We chatted for a while about what I had planned for them over the weekend. He spoke about his family and the barbeques that had when he was at home these last few days. I was going to ask if we could call it a night so that I could get to that shower, but my phone started ringing. Who on earth would be calling me now, its somewhere between 4 and 5 am in England?
"Ryan" I sigh. Daniel notices the change in my mood and starts to clear the mugs from earlier. I go to the bedroom to take the call, hoping it won't be too lengthy. I don't want to make Daniel wait awkwardly.
"Hey babe, what are you doing up?"
"What is wrong with you Alexia?" He sounds frantic. Drunk
"Ryan, what's going on? What's wrong. I was just about to go to bed"
"Are you with Nico? Don't lie to me, are you with Nico?"
"No, I'm in my hotel room. What is going on!?" I try to be as quiet as I can with Daniel in the other room. No need to drag him into this mess.
"I can't do this with you, Alexia, you can't take no for an answer, can you? I cant Al. I just can't anymore"
My heart sinks. He's really drunk and he's going down a dark road. Now is not the time, I can't have this fight with him again, what the hell happened? "Ryan. Babe. What can't you do? How can I help?", trying to reason with him.
"This is your fault, you did this to us. I'm going to a friend. I'll call you later"
Before I get the chance to say anything, the line goes dead. I'm sat on my bed utterly bewildered. After 5 mins of just sitting there, I see Dan standing in the doorway. He's looking at me with furrowed brows.
"I'm fine Dan, really," I say as assuringly as I can manage." I just need to have a shower and get into bed. Thanks for the chat though. It was a good one." Sensing my reluctance to open up he agreed and hugged me goodnight.
At the beginning of the winter holidays, Ryan and I had gone out for dinner, it was an amazing evening. The skies were clear and the stars were out. Absolutely freezing outside but he had me bundled in a blanket and his jacket as we listened to soft music being played in the background. A perfect night, until we got home...
How could I be so inconsiderate to his feelings by picking that restaurant to eat at. I should have known it was above his pay grade, then I have the audacity to order the most expensive thing for myself while he sat there like an idiot eating his small meal only to find out that I was paying. How does that make him look? How could I be so selfish?
That was the first night he hit me. Both of us were so shocked at his actions that we didn't speak about it again until he sore the mark it left on my upper cheek. He apologised but said that I shouldn't work him up so badly next time. That he was bound to snap at some point and tonight just went too far over his limit.
I had to cancel plans with Jen that weekend and didn't bother to make any more with anyone until Jamie called to say that he was coming.
-
I haven't really slept these last two nights, been wrestling back and forth between work and trying to get hold of Ryan. I can't believe he's put me in this situation. Again. I need to be better, more alert and in the moment.
Its Friday night, free practice went exceptionally well. Daniel seems to be really getting a hang of the car. The team left him on track as long as possible to get as many laps in as he could. Later this afternoon Nico came around. He said Daniel had mentioned that I looked stressed or something so he decided we needed to get away from the hotel and have a coffee - see the city.
I'm in the process of choosing my outfit for the team supper tonight, Jerome Stoll - Renault's President believes in a family orientated company so this will be a ritual at the start of every race weekend. I have a red shirt with white stripes, high neck with jeans or a white long sleeve blouse slits to the wrists and a low neckline with a white collar around the neck and the same pair of jeans.
I decide to go with the white, the neckline might be a little too much for a work event, but Mike mentioned that we might go out for a drink afterwards so at least I won't have to go back to the hotel to change again. I pair the outfit with a pair of champaign sandals that have a small decent sized heel. My hair is loose flowing around my shoulders, light makeup and lip gloss. Happy with the result I try calling Ryan one more time. Voicemail. Whatever
Was I late? I'm sure they said 6 pm and it's only 5:35 now..? Everyone is already seated around the table that the waitress showed me to and they're all watching me in anticipation. "Am I late?" I ask with a small smile on my face to cover the uneasy feeling of being the centre of attention.
"Not in the slightest, Darlin" Daniel's accent catches my attention. "This was supposed to be my night, but I thought it wouldn't be fair to leave the newbie out." I smile and bite my tongue to keep myself from swearing at him for embarrassing me. The rest of the team are all laughing at his quick humour.
A seat is open next to Mike, an engineer to my left - I think her name is Sandra, Nico right in front of me and Daniel to his right. I give Daniel the evil eye and greet everyone I can within hearing. "So this was your idea, was it?" I ask the tanned creature across from Mike.
"Well no, I already had my welcoming" he replies smiling like a goofball.
"The team thought it would be nice if we did something special for you since everyone else has experienced it in some or other form" Mike butts in from my side, bumping my shoulder with his and adding a sneaky wink. I giggle and stick out my tongue at him, which doesn't go unnoticed by Nico who has his eyebrow raised and mentally giving me the 5th degree and sternly reminding me of my current living situation. I kick his feet under the table and mouth "what?" while he pretends to be hurt and outraged.
"That's quite a nice outfit you have on Alexia" Nic mentions matter of factly, what is he up to? Feeling playful I see how far I can push it before he threatens to tell my brother..."Thanks, Nic, I like it quite a bit myself." I run my fingers down the hem of my very deep V neckline of my shirt. I notice Mike and Dan's eyes tracking my movements, but don't look in either of their directions. I'm focused on Nico who is about to say something in 3.. 2.. 1
"I'm telling Jamie!" He yells just loud enough for the entire table to start laughing at him.
