( tell me that you love me better )
chapter sixteen !
VINCENT WAS BAD AT FEELINGS. He was terrible at expressing them, telling people that he was all good when he really felt horrible most of the time. And maybe that was horribly sad. Maybe it was a problem of Vincent's. Maybe he should figure it out, but he was bad at that. Not that he minded, of course.
He'd gotten used to hiding the tight feeling in his chest when his nerves got the best of him, an expert at hiding away the way he'd scratch mercilessly at his wrist or pull at his hair hard enough to drag out clumps when he got angry or frustrated, sad even.
It was difficult being so hard at expressing his emotions when he was such an emotional person. When he cried so often, yelled at people anytime he got particularly pissed off or laughing when he was happy. Happy was a scarce feeling for Vincent now. Not that it had ever been highly present in his life, anyway.
But the hardest feeling to express for Vincent was attraction. The feeling of longing for another person to hold him or kiss him or anything they wanted to do with him. He was horrible at anything close to the feeling.
One of the first times he'd truly tried to attempt expressing it was when he was fourteen, cooped up at a school dance way before he even knew about the apocalypse. He had been alone most of the time, standing aside with a bored expression and a few girls asking him if he wanted to dance every now and again, to which he'd respond with a simple "fuck off" in French. It was a known fact he was gay around the school for he'd only gotten bullied for it every day of his life.
He'd been so unbelievably bored until a boy he didn't quite recognize had asked him to dance. As a sort of 'fuck it' moment, Vincent had agreed and set his spiked punch to the side, admittedly not too sober; Vincent had been a drunk since he was eleven anyway. The boys name was Jules and he was admittedly gorgeous. They'd danced haphazardly to the song "Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore" by REO Speedwagon and Vincent wouldn't lie and say he hadn't enjoyed it a bit.
Once it was finished, Vincent had made out with the boy behind the school and then tossed him aside just like everyone else. Except that had been the one time Vincent had felt somewhat bad for it, when he looked at the boys hurt expression as he walked away, touching his lips and probably only now realizing how fucked he was for making out with resident fag Vincent Leblanc. Anyone who'd done that was most always bullied for the off chance they'd developed AIDs from Vincent's lips.
It was bullshit, but it was Vincent's life. And he'd never complained. He'd fought a few people, but most of the time he'd take the beatings wholeheartedly. Bad at expressing his feelings meant bad at deciphering which was which most of the time. Most times, he'd mix up sadness with fuming anger.
All boys Vincent kissed during high school were put aside and he never really thought of the kisses again. Jules was slightly different. Vincent had never had much of a crush before, but that hadn't stopped him from asking if he wanted to do something like what they'd done again. This time around, Jules had laughed in his face and punched him hard enough he'd felt his lip split. That was the day Vincent realized attraction was not a feeling that was worth it.
Hell, he hadn't even liked the boy like that. It wasn't even close to a crush. All he wanted was to makeout again. A second makeout opportunity with Vincent was rare. He had never been one for commitments.
But that hadn't stopped it from hurting a little. He still had never found out if Jules was messing with him the entire time or not. Vincent didn't really care anymore.
Attraction was hard for Vincent. But with Five, it was even harder. Maybe it's because Vincent actually felt something deeply for Five, something so fucking heavy it hurt to even think about. And Jesus- Vincent wanted to grab Five's stupid fucking face and kiss him again. But he didn't know.
Five had forgotten about what they'd done. Vincent should have known he was too drunk to possibly remember. Though that hadn't stopped Vincent from hoping, hoping Five would just turn to him and tell him he was lying, that he remembered everything.
Vincent wanted to say he didn't have a crush, but at this point there was no use. He was so desperately fucking infatuated with Five Hargreeves. He had been for a long time.
With other boys, kisses felt empty. They felt amazing for one second and the next they were boring, a headache. With Five, it was exhilarating, exciting at all times and just so uncharacteristically gentle. Vincent just wished Five thought the same about him.
Unrequited love, it was difficult. It was something Vincent had always feared. Though, he'd never imagined himself to be on the receiving end of it. He always thought someone would fall in love with him and he'd have to break their heart; but it had backfired on him. Now he wanted Five, and it was all too likely he'd simply break his heart back. Understandably so, Vincent supposed. He wasn't loveable.
