Even though Clarke had grown up in a city, she found that city life didn't agree with her as much as it used to. There was traffic no matter the time of day. Honking cars and rushing busses replaced the sound of chirping insects and gusting wind. Everyone passed each other in the street and in the store without even a friendly nod.
It took all of two seconds for Clarke to miss Polis, with its main street and small shops where everybody seemed to know everybody else. Despite not even wanting to meet new people or make friends, Clarke had been won over by the locals' easy smiles and curiosity about what had brought her all the way out there.
As autumn came over Fort Collins, Clarke reminisced about how fresh the air on the ranch had been, how it had filled her lungs with a marvelous crispness as the few trees on the ranch dropped their leaves. She remembered the awe she felt when she could turn in every direction and see only hills of grass and a never-ending, open sky. She couldn't smell sage anymore without being transported back to the ranch, how the entire world seemed to come alive with it when the sagebrush bounced back after the long winter. Even the smell of fertilizer reminded Clarke of the ranch, as if she hadn't already seen and smelled enough cow manure to last her a lifetime.
Clarke was trying her best to settle back into a normal life. She threw herself into her classes and part time research job but was still surprised at how much she had forgotten in just a year away from school. Luckily, it meant that she only had to work harder and study longer than her classmates, which helped keep her mind off of--
Lexa.
Even just thinking about her sent a twinge of longing through Clarke. No matter how hard she studied, Clarke's mind was never that far from Lexa. It didn't matter that she could be reading about ruminant digestion or pulmonary ventilation, Clarke would be struck with random thoughts about her. Memories of them riding out to the cattle. Daydreams about how Lexa would come up behind her while Clarke was cooking and wrap her arms around her middle, resting her chin on Clarke's shoulder. Longing for Lexa's lips, her tongue, her touch, that would come over her at the most inconvenient times.
It didn't help that they were both insanely busy. Lexa was somehow managing the entire ranch on her own, and Clarke had to rush to class and work and wasn't free until late at night. She wished that Lexa had a cell phone so she could just text her whenever she had a free moment. It would make things so much easier, having that constant line of communication, so that every time Clarke thought of her, she could let her know. Clarke had taken to sending Lexa short emails instead, and while it worked for Clarke to let Lexa know she was thinking about her, there was no way for Lexa to reciprocate. She had no cell service at all, and no internet until she finally returned to the cabin after a long day's work. Clarke didn't want to complain, since there was no way for Lexa to be able to communicate with her more often throughout the day, but it was hard for Clarke not to hear from her at all until evening.
But they were making it work as best they could. They emailed every day, called if they each had an extra few minutes, and Sundays were their day to really catch up. And as promised, Lexa had managed to install a webcam onto her computer, even if it had taken her a solid twenty minutes to get the microphone to work. Clarke could only laugh as she watched a silent Lexa becoming more and more frustrated at her computer. After that, they tried to Skype once a week, but it only made Clarke feel more dissatisfied. Being able to see Lexa and hear her voice but not being able to touch her was torture.
But just because Clarke couldn't touch her didn't mean that they couldn't work something else out. Once Lexa got her webcam working, Clarke knew that it was only a matter of time before she proceeded to the next logical step.
It was a Friday. Clarke was going out with some other students later for a couple of drinks to ease the sting of their last exam, and Lexa, not surprisingly, had another early morning the next day. Sitting on her bed with her laptop settled in front of her, Clarke decided to proceed with her plan when Lexa had been talking about the ranch for quite some time.
"It's supposed to snow next week," Lexa said with some frustration, "so I'm trying to have the buyer take the calves before then. But he's dragging his feet, and--" She stopped abruptly.
Clarke took no small amount of pleasure at the fact that unbuttoning just one button of her shirt made Lexa's words come to a screeching halt. She watched Lexa's jaw drop, as she slowly dragged her fingers down to the next button and undid it as well.
Lexa's stare was suddenly glued to Clarke's chest, even as she stuttered onward. "He, um... he said..."
Clarke had now undone enough buttons for her bra to be peeking through her shirt. She cocked her head to the side, amused. "Is something wrong, Lexa?"
Lexa closed her gaping mouth and cleared her throat. "Why are you..."
"Why am I what?" Clarke asked nonchalantly, as she pulled her shirt open even more, exposing the top of her breasts (which she knew, in that bra, were pretty legendary).
Lexa let out a breath and wasn't even trying to mask the fact that she was ogling Clarke's chest. "This is why you wanted me to get a webcam, isn't it," she said hoarsely.
"Pretty much." Clarke ran her hands over her bra and pushed her boobs upward, watching Lexa's eyes shoot wide. "But this is a two-player game. I don't want to be the only one showing off."
Lexa stared hard for another moment before pulling her shirt over her head without another word, and Clarke now knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that getting webcams was a good decision.
Clarke let her eyes roam over the skin not obscured by Lexa's sports bra. It had been so long since she had seen Lexa like this (well, only a month, but it felt like much longer), that Clarke couldn't settle on any one feature. The expanse of her chest, the muscles latent under her skin (Clarke told the anatomy student side of her brain not to name them), the dip of her throat, they all demanded her attention (and her touch, but that would have to wait). When Lexa undid her braid and draped the crimped hair over her shoulder, Clarke wished she could run her fingers through it. She knew its softness, knew the scent of Lexa's shampoo, knew how Lexa's eyes would flutter shut when Clarke ran her fingers against Lexa's scalp.
Clarke forced her eyes up to Lexa's only for a moment and found Lexa staring hard at her. Clarke undid another button and watched in satisfaction as Lexa's gaze flickered down to her chest. "Have you done this before?" Clarke asked.
Lexa just shook her head, which Clarke found cute. Lexa often lost the ability to speak when Clarke started taking her clothes off.
"Me either," Clarke confessed as she leaned forward. She smiled as Lexa returned to ogling her chest and stomach. "But I thought we could figure this out together?"
"Yeah. Yes." Lexa let out a deep breath. "We can do that."
"Why don't you angle your camera down a bit?" Clarke asked with a suggestive raising of her eyebrow. "Let me see more of you."
"Just a second..." Lexa leaned forward, so that Clarke suddenly got a very decent view of her boobs up close. There was static, and the picture jostled and blurred. The video went out for a second with a crash.
