By the clock Nate had brought it was nearly four in the morning when I laid down but I set the alarm for eight. I didn't want to miss the chance to talk Colin out of his crazy idea. I struggled up when the alarm blared and spent some time just sitting on the edge of the bed, collecting my tired thoughts. It was a good thing I had gotten up early. I found Colin in the dining room eating at the long table alone. He refused to hear my objections but was more than happy to give me more details.
"The truck passes the gas station at three in the afternoon. It's a few hours to get there and I want to make sure we get there with extra time. We should probably leave hear by eleven at the latest."
"You never did tell me how you plan on getting to this gas station without being seen."
He laughed, "Well that's easy actually. My father had an underground tunnel built off the garage. It runs all the way to an access road by the highway. We'll take one of the small SUVs out that way and hit the highway. They'll never even know we've left! I never thought I'd be happy my dad was such a nut."
I was not amused by his dodge. "And then what? How do you plan to stop the truck once you get there?"
"A little high water should to do the trick. But we'll have to be quick. The trucks keep a tight schedule and we may have questions to answer if we're late. I want us to get as far as we can without talking to anyone."
"Listen, Colin..."
"Still at it then?" Mel joined us at the table. She was wearing black pants and a long sleeve black sweater, combined with her long black hair and pale skin she looked ready for a funeral.
"It just seems crazy rushing into something this big without more of a plan." I told her. "Why not wait until after this whole meeting with agent Knoll?"
"The problem is," Colin said, "We have no way of planning better. I don't think there is more intel to get and I don't think it would help even if we could. And the trucks only run every two weeks. We either do it now or not at all."
"Ok, then why not use Stephen? He would make this a lot easier and probably safer to get in."
But Colin was shaking his head before I finished. "We need to move fast and that seriously limits what Stephen can do."
Mel laughed, "And he probably wouldn't go anyway."
"I think you underestimate Stephen if you think that is true." Colin said seriously. I sort of agreed with Mel but was glad to hear Colin wasn't leaving him behind because he was too afraid to go.
Mel dismissed his comment. "Whatever you say. I'm going to get some breakfast." She walked away.
"Colin, surely there is more time. We can gather more Phoenix here and go when we are better able to defend ourselves." I pleaded.
"I don't think there are any more to find, new ones at least. Nate hasn't felt anyone new in a while, since you in fact, and from what I can tell it's the same all over. I think the changing is done, or whatever started it has stopped. I don't know." He got up and gathered his dishes. "I've got a lot to get ready before we go."
I liked Colin. I owed him a lot, but I still thought this ideas of his was horrible. I just wished I could get him to see it. Maybe I could talk some sense into the others. And I hadn't forgotten Nate and what I needed to say to him.
After some searching I found David on a small sun porch drinking tea. He greeted me warmly but seemed distracted while I discussed my concerns. When I'd exhausted my complaints he silently sipped his tea and stared out the big windows.
"You have legitimate concerns. But it doesn't change anything. This has always been our plan. Those people need help and I don't think there's anyone else in a position to help them right now."
"That's nobel but I'm getting real sick of hearing it."
"Sadly though, it's true. Do you think I want to go? Risk my life or worse, risk being put in a position where I have to take another's life? I'm not doing this because I want to, none of us are. We have to help those people if we can Jemma." He sighed. "I miss being a designer. Less chance of having to murder people."
"I understand David, I do." I hung my head, "I would help, I want to help. I can't stand the idea of losing any of you. We are hanging on by a thread here. What happens to the rest of us if you all get caught or worse?"
"You'll carry on here and I imagine plan a rescue." He smiled. "We'll be ok, Jemma. Colin knows what he is doing. I trust him."
Having made no headway with David and knowing Mel wouldn't care what I had to say, I went in search of the last member of the group, Nate. But I didn't find him in the library or the AV room. The only person I could find was Sean, at the bar. I sat down with him.
"Seriously Sean, It's not even noon."
"It's apple juice." I doubted it. "But I thank you for the concern angel. It's touching." He sounded bitter.
"What's your problem?"
"The most beautiful girl in the world won't give me the time of day."
I laughed. "Leave it to you! Impending war, perilous rescue attempt, and negotiations that could change our lives and all you can think about is getting in Anna's pants."
He got up. I thought I had offended him but he stopped next to me. He was grinning. He leaned over, his lips brushed my cheek as he whispered, "I wasn't talking about her Jemma." He walked away and I just sat there feeling a but shocked. I could still feel his breath, smell the alcohol on it. I knew that wasn't apple juice. I shook myself. He was just trying to get me riled up. That seemed to be something Sean liked to do. I tried to forget about him.
I wandered around the house for most of the day. I looked longingly at the sunlit grounds but we still couldn't risk going out. I was run out of the kitchen a little after noon by Fletch and had lunch instead with Kennedy and Stephen. It seemed Stephen had been sneaking things out of the kitchen for weeks and they now had a fully stocked pantry.
