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After what seemed like a long time, a stern straight-laced-looking witch announced loudly she was a prefect and led Remus and his new classmates out of the Great Hall. Remus and his fellow Gryffindors followed the stern witch and another prefect who introduced himself loudly as a fifth-year named Liam. They trailed behind Prefect Liam who led them to the Gryffindor tower. They climbed staircase after staircase. Apparently, the Gryffindor common room was on the seventh floor. During this daunting excursion, Remus had nearly face-planted, his foot going through a trick step they had been warned about in the prefect's tirade as they climbed. Remus wasn't sure why they had to move from stairs to stairs, though figured it had something to do with how the staircases kept shifting, actually moving at what did not seem to be unmeasurable intervals.
This made navigating the stairs quite the adventure according to prefect Liam. However, Remus was feeling rather glum about it, unlike most of his fellow first years who grinned ecstatically and giggled at each other. Already in a bad mood from the mean behavior of his peers Remus had made the mistake of looking down from what was either the fifth or sixth floor. He had nearly thrown up at how high they were on what essentially was a floating staircase. After what seemed like forever they finally reached what must be the top. Remus spent most of his time intently making sure he didn't look down again and that he avoided bumping into anyone.
"Are you ok?" asked a far-off-sounding voice from behind Remus.
He realized sadly now that the annoyance of the stairs had passed that he was thinking and worrying about his father again. Remus couldn't help but worry how his father must be fairing without him there to help. Or maybe Remus really was the hindrance his uncle said.
"Remus...hey are you ok?" Came the same voice again, sounding closer and louder now.
He jumped, startled that someone was daring to speak to him. He glanced up at Lily, who looked rather abashed but offered him a small smile.
"Fine, just tired," Remus replied quietly.
Even though he was anything but. He could tell she was asking more to relieve her guilt for abandoning him on the train than from any real deep concern. As it was she took his half-hearted response with a relieved smile, and unfortunately as an invitation to talk.
"Oh, that's good. I'm tired too, but I'm much too excited. I suppose this isn't quite so overwhelming for you as it is for me though, is it?"
He had to strongly resist the urge to laugh bitterly at that.
But he reminded himself he didn't know Lily's history. Maybe her comment was truthful. However, he personally felt that it was his despondency that should be reflecting a more overwhelmed state than hers. He worried briefly that he was coming across aloof and rude again, but he realized this should be exactly what he should aim for to keep everyone at a safe distance.
"I think the prefect is explaining something important," he whispered to her. The response was immediate and expected as she rushed to the front eagerly.
In the few very brief interactions he had overheard or had with Lily, he was already pretty sure he could read her like a book. He quite preferred that to people who were harder to read, as being able to accurately guess her responses and emotions was safer than not knowing. Luckily most children, at least first years, seemed pretty straightforward with their behaviors.
He ran through the list of names he had remembered, having not been paying attention to the monotone prefect since the beginning. After absorbing all the conversations of his peers during dinner, only one student still remained a mystery to him. He glanced at Sirius curiously, who had an arm around James' shoulder leaning into him and saying something that made the other boy throw back his head in laughter. Sirius and Remus' initial interaction had gone badly, there was no mistaking that. Even with Sirius being around James, who seemed to calm him down, Remus could still feel the disgust and superiority rolling off the haughty boy like waves.
Then, there was his prank that he got Peter and James to participate in. Which seemed like it was meant to humiliate and hurt him. However, he had apologized, sort of, and that left Remus bewildered. Never before had a bully seemed to regret their actions. Sure, there had been mocking apologies but not sincere ones, not when Remus was concerned anyway.
Suddenly Sirius turned around, as if he could feel what had unintentionally become a stare. Remus looked away quickly, but not before he caught Sirius' glare. He felt very much on edge with him, finding him much more difficult to read than almost anyone he had ever come across, excluding his father and Professor Dumbledore. Though he was beginning to feel that Sirius wouldn't be the only mystery to him. The teachers all seemed to have expert poker faces and calm demeanors, no matter how fake they may be.