"Shit." Lexa picked up the camera from where it had fallen and looked into it from two inches away.
The close-up of Lexa's nostrils was too much, and Clarke burst out laughing. "Having some trouble there?"
Lexa just mumbled something about hating technology under her breath, as she reattached the webcam to her monitor and carefully angled it downward, biting her tongue in concentration. "And there... we go." She scooted her chair backward, so that Clarke was able to see her entire body sitting there, and...
Wow.
Even just sitting in the chair like that, back ramrod straight, with her hair pulled over her shoulder and her stomach bare, Lexa was magnificent. Clarke let out a shaky breath. "Is it bad that just the sight of you in your bra is doing things to me?"
Lexa's lips curled to the side in a smile. "So what are you going to be like when I take off more of my clothes?"
Clarke's eyebrow raised in surprise. Lexa was more receptive to video sex than she thought she would be. She thought she might have to coax Lexa into this, but that didn't seem necessary anymore. And it was hot. "I think you're talking a big game."
Lexa settled back into her chair, giving Clarke a challenging look. Her fingers wandered to the top of her pants, moved to the button, then stopped. She looked up to Clarke under her eyelashes. "I think you need to show me something in exchange."
Honestly, Clarke was loving this side of her. Who knew all it took was putting Lexa in front of a camera to bring out her demanding side. "Fair enough." She undid the last two buttons of her blouse and let it fall open to either side. Lexa's hungry eyes roaming across her were beyond satisfying and caused desire to pool between her legs.
Clarke slowly shrugged off her blouse to put her boobs on full display. Earlier that evening, she had changed into a black bra that, while not technically a push-up, showed an impressive amount of cleavage. Looking down at herself, she passed a hand over one of her breasts over her bra. She glanced back to the camera to see Lexa's chest rising and falling more quickly than before, her eyes hooded.
"Now it's your turn," Clarke said.
Lexa didn't look away from Clarke the entire time she undid the button on her pants and lowered the zipper. She lifted her hips off of the chair so that she could push them down her body. She took them completely off before settling back into the chair and spreading her legs wide enough to pull Clarke's gaze.
Clarke couldn't look away. Lexa's gray underwear was already marked by a dark spot. She licked her lips eagerly. "You're already wet, Lexa."
But that only made Lexa spread her legs wider, as she ran her hands down her own thighs. "I have been for a while. Since you started unbuttoning your shirt."
That confession had Clarke squirming on her bed. She positioned her laptop further down the bed between her legs and ran a hand over herself over her shorts. It wasn't the kind of pressure that her body was craving (she knew it really wanted Lexa, but this was the next best thing). She had her fingers return between her legs, rubbing harder against herself, watching Lexa's reaction all the while.
Lexa forced out a breath. "You should take those off."
"These?" Clarke teased, running a finger into the leg of her shorts and tugging on them, before pushing that finger back up against herself and moaning slightly.
"Yes, Clarke." Lexa's voice was higher pitched than normal, and her hands were moving to her inner thighs and up her legs. Clarke waited for Lexa to pull them all the way up, to touch herself, but Lexa stopped short. "Take them off," she said, more assertively.
And how could Clarke say no to that? She unclasped them, but instead of pulling them down, she just passed her hand underneath them and pushed past her underwear. They were soaked. She rubbed her fingers against her clit, her body pushing up against her own fingers.
"Off, Clarke." Lexa was nearly panting now. "The underwear too."
"You first," Clarke said, as she continued to focus on her clit, pushing and circling. Lexa's look of frustration was enough to make her throb.
But Lexa couldn't hold out. She tore her sports bra over her head, and even through the webcam, Clarke could tell how hard her nipples were. It shot another wave of heat through her. But Lexa looked hungrily at Clarke's own bra, and it didn't take long for Clarke to know what she was waiting for. Clarke reached a hand behind herself and unclasped it. She let out a sigh as she had to stop touching herself to slide it off of her arms, but Lexa's widening eyes as she took in the sight of her boobs made it more than worthwhile.
And now, Clarke was quickly wanting to leave her teasing act behind, because Lexa was sliding off her underwear to reveal herself, pink lips obscured by dark trimmed hairs. Clarke didn't waste anymore time in pushing her own shorts and underwear down her body and kicking them off of the bed. She spread her legs wider, knowing the view Lexa would get.
Finally, Lexa's hand completed the journey, as her fingers ran up and down herself. She practically bucked in her chair.
But Clarke just ran her hand down and spread her own lips wider, watching how Lexa let out a moan and pressed harder against herself. "I wish that were my own hand," Clarke said, her voice huskier than she had expected. But the way that Lexa gulped made her think it was more than welcome. "Or my mouth. God, I just want to touch you."
Lexa's moan was more than indication enough that Clarke was getting to her. "I want that too, Clarke."
"Here's what we're going to do." Clarke couldn't resist any longer. She ran a finger along her lips and plunged it inside of herself. It slid in easily, but still sent a rattle of pleasure through her. "'I'm going to pretend that these are your fingers pushing inside of me." She inserted another finger, pushing them further into herself. A moan racked through her, as she watched Lexa doing the same. "And you're going to pretend that that's me. And I'm not going to be gentle, Lexa. I'm going to fuck you, until you're crying out my name. Can you do the same for me?"
Lexa's fingers were moving faster now, moving in and out of herself. "Yes, Clarke. But I want you to rub your clit with your other hand. I would be sucking it right now." Her voice was coming more breathlessly, and punctuated by the sound of her fingers sliding in her own wetness.
Clarke did as she was told and started to rub circles around her own clit. She imagined that her fingers were Lexa's mouth, how Lexa liked to suck against her, the patterns she liked to use with her tongue, sliding up and down and around Clarke' clit. If she focused hard enough on Lexa, on the shuddering of her body and her dark eyes, Clarke could almost feel Lexa's breath against herself.
"Harder," Clarke insisted, as she watched Lexa's fingers sliding into herself. "I'm thrusting hard into you, more quickly now. I pause a little every time I'm deep inside of you and twist my fingers."
Lexa eyes snapped shut as she followed the directions. "Fuck, Clarke, I wish this was really you doing this."
"I'm kissing your neck now," Clarke continued, as Lexa tilted her head to the side. She could almost feel her lips tracing against Lexa's smooth skin there. She had to increase the pace of her own fingers inside of herself. "I'm kissing and licking down your skin, all the way to your chest."