I spent some time in the library with Cooper. He laughed at my shock when he told me he was a used car salesman before the change. "But.." I said it disbelief, "You're so intelligent and...and mannered!" He beamed at the praise.
I stayed out of the AV room. Mel and Ben had taken up residence there and didn't seem interested in company. The only person I wasn't able to find was Nate. I hoped to see him at dinner at least but he was absent when we all sat down at the big table.
Despite Kennedy's jokes and Sean's drunken banter the mood at dinner was somber. Everyone seemed lost in their own thought. I retired to the library after in the hopes Nate would wander through but all I found was Ben in his corner oddly though without Mel. I had been sitting lost in a book for sometime when he finally spoke up.
"Why keep using the name?"
"What?"
"Jemma? Why keep it up? It's not yours."
I nervously looked around the room but we had been alone for some time. "Because...because it's me now I guess. I don't feel like anything else fits..." I shrugged irritably. "I'm different why shouldn't my name be?"
I expected him to laugh but he just grunted, "Wish I had thought of changing mine."
"Nothing wrong with Ben..."
He waved a hand, "It's plain, common. Of course it would take some thought to find something better. Wouldn't want to pick the first thing that popped in my head and be stuck with something ridiculous..." He was grinning at me.
"I will come over there and punch you in the face." But I was grinning now too.
"I'll have Mel break your arms."
"I'll heal them and punch you again."
He looked thoughtful, "what if she tore them off? Do you think they'd grow back?" I threw my book at him and he laughed. It was the first time I'd ever heard him do so.
I went to bed late still without having found Nate and spent the next day wondering around the house until dinner still without success. I was starting to miss him. I had gotten used to our talks and the comfort I found when he was around.
Sean took a seat next to me as he helped himself to a slice of beef in dark gravy. "'Night angel, what's eating you?"
"Nothing."
"Uh huh. Ok don't share then. But I could probably help you know." He put his hand on my knee and leaned close enough for his shoulder to touch mine.
I laughed and shook my head. "I very much doubt that." I picked up his hand and replaced it on his own lap with a pat. He just laughed. Sean was crass and bold and ridiculously unmannered but he didn't mean harm. He definitely wasn't what I'd call charming but I'd come to see it as his own awkward way of trying to offer comfort, which I could appreciate. And as much as I hated to admit it the attention from someone so beautiful was nice.
I was getting tired by the time dinner was over. But I couldn't wait any longer. I knew no one would have time to talk tomorrow. I caught Colin as he was leaving the dining room.
"You look tired again Jemma." He said. "You should get some rest. We will all need it." He thought I wanted to argue more.
"I know. I am, but I was hoping to talk to Nate. I haven't seen him all day. Do you know where he is."
"He was in his room earlier. He didn't want to come down so we talked there." He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. "Second door on the right."
I hesitated when I got to the right door. My instinct was to hid until all this blew over. Emotions were not my forte, but I reminded myself again of what was happening tomorrow and what Nate had done for me. I owed him and I wasn't going to let him leave thinking I hated him. But when he didn't answer after three knocks I figured he wasn't there or didn't want to talk. I went dejectedly back to my own room.
It was only seven in the evening but I'd only had a few hours of sleep and I wanted to be up early again so I got ready for bed. I changed and was on the steps to the bedroom when there was a tap at the door. It was Nate. Of course he would have to show up now.
"I heard you were looking for me." His words were stiff. Well I wanted to fix this tonight didn't I?
"Yeah. Do you have time to come in?" I opened the door wider at his nod. We stared at each other for a moment. I would say what I had to and deal with the rest later. My words failed though when I looked up at him and we just stood there staring at each other uncomfortably. Damnit. I took a deep breath and began talking fast.
"I just wanted to tell you that I get it. I...I understand what you were trying to say the other night. And it's ok. I'm sorry if I seemed upset with you. You can't help the way you feel and I had no business acting like a child. We were stressed and tired and drinking and...I just want you to know I had no right to get mad because you didn't want...you didn't feel the same way I did about it." I stopped, feeling like an complete idiot once again. He was looking at me like he agreed and then, unexpectedly, he laughed.
"You think that's funny?!" I snapped. So much for holding my temper.
"You think I stopped because I didn't want you?" He said still laughing
"You...you did."
"No." He walked closer. "You've got it wrong Jemma. I stopped because I thought...I was afraid the only reason you were there, with me, like that was because of those things; fear and stress and alcohol. I took you there, served you alcohol and started pawing at you." He shook his head and lowered his eyes, "I made an ass of myself."
