Steve could barely contain his excitement as he helped Bucky down the ramp from the jet. He had to suppress his little skip in his step so as not to frighten his old friend. It was weird, to be honest, seeing the person he'd grown up with, and stood beside him through thick and thin, be so weak and look like an animal about to bolt away to safety.
He couldn't wait to tell Y/N.
God, he just...he couldn't wait to see the surprised look on her face when she sees him with Bucky. Butterflies exploded into fireworks in his stomach as he thought of her. He wanted to see her smile so badly, it physically hurt him when she told him about her past...when he saw how broken she was. He shook his head away from those thoughts and tried to focus on the present.
Bucky's back. Bucky's here with you...right now...he's alive.
He helped Bucky go up the stairs to the main hall, shooting quick glances at his old best friend whenever he thought he wasn't looking. Steve didn't know why, but his heart was pounding fast and loud in his chest and adrenalin was flooding through him.
As they reached a spare room that the team normally had for guests, Bucky stopped in his tracks and stared at Steve, quiet for a minute before speaking up, "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
He sounded so unlike himself, it was eerie. James Buchanan Barnes exuded confidence, and it seemed like Hydra had destroyed that as well as his mind.
Steve gave a small nod, not sure how else to respond. He turned away and looked up at the ceiling, commanding F.R.I.D.A.Y to open the door for him, and then bringing Bucky into the clean, untouched room.
Bucky seemed to have been injured in the knee, it was evident when they'd first arrived and found him; he was limping, favouring one leg over another. Steve wanted to have it checked out but felt that with everything going on, bringing Bucky to an unfamiliar place and bursting into his life all of a sudden, he didn't want to stress him even more. They'd get someone to have a look at it later.
He hesitated at the door, watched Bucky wander around the room, his fingertips grazing the smooth surfaces, before closing the door and heading straight to the conference room, thinking over what he wanted to say when he finally saw them. None of them seemed suitable enough and he cursed himself for not having prepared on the jet on the way back. It was just that he mind was so preoccupied with the realisation, still, that Bucky was alive and sitting in front of him.
Everyone in the team had gathered in the room, arguing over who was sitting where as Steve entered it. They quietened immediately, noticing a nervous look about him. He walked to a small stand and looked up at the expectant faces in front of him. His eyes went immediately to Y/N, and she smiled softly as their eyes met. His nerves soothed slightly, and he took in a deep breath before starting the meeting.
"You may be wondering why I've asked for a sudden meeting," He started, gripping the stand to hide the shaking of his hands, "Well...it's because I've brought in a new addition to our team, sort of, he'll be staying with us, but I doubt he's going to join us on missions..."
Tony butted in immediately, "How come?"
"I've been searching for him for a while now, and I finally found him, or more like Sam." Steve nodded at his friend, leaning against a wall at the side. Everyone turned to look at him before going back to Steve, and Sam raised a hand in greeting at the curious stares.
The nervous man continued his speech, gaining more assurance with every look at Y/N, "His name is James Buchanan Barnes, we served together in the war, and grew up together." At this, everyone leaned forward in their seats, not even trying to hide their confusion.
"What do you mean 'grew up together'?" Tony interrupted again, frowning in his seat, "And how come we've never heard about him before?"
"Bucky was captured by Hydra during the war and was turned into a mindless supersoldier. There are files about him that you can read if you want more details," Steve replied, curt. He just wanted to get this meeting over and done with and Tony was making it drag out longer than it needed to be.
He ordered F.R.I.D.A.Y. to bring up a photo of the man they were having this meeting about on the wall, and his lips twitched into a small smile as he saw the old photo of his friend laughing. He remembered how they'd been joking about just before the photo had been taken, and his heart panged in his chest with a want for it to be like it was before. When Bucky hadn't become a completely different person.
"He was turned into an assassin, commonly known as 'The Winter Soldier'" Those words came bitter in his mouth. Steve looked over to Y/N and frowned immediately. Y/N had gained a sickly expression on, her face blanched, and her hands were gripping the edge of the table for dear life, "However, more recently, he has been remembering his past and is losing the persona Hydra gifted onto him. Romanoff and I have encountered him before, during the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. I think it would be a good idea to give him some space for the moment, but we could look at having a proper introduction to him in about a week's time."
