"You're setting off, it's time to go the engine's running
My mind is lost, we always knew this day was coming
But now it's more frightening than it's ever gonna be..."
James Bay
Louis woke in the villa the following morning to find Harry still sleeping soundly beside him, and he took a moment to let his eyes roam the features he'd come to love so much.
His curls were in complete disarray and his full, pink lips were parted, soft snuffling breaths huffing out between them and making Louis smile fondly. His long, thick eyelashes fanned out just above his cheekbones, his face untroubled and looking peaceful as he slept. He was beautiful, and Louis felt a rush of affection for this extraordinary man who had given him so much.
Louis shifted slightly and immediately felt the effects of the night before, the slight soreness a reminder that flooded his memory with images of their lovemaking, causing his body to respond and his dick to twitch. The discomfort resulting from last night was minimal and he welcomed it. In fact, Louis felt an overwhelming urge to do it all over again, to feel Harry claiming him, filling his body. He'd felt so connected to Harry last night, so profoundly changed by what they'd shared. Nothing had ever felt so right before.
He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Harry's bottom lip before swiping his thumb gently across it. Harry gave a low murmur as he stirred and then his eyes fluttered open and he gave Louis a crooked sleepy smile.
"Morning" he croaked out and Louis would never get tired of that raspy morning voice. It was incredibly sexy and he felt himself growing even harder at the sound.
"Good Morning" he replied quietly, running a hand down Harry's chest and continuing down to where Harry was already rock hard.
"So that's how it is, eh?" Harry teased. "No good morning kiss, no 'how are you?' – just straight for the dick! What's happened to you Lou?"
Louis rolled over him and lay along the length of his body, rolling his hips so their cocks rubbed together, Harry making a low throaty noise at the friction. "I got thoroughly fucked last night, that's what happened to me" Louis replied in a sultry voice. "I now realise what I've been missing and it's made me a bit keen to make up for lost time."
Harry bit back a grin. "Is that so?" he drawled, before turning serious for a moment. "So you're not sorry?" he asked quietly. He'd been hoping Louis wouldn't wake up with regrets.
"How could I be sorry Haz?" Louis replied earnestly. "The only regret I have is that I waited too long when I could've been getting that every night!" He leaned down to kiss Harry – an open-mouthed clashing of tongues that left them both panting. "Now how about we get started on making up for all my lost time and you fuck me again, yeah?" He rolled his hips down and Harry moaned loudly before flipping them over and proceeding to suck a mark into Louis' collarbone as Louis squirmed beneath him.
When he'd finished, he moved slowly down Louis' body, leaving a trail of fire with his mouth before reaching for the lube. As he coated his fingers he mouthed along the crease where Louis' thigh met his groin, Louis thrusting his hips upward in protest at the teasing.
"C'mon H, I won't need much opening up after last night, just get a move on!"
"Tsk, tsk Lou" Harry scolded with a smile. "So impatient!"
Louis made a growling noise, before taking charge and using his body weight to throw Harry off him and onto the mattress, straddling him with a smirk. "I am impatient, so I think I'll be in charge from now on" he told Harry, pinning his hands above his head, his grip on his wrists tights as he held them there. Harry's loud groan, his eyes closing and hips bucking up, took them both by surprise and a slow grin spread across Louis' face.
"You like that?" he panted as he looked down into Harry's face, pupils blown and mouth slack. "You like me taking charge?"
Harry nodded. "Fuck yes" he bit out, hips thrusting up again.
Louis looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. "Wait here" he said after a moment of consideration. As he dug through Harry's bag, Harry whined at the interruption, but quickly stopped when Louis held up two of his head scarves, his eyebrow raised in silent question.
Harry's mouth went dry as he nodded furiously.
Louis returned and straddled him again. "You sure?" he asked once more.
"Yeah" Harry breathed out, his cock now achingly hard and leaking at the thought of being tied up. "Lou, can you... can you fuck me? I know you wanted..."
"Yeah" Louis interrupted quickly, his breath hitching. "Yeah, I want to. Gonna wreck you baby."