I reached up and touched his face then quickly pulled him into a hug. I buried my face in his neck. I felt him laugh more than heard it and his big arms wrapped around me. I mumbled in to his shirt, "I was tired and stressed and scared, but I didn't want it to stop. You weren't the ass...I was"
He pulled away just enough to look down at me. "I was afraid I'd lost my chance..." He pulled me close again and gently brushed his lips against mine. I stopped myself from pushing him further than that tender kiss. This was something I wanted, more than I was willing to admit really, but I didn't want to force it either. I didn't want to scare him away again. He pulled back and ran his hand over my hair. "You're tired. I should go."
"Please don't" I couldn't help myself. Now that he was here I didn't want to let go. "I am tired and I know you have things to do...but you could stay...for a bit." He kissed me again. It was getting harder to not be aggressive. I took his hand and walked to the couch. I curled up next to him with my head on his shoulder. It was blissful to feel his arms around me, to feel so warm...so safe...
I woke up disoriented. The sun was up and I was in my bed, alone. I didn't remember getting there or Nate leaving. I rolled over and looked at the clock. It said ten fifteen. NO! I jumped out of bed. Colin said he was leaving at eleven. What if they decided to go early! Why didn't someone come and get me! I paused long enough to throw on clothes and ran out the door. I rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs at a run but stopped short. Everyone was still in the library, staring at me.
"Jemma," Colin greeted me. "I was hoping to see you before we left." He, Cooper, and David were standing over the papers again. I tried to steady my breathing and straighten my hair but I gave it up as hopeless when I realized my shirt was on backwards. Colin was staring at the scattered papers intently and began to talk quickly. "I'll call in once we get to the highway and again once we have the truck. After that I'll try to give updates as I can but it may be difficult at times. Don't panic if you don't hear from us right away. I'm going to keep out of sight as much as possible as I'm probably the only one of us they can connect to this place. Still, if something does go wrong and they do make that connection they might come here in retaliation. I'd like you all to keep a round the clock watch again just in case." There was no point in arguing now so I just nodded with the others and eventually walked off when Colin became engrossed in the paperwork again.
Mel and Ben were in their corner. Ben had pulled his chair to face Mel's and was gesturing wildly while he talked low. I couldn't hear what he was saying but it didn't look like he was getting through to her. Nate was standing with Kennedy and Stephen. They turned when I approached them.
"Good morning sleepyhead!" Kennedy said. "I was wondering if you were going to make it before everyone left."
"Yeah. I would have been pretty upset if I hadn't." Nate had the good sense to look abashed. I turned to him, "I don't suppose I could talk you out of going on this rescue mission. Or maybe trying to talk some sense into Colin?"
He smiled and shook his head. "No." Kennedy must have noticed they way he was staring at me because he quickly excused himself and Stephen. He was a good man.
"I mean it Nate. I wish you wouldn't do this. Any of you. I know it's important but we have so much trouble already. Or at least let me come with you. I can help keep you safe."
"Colin told me you might try this. You know we have to go Jemma. And you know you have to stay." He moved a little closer and lowered his voice. "Maybe when we get back you'll let me make you a drink again."
I tried to be angry but couldn't. "I would like that." Oh how I wished we were somewhere else, somewhere alone. I took his hand and gave it a quick squeeze "Please be careful Nate."
After they left we all piled into the AV room and waited. No one felt much like talking, lost in our own thoughts. About half an hour after they left Colin radioed to tell us they had made it to the highway. After that it was just waiting and watching. After a while people began drifting in and out. Ben was my only constant companion and he was surprisingly reserved. We sat side by side but barely said a word. Anna brought us some lunch but didn't stay long. We ate in silence. Three hours passed with no word from Colin and the others. I started pacing back and forth in front of the screens. Kennedy and Stephen sat with us awhile but the mood seemed to distress Kennedy so they didn't stay long either. Cooper came in and out, in and out but seemed incapable of staying still for long and Sean was completely absent. "Where are they? Surly they got there without being seen. What could have happened?" I said more to do something than expecting an answer. Ben just angrily stared at the radio like he could will it to talk to him. Another fifteen agonizing minutes went by before we heard Colin's voice on the radio.
"We hit a little detour but we made it. We have to get things set."
Ben acknowledged but that was all. Silence again. It was terrible just sitting there waiting but I couldn't leave. I felt a longing, like I was missing something I was used to having with me....tender affection and a deep desire...so small and so strong and so beautiful. I love it when she takes her teeth...wait... WHAT?
"Ben!"
He was startled out of his brooding, "What?"
"You... you're...I think you're passing your thoughts to me."
"What the hell are you talking about?" He was only half listening.
"I was just thinking of Mel."
He sneered. "Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure we all are so..."
"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure no one else was thinking about how much you like it when she nips at your ear while she holds you down and..."
"Stop! Jesus!" He looked stunned. "I didn't mean to...I didn't even know I could do that!"
"Well please try and stop!"
"How am I supposed to stop what I don't even know what I am doing?"
"Maybe it's just with particularly strong emotion or something..."
"Oh, so I'm just supposed to stop feeling particularly strong about her is that it!"
