"I shouldn't love you, but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you, but I can't move
Can't look away..."
Jesse McCartney
It was the following Friday afternoon when Harry walked into the office to find Ian standing at his desk waiting for him.
"Ian!" he grinned. "Welcome back."
Ian smiled. "Thanks Harry, how has everything been? No problems?"
"Nope, everything's fine" Harry replied. Unless of course you want to talk about the fact that I am almost certainly half in love with my latest patient and spending most of my waking hours imagining all of the dirty things I'd like to do to him. Not to mention the things I'd like him to do to me – take my virginity for instance. Noooo, there's no problem, other than the state of perpetual sexual frustration I now operate with and the increased frequency with which I wank in an attempt to keep myself under some semblance of control, because fuck! He's so fucking gorgeous and lovely and everything I could ever want but I can't have him. So yeah, everything's fine.
"Harry?" Ian tried again, waving his hand in front of Harry's face. "You alright?"
Harry started, not realising he'd drifted into his own world – a common occurrence whenever Louis crossed his mind these days – and was it hot in here? It felt hot. "Sorry" he grimaced. "Just a bit tired is all. How was your trip? Is your mum better?"
They chatted about Ian's mother and Harry filled him in on what had been happening. Ian asked about Louis and Harry told Ian all the pertinent facts, leaving out their constant struggle with mutual attraction. He then explained they'd moved to the deeper water, wearing a life jacket, over the past week, which he was going to remove at their Monday session and get Louis dog paddling.
"He's not going to like it, but I want to push him a bit harder while we're making good progress."
Ian nodded. "Sounds like it's been going well – I'll stop by tomorrow's session and say hello, see how things are going."
Harry swallowed. "Sure, that'd be great."
***
As he walked over to meet up with Niall later in the day, he found himself following the sound of Niall groaning in pain and discovering him laid out on the table in the feed rooms, his naked bottom facing up and Barb leaning over him. Harry's eyebrows rose as he entered the room.
"Um, hellooo?" he asked slowly.
Barb and Niall both looked up and Niall groaned again. "Haz! C'mon in mate, come over and give me some sympathy, Barb's trying to fucking kill me!"
Barb rolled her eyes, a smile playing at her lips. "Nobody's trying to kill you Niall, I'm just trying to bathe the wound alright? Now hold still!"
"Wound?" asked Harry, walking over to the table. Sure enough, there was a large red welt on Niall's arse, along with a small graze. It wasn't too bad, but Niall was playing it up for all it was worth.
"Fuckin' Mr. Peabody bit me!" Niall told Harry indignantly. "Bastard bird! He literally bit the hand that feeds him – or the bum, whatever! Point is he bit me the son of a bitch!"
Harry tried valiantly not to laugh, he really did, but when he looked over at Barb, who was battling not to giggle, he lost all control. He let out a loud, surprised noise and began to chuckle until there were unshed tears filling his eyes and Barb had to stop what she was doing after joining in.
"That's right" Niall complained "laugh away you rude fuckers – give no thought to my pain and suffering! Some friends you are."
Their laughter died down and Harry squeezed his shoulder. "Sorry Nialler, but you have to admit – it's pretty fucking funny!"
Barb snorted as she let go with another round of giggles and Niall let a reluctant smile curve his mouth.
"If this was me" Harry continued "you'd be loving every second of it, wouldn't you?"
Niall grinned then. "Oh shit yeah! I'd laugh my arse off!" he chuckled. "Are you nearly finished Barb?" he added. "I know you're enjoying the chance to look at my bare arse, but I'm feeling a little like I'm on a playboy shoot."
"Sorry to break it to you" Barb replied archly "but your arse isn't that great."
Niall clutched his chest, pretending to be wounded, even as he grinned. "Oh that's harsh, Barb, that's unnecessarily harsh. You're breaking my heart right there."
As he finished, he heard the click of a camera phone as Harry spoke, fingers quickly running over the keys.
"Let's get an outside opinion on his arse, shall we?" he grinned as he hit send.
