A scuffle of movement from outside our tent jerks me awake. Why is someone up in the middle of the night? I turn over in my sleeping bag and shuffle my arm free. I reach over towards Robert only for my hand to fall flat on a cushioned surface, instead of his shoulder as expected. I open my eyes and hope that I was simply out of arm's reach from him. However Robert is nowhere to be found.
Despite my grogginess, I sit up and check for signs that anything else is going on. I hope that at least Robert took Wes with him to wherever he disappeared, but Wes is sleeping soundly just five feet away. I become more alert as my concern grows.
I crawl towards the entrance of the tent and zip open one of the flaps partially. After making sure the coast is clear, I exit the tent as quietly as possible.
My bare feet hit the somewhat rocky ground and I regretfully ignored the idea to take extra time to put on my shoes.
Luckily, I only need to walk five feet until I spot the silhouette of a man and a camera over by the rock on the hill overlooking the water. Walking closer, my suspicion that it is Robert is confirmed.
"Hey, why did you leave the tent?" I ask, projecting slightly to make my presence known.
At the sound of my voice, Robert jerks around. He turns his attention back to setting up his camera just as quickly as he had taken it away once he knows it's just me. He doesn't respond to my question until everything is settled.
"Oh uh. Night photo opportunities…."
My eyebrows involuntarily crinkle together from his response. No matter how beautiful pictures could be during the night, you don't go out alone. If Wes found out, he would be furious. And I don't mean in his goofy 'wow I'm upset' way, I mean full on 'mama bear protecting her cub' mode.
I sit cross legged next to Robert to keep him company and watch sleepily as his pale hair moves with the soft night breeze. His eyes, though squinting into his trusty camera at a world he loves, have lost their usual gleam. I frown at his lack of enthusiasm.
My half bare legs, though once comfortable under my sleeping bag, now feel cool. I avert my gaze from Robert and find goosebumps covering my bare skin. I pull my knees up off of the ground and closer to my chest to conserve heat.
Looking back at Robert, I realize he is wearing long cargo pants and almost giggle at the revelation that I've never seen him wear something that covers his knees. However the moment is too serene to ruin with laughter so I conceal it.
A few more minutes go by in quiet before I realize Robert's breathing has become shaky. I shift my body to face him but his face is right up against the camera. A hand is propped up, blocking his face from my view, but I can tell he's crying. Very softly.
I crawl a bit closer to him, and wrap my arm around his waist. His arm falls from the camera like dead weight and he lets himself be pulled to me.
"Hey, it's okay, sweetie," I whisper in his ear and rub circles on his back. His sobs are quiet but I can feel his rapid breathing. I try to steady him. "Breathe…. Breathe."
Slowly, the shaking of his body calms down as his breaths become less labored. I wait a few minutes, feeling comfortable in holding him, before slowly backing away.
He slouches as if to shield me from seeing his face once I release him. I place a reassuring hand on his arm and wait for him to straighten up on his own. Only when Robert is sitting regularly do I address him.
"Hey, Robert? Do you want to talk about it?"
Robert's gaze raises up to meet mine and I can't help but feel sad as well. The normally ecstatic guy in front of me has turned into a devastated mess. I just want to hold him forever.
He opens his mouth as if to answer my question but nothing comes out besides a gush of air.
I look away from Robert to give him some space to gather his thoughts. Me boring into his forehead with my eyes wouldn't help the situation at all.
I focus instead on the lake, which really is beautiful at night. The stars reflect artfully against it. It almost looks as if the lake is glass, painted deep purples, blues, and blacks, blending into each other with a marble finish. The stars reflect small spots of white which contrast in a nice way. I almost tell Robert about the lake, so he can focus on something pretty and calm. But before I get the chance, Robert pulls me back to reality.
"I don't think I'm ready for all of this."
I turn to look at Robert. He's sitting cross-legged, slouching forward a bit.
"Ready for what?" I ask gently.
He takes a few deep breaths as a new set of tears threaten to streak down his face. I scootch closer and rub circles on his back yet again. Soon, Robert's calm enough to explain.
"I'm not ready… to take it all over." He laughs in a broken gush of air and my heart breaks a little. "The responsibilities ... the zoo. My father's legacy that I'm supposed to uphold…."
