When I finally left the bathroom Michael was already home, greeting me in the hallway with a watering can. He cracked a smile upon seeing me, yet it quickly vanished when he noticed the state I was in.
"Uhm, are you okay?" he asked hesitantly. I nodded and started walking towards my bedroom.
"Yeah, I just ate something with wheat flour," I replied, opening the door to my room. "I'm gonna take a nap. Hopefully, I'll never wake up."
Sleeping was a pain in the ass since I had to run to the bathroom time after time and my stomach ache didn't really get better, but I somehow managed to survive the night. When I met Michael in the kitchen the next day I actually felt a little better, except for a throbbing headache and the stomach ache from the day before.
"Good morning," Michael greeted me. He was sitting at the table already, with a newspaper folded out in front of him. "How are you? Better?"
I nodded as I sat down at the other side of the table, grabbing one of the bananas I had just recently made him buy. Michael never ate any fruits and only seldom if ever vegetables, so I had made him change his diet right away – not that I was the healthiest person myself, but I appreciated being able to just grab a fruit as a quick snack.
"Yuh, but thank god it's Saturday. I don't know if I could manage school," I said with a shrug, peeling the banana. Michael nodded as he reached for the coffee.
"Good."
I eyed him as he went back to his newspaper, noticing for the first time that he looked different in some way. He was still wearing his usual dull and creased clothes, but his hair wasn't as messy as usual and somehow his whole facial expression seemed less sad. Less tragic. As if there was some kind of happiness he had lately found.
Doubting that it had much to do with me I leant back in my chair, turning my attention on my banana instead.
"I ran into Anna at the store yesterday," Michael suddenly said, immediately catching my attention.
"Really?" I said, sitting up a little. "And what did you do? Did you talk to her?"
He smiled a little. "She approached me, and we had a little chat. I invited her over for dinner."
For a second I just sat there, staring at him in disbelief before breaking out into a bright grin.
"Shit, for real?" I asked, still not quite believing what he had just told me. "Who are you and what have you done to Michael?"
He looked away with his face slowly reddening, but he couldn't hide the grin on his face.
"So, when's that dinner? We've got to impress her. How long does it take for you to learn how to cook?"
Michael hesitated and his grin shrank a little. "Uh, tonight," he said. "I was actually hoping you could cook something since you, you know, are more skilled than me."
I shrugged and leaned back in my chair again, my stomach still quietly rumbling.
"Only if you feel up to it, of course. I could always just make lasagna or something," Michael added quickly.
"Nah, it's fine, really. I'll think of something," I said with a smile. "You focus on everything else. When did you tell her to come?"
He smiled back at me, now not as nervous as he was just five seconds ago, and reached for his mug again. "At seven. Is that okay?"
I nodded. "Like I told you, it's fine. Stop worrying."
When Michael left for work I went back to bed, thinking about how I could manage dinner tonight. To be honest, I didn't feel up to standing in the kitchen for a ridiculous amount of time. But Michael deserved something impressive – there was no doubt he only seemed happier because of this whole thing with Anna.
I sighed and reached for my phone, an idea suddenly taking form in my mind. I didn't have the number of any of those imbeciles from school, so I searched up their Instagram accounts instead. Asher didn't have one, what lead me to message Gill via her account. Only two minutes later I was in possession of Asher's number.
After saving and dialing it, all I had left to do was hoping he'd answer.
"Hello?" he said, and I slightly relaxed.
"Hi, it's Kiri."
"What? How did you get my number?"
"I asked Gill," I said, sitting up so I could talk more easily. "Now, let's get to business."
"You're such a stalker. What do you need?"
I rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see it. "Remember that one time you gave me wheat flour and caused me to have a rather shitty night?"
Asher sighed. "Duh. And that was a terrible pun."
"Now since you're still dying of guilt, as you should, I could offer you a way to make up for your mistake."
"I already told you I'm sorry, I really am. Just tell me what you need."
With my free hand I scratched the back of my neck. "I need you to come over and cook dinner with me."
For the next few seconds he remained silent, and it got me wondering whether this call was a bad idea. Then Asher chuckled.