Niall flung himself up off the table, sending the large band aid Barb was trying to put on flying and she let out an exasperated cry. "Tell me you didn't just do what I think you did?" he warned, finger pointed at Harry and tone relaying his absolute horror.
Harry grinned. "If you're asking did I send that picture to Louis so he can ask Zayn his opinion of your arse – then yes, I most certainly did!"
The last thing Barb saw was Harry being chased from the building by a hysterical Niall, who was threatening to relocate some of Harry's favourite body parts.
***
Louis' phone buzzed as he and Zayn were lounging on the couch in the air-conditioning, watching a movie and drinking their second beer of the afternoon. He looked down and couldn't help but grin when he saw it was from Harry. When he opened it up, he barked out a loud laugh as a picture of Niall's bare bum filled his screen.
"Hey Zayn" he nudged Zayn's feet "Harry wanted me to ask you what you think of Niall's naked arse!" He chuckled as Zayn's face took on a frozen, wide-eyed look, his mouth falling open.
Louis held up the phone and Zayn's face became even more comical as his cheeks heated up.
"Lou!" he exclaimed, looking back at the telly. "I'm not looking at his arse!"
Louis shrugged. "Suit yourself. I'll just tell him you refused to look at it." He made to start typing a reply and Zayn squawked out a protest, making grabby hands at the phone.
"Don't you dare!" he cried, then sighed. "Give it here then."
Louis handed his phone over, and for someone who didn't want to check out Niall's arse, he spent an inordinate amount of time looking over the picture before discreetly texting it to himself. A small smile was playing at his lips when he looked up and he found Louis smirking at him.
"Enjoy the view there Z? Do I need to give you some privacy or summat? Need a moment by yourself to have a wank or is that why you sent it to your phone?" he teased.
Zayn glared at him, tossing his phone back at him harder than was strictly necessary as Louis chuckled.
From Lewwwiissss 5.36pm
Judging by the way Zayn drooled on my phone, I'd say his opinion of Niall's arse is quite favourable. Me, I give it a modest seven – tell him I've seen better tbh. Hahaha!
From Harry 5.38pm
Yeah me too. I recently saw a ten, remember? ;)
Louis bit his lip on a smile as he read Harry's text. He clearly recalled the way Harry had looked at his body that day and felt heat blossoming in his abdomen at the mere memory of it.
From Lewwwiissss 5.41pm
How could I forget curly? Although I think a ten may be a bit generous!
From Harry 5.45pm
And I think you haven't had a good look at your arse lately ;)
From Lewwwiissss 5.49pm
Think it's unfair you've seen mine and I haven't seen yours – maybe you should send another pic...
As soon as Louis sent the last text, he felt guilty. They were supposed to be toning down the flirting – it blurred the lines too much, but he guessed as long as they didn't cross the line, it was harmless.
Only it really wasn't, was it? What classed as crossing the line? Did the fact that he lay in bed every night, thinking of Harry's lips on his as he pumped his cock and moaned softly, crossing the line? He was pretty sure the answer to that was yes, but he seemed incapable of stopping himself. He was only human for fuck's sake, and Harry was the ultimate temptation, all long legs and charming dimples. He really hadn't stood a chance. He deserved a medal for keeping his hands to himself at all really.
He noted the silence, noted that Harry hadn't texted back and felt even guiltier. He'd just have to chalk it up to getting carried away and hope Harry would pretend it didn't happen so he could avoid any embarrassment.
It was much later when he was preparing for bed, before his phone buzzed again. He absentmindedly opened the message from Harry and gasped as he saw the picture Harry had sent him. Harry was standing with his back to his bathroom mirror, naked, and had taken a selfie. He was looking over his shoulder at the mirror, bottom lip pulled between his teeth, and Louis nearly choked on his own tongue as he let his eyes feast on Harry's body.
"Fuck" he breathed out, already feeling his body's response, his chest tightening and his legs feeling weak as his dick twitched and began to harden. His mouth was dry and he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, only to slide off when he didn't sit down properly. He hit the floor with a thud and was shaken out of his lust haze. He scrambled back up onto the bed, huffing out a laugh at himself.