He was just Vincent Leblanc. Mushmouth, annoying, faggot Vincent whose mommy and daddy hated him. Vincent who cried like a pussy when he realized he was truly, utterly alone in a dingy France motel, curling up like a child and losing it so badly. Vincent the fucking maniac who nearly broke a kids legs when he was fifteen for calling him a faggot, who shoved the kid down the stairs so hard it hurt his wrists, who had to hide away at his house until he eventually went fucking missing. Vincent, the ghost, the boy no one cared about, who's disappearance was treated as a celebration for so many people. Vincent who would get what was coming to him one day.
Vincent, who was impossible to care about.
Vincent who just wanted to be cared about.
"We should find him back at the house. Unless he's not back yet. But he should have the suitcase that brought him wherever he was. That's what we need to give back to Hazel and Cha-Cha," Five explained loosely, looking at Vincent as he spoke but also making sure he wouldn't trip over anything as he walked. Vincent jumped at his voice, turning to Five and shoving his shaking hands into his pockets.
Fucking Vincent was breaking down slowly, losing himself gradually; and no one had even noticed except himself.
"Uh-huh. And you know this because?" Vincent questioned, raising his eyebrow and simply playing along with his usual carefree jokes. Vincent the jokester, the comic relief, mushmouth, mushmouth, mushmouth, shut your fucking mouth.
Five rolled his eyes, reaching out and flicking Vincent's forehead hard, who simply winced with a light chuckle. "Because we were in the future, smartass."
"Yeah, yeah. Still doesn't fully explain anything," Vincent rolled his eyes. "And you call me the dumbass. I bet you twenty million fucking dollars Klaus didn't go anywhere. He's probably sleeping or some shit. Maybe he's snorting coke. Good on him!" Vincent wished he had a line.
"Shut the fuck up, Vincent. Do everyone a favor and shut up," Five huffed, shaking his head. "And I wouldn't doubt the coke part. So don't even joke about it. You'll feel bad if it's true."
"Will not! I'll have you know, I did heroin when I was thirteen in a teachers classroom. Not… fully because needles are sharp. But it got halfway before I lost my shit," Vincent put on a lopsided grin, shrugging his shoulders. Vincent the potential druggie, Vincent who would just turn into his worst nightmare.
"That's.... horrible," Five chuckled, shaking his head. "Don't be an asshole to him. Time travel sucks."
"Oh, I'm aware," Vincent joked with a chuckle, shaking his head as he walked into the large house with Five. He still didn't like it much. It was too large and, frankly, that made Vincent uncomfortable. But maybe talking to Klaus would help him calm down and stop losing his shit. Because lord knows Vincent fucking needed it.
Five guided Vincent to Klaus's room, both of them furrowing their eyebrows at the blood leading from the bathtub to his room. Five turned into the room with Vincent, where Klaus was pulling on a shirt. Five knocked on the door, raising his eyebrow. "You okay?" He questioned, a stupid question but a question nonetheless. Clearly, Klaus wasn't okay. Guess it wasn't just Vincent who was breaking down.
"Uh- yeah," Klaus shrugged, his voice quite nasally. "Long night." He mumbled.
"More than one from the looks of it," Five muttered, shaking his head as he walked further inside the room. Vincent followed, staying close to Fives side.
"Yup," Klaus answered simply, clearly already tired of Fives questions.
"Don't remember the dog tags," Five pointed out, voice simply contradicting.
Vincent slapped Fives shoulder, huffing out a quiet, "Now you're the one being an asshole."
"Yeah- they were given to me by a friend." Klaus spoke, looking down at it as he explained.
"What about that new tattoo?" Five questioned, raising his eyebrow.
"Y'know, I don't totally remember even getting it. Like I said, it was a long night," Klaus chuckled, shrugging.
"You did it, didn't you?" Five asked, suddenly grinning as he stepped closer.
"What are you talking about?" Klaus asked, looking over.
"Y'know I can recognize the symptoms, Klaus." Five spoke, sighing.
"Symptoms of what?" Klaus asked, annoyed probably.
"Herpes, maybe?" Vincent joked with a chuckle, sitting beside Klaus on his bed.
"Jet lag, full body itch, the headache that feels like somebody shoved a box of cotton up into your nose and into your brain," Five explained as Klaus ran his hands down his face in frustration. "Wanna tell us about it?"
"When someone broke into the house and they couldn't find you, they took me hostage instead," Klaus sighed.
"And in return, you stole their briefcase?" Five chuckled.
"Yeah- I thought there was money in it or that I could pawn it, y'know? Whatever.." Klaus mumbled. "And then I opened it." He sighed, looking down.