Harry moaned again, his hips moving impatiently.
Louis quickly tied Harry's hands to the bed head, ensuring it wasn't too tight and reminding Harry that he could tell him to stop any time. Harry nodded but was already worked up, breathing heavy and still moving his hips, desperately searching for some relief. He was so turned on and it made Louis' pulse leap as he saw how affected Harry was already.
He spread Harry's thighs and settled himself between them, mouthing down his body as Harry moaned at even the slightest touch. He coated his fingers till they were slick and as he took Harry's cock into his mouth, sliding down the shaft smoothly, he slid a finger into Harry, making him whine out a long low moan.
Louis continued to leisurely suck Harry off as he opened him up slowly and thoroughly, until Harry was writhing beneath him, incoherent with need.
"Louis, fuck... I want... ohhhhh fuck..."
Louis pulled off, his fingers pumping in and out at the same maddening pace. "What do you want baby?" he murmured. "Tell me what you want." He crooked his fingers then, catching Harry's prostate and he let out a broken cry.
"Ahhhh... want you to fuck me Lou!" he shouted. "Need it... please Lou!" he added with a gasp as Louis brushed his sweet spot again and again.
Louis removed his fingers and Harry whimpered, his hips again bucking up at nothing as he waited for Louis to roll on the condom and move over him. When Louis finally pushed into him, rocking his hips back and forth as he worked himself all the way in, Harry groaned, eyes closing and his head tipping back.
Louis could already feel Harry tightening around him and the sensation was unbearably intense. He pulled himself out and slid back into Harry in one long smooth movement, burying himself to the hilt, both of them moaning at the pleasure tearing through them.
"Oh Jesus Harry, this is gonna be the shortest fuck in history" he panted.
Harry didn't answer, just let out another throaty noise as Louis pulled back out. When Louis drove back into him, Harry cried out, lifting his hips to meet Louis and wrapping his legs around his waist.
"Harder Lou!" he commanded loudly. "Wanna feel it for days."
"Fuck" Louis breathed shakily, before starting to pound into him at a faster pace.
Harry was a mess, crying out on every thrust and moaning Louis' name over and over as Louis continued slamming into him. They were both close to the edge and before Louis could even get a hand on him, Harry was letting out a broken scream and spurting over himself as his climax tore through him violently. He clenched firmly around Louis as he came, and Louis let out a ragged moan at the pleasure shooting through him. He didn't let up, although his thrusts became sloppy and disjointed as he chased his own release, and after only a handful more, he made a choked cry as it hit him and then he kept rocking his hips gently as he rode it out. When he finally stopped trembling, he collapsed onto a boneless Harry, barely able to move or form a coherent thought.
When Harry shifted under him a few minutes later, Louis remembered he was still tied up. He gently slid out of him, Harry hissing at the slight discomfort and untied the scarves, placing a tender kiss on the slight red marks on his wrists, where he'd been pulling against the bindings. He frowned down at Harry, concerned that he'd maybe got a bit carried away in the heat of the moment.
"Are you alright baby?" he asked quietly, reaching down to palm Harry's cheek. "Was I too rough?"
Harry smiled softly, nuzzling into Louis' hand. "I'm fine Lou, better than fine in fact. It was so good babe, I came so hard."
Louis' face relaxed as he curled up onto Harry's chest, Harry's arms coming up around him. "Me too, fuck Harry, you make me so crazy I can't even think straight."
They drifted back to sleep then, sticky and sated and tangled together contentedly.
***
On the plane trip back to the Gold Coast, the bliss of the trip started wearing off as reality set in and Louis' imminent departure loomed large. They were both quiet, hands clasped together but saying very little as each got lost in their own thoughts. Before long, they were landing and when they exited, it was to find Zayn, Niall, Liam and Sophia all waiting for them.
"Thought you may need some extra support tonight" Zayn mumbled into his ear as Louis fell into his arms, grateful beyond words. His heart swelled at his friend's thoughtfulness. He loved Zayn so much and was so pleased to have him right at this moment. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and whispered a small thank you, before hugging him even tighter.