He flopped back onto his pillow, holding his phone up to have another look – he did mention he's only fucking human, alright?
It was inevitable that he was going to masturbate to the image of a naked Harry, so he didn't fight it – rather threw himself into the act with all the pent up sexual frustration he had accumulated over the past three and a half weeks.
He reached over and grabbed the lube from his bedside table and slicked himself up, working his hand over the head a few times and then sinking down the shaft, his grip tight as he pumped slowly, feeling himself grow large. He moaned softly, his eyes never leaving Harry's picture, and increased his pace.
He pictured running his hands down Harry's body, slipping his slick fingers into Harry's pert little arse and opening him up slowly, till he was crying out, begging for Louis to fuck him. He gasped, his hand running over the head of his cock, the slit leaking pre-come as he felt the pressure build in his abdomen.
He imagined slowly pushing in, sliding into Harry's tight heat and burying himself, his hand working faster now as he pictured himself thrusting in and out of Harry, taking him apart and making him scream. He threw his head back on the pillow then, the phone all but forgotten as he lost himself in the images his mind was providing. His moans became louder as his hand quickened and he imagined pumping into Harry faster and faster. When he came, it was with a loud cry and then the soft whisper of Harry's name on his lips as he spilled over his hand, his orgasm explosive.
He lay motionless for a while, unable to move. When he finally reached for the tissues to clean himself off, he rolled back and felt his phone under him. He pulled it out and took a last look at the picture, before shooting off a quick text and rolling over to fall into a blissfully content slumber.
From Lewwwiissss 10.43pm
On a scale of 1-10, you're an eleven curly.
***
"C'mon Z, hurry up!" Louis called up the stairs, fidgeting and anxious to get going.
He wasn't sure if things would be awkward between he and Harry after "Nakedgate 2.0" as he'd been calling the events of the evening before, but he figured Harry wouldn't have sent the picture if he was going to be all awkward about it.
"Hold your horses Lou" Zayn scolded as he walked down the stairs slowly. "You're a twitchy bastard today – I thought maybe that solid wank you had last night may have calmed you down a bit, but clearly it didn't."
He walked past Louis and into the kitchen, while Louis stood gaping at him. "I'm sorry, what?" he asked.
"You heard me" Zayn shrugged. "You weren't exactly quiet last night mate, jacking yourself off with a vengeance you were!"
"Oh my God, Zayn!" he exclaimed, cheeks flooding with colour.
"Oh my God is right" Zayn replied. "I can't unhear that shit, you know. It's pretty fucking disturbing if I'm honest. You need to have some consideration and wank quietly in future!"
"Don't get all high and mighty with me Zayn" Louis replied, slipping into snarky bitch mode easily "I would lay money you wanked over Niall's bum picture last night!"
Zayn's red face and his inability to meet Louis' eyes were a dead giveaway that Louis had hit the mark, and he snorted, slapping Zayn on the bum as he added "you dirty, dirty boy Z!"
"Shut up – not like you can talk!" Zayn replied.
"Yes, but I have sexual frustration that needs venting as I can only look but not touch. What's your excuse? You could be in his pants already – in fact I'm a little disappointed you aren't now that I have to live vicariously through your love life. Get a move on so you can share all the juicy details, alright?"
Zayn rolled his eyes. "I've never shared any details with you – juicy or otherwise – and I don't plan on starting now. Besides, I really like this one. Wanna take my time and not rush things."
Louis face softened to a fond smile. "So you like like him then?" he asked.
Zayn grinned bashfully. "Yeah, I do. I really do."
***
Both Niall and Harry were unsettled as they waited for Zayn and Louis to arrive. Niall was chewing the side of his index finger and Harry was trying to keep himself busy by fussing over the papers on his desk.
Niall was simply worried about whether Zayn liked his arse or not, rather than any embarrassment. Harry, on the other hand, was all over the place – simultaneously guilty he'd done something so rash and turned on at the thought of Louis perusing his naked body. The fact that Louis had expressed his approval just complicated everything he was feeling even more.
