, I just wanted to hug her and say I'm sorry. But looking at the anger in her eyes made me so fucking ashamed of myself" I ranted.
"Can I be honest with you?" he asked as I nodded.
"You and Eli were like an inspiration to all the couples in our high school, you'll couldn't care less about what people thought. But after the umm-accident I thought it would bring you'll closer together and it sucked to see her all sad and you could see her red eyes and you didn't know what to do and I get it. You were scared and it's totally fine but after you broke up with her you learnt something and that's why you're so much better with Rave! You learn from your mistakes, not that Eli was a mistake but she was a big part of the equation.
"I learnt from you how to open up to the possibility of liking someone. I mean look at me, about a year back I was sleeping with every girl in DC and now I think I'm in love with this beautiful, dorky, adorable blonde. If you told me this was how my college life was going to be a year ago I'd laugh in your face and tell you I was going to sleep with every girl in my college. But I learnt how to become person, and so did you. Sure you fucked up with Elisa but don't be stupid and fuck things up with Raven" Zack orated.
"Yea I guess you have a point" I breathed out.
"I have a point? That's what you have to say to my kind of mind blowing speech! I've never spoken so well ever before and all I get is a 'you have a point'?" Zack asked dejected.
"You were great Zack, I do wish to hear more of your speeches in the future. Also did you say you're in love with Cara?" I asked surprised, cause dating was one thing when it came to Zack but loving was a whole new level.
"I think, I mean I don't know. Okay well I feel like blurting it out sometimes but there's never a good time! I mean I haven't even had sex with her, not that I'm complaining? It's weird thing for me to say but I want it to be at the perfect time, you know what I mean?" he asked sheepishly.
"Dude you're whipped" I chuckled.
"Cara's just perfect, you know" he stated. "You know, I told her. I told her about all the girls I slept with, about how I wasn't the best person in high school and she listened. She knows I'm not proud of it but she understands I'm trying to change that aspect of my life" he said smiling brightly forgetting about everything else.
"I'm so happy for you Zack, you've finally learnt to let down your walls" I said smiling reassuringly.
"And so should you, Cara understood me and I'm sure Raven will understand if you tell her the truth" he said warningly.
"I will!" I assured myself more than him, "I just need to talk to Elisa first"
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Elisa: How could I possibly lie so blankly to Rave!?
Ryan: It happens...
Elisa: I'm sorry do I know you? *rolling eyes*
Raven: Am I missing something here?
Mark: Go to sleep Rave, you do not want to know what's happening.
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