"This here is the Fat Lady. She guards the Gryffindor entrance and only those who know the daily password can get in," one of the prefects explained.
Remus looked to the front of the small group of people, though he couldn't really see over any of them.
"Bumfuzzle is the word for today, which means to confuse or fluster."
Remus doubted many people took note of the definition, as most of the kids had burst into laughter at the ridiculous word. He even found the corners of his lips twitching slightly.
Then they were led into the round common room which was spacious, but not too big and full of plush couches and chairs. Everything adhered to the theme of scarlet and gold and a large stuffed lion stood a few feet away from a roaring fireplace that took up an entire wall and made the whole space toasty and warm.
Remus glanced around at the pleasant area of study tables and a small shelf where books could be exchanged among housemates. He found himself smiling, feeling a bit more at home and optimistic now. After all, just because he wasn't going to make any friends-couldn't make any-didn't mean he couldn't eventually have fun acquaintances to make his time here less lonely.
"Ladies, follow Prefect Amelie up to your dorms, and gentlemen, you are with me," called Prefect Liam again, gesturing at a petite girl whose pigtails and round face made her appear to be no more than a year older than them, but who must at least be a fifth year for the prefect status.
Remus followed behind his peers as they climbed floor after floor until it seemed like the spiral staircase would never end. Cursing his luck since this would no doubt make reaching his dorm a challenge after a full room, Remus did his best to keep up feeling very out of breath.
"This year the first years are on the seventh floor, so you best get comfortable with stairs. This floor will house your dorms for your whole seven years at Hogwarts."
Remus groaned loudly, but luckily he wasn't the only one. Out of the eight boys gathered around the prefect only Sirius and James seemed unaffected by the news. In fact, they were elbowing each other whispering something that must have been amusing, considering their reactions.
Prefect Liam was not amused though. And he criticized all of them for their groaning while simultaneously glaring at James and Sirius for making light of the situation. Remus got a distinct impression not much impressed the older student, and there would be no real good option to dealing with him. This meant avoidance was the safest policy. A few of the boys shifted away from him, apparently coming to the same conclusion.
Only Sirius and James stayed put at the front of the crowd, sporting matching insolent grins that made the already similar-looking boys appear to be brothers. Of course, Remus highly doubted they were. But the thought sent a deep sadness running through him though he couldn't understand why.
"I won't tolerate nonsense, and lights off at 10 p.m. means silence. Especially during pre-scheduled study times. No loud noises should come from the dorms. Older students have important exams to study for. If you want to run amuck, go outside for it."
"10, but at home, I am allowed to stay up until 11!" James complained loudly, sounding as if this was the greatest offense someone had ever committed against him.
"Well, that's how it is here. I don't care how rich your family is. That's how it will stay."
James went red for a second, then dawned a lazy grin on his face as if he couldn't care less about the words coming from the prefect's mouth. It turned out to be a very effective way of getting the prefect angry.
"Don't make me give you detention before classes have even started!"
"Sounds like a challenge, Potter," Sirius teased, clearly as laissez-faire about rules and leadership as James was. Remus briefly felt bad for the prefect who, it seemed, had not expected such outward disobedience on day one. Liam had even gone rather red and splotchy in the face.
"Don't test me," Liam warned.
"But you made it sound like a test, just like Black said," James pointed out 'innocently.'
"Just get in that room!" He promptly banished the two grinning boys through the door slightly behind them. Once the door closed, laughter could be heard clearly from inside the room. Prefect Liam seemed to relax some now that Sirius and James were out of his hair. Liam pulled out a list from his school robe that he consulted silently for a few seconds.
"Hm, it seems fitting those two have to deal with each other." Liam spoke quietly to himself.