"Hey there you two" Niall bellowed. "What's a guy gotta do to get in on the love, eh?"
Zayn didn't say anything, simply lifted his arm, inviting Niall to join their embrace. Niall made a delighted noise and pummelled into them, wrapping his arms around them both. Before long, Harry was joining them and Liam and Sophia wriggled between all the bodies as well. They broke apart, laughing, and headed out to their cars.
"We'll meet you guys at the pub later" Liam called out as he and Sophia drove off, and Niall informed Harry and Louis that they'd decided to have dinner at the pub to celebrate Harry and Louis' return, as well as give Louis and Zayn a send-off to remember.
"I'm not sure you getting back is cause for a celebration though" Niall added. "Zayn and I have enjoyed having your place to ourselves these past two nights, if you know what I mean." He winked and waggled his eyebrows, making Louis groan.
"Ewwww Niall!" he whined. "I did not need to know that you've been having a shagfest in our absence!"
"At least we waited for your absence!" Niall protested. "You two don't even care who has to hear your constant shagging. That shit can scar people!"
"Yeah" Zayn agreed. "It's like a soundtrack to some dirty porno that's on repeat at full volume and you can't turn it off! It's pretty fucking disturbing."
"Now, now" Louis replied. "You're just being all petty because you're jealous. We can't help it if we're incredibly hot in the bedroom, boys."
"True" Harry nodded. "Don't hate us 'cause we're sex gods."
Zayn and Niall both gave them unimpressed looks before Zayn shook his head. "Just get in the car, you giant knobs!"
Louis and Harry giggled as they jumped into the back seat of the car, their hands immediately searching for each other and their fingers tanging automatically.
As Niall turned the car out onto the freeway, Zayn turned in his seat. "So? How was it, tell me everything!"
Harry watched fondly as Louis' face lit up and he described the island and the reef in detail. He was animated, his free hand waving about as he told Zayn all about their villa and about the snorkelling trip. Harry was pleased beyond words that Louis had loved it so much. He wanted to spend his life doing things to make Louis happy, to keep this look on his face always. He frowned as he realised that wasn't an option, that they now had less than 24 hours till this was all over. As Louis looked across at him, face glowing and grinning ear to ear, he quickly pasted a smile on his face and grinned back at him fondly.
Inside, he felt his chest breaking in two.
***
They had a couple of hours till dinner, so they unpacked Louis' bag and put on a load of the clothes that he wanted washed before he left the following day. They then quietly sifted through the pile of belongings in the room, sorting Harry's from Louis' so Harry could take his home and Louis' could be packed.
It seemed like a fitting metaphor, really, for the separation of their lives that was about to occur and they both felt the cloud of melancholy that descended on them as they worked. They didn't speak for a long while, neither sure what use words would be.
As Louis picked up a hoodie of Harry's that had been a particular favourite of his to steal, he felt his eyes well up, lifting the jumper to his face and breathing deeply. It still smelled faintly of Harry, but was now more a mix of the two of them and it made Louis' heart stutter as a stab of pain hit him in the chest. He let out a small sob, barely audible as he buried his face in the folds of material to hide it from Harry.
Harry had been watching Louis closely and when he'd lifted the jumper to his face it had made Harry feel like his lungs were filling with water, struggling to breathe. When Louis made the small noise, he strode across the room, wrapping his arms around him and biting back the plea for him to stay that was on the tip of his tongue. He reminded himself yet again that it wouldn't be fair to put it all on Louis, asking him to give up everything.
"Keep it" he whispered instead, his voice cracking. "Keep it and wear it all the time. When I see photos of you in it on Facebook or Instagram, I'll know you were thinking of me." A single tear trickled down his cheek as he spoke.
Louis looked up at him, his face desolate as he nodded, reaching a hand up to wipe away the tear. They stood staring at each other, their eyes conveying all the things their mouths were holding back. Louis' tongue felt heavy under the weight of the words he wanted to say, but couldn't. He could feel them sitting there, on the verge of being uttered, but was unable to say them. He wanted to tell Harry that he couldn't live without him, that he'd come back with Zayn and they could be together – wanted it so much he could taste it, and all he had to do was let the words fall from his mouth. But even as he opened his mouth to say them, fear kept them trapped inside him.