"I was just trying to help!" I took a breath to keep from smacking him. "Look, all I'm trying to say is concentrate, try to control yourself. Keep your shit in your own head and while you're at it, stay out of mine!".
"You think I don't know how to control myself? I could tell you things about yourself you wouldn't like very much..."
I scowled at him, "What's the matter Ben, mad that I found out you're a real live boy? One who likes it a bit kinky by what I saw."
"HA! At least I can settle on who I want!"
"What!" We were interrupted by the radio, the argument completely forgotten for the moment.
"We hear you Colin."
"Hey we did it! We've got the truck. It's only a couple of miles to the facility so we'll be silent for a bit."
I sat down hard in front of one of the monitors. Ben slowly came over and sat next to me. He looked so miserable I couldn't renew the fight. "They'll be ok Ben."
"Shit!"
"Come on, it's a crazy plan but Colin knows what he's..."
"No, not that! That!" He was pointing at one of the screens to his left. There was a long black sedan coming up the drive.
"No, no, no...It can't be. Not now!" I groaned as the car stopped in front of the house and Agent Knoll stepped out.
I stood up. "I have to get rid of her!"
But Ben pulled me back down. "No! Jemma you can't. Think! This is the whole reason Colin wanted you to stay here. If you go out there now and tell her to get out, aside from looking really suspicious, we lose any chance of possibly ending this stupidity."
I watched in horror as the agent, dressed today in a crisp dark blue pant suit, walked up the porch steps. I knew Ben was right but how could I focus on this when I knew what was happening...
"Ben, go tell the others. I'll go talk to her but you get back here. If something happens you have to come tell me."
"No, I'm coming with you!"
"No Ben! I can't do this without knowing what's going on. You're the only one I trust to listen" That statement surprised both of us. "Please Ben, You have to keep watch here for me."
I could see Agent Knoll standing at the door. She must have already rung the bell. I looked pleadingly at Ben. He gave me a quick nod and made his way out. Sean was making his way to the door when I made it to the front hall.
"No Sean! It's the FBI agent. I'm going to talk to her."
"Not alone you're not."
"Sean, I'll be fine. It's not like she's going to hurt me now." I pushed past him and waited until he moved out of sight before opening the door.
"Hello, Jemma." She looked serious but less imposing out of her ninja suite.
"Hello Agent Knoll." I stepped onto the porch and shut the door behind me.
"I assume the agreement still stands? I am welcome here?" She sounded slightly worried. I realized I must have been showing some of the alarm I felt. I tried to fix my face into something more welcoming.
"Oh. Of course, yes. What...um what can I do for you?" Ugh. I had to do better than this...
The agent raised an eyebrow but otherwise continue normally. "Well, it seems I can surprise even myself with my persuasion skills. My superiors have decided negotiation isn't such a bad idea. I've come to talk over some...arrangements they have proposed."
"Arrangements?" Crap, I had to concentrate. Ben would warn me if something happened to the others I had to focus on what I need to. "What kind of arrangements?"
She looked around the drive, "Is there somewhere we could talk? Inside I mean."
I nodded and turned toward the door. I hesitated before opening it, silently praying Ben had managed to warn the others or was watching and could get everyone out of the way. I didn't want her knowing any more that she had to. I led the way to the bar. I thought I heard footsteps in the library but when I looked it was empty. The whole front of the house appeared to be. Breathing a sigh of relief I directed Agent Knoll to a seat at the bar.
"Can I get you something?"
"No, thank you." She looked around, "This place is impressive."
"Yes, we're lucky. We have a lot of space. Makes up a bit for not being able to go outside."
She narrowed her eyes, "Yes, I suppose it does. Well I told you I would do what I could and I think we can fix that problem at least. I have done my best to convince the director that you are not a threat. I don't think he agrees but he is willing to give you a chance. I've come here to tell you we are willing to let all charges drop in exchange for a few guarantees on your part."
"Charges agent? You mean the ones that were brought against us simply because we exist? That's very big of your director." I tried to moderate my tone. This wasn't the time to get snappy. "What guarantees is he looking for?"
She pursed her lips but otherwise let my sarcasm go. "You, and everyone under this roof, will submit your names and abilities. You will be interviewed by our agents. You will stay on this property unless authorized to leave, and you will stop actively recruiting other changers."
It was all I could do not to punch her. She at least had the decency to look embarrassed by what she was asking. "You can't be serious? What you're proposing is no different than imprisonment. So you've come to tell us instead of taking us somewhere to lock us up you want to lock us up right here? And you want us to agree to it? No Agent, those are not guarantees I can make."
She sighed, "I told em you wouldn't go for it but it was the best they were willing to give." She sat back and sighed. "I don't know if you have been watching the news but some of your kind are running a muck; taking what they want and hurting anyone that gets in their way."
"No I haven't been but that doesn't change the fact we haven't done anything. You don't try and lock up a whole city when one of its residents robs a bank. We can not be judged by the actions of a few. There are bad apples in every group agent."