Steve stepped away from the stand, signifying the end of the meeting. Everyone cautiously got up, making their way out of the room, reluctant to leave without knowing the full details. He went out last, closing the door quietly and hurrying forward to catch up with the timid figure of Y/N.
He fell into step beside her, glancing at her, trying to read her facial expressions. She seemed deep in thought, and it was like she didn't even notice that he was next to her.
Y/N turned her head to look at Steve, arguing with herself internally over whether or not she should tell him about...well...about everything else. He knew the Soldat. He grew up with the Soldat.
She blinked back frustrated tears, she was never going to be able to ignore her past. She was never going to be able to move forward.
She placed a hand on Steve's shoulder, bringing him to a stop, "Steve...I..." Say it. Tell him everything. "Your new friend...or old friend...or whoever, he was in the Red Room."
There. Now he knew every single thing.
"What?" His voice held an edge to it, and she lifted her gaze to meet his blue one, searching in them as she gathered courage to elaborate.
Her words quivered in the air as she spoke, "He trained me...and Nat too, I guess, when we were in the Red Room. But they called him the 'Soldat', not Bucky" It was eerie how connected their pasts now seemed. She'd never thought it possible for the celebrated war hero to be connected to her life through another person.
"Bucky trained you?" Steve sounded shaky, "Oh...Y/N..." He cautiously stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into a tight hug, "That wasn't really Bucky...it was the Winter Soldier."
She blinked back tears of mental exhaustion, burying her face into his chest, clutching his shirt in her fists, "I...Okay...wait, how was he not Bucky?" Y/N pulled herself slightly out of the embrace, looking deep into his blue eyes, hers shining insecurity and unsure.
Steve brushed away a stray tear from her cheek, then trailing his hand down her face, down her arm, to hold her hand gently. She sucked in a small breath at the tingling feeling of his skin brushing against hers. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and then silently started walking forward, slipping his hand away from hers. He stopped a few feet away, beckoning her to follow him with one cock of his head. She reached for his hand and his heart tried to leap out of his chest at the slipping of her fingers between his, intertwining them together. They walked together down the hallway, stopping again, but this time in front of his office.
"I don't think I can really explain this to you, but...there are some files on him I think you should read, especially with him having been a part of your life..." He stated, hesitantly, "You don't have to read them if you don't want to, I just thought maybe..." He trailed off, looking lost at what to say next.
She squeezed his hand gently, her cheeks still damp from her tears, "I think it'll be a good idea...I never knew him as anyone but the Soldat..." She reassured him, letting go of his hand as the door slid open at the command of her voice, "F.R.I.D.A.Y., can you please open the door?"
The room was covered in loose papers when they entered, and her eyes fell immediately upon a corkboard pinned all over with handwritten notes of where his old friend could be. She smiled as she approached, fingering the edge of a worn-out photograph of Steve and Bucky standing at the mouth of a cave. The innocence in the Captain's eyes broke her heart, especially when she looked back at him and saw only a haunted gaze.
"Can I read the files?" She asked, offering him a small smile, "He seems very important to you."
Steve nodded, moving to his desk and unlocking the drawer, pulling out the hidden files. He placed a pile of them atop his desk and Y/N reached for the topmost one.
Steve watched quietly as she read through the information in the folder, eager to see her response to that at first, and then regretting it. Why would Y/N want to read about someone who probably ruined her childhood? About the Winter Soldier? Why would she want a reminder of all the things that had happened to her?
"You don't have to read it if you don't want to..." He said quickly, and she lifted her head, looking at him with a watery gaze. Was she...was she crying?
Y/N wiped away a droplet from her face, letting out a breathy laugh, "Sorry...if I had known...known about the things HYDRA did to him..." She closed the folder, placing it down on the desk, "Why haven't you ever told me before?"
Steve switched leaning from one foot to another, "I wasn't sure if you would have been interested...and I kind of thought you knew...what with Nat and all that..."
Y/N shook her head, and sat on top of the desk, crossing her legs, "Oh Steve...how long have you known?"
He shrugged, it was like all the months had just mashed themselves together. He wasn't too sure of anything, "A year maybe? I don't know."