Harry could sense the inner turmoil, the battle Louis was waging with himself and he watched as Louis opened his mouth, hope unfurling as he waited for Louis to say the words he selfishly longed to hear. He knew it was wrong to want it, but he was weak and he was scared of what losing Louis was going to do to him. Then, just as quickly as he had opened his mouth to speak, Louis' eyes turned bleak and he closed his mouth without a word and Harry knew it wasn't to be.
In desperation, he reached for Louis, cradling his face and crashing their mouths together, trying to forget, for just a moment, that his world felt like it was about to end.
Louis responded instantly, throwing himself at Harry and kissing him back, just as frenzied, as their tongues and teeth clashed in the heated exchange. They frantically shed their clothes, their mouths barely separating unless it was absolutely necessary, before they came together again, skin to skin and Harry lifted him up, walking over to the bed and letting them both fall onto the mattress, already reaching for the lube on the beside drawer.
They were both breathing heavily, hands constantly moving, urgently roaming each other's bodies, needing to touch, to feel. Harry wasted no time before pushing his first finger into Louis, stroking him as he sucked at his neck, using his teeth and tongue to set Louis afire with sensation.
Louis squeezed around his fingers as he added the second one, moaning and pulling Harry to him with a hand clenched in his hair, gripping tightly and causing Harry to rut against the sheets beneath him as he bit down harder on Louis' neck. Louis pushed back onto his fingers, letting out another loud throaty moan.
Harry added the third finger as he moved down and took one of Louis' nipples into his mouth, sucking hard and drawing a gasp from him. He crooked his fingers up on the next thrust, catching Louis' prostate, and Louis saw stars, whiting out as a wave of pleasure shuddered through him.
"Ohhhh! Haz, I'm ready, I'm so ready, get in me... ugh... now!" he ground out between gritted teeth.
Harry's hands were shaking as he tried to roll the condom on and it took a couple of attempts to get the job done and then he was positioning himself above Louis. He looked down into Louis' wide eyes and Louis stared back at him, neither breaking eye contact as Harry entered him slowly, pushing till he was buried to the hilt. They were both breathing deep ragged breaths, eyes still locked. For a moment, everything else stilled and faded away until it was just the two of them, fused in both body and soul and there had never been anything more real or right in this world.
Then Harry moved, and the perfect moment dissolved into a perfect joining as their bodies moved in flawless harmony. Their hips met on every thrust and they were lost to the feeling, lost to the pleasure.
Harry buried his face in Louis' neck as he increased his pace, emotion threatening to overwhelm him as he sank into Louis' tight heat. He never wanted this to end, never wanted to leave the cocoon of Louis' body, and yet he knew that this ecstasy was fleeting, that it would soon be over for them, and while his body was feeling the pleasure of being inside Louis, his heart was already mourning the loss.
Each time Harry filled him, Louis felt such a conflicting mix of euphoria and sadness and he couldn't help the tears that flowed, even as he felt the delicious curl of heat spreading out from his core to flood his body. It was heaven, and it was torture, all at once. The intensity of his climax, when it came, was devastating, leaving him shaking and quivering as he felt Harry stiffen above him and choke out a small sob as he rode through his orgasm.
When he finally lifted his head to look at Louis, it was clear Harry had also been crying and Louis' eyes filled yet again as he reached up and wiped at the wet tracks on Harry's cheeks.
"Oh Babe" he said, his voice thick with emotion. "Are you OK?"
Harry's bottom lip trembled as he shook his head, more tears spilling. "No" he sobbed, burying his face back into Louis' neck as he wept.
Louis held him tightly, his own tears flowing freely now as well. They lay there for what felt like an eternity, their sniffling the only sound breaking the silence, before Harry rolled to the side, taking Louis with him and Louis draped an arm around him, snuggling into his side.