On cue, Lexa's hand pressed against her breast, her fingers curling around it. "And what else do you want, Clarke? I want to curl my fingers inside of you, move faster until you come."
Just hearing Lexa say that was enough for Clarke to let out a dirty moan. Lexa's own pace quickened as well, and she threw her head back and hit the back of the chair with a thud. But if it hurt, Lexa didn't make any indication of it. Lexa looked back to the camera, her mouth going wide as she squeezed her eyes shut, and Clarke felt her orgasm rising inside of herself.
"I'm going to come, Clarke," Lexa panted at her, opening her eyes again and piercing Clarke with her stare.
Clarke could see it approaching, watched as Lexa's body rolled around her fingers and stiffened. She curled forward in her chair as it wracked through her, crying out Clarke's name.
And seeing Lexa shaking with pleasure was all it took. Clarke's orgasm hit her like a train, but she kept her eyes on Lexa, watched her body convulsing and hearing the sound of her name on Lexa's tongue, and Clarke clenched down on her fingers, drawing them in, rippling around them. She let out a long moan of her own, fueled by Lexa crying out again as she slumped back in her chair. Clarke kept curling her fingers and rubbing herself until her spasms faded away. After that, she was spent and very glad that she was already sitting against her pillows.
Clarke tried to catch her breath as she took her fingers out of herself. Lexa watched her silently, her eyes widening when Clarke brought her fingers to her mouth and licked them clean one by one. Lexa swallowed, lifting her own fingers to her mouth and sucking them, which only awakened another wave of arousal in Clarke.
"That was..." Clarke closed her legs and sat up in bed. "Really hot, actually."
Lexa just nodded, sitting up straighter in her chair as well. "I get why you wanted webcams now. That was definitely worth $9.99"
"Is that how much my body is worth to you, Lexa?" Clarke said while trying (unsuccessfully) to keep a straight face.
Lexa rolled her eyes a little. "You know what I mean."
Clarke couldn't help laughing at her, even if all of this just made her want to kiss Lexa even more. She hated that she couldn't. "I love you, Lexa. I wish we weren't 800 miles away from each other."
"I love you too." Lexa looked down at her lap sheepishly (which was strange, considering that they had just masturbated to each other on camera). "I really miss you, Clarke. I miss waking up with you, and how you trace your fingers along my back. I miss being able to hug you and breathe you in."
Clarke's heart turned to a puddle in an instant. "I miss all of that too," she said. "And how big your eyes get when I make you food. And how you snuggle into my chest when we're watching a movie." She cocked her head to the side with a smirk. "And the sex, let's not forget about that."
Lexa's cheeks reddened slightly. "I haven't, don't worry."
Clarke laughed again but looked into the camera with a more serious look. She and Lexa had already talked about this, but it seemed like now, when they were both so obviously missing each other and longing for one another, it was even more important. "Are we still doing OK, Lexa? With the long distance and everything?"
Lexa turned her webcam back up (to Clarke's disappointment), and sat closer to her computer. She frowned, staring somewhere beyond the camera. "I knew before we started that it was going to be hard. But it's actually harder than I thought."
"That's an understatement," Clarke said with a wry twist of her lips. She didn't know before they started dating long-distance that it was possible to physically ache for someone.
But Lexa ignored that comment, looking almost desperately back into the camera again. "I just miss you, Clarke. So much. More than I even thought I would, and I knew I would miss you every hour of every day. But..." Lexa bit her lip, suddenly unsure. "I love talking to you, Clarke, and knowing what's happening in your life. But sometimes when we do, I actually feel... worse."
"Worse?" Clarke repeated, as she tried to quell the dread pooling in her stomach.
"Not because of you," Lexa said quickly, her frown intensifying. "But because only hearing your voice, without being able to touch you or hold you, leaves me with a hole I can't fill. I want to be a part of your life, but all I can be right now is a voice on the phone or a few lines in an email. I know we are so much more to each other than this. Calling you never feels like enough."
Lexa ran out of steam, sighing and closing her eyes. "If that makes any sense."
Clarke hated that her choice to attend school made Lexa hurt like that. She hated being the source of any of Lexa's pain. She shifted the laptop to the top of her legs, so that Lexa would be able to see her eyes, see how much she meant all of this.
"That makes complete sense," Clarke said. "In a perfect world, I would still be there with you, and we would be a very real, tangible part of each other's lives. Those would have been my hands on you tonight, and I would get to hold you until we both fall asleep." Just the thought of it made Clarke ache. "I'm not satisfied with just calling you either, but I don't think we're meant to be satisfied with it. If we are, then what would that mean for us? Would we really belong together?"
Lexa looked at her with sad, green eyes. Clarke wished that she could comfort her better, but when she was 800 miles away, all she had was words.
"But I think we are meant to be together," Clarke continued, never needing Lexa to believe her more in her life. "And I know that, as hard as this is right now, that you're worth it. And we only really need to worry if we start thinking that we're not worth it."
"You're worth it, Clarke." Lexa's eyes were shining now. "You're worth this, and much more. I never want you to feel like you're not."
Clarke swallowed thickly, wishing she could see into the future just this once and know that she and Lexa would be together. She wanted that reassurance, wanted to know that, after these years of them being apart, that they would reunite stronger than ever. She didn't want to put Lexa through this, make her feel like all the ways they try to communicate and stay in touch with each other were insufficient. After all, it had been Clarke's decision to leave the ranch and go back to school. She couldn't help but blame herself for all of this.
Clarke cleared her throat, trying to control these thoughts. "Is there anything we can do, or I can do, to make things better?"
Lexa smiled at her then, a calming smile, one that Clarke could look at for hours and never tire of. "You already asked me to get the webcam, Clarke. And it's nice, you're right. It helps to be able to see you. And... tonight was..." Her cheeks burned red again. "It was really good. I think being able to see you will make things easier. And I meant to show this to you earlier..."
Clarke watched as Lexa reached past the computer to get something. She came back into the frame holding... a cell phone.
Clarke frowned a little. "A phone? You don't even get service at the ranch."
"No," Lexa admitted, turning the phone in her hand. "But it can go online, and I walked around outside, and my wifi signal goes pretty far. I can still go online out in the barn. And I got pay as you go, so I can get service in Polis."