I nod in agreement. That's too much for one person to handle. Especially a fifteen year old. Suddenly, I find myself suggesting something I didn't think I'd need to. Freedom to be himself.
“Don't you ever think there's something more? I mean I understand that you love your job, but surely there must have been a time where you wondered what else there could be out there.” I try to think of a way to reword what I'm saying so he doesn't think I'm bashing his career path. "I want this. I've dreamed of becoming an animal photographer since I was 10. You were born into this. You do know it's not your sole responsibility in life to keep the zoo going… right?”
“I- I know that taking this job Isn't something that I need to do." Robert picks up a handful of pebbles from the ground and begins tossing them off into the darkness. "But I want to. I want to keep my father's legacy going on. It's all I can think about.”
“I just wanted to say… you're not letting anybody down by doing anything other than zoology,” I place a hand on his shoulder in reassurance. “Your dad will be proud of you no matter what you decide to do.”
“I want to make my family proud too,” I continue, rubbing circles on Robert's back. “I want to make everyone proud of me. So I can only imagine how you must feel, with pressure from so many people coming at you. But you don't need to keep doing this.”
Robert's worried face changes slightly. His mouth morphs from a timid line to a slight curve. I find myself mirroring him as a smile takes place.
"Thank you, Y/N. So much." Robert takes my hand in his and squeezes it. "I've never met anyone as supportive and caring as you."
His glittering blue eyes allure me. The wind ruffles his blond hair and I can't help but feel the need to run my hands through it. To just be in contact with Robert in some way. The handholding is too calm.
I feel myself leaning towards him from an unknown force. Gravity seems the most logical explanation, but then why do I stay hovering just three inches from his face? We stare into each other's eyes, careful not to blink. A movement even as simple as blinking seems too much now. I keep my breathing in control, trying to stay as still as possible. I focus on his eyes and his eyes only. They're both sweet and intense making it almost impossible to decide what I'm supposed to do.
How can somebody look so absolutely stunning even when they've just been crying intensely?
Robert's eyes slide down from mine for a split second before returning. I bite my lip, knowing very well that that's likely where he was looking when our eye contact broke. I draw in a sharp breath, contemplating if I should move in for a kiss. Luckily, Robert makes the decision for me, and leans closer.
A sudden rush of self consciousness washes over me all in the second before Robert's mouth plants itself firmly on mine. But as his soft lips brush against my own, everything else seems to fade away. It was a small kiss, but I still felt like the world was spinning.
I scootch even closer to Robert, nearly sitting on him, and reach my hand up into his hair. It's surprisingly soft. We close our eyes and let the same force from before pull us together.
But before we can come close enough to kiss again,na loud howl interrupts us, and we don't have the chance.
"Damn," Robert whispers. I feel him pulling away from me before I allow myself to open my eyes. He's putting away his camera equipment. "I'm sorry Y/N, I shouldn't have… "
Hurt shoots through me at that statement. I feel sluggish and heavy. He didn't want to kiss me, did he?
Robert looks back at me and sees the dumbfounded expression on my face. His face softens, and a sad smile emerges. He moves to touch my shoulder.
"It wasn't a mistake. It was nice," Robert reassures. "But not here. It's too dangerous, and I should have remembered that. I should have sent you right back to the tent when you got here… you could've been hurt."
"Well, Mr. Tough guy, you could have gotten hurt too," I giggle, relieved that he wanted to kiss me, and amused that he would think he'd be fine. "Let's just both head back."
Robert nods as he puts away the last part of his camera, picking up the case and tripod to put it back in the truck bed.
We walk to the tent in a comfortable silence. Once we've reached the entrance, we hesitate. Robert stands with his equipment in hand, waiting for me to go in before he puts it away. I bend down to reach the zipper, but before I do, I stand up and give Robert a quick kiss on the cheek. He smiles at me, then heads off to put his stuff away as I unzip the flap and enter our tent.
A/N
Another chapter as promised :)
I'll be going camping for a bit so no new update this Sunday. I have ideas on how to finish this book so let's all hope I actually write. With summer here, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.
I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and have a wonderful fourth of july (for all you Americans anyway)
- Write_With_Tea 💜💚