He sounded quite smug about this, and Remus couldn't understand why. Sirius and James clearly had been friends for a long time. Perhaps they were actually relatives or something. And no doubt the room they were both in would be a troubled room indeed. Remus held his breath, hoping with all his heart he was assigned the other room.
"In the room in front of me, room 2 is..." Remus felt his heart plummeting as all the names listed weren't his. Surely not! Surely he would not be forced to share a room with those loud and intimidating boys. "That leaves you two in with them."
Liam didn't bother hiding his contempt, but shot the last two remaining students a quick look of sympathy. Peter, however, seemed thrilled by the idea and all but ran into the room. This left Remus standing in the hallway alone with the prefect.
"Um, sir...I read...in my book, the rooms hold five?" Remus began hesitantly.
"Yes, that's correct. But these assignments are final no matter how...unpleasant they may be," Liam explained stiffly.
The prefect's negative outlook on James and Sirius wasn't helping Remus any. He shifted with anxiety.
"There's nothing you can do?" he ventured shyly, his desire of not wanting to cause trouble currently outweighed by his desire not to share a room with the three boys who had bullied him.
"Sorry, there's nothing I can do."
"Alright. Well, thank you, Prefect Liam."
Remus realized, horrified that he may have gotten the name wrong. But after a second found that the shock on Liam's face had come from being thanked. He left the prefect looking as if he had never been thanked before, at least not by a first year, and braced himself as he entered his dorm room.
Three boys stiffened almost imperceptibly. Remus realized they must have been talking about him. He felt his face go hot and walked cautiously to the only unclaimed bed, his pathetic excuse of a trunk in front of it. He half expected to find nails in his bed as he sat down hesitantly and pulled the curtains around the bed shut. After a minute, he was convinced there were no tricks and laid down.
It was so soft!
He rolled around the bed, letting the simple joy of the luxury outweigh his dread at his room assignment. At least he had curtains attached to his bed which gave him some privacy. Remus was very glad the three boys could not see him, though realized too late they could have heard him rolling around. They probably thought he was insane now, at least that's what it felt like at the awkward silence that had filled the room.
"Soooooo, this is how it's going to be until we are in our seventh year, or one of us dies," James joked in a slightly tense tone, clearly attempting to clear some of the tension. It worked, too well. Sirius strolled over and promptly yanked Remus' curtains open.
"So that means we should all get along, don't you think?" he asked it innocently enough. But there seemed to be an edge to Sirius' voice that made his question sound more like a threat. Remus glanced past him at James, who seemed unconcerned and was showing an excited Peter the contents of his trunk.
"Oi, look at me won't you!"
Remus jumped and glanced at the scary boy, who glowered at him. He opened his mouth to say getting along sounded fine to him, but before he could get the words to form Sirius huffed and closed the curtains roughly, as if he was trying to rip them off the posts.
"Figures I get stuck with one of them!" Sirius grumbled.
"One of what?"
Remus was shocked by the confidence in the voice before he realized it wasn't him who had asked, but James.
"A judgmental prick who thinks my name means something!" Sirius retorted passionately.
"Well, it does mean something." James pointed out nonchalantly.
It was clear James meant no harm by his comment but this was, very much, the wrong thing to say. There was a long silence, and despite himself, Remus tugged on his curtains a fraction so he could peek out. James was crouched in front of his large ivory chest, several fancy robes on the ground. Peter was lying on James's bed holding up a large collection of chocolate frog cards. Peter looked as uncomfortable as Remus felt watching Sirius stand in front of James.
Sirius' back was to Remus but he was sure James was facing the intimidating glare he had already faced multiple times. Except instead of choke up like the coward Remus was, James got to his feet to his eyes full of irritation and confusion.
"Geez, what crawled up your ass and died," he scoffed, once again trying to somehow ease the tension, except this time failing.
"Shut up Potter, you don't understand! Everyone is thrilled you are in Gryffindor! Wonderful little Potter, the pride and joy of his family, I'm sure," Sirius retorted angrily.
