~Loki~
I read somewhere that 10% of any population is cruel, 10% is merciful, and the remaining 80% can be swayed either way.
Ever since then, I've been debating where I stood. Would I be part of one of the ten percents? If so, which one? Or, am I just another one in the crowd; not special at all, just taking what's put in front of me and responding how society expects me to respond? The part that scared me the most wasn't the fact that some people are cruel down to the bone, but the fact that we don't know who those people are. That person could be a classmate, a friend, a relative and you may never know. But even then, what defines an evil person? Their actions? Their lack of remorse? Or even their lack of action?
Well, by the end of this year, I'd get all of the answers to my questions.
My name's Loki Allen and I'm just an ordinary 17-year-old girl, trying to make it through Senior year. I'm white, I'm straight, I'm 5'6", I have platinum blond hair, ice blue eyes, I'm the cheer team captain, I have good friends, a loving boyfriend, loving parents, a slim body, good grades, good manners, healthy thoughts, and way too innocent for this world; just how society wants me to be. Oh, and I have a unique name, which is just so quirky, am I right?
Or at least I was.
Many would say that I was perfect, and many would agree, but the truth is that nearly everything I just listed, was a complete lie. I may have looked perfect on the outside, but trust me, I was far from it. Everyone was jealous of how "good" I had it, when in reality, I had a cheating boyfriend, nonexistent parents, horrible mental health, and the straightest thing about me is my hair; hell even my hair is fake. I've been dying it platinum since middle school.
Here are the few things that were actually true on that list:
1. Good friends, who are Bella, Audrey, and Maddison.
2. A slim body that honestly wasn't worth the damage it took to get it
3. Good grades, because I can't get into a good college without them
4. Good manners, because God forbid people to find out how "imperfect" I am.
Millions of girls around the world are trying their best to live up to society's expectations, but the truth is, that it's an impossible feat. One reason why is that its expectations are always changing. Only a few decades ago the societal expectations for a woman were to be a good wife, remain innocent, and be able to bear children. Now women are supposed to be skinny, but curvy at the same time; be smart and independent, but also submissive; Be successful, but not more successful than a man; Be beautiful, but don't worry too much about appearances; You can be sad every once in a while, but don't have any actual baggage or problems; look well dressed and presentable, but don't take too long getting ready; Be sexy, but not slutty; be a virgin, but still have experience in bed.
Just to name a few.
And of course, society's expectations vastly change depending on where you live. Something that is praised in one country may be a disgrace in another. And I'm not saying that only girls have impossible expectations; guys have some pretty insane ones too. And with social media being introduced into the equation has only made things worse, but that will be covered later.
A momentary feeling of dread filled me as I approached the high school I had been attending for the past 3 years. Shoulders high, head up, smile on. Let's go. I thought while I entered the front door.
Why was I doing this when I just ripped on society's expectations, you may ask. Well, it's different when you're already seen as perfect by everyone. No one actually expects every girl to be able to live up to the expectations, and they don't care all too much if girls don't try that hard. But when people already see you as perfect, you have to keep up your standard or else you'll be mocked, judged, avoided, the whole works. But you also need to know when to end the whole charade, or else it'll blow up in your face. My plan was to go to a college far away, where no one knows me, and start new.
The most frustrating part is when you fool people into thinking you've actually achieved all of society's expectations... half of them hate you and the other half makes you part of their sex fantasies. Crazy right? You've become something that everyone wants you to be, only to end up having them hate you and sexualize you. They only hate you because you've achieved something that they haven't/can't. However, no one will let you know that they hate you, they will praise you and make you popular, just so they have a chance to be your friend, thus raising their own status in the process. This is a selfish game people are playing—a game that some people take more seriously than others. Now, I get how self-centered and narcissistic I must sound. I don't mean to be all "Everyone's out to get me", but this is just my experience.
Everyone turned my way as I walked in, many said hi, some glared, and others didn't care. I wasn't the queen bee around here or anything; I didn't have enough backbone to boss people around. I was just known as the nice girl. I didn't gossip, I said hi to everyone, just like how society wanted me to be. Long story short, I was society's bitch.