He wiped his eyes roughly with the back of his hand. When he spoke, his voice was croaky and wobbly with emotion. "I'm not ready to say goodbye Harry. I can't...". His voice broke and he couldn't finish the sentence.
Harry tightened his hold, kissing him gently on the forehead. "So don't" he told Louis, his pulse quickening. "Don't say goodbye."
"Harry" Louis answered sadly.
"No Lou, hear me out!" Harry replied, pushing Louis back to sit up and face him. "Why does it have to just be black or white? Why do we have to be all or nothing?"
"What are you talking about?" Louis asked with a confused frown.
"I'm talking about us" Harry's heart was pounding now as his thoughts started gaining clarity. "Why does it have to fit in a neat little box? I love you Louis, and it's a messy, imperfect, impossible situation we are in, but none of that changes how I feel about you. Why should I say goodbye to you when I don't want to? Why do we have to define what we are? Why can't we simply say we love each other and let that be enough?"
"Because it isn't enough Harry!" Louis replied. "I am in love with you too, but if I can't have you, if we can't be together, then we have no choice but to end things. You can't sustain a relationship over the kind of distances we're talking about, it's just not possible."
"But you said yourself that you aren't ready to end things, Lou" Harry took his hands. "And neither am I, so let's just not! Why can't we be two people who are in love, but who need to be apart for a while? It's not like I'm gonna look at anyone else anyway – I couldn't."
"Because it's not just a while, is it? It would be dragging out the inevitable ending and I think that may just kill me" Louis told him quietly, a single tear tracking its way down his cheek. "We both know how this ends Harry, so let's not make it any worse by prolonging the pain." He got up off the bed and walked across the room tentatively, still sore. "I'm taking a shower" he mumbled before retreating to the bathroom, where he used the sound of the running water to drown out the sound of his sobbing as he sat on the floor of the shower, weeping until there was nothing left.
When he finally emerged from the bathroom, Harry took one look at his red, puffy eyes and crossed the room to take him in his arms. "I'm sorry Lou. I didn't mean to make it harder. I just..."
"It's OK Haz" Louis sighed, sinking into his arms and holding him tightly. "It is what it is. Was always going to be awful saying goodbye, wasn't it?"
Harry nodded, chewing on his bottom lip and looking as miserable as he felt.
"So let's leave the goodbyes until tomorrow and try to enjoy tonight" Louis smiled a little too brightly at him, all teeth and dead eyes. "I'd like to have one last fun night with you and not think about tomorrow, OK?"
Harry nodded, pasting on the most ridiculous smile – one that didn't reach his eyes – as he pulled Louis into another quick hug before excusing himself to take a shower.
He stood under the stream of scalding hot water, staring vacantly at the tiles and willing his heart not to break into a thousand pieces, trying to pull himself together so he could get through the next twenty four hours before he fell apart.
***
When they walked into the pub, it was already getting crowded and they had to fight their way through to find a table. They ordered their meals and Harry and Liam went to the bar to order the first round.
Sophia reached across the table to squeeze Louis' hand. "How are you holding up Lou?" she asked kindly.
Louis gave her a tight smile, already hating the way everybody was watching he and Harry like they were waiting for them to break. "I'm OK, considering" he shrugged. "It is what it is, right?" he added almost automatically. These words had become his mantra over the past few weeks, reminding him that he shouldn't fight against what he can't change.
Sophia leaned in to give him a hug. "Oh Lou, I'm so sorry" she murmured and he hugged her back tightly for a few seconds, willing the tears not to come. He quickly pulled back as Harry and Liam returned to the table, Harry's concerned gaze sweeping over him intently. He shot him a quick reassuring smile and grabbed his drink, a large fruity cocktail, and taking a large gulp. Perhaps a couple of drinks will help, he thought.
***
"I love you Liam!" Louis exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Liam's neck, sitting perched on his lap. "I really do, I love you man!" He'd lost track of the amount of rounds they'd had, but it was considerable and they were all pretty drunk. They'd left the pub and were at a nightclub on the main strip now, music just beginning as the dance floor started to fill.