"That's really great, Lexa." Clarke felt herself smiling. She still wouldn't be able to get in touch with Lexa all the time, but considering the amount of time that Lexa spent around the barn and in Polis, it was going to make a difference. "I'll be able to text you now, if you get WhatsApp. Oh, and you should get Snapchat, too! "
"OK..." Lexa drawled, looking down at the phone screen. "I don't really know what those are."
"One is for messaging, and the other is for pictures," Clarke said with a suggestive raising of her eyebrow. "And oh my God, you can finally join the modern age and get Facebook!"
Lexa's face scrunched up. "I guess."
"You're right, one thing at a time," Clarke admitted. She smiled into the camera, leaning forward so that Lexa got another generous shot of her boobs. "I can't wait to send you nudes."
A stupid grin came across Lexa's face as she stuttered and failed to make anything intelligible come out of her mouth. All of the tension in Clarke's body left in an instant, and Clarke laughed until her sides hurt.
*********
The holidays came and went, with Clarke needing to keep experiments running over the break for her research job. Lexa spent it with Anya's and Indra's families, as always. It was lonely for Clarke, and Lexa of course told her she wished that Clarke could be there with her, but they managed as best they could.
And then one day, out of the blue, Lexa said she might be able to come visit.
In true Lexa fashion, she had broken the news casually, in a text, as if Clarke's heart hadn't immediately stopped beating at the mere idea of it. She had been in class and could only send back about a dozen exclamation marks in a row, followed by another long series of question marks and heart eye emojis until Lexa finally took the hint and explained what she meant.
She was buying cattle from a ranch in eastern Wyoming (she didn't say exactly where) and thought that she could stay a night with Clarke before making the purchase. Clarke enthusiastically agreed.
She would finally get to see her girlfriend again. Her girlfriend, who was living 800 miles away. Her super hot girlfriend, who could make Clarke's knees weak with just a glance. Her sappy, sometimes obnoxiously smug girlfriend. Clarke was ready.
Of course, Clarke's academic schedule did not at all agree with Lexa's visit. She had a paper due the next day, and an exam at the end of the week. She worked her ass off and finished the paper beforehand and resigned herself to the fact that she was going to have one day less to study for the exam. But she had already hit the material hard, and honestly another day probably wouldn't have done her much good anyway. These courses were like a firehose, and she, like the rest of her classmates, were just struggling to keep up.
But Clarke got to forget about all of that for one day. Just one. It wouldn't be enough, but it was something.
Clarke had her textbook open in front of her and was trying her best to use these last few minutes to study, even if nothing was going into her head, when her phone vibrated on the table. She picked it up excitedly.
I'm here.
Clarke burst out of her seat, grabbing her jacket from the back of the chair and the keys from the counter and let the apartment's door slam behind her as she awkwardly tried to put her jacket on while running down the hallway.
The air outside was cold on her cheeks--it was January, after all--but she was walking fast enough that she couldn't feel it. She told herself she should probably be more careful on the slick sidewalk, snow piled up on either side of it, but that was all a secondary concern. She had told Lexa to park a couple of blocks away, because there was no way that a truck with a cattle trailer could find room anywhere near her apartment building.
She turned the corner down the street... and there she was, looking the other direction, standing with her hands in the pockets of her Carhartt jacket, a flannel shirt poking out just a little from the bottom. Her hair spilled from the bottom of a black beanie on her head, as she stretched her legs out after a long day of driving.
Clarke sped up her pace. Lexa turned, probably having heard the ice crunching under Clarke's boots. The uncertain look on Lexa's face instantly transformed. Her full lips pulled upwards at the corners, her eyes lit up, the tension in her shoulders dropped.
And Clarke was trying to close the distance between them as fast as she could, which is probably why she didn't see that patch of ice on the sidewalk and her foot slipped out from under her.
"Ahhhh!"
She felt a tight grip on her elbow, which was the only thing that saved Clarke from landing flat on her back.
Lexa was right beside her now, and touching her, which was really everything that Clarke had wanted to begin with. She thought Lexa's smile might have been warm enough to melt all of the snow and ice around them (and eliminate a public safety hazard as an added bonus).
But all Clarke could do was stare into green eyes, in person, for the first time in months, because she could. Because she was finally able to. Not through a screen, not just in her imagination, but in real life.
"Hi, Clarke." Lexa's hand rubbed up and down on Clarke's arm. "I've never had someone so excited to see me that they almost fell over."
"Shut up," Clarke mumbled, as she closed the distance between them and wrapped Lexa in a tight hug. Lexa's arms held her just as desperately. It made her feel safe, wanted, loved. "Thank you for coming. Even if it's on the way or whatever, it means so much to me."
Lexa buried her head in Clarke's shoulder. "Do you really think I would have passed up a chance to see you? I've been dreaming about holding you like this for months."
"Your dreams are so much more G-rated than mine," Clarke laughed into her hair.
But the way that Lexa's muscles tightened around her, and her hand wandered down Clarke's toward her ass, prompted her to think that maybe that wasn't necessarily true.
Clarke broke away and jutted her hand out to Lexa. "Come on. My apartment is a cozy 67 degrees Fahrenheit, my roommate has strict orders to stay with her boyfriend until tomorrow afternoon, and there's lasagna in the oven."
Lexa took her hand and gave her the most beautiful smile. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?"
It was the sight of Lexa in the city, her ranch clothes just a little out of place, the wisps of hair escaping from her braid, her full lips and warm eyes and hand that fit so perfectly in Clarke's, and now, the sound of Lexa's soothing voice confessing her love for her once again, that completely did Clarke in.
She pulled Lexa toward her by her hand, hesitated for that split second before their lips touched, remembered the first time they had kissed in the back of her truck (the same truck that was now parked in Clarke's neighborhood), all of the soft kisses and bruising kisses and the ones that held more promise than any words ever could, the kisses down Clarke's body that ignited her with every touch, the kisses of good morning and goodnight and goodbye.
But none could prepare her for the kiss of reunion, lips coming together a little out of practice, exploring and relearning the shape of each other. Lexa was the same but different, with their months apart seeming to translate to subtle changes of her mouth, her tongue, her breath. But it was exciting rather than jarring, the familiar and the foreign combining in a heady mix that had Clarke desperate for more.