As I walked through the halls, I examined people to see what category they would fall into. I looked to my left and saw Seth Collins and his jock buddies, leaning against their lockers, eyeing me up. Seth was definitely part of the cruel 10%. He doesn't take orders from anyone, he knows what he believes in, and he's a dick. He's the type of person to make kids lives a living hell just for the fun of it. His minions, on the other hand, are definitely part of the 80%. They'll believe anything that comes out of his mouth. They'll pick on a kid if he says so and they'll protect a kid if he says so. Swaying from cruel to merciful. And trust me, you don't want to be under his protection. If he protects you, that means he wants you, and if you resist, he will get you one way or another.
I glanced to my right and saw Charlotte Valerio, one of the debate team captains. Charlotte was definitely part of the merciful 10%. She knows what she believes in, would never accuse someone of something without evidence, and literally wouldn't hurt a fly. She may be part of the debate team, thus making her a little feisty at times, but she's feisty for all the right reasons. Even I couldn't be that perfect if I tried. But her version of perfect isn't society's version of perfect, thus why she isn't popular.
Then again, who was I to put people in categories when I barely knew them? Just another one of my flaws—I assumed a lot of things, but that was another attribute needed to be popular. I needed to be confident in what I said, and second-guessing myself about these things was not a mindset that would help me achieve being confident.
"LOKI!" I heard someone screech across the hallway. I whipped my head to see my crackhead of a friend, Bella, about to tackle me to the ground. Bella and I have been best friends since freshman year. She has wavy dark brown hair that reaches the middle of her back with seductive brown eyes that match her hair. She has very mature features but acts like a child, well, a child that is very sexually active. She was easily one of the most attractive girls in school, but what do you expect when the girl's last name is literally "Devine".
After getting my soul crushed out of my body, I pulled away from the hug and smiled.
"Hey, Bell. How's volleyball going?" I asked calmly, brushing my hair back into place. They had tryouts and practice a few weeks before school started.
"Eh, the team has potential, but the loss of the seniors really set us back. However," She dragged out the word, "there is a really hot freshman on the team." She whispered, nudging me in the ribs. Only Bella, Maddison, and Audrey knew that I was pansexual; and I made them swear to take it to their graves (or at least wait till college), but that didn't stop their relentless teasing they tormented me with.
"Bell, she's a freshman." I pointed out, continuing to walk to my locker.
"Soooo?" she questioned, running to catch up with me.
"Sooo, she's 14." I responded, rolling my eyes.
"Actually, she's 15." She smirked.
"Have you forgotten that I turn 18 in a few weeks?" I asked, stopping at my locker.
"No, but you're both still gonna be in school, it's not illegal." she leaned against the locker next to mine.
"Maybe dating isn't, but sex is. I'd be known as a sex offender, Bell." I whispered.
"Then don't have sex." she shrugged.
I scoffed, "That's half the fun."
"Well, whatever. Here's her number if you change your mind." She responded while sending me her contact over text.
"This is so wrong. I'm not going to text her." I said, shutting my phone off to stop the text tone.
"C'mon, at least give her a chance." she pleaded.
"Does she even like girls?" I sighed.
"I don't know, but have you seen yourself? You turn every girl who sees you gay." she exaggerated.
"That's not how it works." I sighed, closing my locker.
"But—"
"Bell, I have a boyfriend." I said, getting sick of this conversation, and began to leave for my first class.
"It's not like you haven't cheated before." She spoke a little too loudly for my liking.
"Fine, fine, just shut it. I'll talk to her. Happy?" I whispered.
"Somewhat." She smiled and skipped off to her first class.
--
"Of course AP calc is my first period class." I mumbled as I entered the classroom. Math is one of those things that is tolerable when you know what you're doing, but if you don't, then it's the most vile thing on earth. Soon after I sat down, the tardy bell rang, signaling the beginning of class. I glanced around the room, looking for Maddison because she was meant to be in this class, but she was nowhere to be seen. Then, as if on cue, Maddison ran up to the classroom door, knocking obnoxiously to be let in.
Maddison and I have been best friends since birth, due to us being next-door neighbors. We were so close that people would mistake us for siblings. But to be fair, Maddison's family looks like it came right out of Cheaper by the Dozen, and it wouldn't surprise anyone if her parents had another child. It also didn't help that we were virtually twins when we were younger. We shared the same ice-blue eyes, blonde hair, height, even shoe size; our birthdays are also on the same day. But when we got older the less we looked alike. She left her hair honey blonde while I dyed mine platinum; she stopped growing before me, leaving her 2 inches shorter; I have dimples she doesn't, and a few other small details.