"Yes but these bad apples are capable of doing whatever they want! They're above the law, they've said so themselves. They are the ones getting attention. Can you blame people for being scared, for wanting us to control the situation?"
"And who's fault is that? Maybe people would have seen the changers weren't all bad if you hadn't forced us all into prison or hiding as soon as you became aware we existed. You've been fanning the public's negative opinion of us from the start, so everyone would turn a blind eye to your imprisonment, and experiments."
"I'll admit, there have been mistakes. But we have to move forward from here and we can't take the chance someone we let walk free will cause harm. People are scared..."
"Don't patronize me. The fear is and always has been yours; the police, the FBI, the government, the people in power. You are afraid we will take you to task for your mistakes, your incompetence, your misuse of the power entrusted to you. You're afraid you will get what you deserve." What was I doing? This was not the way to get through to her! But I was angry...so fucking angry. Was this Ben again. He had to stop!
I could see her getting angrier too, as I talked. When I stopped she looked incapable of actually speaking but her feelings were evident. I took a step away from her without thinking. She visibly struggled to regain control of herself.
"You have no right...we are acting in the best interest of the citizens! The Phenix you call yourselves? Why? Because you've risen from the ashes or because you're going to burn the rest of us to the ground?"
I was losing her. I had to stop this. The only thing I was going to accomplish this way was getting a raiding party dropped on our heads, and this was a very bad time for that. I looked to the AV room. Ben would tell me if something happened, they might not even be there yet...No! I had to do this. This was my job and what Colin and Nate were doing meant nothing if I didn't fix this. I tried to push away the anger and fear that may or may not have been mine.
"I'm sorry. I understand why people are scared. I do! But we are people too Agent Knoll. People who have done nothing but try to make the best of a very strange situation. We are scared. We have lost our homes, our families, our freedom, and for what? For the world to turn against us? Is it really any wonder some of us have turned against it?" I held a hand to stall her. "I am not saying I think what they are doing is right. It's not. I'm just saying is not entirely unexpected."
"Alright. You may have a point..."
They're inside... The thought exploded in my head and I knew it was Ben. It took everything I had not to scream. I needed to talk to Ben about control again if he was going to use his new talent like this. So they made it inside the facility. Damit Colin better know what he's doing. "Are you listening Jemma?"
I scrambled to recall what Agent Knoll had been saying. "Yes, yes, sorry. The way I see it we're at the same impasse we were when we first met. Neither of us want this fight, only now you have people out there without our scruples. You say you came here to offer us an...arrangement, right? Do we get a counter offer?"
She smiled, "I like you Jemma. I didn't want to, still don't really, and I can't really say why, but I do. And it's because I like you that I am going to tell you this. The people above me; the director, the government officials, other people with their hands green enough to have pull, know things are going badly. But they are afraid of looking bad. I think they let me come here as a token gesture. I told you I knew you wouldn't accept and I think they knew it too, and didn't care. If they can say they tried maybe it will ease their conscious and help them save face. They may not like the things that are happening but I don't know how much they are willing to give to make them better.."
"So they would rather risk losing everything than give a little?"
"I think so yes."
"That's bullshit."
"I agree."
"Then help us! Talk to them. Someone has to listen. We don't want a war! But we will not live here like criminals. There has to be a compromise here..." Something's wrong...worry, overpowering dread. I gasped in shock as Ben's thought pushed into mine.
Agent Knoll sat up, "What? What is it?" She looked concerned and a little frightened.
"Nothing. I...I have to...I'm sorry can you excuse me for just a moment."
"Wh..." I didn't give her a chance to argue. I left her there and ran to the AV room. Everyone was there, crowded around the radio.
Cooper noticed me first, "Is she gone already? Are they coming back?"
"What? No, she's still out there..."
"You left her out there! Alone!"
I pushed passed him to where Ben was seated, "What is it? What's wrong?"
"They made it to where they're keeping the changers and radioed they were inside and emptying the truck. They called back a minute ago, said they had them but then something happened. Nate called back, said Colin was hurt. That's the last we heard." My stomach was in knots.
Cooper grabbed my arm. "You can't just leave her out there!"
But I pulled away. "How long ago..." Just then the radio buzzed loudly. We all fell silent. Finally Nate's voice came through. He sounded winded.
"We're out...back to the truck but they're following. We have to get to the SUV."
Ben grabbed the radio, "Is everyone alright?"
"Colin's unconscious. I don't know. Some of the changers we had to carry. I don't know."
I was breathing hard, "What do we do!"
Cooper grabbed at me again, "You have to get back out there!"
"No..."
"He's right Jemma!" Ben looked pale, "Remember, this is what Colin wanted you here for!"
"I don't..."
"We will figure this out. They're out now. The best thing we can do for them is make sure there's not a band of FBI agents waiting for them when they get here!" They were right. I took one last desperate look at the radio.