Lexa pulled back first, swallowing thickly, her lips already swollen and her dark eyes fixed well below Clarke's. Desire immediately pooled in Clarke, but rather than jump her girlfriend in the middle of the sidewalk, she pulled her by the hand toward her apartment.
"It's definitely time to get inside," she said, Lexa's soft laugh beside her only spurring her to walk faster.
**********
At least Clarke had the foresight and self control to turn off the stove when they got back to her apartment, because otherwise, she probably would have burned down half the building with her charred lasagna. As it turned out, Lexa was more concerned about reacquainting herself with Clarke's body than with her cooking (which, Clarke decided, was a huge compliment). A line of their scattered clothing led from the front door, to the stove, to Clarke's bed, leading to a long journey afterward to get re-dressed and Clarke teasing her incessantly when she couldn't find her underwear (she did, finally, where it had become hooked on the corner of a bookshelf).
By the end of it, no surprise, they were starving. Clarke was too impatient to wait for the stove to warm up again. She cut up the lasagna and microwaved two plates of it, because who had the time for proper food reheating when Lexa was hot and ready and desperately in love with her?
They settled onto the couch--one corner of the couch, obviously, because being separated from each other for even as long as it took to eat dinner was unthinkable--with plates of steaming lasagna. Lexa took one bite and let out a satisfied moan.
"I can't tell if you like it or not," Clarke teased, taking a bite herself. She decided it really was good enough to earn Lexa's admiration.
"I know you taught me how to cook better than I used to, but I don't make anything like this," Lexa said with food in her mouth. "I don't think I could."
"Sure you could. You just don't want to." She ran a hand along Lexa's side. "I thought you had lost some weight. What am I going to have to do, send you meals every week?"
"Not a bad idea," Lexa said through a mouth full of lasagna.
"Oh yeah, the medical student working part-time definitely has the time to do that. I guess we're both going to starve until I graduate." Clarke watched Lexa continue to devour her lasagna with a smile. "It's only three and a half more years until then, you know."
Lexa actually took the time to chew her food and swallow, looking to Clarke with troubled eyes. "It feels like it's been so much longer than that. Even though I've been so busy around the ranch that every day is done as soon as it starts."
"I know what you mean," Clarke said. "It's like there's never enough time every day for me to learn what I need to, and yet, I've only completed one semester. It feels like I've been here forever."
Lexa's plate of food seemed to be forgotten on her lap as she smiled at Clarke. "It hasn't been, though. A year ago..." Lexa's forehead scrunched, in worry or shame, Clarke couldn't tell. "You were still furious at me, actually."
Garlic breath or no, Clarke leaned in and placed a kiss on Lexa's cheek. "And that seems like a lifetime ago."
"Where do you think we'll be next year, Clarke?" Lexa asked seriously.
Clarke curled into Lexa's side, thinking it over. Their future together was never far from her mind. "I think you'll be making up another reason to come visit me," she said. "You'll say it's to see me, but it'll really just be so you can eat my food again."
"That sounds reasonable," Lexa said with a fond look, earning a slap on her arm from Clarke.
"What else..." Clarke tapped her chin thoughtfully. She could take this opportunity to be serious, but where was the fun in that? They could be serious later. For now, she just wanted to enjoy being with Lexa. "Technology will continue to advance next year. I'll have a hologram of you dressed in leather lingerie. And even more importantly, same-sex couples will be able to reproduce more easily. I'll impregnate you with my fingers, and you'll be at least five months pregnant by this time next year."
Lexa chuckled to herself, as she curled her fingers into Clarke's hair. "Wow. This is not going where I expected."
"Maybe I'll have been exposed to radiation in the lab, and I'll become a super genius and graduate early." Clarke looked up at her as soberly as she could. "Unfortunately, I'll also have developed a third boob."
"Unfortunately?" Lexa repeated with a broad smile that Clarke was very tempted to kiss.
"Well, it will be in the middle of my forehead, which means I won't be able to go out in public anymore. Indecent exposure and all that."
"Society is so close-minded." Lexa curled her arm around Clarke's shoulder and held her close. "Like I always say, the more boobs the better."
"You have never said that."
"But I've thought it a lot of times."
Clarke pushed away from her and took back her plate from the coffee table. "Eat your food and tell me what you think we'll be like next year."
Lexa hummed thoughtfully to herself and settled a questioning look on Clarke. "Is it alright if my future is less... sensational than yours?"
"Don't you dare get rid of my forehead boob," Clarke warned with a grin, pointing a threatening finger at her.
"Alright, we can keep that part," Lexa said with a small eye roll.
She finished her lasagna and placed the plate to the side, then wrapped her arm around Clarke's shoulder. Clarke knew it was all a stalling tactic, but she couldn't complain when Lexa held her like that. She knew just how to make her feel wanted and safe, even in a fantasy-based discussion about their future.
Lexa looked to her seriously. "This is what I think. I'm afraid that despite your forehead addition, you're not granted any other kinds of powers" Lexa kissed her forehead for emphasis. "You may pick up some new hobbies. Maybe karate, because cities like this one are full of dangerous people."
Clarke shook her head. Fort Collins was ridiculously safe, but that never stopped Lexa from worrying about her.
"All of your hard work will pay off in your classes, too," Lexa continued. "You'll earn a huge scholarship and graduate debt-free. You'll even have a few thousand dollars left over to take me on vacation."
"Vacation?" Clarke said in surprise. "And where will I be taking you?"
"Somewhere warm," Lexa said, smiling over to her. "Somewhere I can stare at you in a bikini all day. Somewhere we won't have to worry about grades or cattle or anything, just for a few days."
It was hard to imagine Lexa lounging on a beach with a Mai Tai in her hand, but Clarke was intrigued. She certainly wouldn't mind watching Lexa in a bikini either. Or swimming with her in crystal-clear blue water. Or watching the sun set over the ocean with her...
"And of course," Lexa went on as she traced her fingers down Clarke's arm, "I'm going to be even more in love with you than ever."
Clarke was tempted to lean over and kiss her. "Such a sweet talked. But you haven't mentioned carrying my love child yet," Clarke joked.