After he'd sent the picture to Louis, there had been a delay in getting a response during which Harry had paced his bedroom in an anguished state, questioning his sanity and worrying that he'd completely destroyed the precarious balance they'd been maintaining and plunged them both over into the realm of the outrageously inappropriate. He had stalked back and forth across his floor, imagining all sorts of horrible outcomes as a result of his poor choice and chastising his own impulsive stupidity. He'd known it was wrong when he sent the picture, but the request from Louis had been too tempting for him to pass up. The idea of Louis' eyes roaming his body was so hot and it had temporarily caused him to go insane, obviously, leaving him panicking over his life choices.
When his phone had buzzed an agonising forty minutes later, he'd snatched it up immediately. The message from Louis wasn't one of recrimination, however, or chastising him. Instead, Louis had essentially told him he was hot. Just the memory of reading the text caused another wave of heat to blossom in his chest as he continued to fiddle with the files on his desk.
***
When Louis and Zayn entered the office, it was quite possibly one of the most awkward moments in the history of moments. The four of them simply stood, much like deer caught in car headlights, perfectly still and silent.
Eventually, Niall just chuckled. "Well, this is awkward" he said to the room at large.
They all laughed then and Niall turned to Zayn. "So now that you've seen my arse, I think we can take this to the next level, don't you? How about a date tonight?"
Zayn grinned fondly back at him. "Yeah sure, but unlike you, I don't get my arse out for show until at least the third date."
Niall threw back his head, laughing loudly. "Deal Zayno. I have to do a penguin talk this morning, but will I see you at the seal show later?"
Zayn shrugged. "Maybe, thought I'd do a bit of sketching today, though. I've been itching to sketch some of this place since we got here."
"Nice" Niall replied easily. "Well I'll look for you later, alright?"
Zayn nodded and followed him out the door to find a shady spot to draw, waving goodbye to Louis and Harry as he went and leaving them alone.
As soon as Louis had entered the office earlier, he'd stopped just inside the door and his eyes had found Harry's. They'd both stilled and stared at each other, neither speaking as Niall and Zayn had spoken. He was still standing just inside the door, not coming any closer, even after the other boys had left, almost like he was holding himself back.
Louis' eyes fleetingly ran down the length of Harry's body before flicking up just as quickly. Harry had felt the fire in his gaze, though, searing his skin as it travelled down and back up. Louis' eyes were heavy lidded and his cheeks were flushed and Harry knew he was being pictured naked. He was so turned on he could barely manage to breathe and he stared back at Louis hungrily. He clenched his hands to try to prevent himself reaching out for Louis, his fingers itching with the need to touch. The strain of holding himself back was almost too great and he felt a small shiver run through him.
Just when he felt he couldn't hang on, that he needed to crowd Louis up against the nearest wall as desperately as he needed to breathe, the office door opened and Ian strolled in, whistling to himself and breaking the intensity of the moment. Louis physically jumped as Ian entered behind him and Harry shook himself quickly, greeting Ian with an uncomfortable smile. It was then that Ian seemed to sense a heaviness to the air in the office and looked from Louis to Harry and back again.
Harry cleared his throat. "Ian, this is Louis Tomlinson. Louis, this is Ian, the head trainer and therapist here at SeaWorld."
Ian greeted Louis with a wide grin, shaking his hand and asking a few questions. Louis smiled in return, singing Harry's praises and then excusing himself to go and change.
Ian turned to Harry, eyeing him warily. "Everything alright Harry?" he asked.
"Yeah, of course, just getting ready to get started" Harry replied a little too brightly, his smile a little too wide.
Ian simply nodded, letting it go, and walked into his office.
Harry let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding and when Louis came out of the change rooms, he wordlessly ushered him out the door and down to the pool.
They walked down, the silence stretching between them. Neither knew what to say – it had all been said already. They were off limits, end of story. So while they should probably be repeating the reasons why that was the case and re-establishing their boundaries, Louis opted instead to try for breaking the tension.