"So Sam knows, and Nat? That's it?"
He nodded, "They were the ones with me when we took down HYDRA through SHIELD."
She gave him a pained look, "I'm sorry...I can't imagine what you went through, with Bucky and the Soldat and everything..." She got off the desk and went to hold both his hands, drawing comforting circles on his palms with the pads of her thumbs.
He shook his head, "No, you've been through...you've experienced something...something so awful it's...your troubles are so much bigger compared to mine," He said, gazing down at her, his face an illustration of sadness and insistence.
"Let's not compare our struggles," One corner of her mouth went up in a light smile, "Yours is just as valid as mine, don't bring yourself down."
Her fingers dragged up his arms from his hands, travelling to his shoulders and hanging from there for a moment before coming up even higher to dangle from his collar and caress his jaw. His intake of breath had her breathe out a giggle.
"You remember when I was lying in the dirt?" She began, trying to speed past this detail as she felt him tense up beneath her fingertips, "And I asked you to kiss me?"
"Yes?" He sounded weak.
"Would it be okay if I asked you again? Now?" She questioned, tentatively.
His breath hitched in his chest at that. His heart beat loudly in his ears. He couldn't think, only feel. He felt everything all at once. He was a turmoil of emotions, need, tenderness, confusion...love. His chest felt compressed with the weight of the feeling. Love.
He looked down into her eyes, shining of hope. And with one word, they let their emotions run wild, taking over their movements in one breath.
"Yes."
Her lips brushed softly against his, causing sparks to run through him like electricity, lighting him on fire from inside out. He returned the gentle kiss, bringing a hand to hold her jaw lightly. He felt alight with energy.
Everything was numb, and everything was alive, all at once. The feeling of love pulsed through him, forcing his heart to beat faster than ever. He couldn't bear it, it was almost too painful to manage, but her kiss healed it the moment the agonising love came through. Steve never wanted it to end, but his lungs began to feel like bursting.
As their lips parted, he saw stars...he saw them glimmering in her eyes, and he saw them in everything else. He was walking on air, every movement was slow and steady, almost as if he was stuck in slow motion. It seemed like the entire world had slowed down in time but him and Y/N. His mind was racing like his pulsing heart. Love was all he could see, feel, or hear. She was the clearest example of what love was. She was the embodiment of amour.
He opened his mouth to say it. I love you. I love you so much it hurts. But he couldn't. Not now. He just...couldn't. Something held him back, but he wasn't sure what yet. Y/N wasn't ready for those words yet. Not yet. He closed his mouth and then opened it again, "I...Wow..." Wow? Wow? That's all you can say? Just... 'wow'? What a loser.
She blushed up at him, her eyes dazed at the sight of him, before bursting into a fit of giggles, passing them onto him, and they ended up both snorting and laughing together, hunched up from the strain of hilarity. Laughing so much they fell on the floor. Laughing so much they had to stop to breathe. So much they were just sitting.
As they gasped for breaths, Y/N smiled at him, beaming brighter than the sun, "I..." She stopped in her tracks. 'I love you' is what she wanted to say, but maybe not now. Maybe not at this moment in time, "I..." Shit. What could she say? I like you? I enjoyed that? I...I love you. I love you so much I can barely breathe, let alone speak. I adore you with every part of me. You're perfect. You're perfect and I love you more than anything ever in existence. I would trade my life for yours if I had to.
"I think we should do that again."
God damn it, Y/N. Of all the things you could have said, you said that?!
Steve looked at her, humour dancing in his crystal blue eyes, "I do too."
He inched closer to her, snaking a hand up to her chin and lifting it up a little. Her hands travelled to his waist, fisting his shirt at the hem. Desire shone between them, zigzagging electricity from one to the other as they got closer and closer. And kissed for the second time.
I love you.
A/N *I was going to write more but then I figured it was getting too long and I wasn't sure how to transition the scenes between one another so...yah...anyways, it's way longer than the other ones which I guess is good and I'm hoping it makes up for the embarrassingly short chapter from before...um...let me know what you think and feedback is always welcome! What did you think of Steve and Y/N finally kissing since the bullet wound incident? I hope you have a great week/weekend!!!*