"Leave it to Maddison Miller to be late on the first day of school." Mr. Powell taunted while letting Maddison into the room.
Maddison rolled her eyes and sat in the seat next to me, whispering "Dick." under her breath.
"You know, he might actually like you if you showed up on time with all of your supplies." I pointed out with a smirk.
"Bite me." She huffed while searching through her backpack, ultimately grunting and throwing it to the ground, disrupting class yet again. I shook my head and laughed, ripping out a piece of notebook paper and giving it to her. This is going to be an interesting year... I thought to myself while Mr. Powell began to hand out the syllabus.
--
"Bitch!" Maddison yelled while hitting me on the arm, but I just giggled while I continued to eat the fries I stole off her plate.
"Damn, what's got Maddison in a bad mood?" Audrey asked while sitting down with her lunch.
Audrey was the latest addition to our little group. She was a transfer sophomore year and the second we met her, she immediately clicked into our group. She was the shortest of us all, standing at 5'3". She has orangish brown hair which was complemented with her hazel eyes and faint freckles. She was definitely the most timid out of all of us, but she's the last person you want to be in a screaming match with because she will put you in your place in seconds.
"She's just mad because Carter didn't say hi to her in the hall." I teased, earning another shove from Maddison.
"Bro, he has a girlfriend." Bella's response was muffled by the fries in her mouth.
"Says the one fucking the gym teacher." Maddison quipped back immediately.
My head whipped to Bella, "What the fuck, he's married." I scolded, hitting her on the arm.
"Also, he's like 50." Audrey pointed out, taking a bite out of her sandwich.
But Bella just shrugged, "He's in a polyamorous relationship."
"He's triple your age!" I responded.
"Meaning he has 3x more experience." She smirked, making the rest of us gag.
I was about to respond but the conversation got cut short due to people beginning to join our table.
"Hey, Babe." My boyfriend, Ryan, greeted and kissed me on the cheek, swiftly sitting next to me.
"Hey." I mumbled back and began to eat my food again. Ryan was... how can I put this nicely? A complete dumbass and a cheater. I knew he was a cheater because I've seen the hickeys on his neck, I've seen the winks he gives other girls, I fucking walked in on him balls deep into a girl at a party once. He was a dumbass because he doesn't do a good job hiding the hickeys, he wasn't nearly as discreet as he thought he was when it comes to winking at other girls, and he didn't lock the fucking door. Don't get me wrong, I've cheated on him multiple times as well, but only because I found out he was cheating first. We were together since freshman year, we were the 'it' couple of the school, so we had to stay together if we didn't want things ending in flames.
"We should plan a back to school party Friday night." Ryan suggested once most people arrived. The table consisted of Me, Ryan Greene, Bella Devine, Audrey Moore, Maddison Miller, Hannah Nguyen, Jackson Ford, Carter Coleman, Heather Hills, Liam Beckett, Allison Walker, Blair Davis, and Victoria Chase.
Hannah was a cheerleader and her boyfriend, Jackson, was a linebacker on the football team. Carter was the pitcher for the baseball team and his girlfriend, Heather, didn't do any sports, she was known as the girl who's just here to look pretty. Liam was the star hockey player and his girlfriend Allison was the captain on the tennis team. Blair didn't have a boyfriend, but she was one of the captains of the debate team as well as the student body president this year.
Victoria, on the other hand, was really something. She skipped 7th and 8th grade, she was the soccer, basketball, and softball captain; she lettered in every sport she's played, she was charismatic, she was most likely to be the valedictorian of our grade, and on top of all of that, she's drop-dead gorgeous. The only thing that kept her from being "perfect" was that she's gay and she never hung out with anyone outside of school. I never saw her at a party, at the mall, at the state fair, not even at any of the school dances. Rumor has it that she was an orphan. She never talked about her family, no one has seen her parents, siblings, uncle, aunt, none of them. She never invited anyone over to her house, she's never had an official girlfriend (that we know of), she doesn't even have social media. The girl was a mystery.