"What? Kiri, are you asking me on a date?"
"Shut up or I'll throw up on you," I replied, frowning. "Michael's having a lady visitor tonight and I'm supposed to make dinner. And since I'm still pretty fucking sick from those muffins you poisoned for me, I need you to help me."
"Why didn't you say that right away?" he asked, allowing me to practically hear the grin out of his voice. "And why do you expect me to know how to cook?"
I froze as I realized I hadn't thought about that. Great job, Kiri. Way to make a fool out of yourself.
"Oh my god you're incapable," I groaned, falling back on my mattress. "Just come over and help me."
"That sounds as if you'd rather have my presence than my actual help, but okay, I'll be there."
Again, I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Let's say half past five. Oh, and can you go grocery shopping?"
"If I have to. What do you need?"
"Uh, I don't know what we'll cook yet, but I'll text you a list later."
"Okay." Asher paused for a second. "How are you?"
"Sick. Tired. Confused whether I have to take a shit or throw up. What about you?"
He sighed. "Don't you have any medicine or something else that could help you?"
"Michael gave me some pills against my headache earlier," I said with a shrug. Then I cracked a grin. "Aw, is there someone worried about me?"
"Piss off. Just dying of guilt, like you said. Anything else?"
I briefly thought about it, then shook my head. "Nope. That's it. I'll text you what I need."
"Fine. And don't be a stalker. Bye."
He hung up before I could say bye back, but I was still grinning when I tossed my phone aside. This had been fun.
I spent the next few hours drifting in and out of sleep, texting Ruby, looking up recipes online and sending Asher a list of what we needed after having settled for Thai Chicken Curry with coconut milk.
I had actually planned on taking a shower before Asher would arrive, but I forgot to set my alarm and was impolitely jerked out of sleep by the ringing doorbell. Well, shit.
When I opened the door I couldn't even be mad at Asher for the funny look he shot me – I had to look like a mess, with just having woken up after spending all day in bed. But who cared, I wasn't here to impress anyone.
"Did you get everything?" I asked as we walked into the kitchen.
"Yup. Your weird Thai paste, coconut milk, some rice, and the other stuff," Asher replied, setting the full bag down on the table. "Will you pay me back?"
"Someday," I shrugged, not paying him much attention as I inspected the bag's contents.
"I expected that," he said as he sat down at the table. "You look beautiful today."
I rolled my eyes and flipped him off. "Fuck you. I'm sick, okay. And it's your fault, so shut up or I'll seriously throw up on you."
Asher just laughed as I emptied the bag and set everything up so we could start cooking right away. He had been kidding, Asher was a lot better at cooking than me, so it was actually easier than I had expected.
The smell of food soon got pretty unbearable though, so I excused myself to the bathroom after some time to puke my guts out.
When I returned to the kitchen Asher was standing in front of the stove, stirring our Chicken Chili while holding a glass of water that he handed me.
"Thanks. You're actually lucky it didn't land on you," I said as I took the glass and quickly emptied it. Asher just shrugged and turned back to our food on the stove.
"Hey, Kiri, can I wear this?" Michael asked as he came into the kitchen, looking as insecure as always. I briefly eyed his black button up shirt before shooting him a unimpressed look.
"Sure, if you want to attend a funeral."
Michael sighed. "That bad?"
I shrugged and leant against the counter behind me for support. "Don't you have anything more colorful? What about that green one you wore last week? I thought it looked good."
"Really?" His expression lit up, and he turned around to walk back out of the kitchen. A small smile crept onto my face.
"Does he always ask you for fashion advice?" Asher asked, briefly eyeing my sweatpants and hoodie. I rolled my eyes as I punched him in the arm.
"One more comment about my current state, and I swear I'm gonna chop your fingers off and throw them into the pan."
Asher just laughed and rubbed his arm, as if my punch had actually hurt. "Okay, okay, I'll stop. Don't abuse me."
I rolled my eyes again and checked the time.
"Anna should be here soon. I'll put on something else so you can't mock me anymore. Don't burn any of our food," I said.
