I had my hands in front of my mouth as I looked with all the nerves surrounding my body to the screen in the garage. It had been raining since the start of the race and there was bound to happen something. They started the race with a safety car and after two laps it was already red-flagged because there was too much water. In the back of my mind, I know that these drivers knew what they were doing. But I couldn't help feeling anxious for every single one of them. In lap ten they started racing again and for a while, things went okay until it started to rain again. At this point, Sebastian was driving in third place and as he went off track he complained about that it was raining a lot. There was a Sauber that had crashed. The safety car had yet again been deployed and while they were removing the Sauber car with a recovery vehicle the Marussia car with Jules Bianchi in it lost control and crashed into it. It was like a kick in the stomach when I saw the crash. The period with the safety car went on before there was decided that the race was getting red-flagged and it also meant that the race would end this way. I had mixed feelings with the race ending the way it did. Of course, I was happy with Sebastian getting P3, but as the news spread that Jules had suffered a severe head injury that happiness had switched to a cold wave. I gave as much space to the team as they needed and watched the podium ceremony together with Brad and Maureen. There wasn't any joy to see on any of the faces on the podium, but that was understandable. After the ceremony was done I went back with Brad and Maureen to the garage and it took a while until Sebastian was done with his interviews and meetings, until he finally met me in the hospitality.
'Hey,' he said as he gave a sad smile. I returned the gaze before he gives me a long hug. One that he seemed to be needing. 'Is it okay if we go back to the hotel?'
'Yeah, sure.' I told him with a reassuring smile. We walked all the way back to his car and he couldn't drive any faster away from the place. It was until we were back in the hotel that I dared to ask him about it.
'Do you want to talk about it?' I asked as I bit my lip, nervous that it might still be too fresh in his head and he would snap at me.
'I don't know what to say about it, to be honest.' he said with a sigh as he let himself fall on the bed. He still had his Red Bull polo shirt on and hadn't showered, which you might've thought he would've by looking at his wet hair under his cap. I slowly walked over to him and as he kept talking more about what was on his mind he pulled me softly on his lap. 'I mean, we all know the risk that could happen when we get in those cars. But we never stand still about these things until they actually happen.'
I took off his cap and throw it somewhere behind him on the bed so that I could watch his face as he was talking. 'He's going to be alright,' I told him with a nod, knowing that those were the words that he needed to hear. I saw Sebastian closing his eyes as he curled his arms around me and pulled me tighter to him.
'I wished I could've taken you to a different race than this one,' I heard Seb sigh against my skin. I played with his wet hair, making him relax from my touch.
'You couldn't have predicted that this would've happened. And besides,' I said as I make him look at me. When we crossed eyes I started to talk again. 'I'm glad to know that you're okay and that I can hold you as long as I want.' It made him show a little smile. We stayed like this for a little while, both just happy to have each other right now, before he decided that a shower would do him good. I let him go do his thing and put myself in something more comfortable, knowing already that it was going to be a night that we would spend in the hotel room. Which I didn't mind anyway.
When he got back from his shower I had made myself comfortable under the blankets in bed. When I followed him closely with my eyes I could already see that the shower he had did him a little bit better. Without saying anything he joined me in bed and when he was under the blankets he immediately looked for my body and cuddled up to me.
'Do you want to just order some food up here?' he asked softly as his fingers were making a path from my upper arm to my hand. His touch was soft and it gave me the chills. I looked over at him and saw his eyes concentrated on following his own finger that was touching my skin.
'That's fine with me,' I told him softly, making him finally look up to me. He nodded but made no effort to grab the phone to order some room service. I wasn't that hungry after today anyway. I'd rather just lie with Sebastian next to me in bed and feel his touch on my skin. The only thing that mattered right now was that he was going to be okay after today.
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🌹R.I.P Jules Bianchi🌹