"So" he began, Harry's attention shifting from the deck to him as he spoke. "An actual bird bit him on the arse?" He was biting back a giggle, his eyes twinkling.
Harry's mouth immediately curved and he chuckled. "Yep!" he replied, then proceeded to relay the events of the day before to Louis, both of them dissolving into a fit of giggles. As their laughter died down, Harry bit his lip nervously.
"Lou, I shouldn't have sent the picture" he said quietly. "We agreed to boundaries and then I took the flirting a bit too far. I don't want it to be awkward between us – I just got caught up in the moment and..."
"Haz, it's OK" Louis replied, a soft smile on his lips. "There was no harm done – well none I can talk about anyway" he winked. "We knew this was going to be hard and we're doing the best we can. Let's not be too hard on ourselves shall we? Besides, I'd have to say that was one of my favourite pictures of all time, to be honest." He grinned and Harry had actual chest pains as he smiled back. They were already making a mess of this, so Louis was right, they just had to do the best they could to contain it.
Harry took a deep breath, feeling better as he instructed Louis to get his lifejacket on and get into the water.
***
Louis was actually at the point where he was eager to get into the water each day. He felt safe bobbing up and down in his life jacket and Harry hadn't pushed him to put his head under again since they discussed the snorkel the previous week – although with the progress he'd made in the shower, he thinks he'd actually manage it. Harry had instead changed tactics, opting for having Louis get used to the feel of the water beneath him – no solid platform or floor.
Candy swam around him, nudging his legs as she shot past at speed and he loved her cheekiness. They threw the ball to her and she tossed it back, and when she presented on her back, Louis loved stroking her rubbery skin. She was completely delightful and Louis found himself smiling whenever she interacted with him.
Harry loved seeing Louis smiling and happy in the water. He'd come so far from the first day, when he was struggling just to get into the shallow step of the pool. Harry was proud of him.
After they'd played for a while, Harry moved them into the waist deep water and stood behind Louis, taking off his life jacket and laying him back against his chest. Louis trusted Harry completely, falling back into him with no hesitation and laying his head in the hollow of Harry's neck. He was unable to prevent himself briefly turning his face into the skin and breathing in the now familiar scent of Harry and Harry turned his face slightly to the right to nuzzle him back for just a fleeting moment before he asked Louis to close his eyes and started the meditation they'd been working on. As he talked, slowly and calmly, he sank himself down by bending his knees, letting the water lap around the back half of Louis' head, smiling when Louis managed to remain pliant and not tense up.
When they finished the meditation, Harry straightened his knees, bringing them back up out of the water slightly. He briefly tightened his arms around Louis' waist, hugging him tightly as he said softly "so proud of you Lou, you're doing so well."
Louis turned, putting his feet down and standing in the waist deep water and facing Harry. He reached his arms up and slid them around Harry's neck, giving him a fierce hug as he replied "thank you."
When they pulled back, they shared a grin and a fond look before letting their arms drop and stepping back. They climbed out of the pool, Harry holding out a hand and pulling Louis behind him as they laughed. They then walked side by side back up to the office, shoulders bumping the entire way and chatting a mile a minute as any lingering awkwardness faded and their natural ease returned.
From the window of the office adjoining Harry's, Ian watched the interaction between the two boys with a small frown on his face. Anyone with eyes could see the closeness of the two boys in front of him, but the nature of that closeness concerned him. He was almost certain Harry would never be unprofessional, but he was definitely different with this boy. Ian didn't quite know what to make of what he'd just witnessed, but he sensed something that made him uneasy.
***
Zayn sat under a tree, on a small grassy hill just above the Seal enclosure. He had been sitting hidden in the shade of the tree for the past hour, watching Niall host the seal show like some crazy stalker, and sketching the scene in front of him.
He'd also completed a sketch earlier of Niall's face, purely from memory, and tucked it at the back of his sketch book. He took the sketch book everywhere in his backpack, but spending all his time with Niall had meant he hadn't found the time to do much drawing. He was enjoying having the solitude and the chance to get his pencils out, feeling it relax him and give him a familiar rush of contentment.