"Wow, I'm honored by how much trust you put in me," Asher replied. Again I rolled my eyes, something I did incredibly often in Asher's presence, and left the kitchen.
After looking a bit more presentable, I already heard the doorbell ring and went to open the door. Anna was wearing a loose dress as well as a bright smile as her gaze fell on me.
"Kiri! How are you!" Before I could answer she had already pulled me into a hug, allowing me to smell her perfume.
"I'm alright, what about you? Nice dress," I replied as soon as she let go of me.
"Thank you so much! I made it myself." She turned around herself, showing me her outfit.
I raised a brow, super impressed. "That's so cool, you're like, really talented," I said. "Come on in, Michael should be ready soon. You should have seen how indecisive he is of his outfit choice."
"He is?" Anna asked as she entered the house. "Why? He looks good in anything."
Eh, debatable. I just smiled and lead her to the kitchen where Asher was still stirring our Chili.
"Asher, baby, I hadn't expected you to be here as well!" Anna exclaimed excitedly once her eyes fell on him. He just laughed and let her pull him into a hug as well, leaving me to wonder if there was a person on earth this woman wouldn't throw her arms around.
Michael appeared in the doorway not soon after, the same big hello, yada yada yada, and finally, we all sat around the table, our plates loaded with food.
"Oh my god, boys, you two are geniuses," Anna said after having tasted the Chili. "Seriously, I need this recipe."
I cracked a smile at Asher. "You could just make him your personal chef, I'm sure he wouldn't mind."
He raised a brow at me. "If you don't start being nicer to me, I might be even less careful about my choice of flour in the future," he threatened.
"Excuse me, being nicer? You're the one who nearly killed me," I said, rolling my eyes. "But anyway, Anna, how was your day?"
She finished chewing before answering. "Pretty uneventful, to be honest. I just went to the store, bought too much wine again, cleaned the house a little. Oh snap, that actually reminds me of the bottle I wanted to bring. I'm so sorry."
"It's fine," Michael said with a smile.
"Yeah, you can just bring it when you come over next time," I added, implying that there would be a next time. Anna shot us a bright smile.
"Absolutely. God, I'm sorry I'm so forgetful."
"Tell me about it. I forgot to set my alarm today so this moron woke me up," I said, rolling my eyes.
Asher sighed. "Stop insulting me. You wanted me to come over."
"Oh, and I bought a few flowers for my garden today," Anna said. "I know, it's a little late with fall being just around the corner, but I just can't live with that undergrowth in front of my windows anymore."
"Michael has a nice garden. He's like, really skilled with flowers and stuff," I replied.
Anna nodded, then looked back to him. "I know. I actually wanted to ask you if you could, you know, help me plant everything in? You have a really good eye for that."
"He does! He-" I was impolitely cut off by Asher.
"Hey, Kiri, wanna show me that thing in your room that you told me about?"
I furrowed my brows in confusion. "That what? I never-"
Again, he didn't let me finish. "You know, that box thing. Come on."
He stood up and nodded at me to follow him out of the kitchen. Once we were out of earshot, I shot him a questioning glance.
"What the hell? I was in the middle of a conversation!"
"You talk too much. This is Michael's evening," he said, grabbing my arm and pulling me into my room.
I shut my mouth and followed him, only now realizing that I had really kept Michael from getting a chance to speak. Magnificent work, Kiri.
Asher released my arm and shut the door behind us. I sighed as I collapsed on my mattress, kicking away the creased covers.
"My room's a mess," I stated. Asher briefly eyed me before sitting down next to me.
"You're a mess."
"Yuh, thanks to you," I said, rolling my eyes.
To my surprise he actually smirked as he looked at me. "Really."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "You have no reason to seem so proud of that."
Asher shrugged and crossed his legs, his smirk vanishing. "I thought about what you said yesterday, when we talked about Trevor and Gene. That you didn't believe me."
I leant back and pulled my knees to my chest. "You said you were okay with that. I mean, you should, seeing as you're probably used to people telling you you're paranoid."