But despite Clarke's tone, Lexa's eyes turned away. "Actually, I don't think I'll ever want to be pregnant. I think I'd rather adopt. Not by next year, of course," she added quickly, with a check of Clarke's reaction. "But eventually, once the ranch is stable again, and we're a little older, and..." She shook her head and laughed self-consciously. "My future isn't nearly as funny as yours was, Clarke."
"No, it's not," Clarke said, lifting Lexa's chin so that she looked her in the eye. "But I like it a lot better."
Lexa gave her that special smile, the one that Clarke loved, that started small and grew and grew until it radiated out of every part of her body. It was like watching the sun rise, starting as just a warm glow on the horizon, then a tiny speck of light, and finally a brilliance that set the world ablaze.
Clarke couldn't hold herself back. She had to taste the sunshine on Lexa's lips, let that heat enter into her and transform her from the inside out. She cupped Lexa's cheeks in her hands as she kissed her. Each pulse of her lips and sweep of her tongue warmed Clarke a little more, allowed life and love to bloom inside of her.
When they drifted apart, Clarke felt like she was in a daze. But when she was finally able to open her eyes, it seemed that Lexa was in a similar state, lips still parted and eyes just fluttering open again. Whatever effect Lexa had on her, Clarke felt like she held a similar power over Lexa.
She took Lexa's hands into her own and rubbed the back of them gently with her thumbs. "We decided last year that we needed to take things one step at a time. I think we still need to do that. But..." Clarke smiled at Lexa, at the concerned set of her brow. "I'm not going to lie, I like the idea of an adopted Lexa Jr. running around."
"Or Clarke Jr.," Lexa added.
"I think we'd be really good at it." Clarke remembered back to inviting families to stay with them over the summer, how Lexa had interacted with the children. "I'll be the encouraging, benevolent one, obviously. You'll pretend to be really tough with them, but as soon as they hug you or pout, it's all over."
"I can be tough, Clarke." Lexa scowled at her as if to prove her point. "Kind and understanding, but very tough."
"You're very tough," Clarke said with a grin, as she let her hands wander to Lexa's waist. "So tough that you let me drag you to karaoke. And to line dancing. And all the way to Colorado." A sudden thought occurred to Clarke. "Where did you say you're buying cattle again? Somewhere in Wyoming?"
Lexa's eyes went wide for a split second, which Clarke found to be highly suspicious. "It's a small town," she said, as her expression went blank.
"Yeah, which one?" Clarke said, eyes narrowing.
Letting out a sigh, Lexa said, "Lance Creek."
Now very curious, Clarke took her phone from the table and looked the town up. She zoomed out on the map more and more until she was able to see Fort Collins on the same map. "Lexa, Lance Creek is..." She got directions to her apartment. " Three hours north of here. You literally drove past it to get here."
Lexa opened her mouth but no words came out.
Clarke put the phone back onto the table then sat cross-legged on the couch to fully face Lexa. "You're telling me that you added three hours to your trip, each way, just to be able to see me?"
Lexa nodded once. "And I would have added more, if I had to."
Lexa didn't seem to understand Clarke's disbelief. It was the most natural thing in the world for her to drive hundreds of extra miles, in a truck that was as old as Clarke's mom, with a huge trailer on the back, just to spend a day with her.
In the end, Clarke really had no choice but to kiss her.. "I can see that you're very tough." Clarke kissed her again. "You're going to--" Kiss. "Spoil our--" Kiss. "Adopted love children--" Kiss. "Rotten."
Lexa was laughing into her mouth and almost smiling too much for Clarke to keep kissing her. But after some persistence, and Clarke pushing on Lexa's shoulders until she fell backward onto the couch, and an expert placement of her knee between Lexa's thighs, Lexa's laughter was replaced by sounds that tugged on Clarke's heart in a different way.
***********
Clarke settled against the arm of the couch with her legs spread out down the length of it. She patted the cushion in between her legs. "Come on, we've got some work to do. This is serious business."
Lexa rolled her eyes a little but settled herself between Clarke's legs, her back pushing up against Clarke's chest. She took her new phone out of her pocket and awakened the screen.
Clarke shifted against the arm of the couch until she was comfortable and wrapped her arms around Lexa. She would use any excuse to hold Lexa like this, especially with how every breath filled her lungs with Lexa's soft vanilla scent. She peeked over her shoulder at the phone screen. "No password, huh? You're brave."
"You know I don't know how to set that up, Clarke." Lexa swiped uselessly over the screen which proved her point perfectly.
"OK, well." Clarke took the phone from Lexa's fingers and went to settings. "You can use whatever set of four numbers you want."
"I don't think I need one. Who's going to use my phone?"
"Anya," Clarke said without hesitation. "And trust me, you don't want her posting to your Facebook. I imagine she would post something... embarrassing to your profile. One time, I left my phone unlocked, and Raven changed my profile picture to a 13-year-old Justin Bieber outlined by a huge heart."
"Ugh, I hate that guy. Does he have more songs than that 'Baby' one?"
Clarke just laughed and kissed her ear. "Yeah, he's kind of a pop star."
Lexa just harrumphed and entered in her new password. "OK, what's next?"
"Now this is the fun part." Clarke opened up the Facebook app and began signing her up. "This is so weird. I don't even remember what they ask for when you set up a new profile. Remind me how old you are again, Lexa?"
"Stop." Lexa punched her thigh but without any fire. "I was too busy for all of this when I was a kid."
"Of course you were. But that doesn't stop this from being hilarious." She scrolled through the years for Lexa's birthday, going further and further back in time. "But maybe I should have your Facebook age reflect your soul's age..." She settled on 1945.
" Clarke ," Lexa whined, turning back toward her, lower lip jutting out. She poked Clarke in the chest. "Remember, I'm doing this for you. I'm willing to learn how to use this thing just so you and I can talk more."
"OK, OK, OK." Clarke took the finger that was still being jabbed into her chest, intertwining their fingers. "And it means a lot to me. But just because you're doing a really amazing thing, does that mean I can't tease you about it?"
"Yes, that's exactly what that means," Lexa insisted.
But Clarke shot her a look as she pulled her hand closer. "Remember that time when I was learning how to ride a horse, and I was really sore, and you impersonated me by walking around all bow-legged?"
Lexa's pout was being replaced by a wide grin. "That's exactly how you looked. You couldn't walk right for a week."