Art had always been able to do that for him. It was the true great love of his life and he was good at it. He'd sold lots of paintings back home, his name starting to get noticed by the right people. He'd even displayed a couple of his works in a small gallery in Notting Hill.
He looked down at Niall again, smiling as he heard the audience laugh at something he'd said. The large grin on his face was contagious and Zayn felt a flood of affection for this amazing, larger than life character he had come to feel so strongly about. They were opposites in so many ways, and yet they complimented each other perfectly, even though he sometimes felt overwhelmed by Niall's big personality. Niall brought him out of his quiet shell, pushing him out of his comfort zone and it was a heady feeling.
He looked back down and his pencil began to smooth over the lines, transforming a few pencil strokes into the scene below. He became lost in the drawing and didn't realise how much time had passed until he heard Niall's voice as he walked up toward him.
"Great spot up here" Niall told him. "Did you want privacy, or can I join you?"
Zayn looked up and smiled. "You can join me – I'm almost finished."
Niall sat down beside him and leaned over to peek at the drawing. "May I?" he asked.
Zayn blushed, but passed over the drawing. Niall's eyes widened as his eyes scanned the page. "Whoah, when you said you sketched, I had no idea you were this talented!" he told Zayn. "This is amazing Zayno!"
"You can keep it if you like" Zayn said quietly.
"Seriously?" asked Niall, delighted.
Zayn nodded and Niall beamed at him. "Sick! I love it! Thank you!"
Zayn packed his bag then. "Lou should be finished now, so I'd better get going. I'll see you tonight yeah?"
"Yeah" Niall replied. "I'll come pick you up about seven?"
"Great, I'll see you then!" As he walked off down the hill, Zayn looked back over his shoulder to see Niall looking back down at the drawing, a soft smile on his face. Zayn's heart leapt at the sight and he wandered back to Harry's office on cloud nine.
***
"So how's it all going over there?" asked Jay over Skype that evening. Louis had been skyping with his family each week, and Stan just as regularly, keeping them updated on his progress. He'd neglected to mention to anyone, however, anything about the situation with Harry.
"Good" Louis replied, smiling. He missed them all so much and it was great to chat with his mum. "I'm in the deeper water now, which is really good. I'm also showering OK now, which is a huge leap. Megan said she's really pleased with my progress – said I'm a bit ahead of schedule."
"That's incredible Louis" Jay replied. "I'm so proud of you baby! You're doing so well. I'm so pleased we decided to give this treatment a go."
"Me too Mum" Louis smiled. "And Harry's so wonderful. He's really patient with me."
"Yeah" Jay replied, looking at him strangely. "You mentioned that a time or two over the past few weeks."
Louis blushed. "Well, it's just that he's amazing is all. He's really helped me."
"I see" answered Jay, before changing the subject. "By the way, where's Zayn tonight?"
"On a date" Louis replied with a smirk.
"A date?" answered Jay with a smile. "I see Australia agrees with both of you! What about you? Have you seen any cute boys over there?"
"You know I'm concentrating on getting better mum – no time for cute boys!" Louis replied, not actually answering the question.
"I know darling" Jay answered. "I'm just teasing. Besides, wouldn't want you falling in love with someone in Australia, would we? Maybe when you get home you can find a nice boy – there hasn't been anyone since Sam the shithead and that was a while ago now."
Louis giggled. "You have to stop calling him that Mum!"
"Why?" Jay chuckled. "It was a fairly appropriate name in the end, wasn't it?"
"I guess it was, wasn't it?" Louis replied, his thoughts drifting back to the blond boy who had cheated on him the year before on his birthday.
He and Jay chatted about the girls, Jay filling him in on all the latest news, before they said goodbye.
If he then consoled himself for being home alone on a Saturday night by stalking Harry's Facebook page (it wasn't technically stalking if they were now official Facebook friends, alright?) then nobody needed to know.