He rolled his eyes. "I'm serious. This wasn't just a stroke of luck. Trevor set all that up."
"Why do you care so much?" I asked, sighing as a wave of tiredness overcame me. "You know Trevor's an ass, and you said you weren't bothered if I didn't join in on your idea of him manipulating a whole game."
Asher let his back meet the wall as well and shrugged again. "I know. It would just be nice to have someone believe me for once."
I closed my eyes for a second and thought about his words. "Okay, so what if Trevor did manipulate Gene? Do you want to confront him? Tell Redmille?"
"You know that's pointless," he replied, his voice sharp. "Nothing will ever get to Trevor, not as long as he's the perfect little star player everyone thinks he is."
The anger in his voice surprised me. Then I thought back to that night he told me about his accident, about the bitterness in his voice back then, and realized I just got a second glance at that anger inside of Asher – that anger that he pretended to be done with.
I let out a humorless chuckle which caused him to look up at me in irritation.
"Not really the right time, Kiri," he grumbled.
"Actually, yeah, it is," I contradicted, grinning. "It's really funny if you think about how you told me to work on the anger I have apparently pent up inside, yet you walk around saying everything's fine when you're obviously so not done with Trevor."
Asher narrowed his eyes at me. "I am."
"You're not! You wouldn't try to convince me he's an asshole if you were," I replied. "You wouldn't be bothered by him getting away with this shit if you hadn't completely put it behind you."
"Do you seriously expect me to put behind what he did to me?" Asher said, his voice sharp from anger as he backed away. "He ruined the whole season for me. He ridiculed me. And now, he doesn't even have the courage to speak to me."
He let a hand run through his hair as he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down when his anger threatened to grow too strong.
"You don't know what it's like to have all this being done to you, and then just watch how he does all this shit again, time after time, and gets away with it. Nothing happens to him. And you know why? You want to know why he can ruin one thing after another without being called to account?"
I didn't flinch as he lowered his voice and came a little closer.
"Because he's a fucking nice guy. You said it yourself. Everyone says it. He's the angel, the inviolable innocent, and I'm the angry loser who can't let it go."
Asher sighed and scratched the back of his neck. I reached out and took his wrist without thinking, pulling it away from his neck.
"Why do you pretend to be done with your anger?" I asked, my voice sounding unusually quiet compared to Asher's loud and strong one.
His gaze fell to my hand on his wrist. "Because I don't want to be angry anymore."
Something twisted inside me upon hearing those words, and I found myself turning pale. I knew what he was speaking of.
I released his wrist and Asher met my gaze, now not seeming so angry and heated anymore.
"He crushed the ground under my feet, and I just want to be able to look at him and for once not feel like I'm falling," he added, his voice now soft and full of pain.
"And you say I'm the mess," I mumbled, watching with relief when the corners of Asher's mouth raised ever so slightly.
"Takes one to know one," he replied.
He moved so he was backed up against the wall again, sitting right next to me with his shoulder touching mine. It wasn't much, but it helped drowning out the feeling of loneliness.
We sat there in silence, with Michael's and Anna's laughter occasionally drifting through the walls, not loud enough to ease my mind. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling.
"It's a pain in the ass, you know," I said, glad about the noise. "Not being able to stand your own thoughts."
"I figured that's why you can't handle silence," Asher replied.
I shrugged, my shoulder moving against his. Hesitantly, I started talking. "I hate them. I hate them so much. Every time it's quiet, they tell me it's because everyone left me, and I'm alone. I can't relax, I can't sleep when it's silent." My voice cracked and I bit my lower lip, not used to talking about it. "It's like I'm drowning and there's no one there to see."
Asher turned his head to look at me, and I built up the courage to meet his gaze. I wasn't used to being so vocal about my insecurities, to make myself this vulnerable. But somehow Asher had gotten me to open up, and it was too late now to crawl back behind my walls.
"I see you," he said.
Then he reached for my hand, and I allowed him to entwine his fingers with mine. It was quiet, and the silence was as threatening as always, but Asher's grip was strong and his hand warm, so I took a deep breath and for the first time, tried to embrace the absence of sound.