"I think you're missing my point."
Leaning in, Lexa brought their lips together in a conciliatory kiss. "Alright. But light teasing only. And if you're going to choose a different year, 1945 isn't right. I wouldn't be a baby boomer. I would have been in World War II, as a pilot, or I would impersonate a man and fight on the front lines."
"Would you now?" This was the first time that Clarke was hearing about this particular fantasy of Lexa's, but it was quickly becoming one of her own as well. "You know, I wouldn't mind seeing you in a uniform. I think you could really pull that look off."
"I'll keep that in mind, Clarke," Lexa said with a suggestive look behind her.
"You and your promises." Clarke pinched Lexa's sides, eliciting a laugh, and Lexa's abs were hard against her fingers. Clarke couldn't make herself stop, pinching all across Lexa's stomach, before deciding that this might be a golden opportunity for a tickle fight.
She went for it hard.
Lexa doubled over trying to get away from Clarke's fingers. "Clarke, stop!" She was letting out sharp barks of laughter, but she still couldn't get away from Clarke's grip around her middle. But she gave a mighty shove off of Clarke--
And rolled herself off of the couch and into the coffee table.
Clarke sat up, trying to control her own laughter, because it was not funny how Lexa practically launched herself off of her directly into a piece of furniture. "Oh my God, are you OK?"
Lexa groaned a little, facedown on the floor now. She said nothing, but her hand moved slowly upward and landed on Clarke's arm.
Clarke felt herself being tugged, and suddenly the world turned upside down. Her leg hit something hard, and once she could open her eyes again she found herself face-down on top of Lexa's back.
"Lexa." Strands of Lexa's hair fluttered in her breath.
"Yes, Clarke," Lexa said into the carpet, as if this were a completely normal situation.
"You. Are. Ridiculous."
Clarke felt Lexa struggling to move underneath her, so she propped herself up onto her elbows. Lexa flipped around to her back and gazed up at Clarke with green eyes that were still so bright and proud of themselves (Clarke remembered back to how Lexa had first looked at her on the ranch, gaze threatening and hostile, and she still could hardly believe that those different expressions belonged to the same person). Now, the way her eyes shone at Clarke, they made her feel like she was the most important thing in the world. She felt Lexa's hands curling around her lower back and pulling her closer. Clarke went willingly.
"I may have caused some damage to your table," Lexa said, even as her fingers were wandering under Clarke's sweater and dragging slowly along her skin.
Without looking away, Clarke pushed the coffee table away across the carpet. "An acceptable loss."
Lexa's fingers continued their journey up Clarke's back, but the cold air on her skin wasn't the only thing making her shiver. When her hands came around to her front and pushed up against her bra, Clarke inhaled sharply. She found herself rocking down against Lexa.
"Is this an elaborate way for you to avoid making your Facebook profile?" Clarke asked, her eyes wandering down to Lexa's lips.
Lexa didn't answer immediately, instead slid another hand down Clarke's stomach and underneath the waist of her jeans. She looped a finger around Clarke's underwear and tugged just enough for it to pull against her. "What if it is?"
Clarke reached down to her own jeans and unbuttoned them, rocking against Lexa again. "I'd say it's working."
She leaned down and kissed her, as she felt Lexa's fingers unzipping her jeans and run over her underwear. Lexa pushed the small piece of fabric to the side, and the contact of her fingers against Clarke was sudden and very welcome. Clarke straightened and couldn't help but pass both of her hands across her breasts over her sweater, moaning slightly, as Lexa fingers explored around her, sliding and circling and teasing.
Lexa stared up at her with an intense look. "Off," she commanded, pulling at the bottom of Clarke's sweater with her other hand.
Clarke complied, and it was better, as she palmed her own breasts over her bra and began moving her hips above Lexa steadily. She felt Lexa's fingers enter into her, shallow at first, but Clarke forced her hips down to take in more of them. Lexa's other hand tugged on Clarke's jeans, pulling them partway down her legs, and fuck, that was good, because she had more room to rock against her hand, Lexa's palm hitting against Clarke's clit with each thrust.
Clarke didn't know how it had gotten to this. She had really just wanted to tease Lexa and tickle her, but now she was kneeling on top of Lexa and getting quite vigorously fucked even though she was still mostly clothed, and Lexa was fully clothed underneath her. But Lexa's hand cupping around her ass and squeezing her broke that train of thought completely, and her fingers were moving with a faster rhythm inside of her, pushing against her walls and curling inside of her.
Clarke felt herself buck when Lexa found a particularly sensitive spot. She decided her bra was worthless at this point and unhooked it from herself, throwing it across the room. She prodded and twisted her nipple with one hand, while the other held onto the couch desperately, pulling herself forward with each movement of her hips against Lexa. She watched Lexa staring at her breasts greedily, before Lexa sat forward and took one of them in her mouth, flicking her tongue and sucking down on it.
Lexa's fingers were reaching further and curling harder. Clarke cried out loudly, arching her back. "Fuck, Lexa."
Which of course, only made Lexa curl her fingers into that spot again. She looked up at Clarke with so much intensity that brought Clarke even closer. Clarke couldn't even keep her eyes open. She threw her head back, body rocking in place as Lexa's grip on her ass tightened. Clarke could feel her body stiffening, as she ground down onto Lexa's fingers with abandon. All it took was Lexa pushing against her clit again with another pump of her fingers, and Clarke was falling apart on top of her.
Her back arched, Lexa holding her close by her ass, until Clarke collapsed on top of her. Still shaking slightly, she fell onto Lexa's still fully-clothed chest. They both breathed heavily, their chests heaving in tandem. Lexa's hands fell onto Clarke's bare back, holding her tight.
Clarke let herself be held and rested her weight fully on Lexa. She couldn't help but laugh. "I just wanted to tickle you, Lexa."
"I don't believe you." Lexa kissed her, slow and soft (even though Clarke could still feel the after-effects of Lexa fucking her just a few seconds ago). "Just like I don't believe you just wanted to tickle me on your birthday, when you almost kissed me in the bar."
Clarke hid her face against Lexa's chest. "Busted."