I quickly looked away, when she caught me staring at her, and replied to Ryan.
"Sounds like a good idea, who's hosting?" I threw the question around the table.
"I'll host. My parents are out of town anyway." Liam volunteered.
"Cool, everyone, go to Liam's house an hour early so we can prep and pregame before the party starts." I instructed while sneaking a few glances at Victoria, wondering if she'd ever show up to a party. But she seemed to have a lot of other things on her mind at the moment, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't hear a word I said.
"Who's invited?" Liam asked, wondering who he'd have to stop at the door.
"Everyone, I guess. It's a back to school party after all." I shrugged, and a few people raised their eyebrows.
"Even the freshmen?" Heather asked with her eyebrow raised.
I hesitated as my eyes shifted to Bella, who was looking at me with a huge smirk on her face.
"Yeah." I exhaled, causing everyone to give me weird looks. "Hey, we're finally seniors. We gotta let the freshies know what they gotta live up to, and we'll do that by throwing a party hard enough to rock their little freshie heads." I got a few nods of approval, but Heather, Hannah, and Liam were still on the fence. "Don't worry we'll still tease and torment them with some party games." I said, rolling my eyes.
"I'm in." Hannah gave in.
"Same here." Heather agreed with a sly smirk, probably thinking of all the ways she can torment the freshmen. Causing all of us to look at Liam, the last person to say anything.
"I swear to god, if a freshie pukes on my carpet because they can't handle their alcohol, I'm kicking them all out myself." Liam reluctantly gave in.
"Cool, you guys know the drill, see you later." I said, standing up so I could throw away my trash and go to class before Bella could catch up and tease me.
--
"Sooooo." I jumped in surprise, due to the arm getting slung around my shoulder.
"Fuck off, Bella." I laughed, rolling my eyes.
"You don't even know what I was going to say." She pouted.
"No, I didn't invite the freshmen to the party because of that one girl." I said, putting the rest of my stuff into my car. Cheer practice had just ended and I was on my way home.
"Whaaat." She said, swatting the air. "Pfft, what makes you think I was going to ask that?"
I gave her a 'really?' look and closed my trunk.
"What do you want then?" I asked, turning to face her.
She opened and closed her mouth like a fish until she saw something in the distance that brought a huge smile to her face.
"Hey, Dom!!" She yelled, waving her arms like a lunatic, practically bursting my eardrum. Damn, this girl is loud. I turned around with my eyebrows furrowed, wondering who the hell she could be yelling to. My eyes instantly were fixated on the warm golden-brown skinned girl bouncing over here.
"Hey, Bella! What's up?" she asked, not paying any attention to me, as if she was ignoring me on purpose.
Bella gave me a wicked smirk before answering.
"Oh, nothing much. I just wanted you to meet my best friend, Loki. I thought you guys would get along very well."
It took everything in me not to slap Bella upside the head, but Dom didn't seem to notice the insinuation Bella was laying down, so she turned to me with a big smile with her hand out for me to shake.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Dominique, but I go by Dom." She greeted.
"Loki." I replied with a small smile and shook her hand.
Her hands were slightly calloused but nothing too extreme or noticeable. She had a strong grip and stood at a good 5'9", she must be one of the spikers on the team, I concluded.
She had light grey eyes that beautifully contrasted with her darker skin and had her hair held in thick cornrow braids. She had a slight sheen of sweat covering her, meaning that volleyball practice just ended.
I must've been staring because, before I knew it, the handshake was over and Bella was already talking about something else.
"Sooo, there's a back to school party on Friday night and Loki here..." She smirked, elbowing me in the ribs. "Wanted to invite you personally." It took everything in me not to strangle Bella on the spot.
I cleared my throat, "Yes, uh, we decided to invite the freshmen to the party this year, and you seemed pretty cool, so, I was wondering, if you would like to pass on the invitation to the rest of your classmates." I made up some random bullshit. Usually, the news about a party gets spread around pretty fast and I wouldn't have to do any formal invitations; people would just show up and we'd turn the people away who weren't invited.
But just one look at Bella, I could tell that she wasn't impressed with my answer. And judging how Dom answered, she wasn't either.
"Oh, cool!" She said with fake enthusiasm. "Uh, how should I get the party info? Like where it is, the times, and stuff." She questioned.
