"You said no?"
"I said no."
"I'm sorry, but are you fucking nuts?"
"But I didn't just say no," I responded as if it was obvious. Frankie didn't look too impressed with me and Natalie was trying to calm Benjamin who looked as if he was about to cry.
"Can you please just cut the drama and get to the point?" Frankie sounded exhausted.
"Hey! I'm telling a story here. I have to make the key points as dramatic as possible for you guys, otherwise, I'm just stating facts."
"He told her that she had to train all of us and then she told him to fuck off," Stanley said quietly. He didn't look impressed, just haggard as if he hadn't been sleeping. "Isn't that about right Bob?"
I refused to let him steal my thunder.
"Well, yes, she did tell me to fuck off--"
"I'd tell you to fuck off too if you came at me with that," Stanley muttered.
"--BUT! And this is a big 'but' here, she did say she'll think about it, which is about the same as a yes."
Dead silence.
Benjamin was the first to speak and there was an exhausted outrage in his voice.
"If we weren't on Skype right now, I'd almost punch you. I wouldn't actually do it, but I'd want to really badly."
It was about 10 AM and I had been unable to sleep after the events of the previous night. I was exhausted from the sheer relentless onslaught and marvelled that it had all happened in the course of one day. That kind of shit can leave you wanting to sleep in and hide from the world for while in case it was somehow planning on repeating itself. You know that old Chinese curse/blessing "May you live in interesting times"? That's exactly how I felt. I just wanted it to stop so I could sleep.
Jaime's dad's death and Louise's return had been one hell of a way to cap off the night and had left me more anxious than anything. I had considered going back to Jaime's place after I left Louise, but exhaustion and the need to be selfish and not deal with anybody else's problems for a while had been overwhelming.
Besides, the offer of having someone to actually finally teach me all of the stuff I didn't know about being a vampire was too exciting, even if I had tried to negotiate to get my friends included.
I had crawled out of bed and realized that Skype was an actual thing and people didn't leave their houses to have face to face meetings anymore. I had been planning to get the guys together at the church and tell them the news, but I had really been too excited to wait.
"Look guys, we're in this together. There's no way I'm leaving you guys behind."
"How sentimental," Natalie said, "totally not like you at all."
"Just meet me at the church tonight, okay?"
They all grumbled assent and I turned off the phone. Then I went to deal with the mess that was my apartment and my life.
***
Claude showed up around 2 PM and in typical Claude fashions, he showed up bearing offerings of food. This time it consisted of a mango drink that wasn't a smoothie but had a substantial number of mango chunks that you got a mouthful of whenever you sucked on the enormous straw. It was from one of those bubble tea places around the city, but it was the one he really liked and had been excited to share with me.
"You can't stay here," Claude said as he surveyed my wrecked apartment. He sucked on his not-smoothie as he looked around. I eyed the brown paper bag in his hand.
"Is that for me?"
"World's finest," Claude grinned and held the bag out to me. I ripped the bag open, glad to see that he had brought one for me as well. It was a small gesture, but one that spoke volumes.
"Does this mean we're talking again?"
"We were never not talking. I just figured if most of my talking was going to be yelling, then I needed to get my head straight instead of making things worse between us."
"You didn't go yelling at any trees, did you? I read somewhere that it actually makes them sad if you do that."
"How do you make a tree sad? That's gotta be some intense yelling."
"Maybe they were yelling really hurtful things, I dunno."
We both pondered the imponderable in companionable silence, and just like that, everything was okay with us again. It was that easy with Claude. We understood each other on a level that other people never really understood, but most of all, we understood that neither of us was perfect and that we are going to fuck up on occasion. Often, me more than him, but whatever.
"I went to see Isabella," Claude admitted with a wry smile. "It was a good reminder of what most people consider to be real life."
Have you ever had a friend where you guys can joke about absolutely anything in the world, but there is always one topic that is absolutely off-limits, no matter what? Isabella was the one topic that I always had to be careful about with Claude.
In all of the 20 years that we had known each other, there had never been a girl like Isabella. Claude had dated casually, always with some beautiful, leggy and most of all, successful woman. I had been the one known for falling "in love" at the drop of a hat, more impulsive, but I had secretly turned out to be a serial monogamist. Claude had been my suave counterpart but he had never dated any of the girls we had known. He had always dated women, not girls, and they had always seemed to know where they were going in life.
Isabella was the one who had stolen Claude's heart. I had never seen him so giddy over a woman before and had been secretly jealous that he was spending so much time with her. When she had received a job offer across the country, he had considered quitting his highly dangerous job of breaking into highly secure vaults around the world for very dangerous men. He had considered a career in security consultancy, but this was real life and getting a job in a field like that was not like it was in the movies. You can't always break into a place to show them how much their security sucked and then expect a job offer. In most cases what you can expect is to be sued and prosecuted and your "security findings" buried in a hole in the desert somewhere. Metaphorically speaking of course.
He hadn't followed Isabella and had regretted it every day since.
She had moved on. Last I had heard, she had gotten married and had two kids, while still handling a high-pressure job for some software firm in Vancouver.
"How is she doing?" I asked cautiously.
"Still married," Claude said wryly. "Kids are growing up. Her husband is still not a jerk."
"That fucking guy," I said woefully.
"I know, right? They don't even fight. Not real fights anyway. They love each other very much."
"She's a lucky lady," I agreed, wanting this part of the conversation to be over.
"It makes having an affair with her even worse, you know? At least he could have the decency to be a complete jerk, but no: she picks Mister Perfect."
"Still regrets then?"
"Always," Claude said, "but that kind of normal... I don't know if I could have been as good for her, you know? Besides somebody had to be around to keep you alive."
"I thought you were going to say 'keep me out of trouble' for a second there."
"Have you met you?"
I sucked on my Mango not-smoothie for a bit, enjoying the flavour and the soft chunks of mango, glad that this was one of the foods I could still enjoy. I was
"You know there were two men watching your apartment, right?" Claude asked.
"You spotted both of them?"
"Of course I did. You know where I would be if I couldn't spot the other guy? The other guy is the one who always gets the drop on you. You always have to look where they don't want you to."
"Sounds like a magic trick."
"It's exactly like a magic trick," Claude glanced back at my busted kitchen door and shook his head. "Time for you to move out of this dump. You're not safe here anymore."
"Hey! This dump is like a dump to me," I protested. I shook my head at Claude. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"
"In a word: yes. Now get your butt moving, it's Christmas shopping season and traffic is a mess."
I left Claude in the living room and returned from the bedroom a few seconds later with the huge black duffel bag he had left at my place some time ago. Claude's jaw dropped, then he narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
"Did you develop the vampire ability to pack really fast?"
"That's not a thing is it?"
"It would be really useful if it was. The ability to run from a mob knowing you had your shit all packed up: priceless."
"This is one of those great minds think alike moments," I admitted, feeling a little smug about it. "I actually packed up this morning. I was about to give you a call, but then you showed up and now that you've asked, I don't have to guilt you into letting me move into your place anymore! So, shall we go?"
Claude just gave me a flat look.
Do you know the best thing about winter? It's the time of the year when you can be covered from head to toe with only your face showing in the middle of the day and nobody will give you a second look. I had a balaclava to cover most of the face and a jacket with a huge hood to block most of the sun. Looking at me, You would have just thought I was someone who really hated the cold, nothing suspicious there are all.
When we drove away from my apartment, I didn't feel much of anything.
It was like I was starting on a new adventure and my old life was behind me.
### AUTHOR'S NOTE###
I guess there are only so many times you can break down a dude's door. Imagine how trashed his place has got to be after so many intrusions.