**********
They finally managed to get Lexa's profile all set up (with a birthday year of 1925, just as Lexa requested). Despite Clarke's best efforts, Lexa did not agree to let Clarke assign her profile picture as the one Clarke had taken of her last Christmas, with Lexa wearing an apron. They settled on one of Lexa from the previous summer: Lexa on horseback, her cowboy hat firmly in place, as she gazed out over the grassland. It was one of Clarke's favorites that she had taken on the ranch, so she supposed it made sense for Lexa to choose that one.
That night, Lexa had calculated how much time they needed in the morning. Clarke had class, and Lexa needed to drive three hours back to the town where she would be purchasing cattle. Lexa reasoned that they should probably play it safe and wake up a full two-and-a-half hours before either of them needed to leave.
"You want us to wake up at 5:30 in the morning?" Clarke whispered sleepily in her ear, her arms wrapped around Lexa's waist in her bed. "My class isn't until 8."
Lexa's voice was muffled by the pillow. "We'll need time to wake up. And breakfast, of course."
"Breakfast, huh?" Clarke smiled into the back of Lexa's neck. "What am I making you?"
"Pancakes with that strawberry sauce?"
Clarke could tell that Lexa had definitely put some thought into her answer. "See? I knew you only came to see me for my cooking." Lexa's elbow in her stomach sent her laughing, despite how tired she was.
"I want to spend more time with you," Lexa said, as she took Clarke's arms and tightened them around herself. "The food is just a bonus."
"Right, right, right." Clarke couldn't help but kiss the back of Lexa's neck. She loved Lexa at all times of the day, but sleepy Lexa was one of her favorites. "But why don't we do 6 o'clock? That'll still give me time to make pancakes."
Lexa just hummed quietly, so Clarke took that as a yes. She set the alarm on her phone and was lulled to sleep in seconds by the weight of Lexa against her chest.
Of course, it didn't matter how much time they gave themselves the next morning, because it would never be enough. Clarke never thought she would tire of waking up to Lexa shifting against her, her beautiful green eyes fluttering open as she slowly came awake. Lexa's fingers running across her body, holding her close, would never get old. Naturally, Clarke needed to kiss her perfect mouth, feel that intermingling of comfort and thrill, and good thing that Lexa gave them so much time to wake up that morning, because Clarke found that they needed every minute of it.
But unlike that horrible morning last summer, when Clarke felt paralyzed in Lexa's cabin, felt like she was betraying the one she loved and abandoning too much of what she valued by leaving the ranch, Clarke thought that this morning was strangely... calm. It didn't have the same sense of portending doom. It rather just seemed familiar.
Yes, she and Lexa were being separated. Again. But they had done it once before, and they could do it again. They would have to.
So Clarke walked Lexa back out to her truck. The winter sun hung low in the sky, and they were both bundled up against the cold, their breath hanging in the air. They walked slowly down the sidewalk, hand in hand, but Clarke could only feel grateful for the time they had enjoyed together.
Lexa threw her bag into the cab of the truck and turned back to Clarke, a sad but breathtaking smile on her lips. "Sure you don't want to go to Lance Creek?"
"I wish I could, it sounds like a party. I looked up the population last night. 43." Clarke laughed, reaching around Lexa's waist with her arms and sighing in contentment when Lexa did the same to her. She knew some people passing them on the sidewalk would be giving them dirty looks (either because they were two women or just because they were taking up the whole damn sidewalk), but she couldn't care less. "But I should stay here and... I don't know, pass my classes or something."
"You probably should." Lexa' eyes flickered across Clarke's face, as if she was trying to tuck away every detail into her memory. Her grip around her waist tightened. "You know, I don't think it's ever going to be easy to say goodbye to you."
"I hope not," Clarke said, feeling herself being drawn into Lexa like she was pulling her magnetically. "Because you're stuck with me, Lexa Woods."
Lexa was giving her her crooked smile, which Clarke loved. "And you're stuck with me, Clarke Griffin."
Clarke let herself be pulled in the rest of the way, felt their lips collide in a wonderful dance. When she felt it becoming more heated, she had to break away. "I'm not going to let you leave me here all hot and bothered, Lexa."
"That was your doing, not mine," Lexa insisted, her cheeks glowing in the cold air. She rested her forehead against Clarke's. "When will I see you again?"
"Well, I was thinking..." Clarke breathed her in, knowing she wouldn't get another chance to do so for months. She wished she could bottle up Lexa's scent, and all of the memories that Clarke associated with it, so she could go through them on the particularly hard days. "The research project I'm working on ends this semester. I'll be free for the summer."
Lexa pulled back enough to be able to look Clarke in the eye, but she said nothing.
Clarke smiled at her, knowing full well what her answer would be. "I was wondering if you could use a ranch hand again this summer?"
Clarke suddenly felt herself being embraced in a tight hug and being spun around in fast circles. She heard her own laughter ringing out in the crisp air. She was placed back onto the ground gently, Lexa's broad smile matching her own.
"The whole summer?" Lexa asked excitedly, a little out of breath.
"The whole damn thing," Clarke confirmed with a smile. "You'll have to deal with me for four months."
And then Lexa was kissing her again, and she was still smiling too much for Clarke to be able to kiss her back very well, but Clarke loved it all the same.
"This is perfect," Lexa said, looking as if she might be grinning for the rest of her life. "I have some ideas for the dude ranch I think you could help with. And of course, I'm working on expanding the herd again, so I could definitely use an extra hand--"
Clarke rested her hand gently on Lexa's cheek. "And I would love to hear your ideas and help you however I can. But I really need to get to class, and you need to go buy some cattle."
Lexa nodded, still glowing. "Four months, Clarke."
Lexa's enthusiasm was contagious and made Clarke even more excited for the summer. "It'll be a hell of a lot better than spending one day together."
One last time, Lexa brought their lips together, but now, instead of a broken-hearted goodbye, it was all anticipation for their future.
Their future, together. Even if for just one summer.
"I love you, Clarke."
"Love you too, Lexa."
Only then did Lexa's smile slip into something more bittersweet, as she stepped into her truck, started the (somewhat sad-sounding) engine, and managed to pull out of the parking spot with her trailer in the first go. Clarke watched her turn the corner, listened for the grumble of her engine to disappear into the general buzz of the city.
They had spent less than a day together (fifteen hours, not like Clarke had counted). And yet, Clarke was more convinced than ever that, no matter how long and arduous their road together may be, Lexa was more than worth the effort.