"I love you too Louis!" Liam answered enthusiastically, tipsy and giggling as he wrapped his arms around Louis' waist, squeezing. "Gonna miss you mate!"
"Awww, Li, you big softie! Gonna miss you too mate!" he answered, slurring a little.
Sophia was laughing at the display of affection between the two, as were Zayn and Niall, but Harry was scowling across the table as Louis cuddled into Liam further. His mood was darkening as possessiveness reared its ugly head. He knew he was being unreasonable, but he couldn't control it. He had so little time left with Louis and he wanted his attention to be on him and nobody else. The trouble was, Louis wasn't draped all over him like he usually was. He wasn't blind to everyone else the way he usually was when he was around Harry and Harry didn't know how to deal with that.
When Louis then dragged Niall up to dance, arms around Niall's waist from behind, Harry felt a white hot jealousy surging through his veins. He watched them head over to the dance floor with barely concealed anger, his leg twitching as he became more and more agitated. He was so caught up in his intense staring, he didn't notice Zayn plonk down into the seat beside him.
"You realise you have nothing to be jealous about, right?" Zayn asked him.
Harry shrugged, glowering at Louis' body grinding up on Niall's.
Zayn rolled his eyes. "Harry! Look at me!" he pulled Harry's face around to him. "He's saying his goodbyes in his own way. Niall and Liam have become his friends too, you know." He gestured toward the dance floor where Louis and Niall were now jumping about with flailing limbs and manic laughter. "This is him saying goodbye. Give him the space to do it."
"What about me?" Harry asked sadly. "Why is he ignoring me? He's leaving me tomorrow too – where's my goodbye?"
Zayn looked back at him with pity. "You're the goodbye that's too hard Harry, so he's avoiding it. It's how he copes."
"Yeah, well that's not good enough" Harry spat out, standing up and making his way outside for some fresh air. He stood leaning against the wall, head tipped back and suddenly feeling really tired.
"Well, well, they'll let anyone into this place these days!" a familiar voice teased, and Harry grinned as he opened his eyes to find a smiling face in front of him, eyes dancing.
"Brad!" he exclaimed, launching himself forward for a hug. "I didn't know you were back! Why didn't you call me?" He'd gone to Uni with Brad and they'd become very close friends. He'd been up north, working on the outer reef with a research and conservation group and they'd kept in touch, but it had been ages since they'd seen each other. Brad's fiancé, Erica, had been another of Harry's close friends and he'd set them up, knowing they were perfect together.
Brad laughed, hugging him back. "I literally got back today – I'm here for a mate's buck's party, so only in town for the weekend. I was going to swing by tomorrow and see you, I swear!"
They pulled back, but were still in a semi-embrace when Louis walked outside looking for Harry. When he saw Harry smiling so affectionately at Brad, clutching his arms as they pulled out of a hug, he felt a rush of jealousy so powerful it nearly winded him. He marched over, ignoring Brad's cry of protest as he pushed Harry backward with a strong shove to the chest.
"What the fuck, Harry?" he shouted drunkenly. "I haven't even left yet! Are you kidding me right now?"
"Lou..."
"Whoah mate!" Brad shoved Louis against the wall. "What is your problem?"
Louis rounded on him, shoving him in return and almost losing his footing as he swayed on his feet. "My problem, asshole, is none of your business! But how about you go find your own boyfriend, and get your paws off mine, yeah?"
As Brad's mouth dropped open in shock, and he burst out laughing, making Louis frown at him, Harry moved to stand in front of Louis, hands on his hips. "Oh, so I'm your boyfriend now?" Harry bit out angrily. "I thought you'd forgotten – and by the way, this is Brad. We went to Uni together and are old friends. I actually introduced him to his fiancé, who is delightful, blonde and very much a girl you twat!"
Louis looked from Harry to a grinning Brad as Harry's words permeated his alcohol addled brain. His lips formed an "oh" and he had the decency to blush. "Um, well. I'm sorry, I just thought..."
"Well you thought wrong!" Harry told him bluntly.
Brad smiled warmly, ignoring Harry and holding his hand out to Louis. "No harm done Louis, it's nice to meet you mate."
