C H A P T E R F I F T E E N
• • •
The following morning, I woke up and stretched out in bed and didn't feel my cold wall against my back as usual. My movements halted.
I sat upright, confused. But then, remembering everything all at once, I stared at the ceiling with a stupid grin on my face.
The shower could be heard coming from the bathroom but too exhausted for joining him in the shower, I snuggled back into bed. I cringed slightly at the pain as I moved my legs under the covers. As if there'd be anything there, I had a peak underneath. Nothing. And yet, I could definitely feel where Miller had been last night and into the early hours of that day.
My phone wasn't too far off, so I reached for it whilst keeping my body on the bed.
5.30 it read. The ungodly hour wasn't what had a wave of guilt rushing through me, though. That was strictly reserved for the umpteen messages and missed calls from Kate.
Hurriedly, I called back. I raised the phone to my ear, cautious for a tirade of abuse that would be hurled down the phone — all of which I deserved.
"You fucking idiot!" she said down the phone, having picked up just as the rings were about to stop. "Do you realise how worried I was?"
I cringed in shame. "I'm sorry, really," I said, then finding a grin on my face. "Guess who I went home with."
"I don't even want to know I was worried si—" There was a moment of silence. "Who? Wait. Miller? You went home with Miller Dreyton?" My silence was answer enough. I could hear her smiling as she spoke. "I thought I was the whore of this household."
As if she could see me, I shrugged. "Not anymore." I became aware that I could no longer hear the shower running. "I'm going to have to go, but I'll be home after work."
"Don't rush home," she told me. "If Miller offers, hop on it." She paused, recounting what she'd said. "Literally."
I laughed. "I don't think I've got it in me for any of that stuff for a while."
"I see how it is." I could feel her sleezy winking even through the phone. "See you later, darling. Bye!" I said my own farewell, before putting down the phone.
"Who was that?"
I turned, my hand on my racing heart. Miller stood with only a towel to cover him, and even that was hanging very low on his hips. Of course, I wasn't complaining about the lack of clothes. Seeing his abdomen and chest, each so tantalising defined, was the best wake up sight I could ask for.
I shook my mind into action. "It was Kate. I forgot to tell her I wasn't coming home last night."
He came to stand in front of me. "Sleep well?"
I gave him the look. "For the few hours that I did actually sleep," I said, staring up at his dark eyes. "Yes, I did." I took the liberty in running my fingers over his exposed skin, feeling every dip and crevice. The sight alone would have been enough to have me pulsing but touching was more than. Work, I reminded myself. "I need a shower."
I stood up and he pulled me so we were chest to chest. "You could've had one with me."
Don't tempt me. "I wouldn't be able to walk," I told him, honestly, making him smile proudly. I was struggling enough as it was, feeling sore and tender. "Besides, we both have work."
"Could've been a quick one."
"I don't think such a thing exists with you." Even if we repeated our first time together, I would've still been late. "And I told you, I'm achy thanks to you."
"What would you like then?" he asked, keeping me close to him and kissing my neck. "An apology gift basket?"
I shivered. "I prefer muffins myself."
Knowing that if I didn't move away now we'd spend all day doing what we had all night, I slithered out of his arms. He watched me go, still looking oh-so-devine. I gave him a final wink before closing the door.
♖ ♖ ♖
It wasn't a long drive from Miller's apartment to my work. Handy, yes, but I almost wished it was longer so I could spend more time with him.
Then again, we'd already driven back to my place so that I could give Kate her dress back and change. He'd waited outside patiently whilst Kate had hounded me for information. Safe to say, I'd got my things and had got out of there with a throw away 'I love you bye!' over my shoulder and got back into his car.
He looked so at ease behind the wheel. With one hand on the steering wheel and the other rested on his leg, he looked like he was a model posing to sell the mercedes something or other we were in.
"Taking me to work," I said as we neared the familiar street and a short while later, my building. "How very domestic."
He pulled onto the side of the road. "About as domestic as I'll ever get," he said. He turned to me, so that we were face to face in the small space. "I need to make something clear to you." I nodded for him to go on. "I can't offer you anything more than I already have."
The whole 'I don't date' trollop. God, was I sick of hearing the same thing from every guy.
Pushing aside my disappointment, I opened my door. "I don't expect you to," I told him, before getting out and shutting it behind me. I turned away from him and walked to my building, not chancing a glance back. I ignored the now dulling pain and focused on keeping one foot in front of the other.
Yes, maybe I felt the tiniest bit hurt he couldn't offer me more, but I was more relieved that I now knew where he stood before I did something stupid. Like developed feelings.
Jamie was the first to pounce when I stepped through my office doors.
"So," he said as he walked with me. "First I see you with some Austrian fella and then you're sat with Miller effing Dreyton at the dinner and then poof, you're gone."
"For one, he was German," I said, heading over to my desk. "And secondly, I told you I was leaving."
"Waving does not count as you saying goodbye," he said, coming to sit on my desk. "So, tell me all about it."
I bit back a smile as I turned my computer on. "What's there to tell?"
He stared at me. "You got it good and proper, didn't you?" I turned to him, shocked, and told him to keep his voice down. "Christ, you did!"