"I will tell you if anything happens Jemma." Ben looked solemn, "I promise."
I tried to regain as much composure as I could before rejoining Agent Knoll. I hoped it was enough. My mind was only half there but that was the best I could do right now. I found her sitting were I had left her looking somewhat bemused.
"I'm sorry." I said. "I had to...deal with...something. Nothing important."
"Yes, well...I really don't know if there was much left to say anyway. I really don't see how we are going to come to any type of agreement when neither side is willing to give. Not that I blame you but it is what it is."
"There has to be something." I had to make this end well. I felt like if I failed here then what Colin and the others were risking their lives for was pointless.
But she shook her head, "I don't see what. I'm sorry, I wish I had more to give you. The problem is neither side has anything to offer. You want freedom and the big guys want you locked up. We're a million miles away from even seeing a middle ground."
A thought had just occurred to me, "What if we did have something to offer them?" She looked at me skeptically. "No, hear me out. So the government needs us under control because people are scared because some of us are acting up?"
"That's putting it nicely, but yes."
"And we want our freedom and to prove to the world that we don't mean anyone any harm."
"...Ok?"
"So let us work for you."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Let us work for you!" Oh, the others might very well disown me for this "You want us under your authority and you want the trouble makers under control. But you don't have the power to do either of those things. We want our freedom and we want to stop being vilified. We don't have the power to get either of those things. So why not help each other? We take care of the changers causing problems, under your authority. You in turn publicize what we are doing, that we are helping I mean. You can get rid of the threat, change public opinion and have some authority over us.
"Except you would still be wondering free, gathering others to you." She shook her head sadly, "They will see it as a growing threat."
"But if we are working for you it would be against our best interest to go against you."
"And just how do you figure that?"
"I'm asking you to make it public, tell everyone that we are working together, that we are the peacekeepers, so everyone can see that we are not the murderous crazies they think we are. So we can go back to having normal lives, well, as normal as possible now anyway. At least live where we can leave the house if we want. But If we turned against you we would just be proving them right. We would lose everything we hoped to gain. It would be shooting ourselves in the foot. It would be stupid."
She sat back in her chair. For a long time she just started, studying me or thinking or both. I found it very hard not to fidget. I wanted her gone. I wanted this to work. I needed Ben to tell me something, anything!
"It might work."
"What?"
She laughed, "Yes, I'm always surprised when I agree with you too. Your idea. It's a way out for everyone. They save face and you get to clear your name. I would have to present it properly..."
"You think they would agree to drop the law, let us live here without restrictions..."
"I don't know about that. But they might be willing to talk about making changes. You will need to talk to them directly directly of course..."
"What! Why?"
She laughed again, "Because this is above my pay grade! I can speak for you but I think this is something you should do for yourself. And I don't have the power to offer you the things you want."
I looked to the AV room. I would have to risk a lot to make this work but it might be our only way out. "When? When can you bring them here?"
Agent Knoll looked surprised, "I can't. Let's be honest here Jemma, I'll have to convince them it's worth even trying first but there is no way I'll be able to convince them it's safe to come here. No, this isn't going to get done on your territory. If you want to negotiate something this big you will have to come to us"
"But..." She was right. Even if I could convince them to come here it would take days or weeks of talking and assurances and even then they might not. I didn't have that kind of time. "But how can you guarantee I'll be safe?"
She looked a little sad, "I'm not sure I can but I'll do what I can."
"Ok, when can I go?"
"Whoa...this will take time..."
"No!" I tried to rein in the urgency. "I want to do this as soon as possible. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we start making things right, on both sides."
She nodded. "Ok. Let me talk to them. I can contact you again tomorrow but don't expect miracles."
"I'll be ready tomorrow at noon. You can pick me up here."
"I just said no miracles. It might take more time to convince them..."
"Look, we both risk losing if we wait. You've got changers out there gaining strength and how do you think they are going to feel about us if they find out what we're planning? We wait to work out the details we risk losing everything. I'm sure you can make them see that."
She groaned, "I think you're giving me a little too much credit..."
"And you're not giving yourself enough. You managed to keep them out of here and they let you come back. That couldn't have been easy. You can do this."
"Maybe...Alright. Tomorrow at noon. I will do everything I can to ensure your safety." She stood to leave.
I followed her to the door. "Agent Knoll...thank you."
I ran to join the others in the AV room as soon as the door closed. Ben sat in front of the radio flanked by Anna and Cooper. Kennedy and Stephen sat to one side and Sean was pacing around the red armchairs. He hurried to me when I entered.
"Is she gone? What happened." They were all staring at me but I ignored them and made my way to Ben.
"Tell me what's happening?"
He gave a slight shake of his head. "Last we heard from them they were still being pursued but they were headed here. But that was ten minutes ago. We might be in for a fight when they get back."