Louis sheepishly shook his hand before turning to Harry, who was quite clearly still angry, his face scowling as he returned Louis' gaze.
"Well, um, it was nice to meet you Brad" Louis mumbled, before he turned and stomped back inside glumly. Brad turned to raise an eyebrow at Harry.
"What was that about?" he asked.
Harry sighed. "It's a long story" he answered.
"One I'll definitely want to hear sometime soon" Brad replied. "But right now I'd better find my group. I'll call by tomorrow evening, alright?"
"Yeah, great" Harry smiled. It's not like he'd be doing much anyway, besides moping around the house feeling sorry for himself.
***
When he walked back inside, Louis was standing next to their table, drinking another fruity cocktail and Harry marched over to him.
"What the hell Louis?" he asked. "You ignore me all night like I'm nobody and then I greet an old friend and you lose your shit like that?!"
Louis looked up at him, miserable. "I'm sorry Harry. I didn't mean to ignore you, it's just, they're all watching us, waiting for us to fall apart and treating us like we're fragile, like we're about to break. And I didn't want to cry or be sad tonight. It made me unsure of how to act around you – it's like they were expecting me to mope about all night or something, and I just couldn't take it. I just wanted to have fun tonight, and instead I've spent the whole night all awkward around you, which was horrible. Then when I came outside and saw you and him, I just felt so fucking cut up, so jealous. I don't even know if I have the right to feel that anymore when I'm leaving tomorrow, Jesus! It's so fucked up! Fuck! I'm not even making sense right now."
Harry grabbed his wrist, dragging him outside and hailing a cab without a word.
"Harry, what about..." Harry pressed a finger to his lips, so he stopped speaking.
Harry continued to remain silent for the whole cab ride home and Louis didn't speak either, the alcohol and his heightened emotions starting to take their toll.
When they were finally inside the house, Harry closed the front door and crowded Louis against the wall. "We're home now, Lou. There's nobody else around – it's just you and me, so you don't need to pretend anymore. There's no right way to act, to feel, it's our story to write, so let's just be together until we can't. You're leaving tomorrow and it's going to hurt like hell, but I won't let you pull away from me until you have to. Forget everything else and just love me one last time. Please Lou."
He leaned down and took Louis' mouth in a sweet kiss, before leading him upstairs to his bedroom and making love to him slowly and tenderly, Louis arching beneath him as he came apart, crying out Harry's name on a choked sob.
Later, as he listened to Louis' breathing become steady, lying wrapped in Harry's arms and head on his chest, Harry felt the emptiness start to descend, a sense of dread filling him at the thought of the following day. He felt the panic rise, engulfing him, and he was struggling to breathe.
He just couldn't do this. He couldn't watch Louis leave.
***
Niall, Zayn, Liam and Sophia were gathered around the kitchen table the following morning, steaming mugs in hand.
"Do you think you should wake them?" Liam asked Niall.
Niall looked at Zayn, who shrugged. "It's not going to be any easier if we let them sleep. May as well get it over with – like ripping off a band aid."
"Right then" Niall sighed, before heading upstairs with a heavy heart. They all knew how hard this was going to be and all felt so much empathy for both the boys.
They sat drinking tea and chatting quietly and Niall finally came downstairs, looking grim.
"Alright Niall?" Zayn asked, immediately concerned by the look of blue murder on Niall's face.
Niall tossed a piece of paper on the table angrily. "Harry's done a runner" he announced, running a hand through his hair and starting to pace the room.
"What?!" replied Liam and Sophia, as Zayn grabbed at the paper, eyes skimming over Harry's words.
Forgive me Lou. I'll always love you but I can't watch you leave.
Yours always, Harry.
"That's it?" Zayn asked, furious. "That's all he wrote? That's all Lou gets after everything? Fuck that! Fuck Harry! What a fucking coward!" He threw the paper onto the table and ran up the stairs to Louis' room.
When he swung open the door, he found Louis sitting on the floor, back against the bed as he stared ahead, tears streaming down his face. Zayn sat down beside him, taking him in his arms.