Mary came up then, with three cups of tea in her hands. She set them each down on my desk. Without needing to be told, Jamie and I reached for one each.
"What's all this about?" she asked, still with last night's mascara residue on her bottom lashes.
"Amara went home with someone last night," Jamie said, filling her in as though my sex life was of the utmost importance. He turned to me again. "Which one was it then? German boy or that god?" I didn't answer, but gave him a look. "You lucky bitch."
"Are yous...?" Mary asked.
I shook my head, vehemently. "Strictly casual," I told them. "He made that very clear this morning."
"Ouch," Mary said as Jamie cringed. "The good ol' 'I'm not lookin' for a relationship' jargon after you get off."
I nodded. "It's fine, though. He must be a nightmare to live with anyway." Being fucked on the regular must be so hard. You really dodged a bullet there, Am.
"Just have him on the side whilst you find a guy who does want to have a relationship with you," he said, opening my top drawer and taking out a straw. "What? I need spares." With that, he plopped it into his tea.
"Any guy would want ya," Mary said. "You don' need to waste your time or your feelings on someone who don't."
They were chased away by our boss then. Jamie gave me one last comforting squeeze before going back to his own desk as Mary did the same.
Alone at my desk, I went over what Mary had said. Why was I wasting my time? He didn't want a relationship, he probably didn't want kids and a house away from the city. Yes, it was a big jump and even if Miller had wanted me, kids would not be on the cards for years but I knew I had to think about these things. Why should I put my dreams on hold whilst he waits until he's ready? I knew as well as anyone that even when a guy deems himself 'ready,' he still might not want you.
I glanced through my contacts with that thought alone in mind. I dialled and waited. "Simon?" I asked. "Sorry I didn't mean to call you at a bad time."
"No, no," he said with his light voice, though it was slightly tight. "I was just sorting out some paperwork. My brother is just realising if he's with someone other than his wife, the newspapers are going to know about it."
"You sound stressed," I mentioned.
"Just a little," he said. "I was meaning to call you actually." I let out a quiet 'Oh?' "Yes, we're redoing our offices here in London, so maybe I could take your out to lunch to discuss?"
The small ebbing disappointment at business plans fizzled away when he mentioned lunch. "That sounds great."
We arranged to meet in a local restaurant, not far from where I was. He didn't seem to mind the trek he himself would have to take across the city, so I didn't push it.
In my small diary, I wrote ST on today's date through lunch. It was easier writing clients' initials rather than their full name or their project and with client confidentiality, this was the most obvious thing to do.
Mary came up to me again, this time with a stack of paper and a few folders. She nodded down at my recent diary entry. "ST?" she questioned. "I don't remember an ST on our books."
"Hopefully," I said, beginning to go through the array of papers. "He's about to be."
She made a knowing sound before turning back to her desk, not before pinching one of the biscuits on Jamie's desk whilst he had his back turned. She held her finger to her lips and I just shook my head at her.
About an hour of so later, the phone started ringing.
I was too busy with what I was going, so I clicked it over to Mary. She picked it up, chortling off the standard greeting.
"May I ask who's calling?" Her head snapped up, her eyes meeting mine. "Right," she said, mouth slightly agape. "I'll put you through."
Again, my phone made a sound. "I can't, Mar, I'm—" she shook her head and pointed at the still ringing phone. I sighed before picking it up. "Hello?"
"Ms Carlisle," his velvety voice sounded through the phone, unmistakeable. I felt myself react subconsciously to it, the same one that had been whispering dirty nothings into my ear last night. "I would like to move our meeting to this afternoon."
"Oh?" I questioned. "Might I ask the reason for the change?"
"Because I need you."
"For...?"
I heard his groan at my feigned ignorance. "You know exactly what I need you for."
"You might have to spell it out for me," I said, holding my pen as if to write it down, only for Mary's benefit.
"I need your lips around my cock."
"I see, Mr Dreyton," I said, drawing squiggles on a blank sheet of paper. "Unfortunately today is not doable. I've already got a meeting over lunch."
"A date?" He was far too perceptive for his own good.
"As a matter of fact, yes," I said. Maybe it hadn't been planned explicitly as a date but it gave me decent ammunition in that moment.
"With whom?"
I leant back in my chair as I planned my next move. "We met at the gala."
"The gala we left together?" He was taunting me, that much I could tell. I didn't need to see him to know his eyes were alight with mischief.
"That's the one."
"Who is it, Amara?" It was less of a question and more of a command. Pushy much.
"None of your concern."
"Amara."
I relented. "Simon Teichert."
"You're going out with that cretin?"
I felt personally offended. "Excuse me, he's nice."
"Is nice just not another word for boring?" He was so proud and insolent sometimes. After just a few words, he had me almost break my pen for gripping it so hard. "You'd rather go out with him than come to me?"
"At present," I said, wary to keep my voice level. "Yes, yes I would."
"I see."
Dead silence met me after that. I looked at the phone with such anger as if he'd be able to feel it at all, let alone after he'd already put the phone down.
"Arse," I muttered, putting the phone down a little harder than necessary.