It was what I had expected to hear. "Can you get him on the radio Ben?"
"I don't really think now is the time for a heart to heart. Did you get rid of that agent? What did you..."
"GET HIM ON THE RADIO!" He looked shocked but did as I asked without further questions. He handed me the head set.
"Nate. It's Jemma. Are they still following you?
"I don't know. We dumped the truck but we didn't want to risk going back for the SUV. We've got another car now. I haven't seen them for a while but that doesn't mean they aren't still following us."
"Did they see Colin? Is there any way they can tie what happened there to him?"
"I don't know...maybe. It got kind of crazy but we were able to get to them without much contact."
"Ok, listen to me Nate. This is important. You can't come back here."
Everyone started talking at once
"Are you crazy..."
"They have to come here..."
"Colin is hurt..."
I ignored them. "Is there somewhere else you can go? Somewhere safe? Just for a day. You should be able to come back here tomorrow night. Nate, I know this is a lot to ask but you know I wouldn't if it wasn't important."
"Yeah...ok. I can probably get us to Stacy's. It's closer from here anyway."
"Ok. Thank you, Nate. Please be careful."
"I'll call you back when we get there. Maybe you can explain what is going on then. I need to work on finding my way now."
I sat down hard and rested my head in my hands. I may well be handing myself over to the enemy, I just asked my friends to put themselves in more danger than they already were and for what? The room around me exploded with noise. I looked around at them. It was for this, for these people, that's what I was doing it for. Because if this worked we would all be safe. I waited for them to finish. Ben was next to me looking like he was about to take a swing.
"What the hell are you doing? Why can't they come back here? What did you do with that woman?"
"I made a deal that might save us all." I told them what I had done, what I hoped to do. When I finished no one spoke for a very long time. Finally Ben found his voice.
"But that doesn't explain why Colin and the others can't come back here? They're hurt and they might still have a tail of feds..."
"And that is exactly why we can't risk it! If they are still being followed and they come here they will know I was involved with what they did. It will blow any chance I have of making this deal. And if I can get them to agree Colin and the other can come back here safely."
Sean stormed over, "And who the hell asked you to make this deal anyway? I'm not fucking working for the fucking government. That was an idiot thing to do!"
"You heard what I said! There are changers out there hurting people! If it doesn't stop people will be calling for our death instead of arrests. Do you think we can survive that? We are strong but we are outnumbered! The only reason they haven't stormed this place is because they are unsure, they don't know what we are capable of. How long do you think it will be before they decide their willing to chance it?
"Then we fight! We can keep them out..."
"Is that what you want? Any of you? To be stuck here, our lives nothing but one long siege, giving up all hope of having a normal life again? I don't. We've got this one chance to prove we are not what they think we are. It's not a perfect plan and you're right I made it without you. I'm sorry. Anyone who doesn't want to be a part of this say so now. I'll make it clear you do not agree. But even if you all say no, I will still go and try. I have to."
Kennedy cleared his throat, "Do you really think they will even listen to you. How do you know they won't just pick you up and lock you away?"
My shoulders slumped, "I don't, but I trust Agent Knoll. And it's a risk I am willing to take."
Sean laughed bitterly, "And you just expect the rest of us to take that risk because you say we should?"
"No, I told you, you say the word and I will make it clear you are not included in this deal..."
"So what? We can be hunted down for not following orders? If we don't agree to this deal of yours do you really think they will let us walk free? No, we'll be worse off than we were before."
"But do you think they will let any of us walk free without it!?"
"I agree with Jemma." It was the first time I had heard Anna speak since entering the room. "I...I don't want to be stuck here forever. I want a chance at being normal, free." She looked embarrassed.
"I'm sorry." I looked around the room at them. "All of you. I should have talked with you first. But there was no time....I'm sorry."
Kennedy walked to me and a put his hand on my shoulder. "No Jemma. We gave you this responsibility because we trusted you." He sighed, "And you were right. This deal may not be perfect, it may not be everything we want, but it is the best we could hope for. Right now at least. I'm in." I looked at him gratefully. Stephen nodded his agreement.
"It seems this is the only avenue now so we might as well take it and make the best of it." Cooper said.
Ben was still staring at the monitors. I couldn't see his face but his voice sounded strained, "Ok, but if you can't make this deal by the end of the day tomorrow we tell the other to come back, to hell with what we have to do. And Mel is going to be pissed."
"Alright. We'll know one way or another by then I'm sure. Sean?"
He threw up his hands. "What do you want me to say Jemma? This is insane. You want us to submit to the people who have us locked up like animals! For what? So the "normal" people will stop hating us? I don't care what they think! They will come here and take you and we will never see you again and this will all be for nothing!" He stormed out of the room slamming the door behind him.
Kennedy moved to follow him but I put out a hand to stop him, "I'll talk to him. This is my mess, I should be the one to fix it."