"So what? What does that have to do with anything?" James now just looked baffled and as lost as the rest of them.
"I'm in Gryffindor!" Sirius exclaimed, whirling away from Potter in feigned disgust. But Remus realized with a stab of pity it was to hide the tears forming in his eyes.
Sirius stared at the floor, blinking furiously and when he spoke he sounded angry. From his spot, only Remus saw the hurt and fear that was there. Remus remembered the lack of applause for Sirius and watched as the boy stood taller, that aristocratic pride showing in eyes that seconds before had been brimming with tears.
"Use your tiny brain and understand that not everyone's life is as wonderful as yours," Sirius snapped, full of indignation.
Then he stormed off, and they all watched him leave, startled.
"Fine, then don't act like the stuck-up arrogant pricks your family is made up of! I thought you were different!" James shouted angrily, hurt by the boy who was getting along so well with him moments before. "What are you looking at?" James asked Remus sharply, his eyes narrowing in displeasure at catching Remus listening in.
Remus knew deep down James wasn't really angry at him. He remembered the way the boys so quickly ganged up on him Remus didn't dare do anything but retreat quickly into his bed. After a tense half-hour, James and Peter struck up a conversation about quidditch, and their carefree tones startled him.
Weren't they worried about Sirius? He was clearly very upset. Sure they didn't see how upset, but weren't they friends? Remus glanced at the clock, realizing curfew wasn't that far away. His self-preservation instincts were telling him to stay put and let Sirius fend for himself. Surely the castle was safe and he'd probably be back sooner rather than later.
But there was a nagging feeling in his gut that something could be very wrong.
So before he could change his mind he dangled his feet off the bed, tugged on his shoes, and quickly walked to the door, ignoring James' question of where he was going. Remus quietly closed the door behind him and heard the muttered "So weird," that resulted from his departure.
Again there was no malice or even amusement in Jame's voice, who seemed puzzled more than anything. But it didn't stop the shame that rose to Remus' face. Luckily his roommates had no clue just how weird he was.
He pushed his negative thoughts away as he entered the cozy common room that was teeming with older students. It seemed he was the only first-year not getting to know their roommates or stressing excitedly about their first day of class tomorrow. Well, he and Sirius, he corrected himself feeling very upset when he didn't find the confusing boy in the common room.
Had he really gone exploring at this hour?
Although, if he had been upset as Sirius seemed, he wouldn't want to be surrounded by older students either. Luckily he went unnoticed in the crowd of students catching up with one another and re-telling wild tales of summer adventures. By contrast, the halls of Hogwarts were a ghost town. A few students rushed past him, their robes streaked with either blue or yellow signifying the different common rooms they were hoping to reach in five minutes before it was too late.
Remus was an idiot.
Not only was he going after the boy who had bullied him, but he was risking getting in trouble, maybe even risking expulsion his first night at Hogwarts, all for that boy. He felt fear constrict in his chest and he whirled around wildly, afraid some teacher would swoop down and drag him off to Dumbledore's office. Who would be furious and would send him back to his father who would hate him more than he already did.
He could feel the minutes ticking away as he hurried down hall after hall. He was about to give up when he heard muffled sobs coming from a classroom. He hesitated, sure that if it was Sirius in there he'd get beaten up. But he knew that type of crying. Remus was all too familiar with the raw painful and lonely sounds escaping whoever was inside, which were usually followed by a spiral of negative emotions. Being alone wasn't the answer, not for this sort of crying, he reasoned to himself. He took a deep breath and slipped inside, unsurprised by the abrupt silence that followed his entrance.
"Go away!"
Remus went cold. That wasn't Sirius' voice. He didn't recognize it, only that it belonged to a young sad boy who wasn't Sirius. He took a few more steps, his logic still remaining.
"I don't know who you are if...if that helps...only...well, you sound very sad and lonely...you don't need to say anything and I can't see who you are...so if you stay quiet I'll...um I'll assume you want me to stay...alright?"