"He's a bastard for doing this Lou!" he declared angrily.
Louis didn't answer, just wept until there was nothing left.
When they came downstairs with their bags, Sophia, Liam and Niall were talking quietly in a group. They immediately stopped speaking and Sophia walked over with a package in her hands, handing it to Louis.
"No opening it until you get home" she said quietly. "It's just a little something to remember us all by."
Louis nodded, thanking her blandly as he slipped the parcel into his suitcase.
***
The ride to the airport was a quiet one, everyone subdued. Niall and Liam had both tried calling and texting Harry to no avail. He was avoiding any and all contact and nobody had seen or heard from him.
Louis and Zayn checked their baggage and they all stood huddled at the entrance to the boarding gates.
Niall and Zayn were hugging, whispering to each other and making arrangements to speak again soon, while Liam and Sophia hugged Louis, promising to keep in touch.
Louis went through the motions of saying goodbye, trying to smile and play his part, but he felt hollow inside, empty. He was fairly sure there wasn't even a stray tear left inside him to cry. It felt awkward and stilted and he couldn't even find the energy to care.
Harry had left.
He'd left Louis to suffer through their goodbye on his own and Louis was heartbroken he hadn't had a chance to say goodbye. He hugged Niall, managing a small smile as Niall promised to beat some sense into his best friend.
"He'll be sorry Louis, and I know it's no comfort, but he'll be devastated when he realises what he's done."
Louis just nodded, unable to speak about Harry right now. He and Zayn picked up their hand luggage and said their goodbyes one last time.
"Thanks again for everything" Louis told them as he and Zayn turned to make their way to the security checkpoint. As he was laying his bag on the conveyer belt, Louis heard his name being called out and looked back at where their friends were standing, only to see them looking across the terminal. He followed their line of sight and his mouth fell open at the sight of the figure running full pelt across the crowded floor, screaming his name.
***
"Louis!" Harry yelled, frantically trying to get to him before he went through the security checkpoint. He was crying and he was sure there was snot running from his nose, but he didn't care. He had to get to Louis. When he'd arrived at Ian's house and explained what he'd done, Ian had made him realise what a mistake he was making. He had charged back to the house to find them gone and had broken down before calling a cab and chasing them to the airport. The cab driver had been eyeing him warily all the way, asking him if he was alright. He had admittedly been a sobbing mess, so he understood the cabbie's concern. When they'd pulled up at the airport, he'd blindly thrown what was probably too much money at the cab driver and ran, heading for the terminal and praying he wasn't too late.
"Louis!" he screamed again as he saw Louis look over at him, shock plain on his face.
Louis slowly picked up his bag again, walking toward Harry slowly, his heart stuttering at the sight of Harry running toward him. Just before Harry reached him, though, both Zayn and Niall stepped in his way. Harry tried to push his way past them, eyes red and watery and nose running.
"Lou please!" he begged brokenly, fresh tears falling, and Louis dropped his bag, launching himself between Zayn and Niall and into Harry's arms, clutching tightly as Harry murmured a string of apologies.
"I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry! I panicked. I didn't think I could watch you go and then I realised what a mistake I was making and..."
"Shhh" Louis soothed, pulling back and taking Harry's face in his hands as the other boys moved back to give them space. "You're here now Harry, and I'm so glad you came." Louis was crying now too and they were causing quite the scene as people walked around them to get to the security area.
"I love you Louis" Harry sniffed. "I always will. And I don't care how, but I need to have you in my life. If friends is all we get, then I'll take it gladly. Just don't forget me Lou, don't shut me out, please."
"I love you too Harry" Louis smiled. "I could never forget you. We'll be friends forever – best friends."
He stood on tip toes and kissed Harry gently. "Goodbye Haz. I'll call you as soon as I get home, OK?"
Harry nodded, pulling him in for one last fierce hug, before stepping back into Liam's arms, head buried in his neck as he cried in earnest.
Zayn took Louis' bag from him and placed them both on the conveyer belt as Louis followed him through the checkpoint, looking back only once to give Harry a watery smile and whisper "goodbye".