"5-year-olds they are,'' I mutter rolling my eyes at the familiarity of the situation.
"Six, remember" Daniel interrupts and for the first time during this whole scenario I look at him, there's this little twinkle in his eye and once again I feel butterflies getting caught in my ribcage.
"Sorry, six. My mistake kids" I say with my mommy voice.
Dinner was incredible, only the best of the best for our team and conversation around everyone's expectations for the weekend was flowing. Daniel was uncharacteristically quiet, while Nico sat staring between myself and Mike all throughout the meal. Soon it was time for next part of the evening, the thing I was looking most forward to plus I was getting tired of feeling like my father was about to send me to my room at any second. Mike lead me out of the restaurant and into the team's shuttle. We would all drive through to the bar together.
It was an upscale place with the VIP section booked out for the team. Crystal chandeliers and gold finishes on all the tables. I sat down on one of the lush white couches that honestly, I wish I had just one at my place - our place. Damit. Ryan.
I check my clutch for my phone and note that I've left it in my room next to my laptop where I synced the playlist I used to get ready. Well, I'm enjoying myself. "Be more in the moment", I quietly whispered to myself.
"In the moment, huh?" as I felt the spot next to me sink in on the couch. Caught off guard by his presence all I can do is sheepishly smile while my cheeks heat up. He hands me what looks to be some sort of Daiquiri. I could use some ice to cool down round about now...
"Thanks, this is just what I needed." I take a massive sip and he laughs at my urgency. "What? I've been dying for a drink all week and this is soo good", I take another two big sips.
Sandra wanted to get some shots and took my hand as she passed me, I was more than happy to oblige and jumped off the couch. We skipped like two school girls to the bar and ordered two tequilas. Finally feeling the alcohol's calming effects I decided to run with it and ordered two more. Now regretting these jeans on this super hot summer night in one of Melbourne's finest, I air out my shirt as much as I can without flashing any Techies.
"Careful there missy wouldn't want any of the mechanics to get the wrong impression of you, now would you?" The breath from his words hit my neck, a chill down my back has me shiver and then he laughs coming into view in front of me.
"Or the right one?" I say with a cheeky wink. Wait. What? Who am I? Definitely, need to cut down on those shots. This makes him laugh even louder.
"Oooh, feisty!" He grabbed his bottom lip with his top row of teeth on the F and it made me imagine what it would be like to be the one biting that plump bottom lip.
He must've caught me staring because his next question caught me off guard, "How much have you had to drink Lex?"
"What? Why?" I tuck my hair behind my ears to try and neaten up my appearance.
"No reason, we should get you back to your room." He puts both hands on either one of my shoulders to turn me around right into Mike who was holding a beer in one hand and Daiquiri in the other, intended for me no doubt.
"Where are you off to Lex? The party was just getting started around here and you're way too sober! " I looked to Daniel
"So you're the culprit to blame for this" he waves his hand up and down me lengthways, he doesn't look impressed at all. "Arnt you supposed to be going through statistics and shit?"
"Don't you worry Dan, everything is sorted for tomorrow, we expect some good data for the books from your sessions with the car today," Mike replied without a stutter. "This, on the other hand,'' he motioned to me, in the same manner, Dan did just a minute ago "is all her."
"Is that so?" Daniel asked me as I stared at them both in shock.
"Yeah well if my boyfriend would just answer his damn phone and stop being such an asshole maybe I wouldn't feel the need to get trashed my first night out with the team! Now could you both stop blabbering on about whose fault it is and stop trying to get me back to my room. I'm a big girl I can do both of those things without anyone's help," and with that, I pushed past both of them, but not before grabbing my drink from Mike's hand and walking over to Sandra's table.
Extremely pissed off and only slightly embarrassed about the information I just vomited out to two strangers, I decided now was a good time to dance. Just as she had done to me to get some shots, I grabbed Sandra's hand and made a run for the dancefloor. After a couple of songs, the music turned slow and I hardly noticed the tears that started to fill my eyes until I couldn't see out of them anymore. I need to get back to my room. No one can see me like this.
I looked for Sandra or Dan or Mike to say goodbye, but none of them are anywhere to be seen and I need to go before I'm a complete mess.
Thank goodness for the taxi drivers that still exist beyond Uber, I make eye contact with the guy and make my way over to his car that's parked just a couple of meters away from the club's entrance.
"Alexia!"
"What is it now Daniel?"
"Where are you going?" He's gotten closer, I turn around and he's right behind me. The taxi driver hoots. I turn around and motion for him to wait for me.
"I'm going home", wiping my face as a tear slips.
"My car is just over there, let me drive you", I walk over to the driver and tell him I've got a ride and thank him. Daniel waits until it's safe to cross the road and takes my hand while we cross. The small touch pulls at my heart and another tear falls. Quickly I wipe it away and get in the passenger side that Daniel has opened for me.
The drive was short and silent. We're in the elevator and my sniffing is all you can hear. "Wanna talk about it?"
"No, I just need to shower and get into bed."
"Sure."
I get off my floor and say goodnight before the doors close. Once inside I try calling Ryan one more time before I get into bed and of course, it just goes to voicemail. Absolute bullshit! I'm so done with today. I'm well overdue for a good night's sleep.
My phone beeps next to me and I quickly check it.
I'm sorry you had a bad night, I'm here to talk if you need me - Daniel
A/N: Thanks for the support so far you guys
Thought I'd add a mid-week update.
1st in #ricciardo - that's pretty damn cool. Please don't forget to vote and follow me for updates 😘