It wasn't entirely true, he could make out the outline of someone huddled atop one of the desks, holding their knees tightly and burying their face in an attempt to keep their identity hidden. However, it wasn't enough to identify anyone, nor did Remus try hard to. He simply stood there, waiting for another 'go away'. When none came he dared a few more steps. The crying had started again but when the boy didn't complain he got closer still.
He found himself emboldened by his desire to ease the pain of this mysterious boy and his mysterious problem. He realized how crazy this all was, but he felt drawn by an instinct that came from years of crying alone and almost a whole year of no one to care if he did.
"They all hate me. I thought...thought things would be different here," the boy eventually stated, sounding unsure of himself.
It was a whisper, undecipherable in the volume exerted. Remus matched it, hoping it would make having a conversation with the boy easier.
"I...I understand. It's the same way for me," Remus pointed out, surprising himself by admitting it.
"Really?" There was a sharp tone of suspicion now. Remus was oddly struck by a familiarity he could not place.
"Yes...I've already been bullied and I suspect I will make no friends." He hadn't meant it to sound so matter of fact, so certain, but it was too late. He waited, wondering if the boy would make fun of him or question him. Instead, he just sighed heavily.
"Me too. Well...I know I'll have one friend, so I suppose that makes me better off than you. But we are in different houses so it doesn't feel like we're friends...I'm afraid we won't be anymore."
Remus felt a little hurt by the boy's lack of sympathy for him. But he was a little too deep to back out now, and maybe he'd feel better if he helped this boy whose problems seemed easy in comparison to his.
"I'm sure that's not true. Have you been friends for long?"
"Yes."
"Do they care what house you're in?"
There was a long pause as the boy contemplated that.
"...No, I don't think so."
"Well, then you guys can still be friends."
"But I never will see her."
Remus flinched at the cold angry tone. The boy seemed to be blaming everyone but himself for things, and Remus had a feeling that if he wasn't careful he'd be the target of more anger.
"Well...you could always write letters"
"Letters?" came the scathing reply. Remus felt himself wither slightly, this wasn't going well at all.
"W...w...well that's uh...I'm sure...there's some magic that can be used..."
He expected the same tone in reply. Instead, the boy sounded thoughtful.
"Perhaps...I suppose she would enjoy that."
"We also have classes with different houses, and you two could meet up on the grounds."
"Yes...I suppose so."
The mystery boy still sounded deeply displeased but he had stopped crying. Remus wondered if the trouble with his friend was really all that was making him cry like that, of course maybe it was. After all, he didn't really know anything, especially not about friendship, and he knew better than to assume anything.
"I'm sorry for bothering you."
He hoped this would get him dismissed as he found the sad boy a little off-putting though he wasn't sure why. He wanted to ask him questions, like why the others didn't like him or why he had been so sure he wouldn't stay friends with the girl. But he didn't dare, not with how defensive the boy had sounded.
"Yes, well you've made yourself useful, I guess. You should leave now though."
That was it, the end to the conversation. No thank you, no concern about Remus' lack of friends. He should have been relieved, and part of him was as he left the classroom, but he also felt rather hurt.
His first night at Hogwarts was going terribly. He hadn't found Sirius and he was surely going to get in trouble now as it was past curfew. Remus wearily started back to the dorm room before realizing with a horrified panic that he was lost. He hadn't been paying attention to where he was going which if possible was more foolish than heading out into the castle five minutes before curfew. He had no idea where to go as the maze that was Hogwarts was a lot, even for someone who didn't struggle with directions like him.
He tried to stay calm as he started up some stairs, but almost started crying as they moved. Remus had to backtrack and try again only for a similar outcome. There were tears of frustration and fear in his eyes. He was sure this night was the end to what had barely been a start at a semi-normal life. He was deep in negative thoughts when a blur appeared around a corner and barreled him over.