"I'll text you." I responded, pulling out my phone.
"Well, then you'll need my number." she smirked.
"Oh, don't worry about that." I challenged her smirk and looked back down at my phone, causing her to furrow her eyebrows. I could tell Bella was enjoying this.
"But how—" She was cut off mid-sentence by her phone dinging. She quickly read the message on it and smiled.
(Me): I have my sources, freshie
"Now, I have to go home and shower." I stated, getting into my car. "I'll pick you up before the party on Friday." I informed her. "Also, Bella, get your ass in here, we are not done." I warned, making Dom laugh and go join her friends who were waiting for her off to the side.
Bella slowly put her stuff in the car and got into the passenger seat. When she, eventually, sits down, I began speaking.
"Did you plan that?" I chuckled, rolling my eyes.
"Whaat, noooooo. Just a coincidence, I'm afraid." She lied, rubbing the back of her neck.
"So you're telling me, that you two didn't plan anything?" I said with a raised eyebrow.
"Yep, I just wanted to hang out with my good ole friend Loki poki."
"Says the one who will head straight home, every day, from practice, and will kill anyone who gets in between you and your precious naps back at home. Even on a good day, there's no way you'd want to spend 5 seconds small talking with me than be in your bed napping and drooling over Jade from Victorious."
"Okay, you have a point." she rolled her eyes.
"Why do you want me to get with Dom so badly?" I asked, getting straight to the point.
She sighed, "Fine, fine, I'll tell you." She gave in. "Dom saw you when you were leading the cheer team tryouts, and she thought you were hot. We became friends after a while, so I told her that I'd help her get noticed by you. Hence, why I've been pushing the idea of you getting with her so hard." She explained.
I guess I hadn't thought of that.
"She didn't seem that interested in me when we met..." I pondered.
"Hey, I told you everything I know." She said with her hands up.
I shook it off and chuckled.
"Loki poki?" I questioned as I turned on the engine.
"It's a pretty cute nickname, I gotta say." She joked, looking at her nails, while I began to drive home. "Woah, woah, woah, are you kidnapping me?" she asked when she realized we were moving.
"You didn't get out of the car." I shrugged and continued to head home.
--
After an hour or so of chilling at my house, Maddison walked over from hers and joined us.
"So how'd your guys' first day of school go?" I asked, while I laid on my bed, Maddison sat at my desk, and Bella laid on the ground on her phone. We tried to get Audrey over but she had homework or something lame like that.
"Shit." Maddison grumbled, eating popcorn. "Half the teachers hate me, what'd I even do?" She complained.
"You drew an erotic picture of Santa with the caption 'you can jingle my bells' on Mrs. King's whiteboard last year." I said, raising my eyebrow
"Yeah, so?" She shrugged.
"It was in Sharpie." I elaborated.
"They got it off, didn't they?" she threw her arms up in the air.
I rolled my eyes and faced Bella who had her attention glued to her phone.
"Bella, your turn." I said nudging her forehead with my foot but she didn't answer.
Maddison got up from the chair and took the phone out of Bella's hands.
"Hey, stop! How am I supposed to get off to Clexa fanfics?" She whined, reaching for her phone, making me roll my eyes.
"Eww, lair." Maddison laughed while she read what was on Bella's phone. "You were sexting the gym teacher." She laughed, making Bella chase her around the house and, eventually, tackle Maddison to the ground, attempting to get her phone back.
I was about to break them up but then I got a text of my own.
(Dominique): Can't wait for Friday ;)
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Hey, I've had this book in my works for the past two years and I thought it was pointless to let it sit there and collect dust. So, I decided to publish it just so people can get it in their libraries and they can get notified when I eventually post a new chapter lol.
First of all, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT ASK ME TO UPDATE! This book will not be receiving updates until I am finished with Soccer Meet Cheer. If you want to stay in the loop of what's happening, follow me and take part in some conversations with me on my page!
In the mean time, make sure to check out my other works! I have one finished work right now called The Eyes You See At Night and it has a sequel (The Rise of Rosie) that I am currently working on! I also have another book called Soccer Meet Cheer as you know by now. Those are the only other books published right now, but trust me, I've got a lot in my drafts lol.
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Till next time!