"And then next thing you knew you were... where? Or should I say when?" Five asked, pacing the room.
"Y'know, Five maybe you shouldn't be doing this right no-" Vincent started, taking note of how fucked Klaus looked at the moment.
"I have to, Vincent." Five said simply, shaking his head.
"What difference does it make?" Klaus asked, giving the exact answer Vincent thought he would.
"It- if- okay, how long were you gone?" Five asked, looking at Klaus.
"Almost a year," Klaus sighed out.
"A year?" Five huffed, raising his eyebrows. "Do you know what this means?" He stepped closer.
"Yeah. I'm ten months older now," Klaus spoke, clearly not liking that fact.
"No! This isn't any sort of joke, Klaus. Hazel and Cha- Cha will do whatever they can to get the briefcase." Five explained before looking around. "Where is it now?"
"Gone. I destroyed it... poof." Klaus made a motion with his hand, Vincent chuckling under his breath at it.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Five asked, growing angry.
"What do you care?" Klaus asked.
"What do I care- I needed it you moron! So i could get back, I could start over!" Five rambled, shaking his head.
"That's what you were gonna do?!" Vincent asked with wide eyes, standing up quickly. "I didn't know that, asshole. I'm not starting over."
"You weren't apart of it." Five huffed out, looking away when Vincent flipped him off in annoyance.
"Just- please-" Klaus grumbled out as he stood up, walking away.
"Where are you going?!" Five asked, watching Klaus.
"Interrogations over! Leave!" Klaus huffed.
Five shook his head, looking around and walking past Vincent, grabbing a notepad and a pen and quickly scribbling down a note that read "I have the briefcase," along with a meeting time.
"We're meeting with those psychos?" Vincent asked with wide eyes, looking over Fives shoulder. Five shook his head, pulling the paper off and tossing the notepad aside.
"You're not coming," Five mumbled simply.
"What the fuck? Why the fuck not? Y'know, you've been a real dickhole lately, Fivey. Not digging it." Vincent huffed angrily, sitting beside Five
Five turned to face Vincent, shaking his head. "You can't come. You'll get hurt. You get hurt, it's my responsibility."
"Thought I would never be your responsibility again? Your words, not mine." Vincent mumbled, not liking this idea one bit. "I'll only get hurt because I'm fucking useless. But I don't care if I get hurt. Fuck you."
"I didn't say that you were useless, did I? Don't put words in my mouth, Vince." Five sighed, looking away from Vincent for a moment. "I care if you get hurt." He muttered quietly, almost inaudible.
"Aw, Fivey is a little sap! Don't worry darling, I'll be just fine." Vincent grinned slightly, leaning close and leaving a peck on Fives cheek, no matter how bad of an idea it was.
Fives cheeks almost immediately turned red, turning to look at Vincent. "Uh... sorry we couldn't talk to Klaus about your... the shit you've been seeing."
"I don't give a shit about that," Vincent chuckled, shaking his head. "But I am going with you to meet those assholes anyway. You can't just tell me not to go. I'll go anyway."
"You're so stubborn, you know that?" Five grinned lightly, sighing. "Fine. But if you get shot, you're not allowed to leave my house ever again."
"Ever? Damn, Fivey. Buy me dinner first," Vincent joked with a chuckle. "I'll be fine." He shrugged.
"Everytime you say that, you don't turn out fine," Five sighed, staring at Vincent a little too long before he looked away. "Admittedly, I was going to leave and start over without you. Maybe if I'd never met you, you wouldn't be caught up in this bullshit."
"Are you kidding me? You're a dumbass. I still had the abilities I have now. The apocalypse still would have happened and I still would have been fucked up. If anything, you made it better," Vincent rambled, his accent slipping in just slightly more due to how fast he was talking.
Five sighed, looking like he wanted to say something but decided against it. He stood up, gesturing for Vincent to get up as well. "Lets go for a walk, Vince."
And Vincent stood up, ready to face the feeling of attraction head on because maybe, just maybe- Five would understand.
Vincent couldn't shake the feeling that he probably wouldn't.
♡♡♡♡♡♡
A/N: this chapter got sad lmao oops I didn't mean to do that. but also, vincents breaking the fuck down and that sucks :(
next chapter will be more of a filler bc it will only consist of five and vincent lmao!
also: been getting a lot of comments about who tops in this relationship and I'm gonna be honest with you they're both switches so think what you want