"Don't be so hard on yourself," he whispered, "None of us could have done half what you did."
I was torn between wanting to stay and wait for Nate to call and going after Sean. My nerves were frayed. I was wound so tight I didn't think I could stay still but I was desperate to know they were safe, especially since I may have put them in more danger. But what I'd said to Kennedy was true, Sean was my problem and I need to convince him. I had to make him see doing something rash now would ruin everything. I asked Ben to let me know if anything happened and left to find him. But he wasn't in the library or the bar. I went up the stairs but I had no idea which room was his. I had to find him though, I had to do something. I felt like I was so full of energy I might explode. I started knocking on doors until I found the right one. He scowled but let me in. There was a pile of clothes beside his dresser and he went back to pulling things out as I shut the door.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Leaving."
"You can't Sean!"
"The hell I can't! You all want to bow down to these assholes and beg them to be nice, beg them to let us live pretty little lives under their fingers like it's a goddamn gift!"
"It's not like that..."
He threw the clothes down and faced me. "That is exactly what it's like Jemma! Your plan is no better than just letting them lock us up! It's not freedom." He moved closer to me, "We could have freedom. No deals, no working for the devil, if we fought! But you're all too scared! To scared someone might get hurt! Well they deserve it and someone will get hurt your way. You're going to go with them tomorrow and we will never see you again!"
"You think that's freedom, Sean? Having the world against us, seeing us as monsters? Constantly hunted, hated. I don't want to live that way! And I am willing to take that risk if there is any chance, no matter how small, that I can fix this."
"We are monsters Jemma! And you don't need to fix everything! Wake up! If we showed them what we can do, together, they would be too scared to hunt us."
"If you mean that, you are no better than them!"
He came at me so suddenly I had no time to react. He grabbed me by the wrists and pinned me to the wall, pressing his body against mine. I struggled against him. His face was so close our mouths almost touched.
"Do you know why people don't like me Jemma? Because I say what they want to, because I tell the truth everyone is afraid of."
"Let me go Sean!" I was breathing hard trying to close out the feeling of his body against mine. I could feel every inch of him as I struggled. I wanted to be away, from him, and this room, and the heat pooling in my middle that felt like my own body betraying me.
"You like the power you have Jemma," he whispered, "All you have to do is let go, forget talking and act. We could take what we want. You and me." He put his cheek against mine. I felt his breath on my neck. "Tell me I'm wrong Jemma."
I stopped struggling, "Please, Sean." I wasn't sure if it was a plea for him to let go or not to and I hated myself for it. There was truth in what he said and I felt ashamed and scared and thrilled by it. I felt his lips brush against my jaw and fire exploded through me.
"Do you want me to stop?" His voice was low and rough. He moved his mouth back to mine, just brushing my lips. If he stepped away now my legs wouldn't hold me up. A part of me was screaming that this was wrong but... He let go of my arms and tangled his hands in my hair, moving his body against mine. I gasp.
He pulled me into his kiss and everything else was gone. It was hard, passionate, almost painful and I clung to him. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think and I didn't care. Suddenly my world was beautifully simple. All the pain and confusion, the horrible people, fear, and expectations gone. There was was nothing but him; his lips against mine, his hands touching me, no demands, no emotion but my need to feel him. He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He buried his face in my neck and moved against me. It was everything I could do to keep from screaming.
Come back...I didn't recognize the thought at first. I didn't want to. I fought to keep it out. I wanted to stay here. But I knew what it was, what it meant and I couldn't ignore it.
I pulled away. Sean looked at me in surprise, "What? What's wrong?"
I struggled away from him still breathing hard. "I...something's happened...downstairs." He looked confused. He moved closer to me again but I backed toward the door. I knew if I let him touch me again I wouldn't leave.
"I'm sorry. I have to go see what's wrong." I ran for the door before I changed my mind. I didn't stop running until I burst through the door of the AV room. Everyone stopped when I rushed in.
"What is it? What's happened?" I panted.
They all looked shocked, everyone but Ben who just said calmly, "Nothing Jemma. I think you're a bit too wound up. Come sit down." I looked around the room in confusion.
"But...you said..."
Sit down! Ben just looked at me. I came and sat next to him furious but stayed quiet until the others went back to their own conversations.
"What do you mean nothing?" I whispered. "You told me to come back. I thought..."
"I wasn't talking about to this room." He had turned back to the monitors.
"What do you..." My eyes widened in shock. "You didn't...you felt..." I couldn't finish the thought.
He turned to me and grinned, "I can feel strong emotion even without trying and what you two were putting off would have come across even without our...special connection." He glanced around the room and lowered his voice, "I nearly had to excuse myself to avoid embarrassment."
I wanted to smack him. I wanted to scream at him to stay out of my head. I also wanted to thank him for bringing me back to my damn scenes, which made me want to smack him again.
"So," I said through gritted teeth, "You've heard nothing?"
"Nate let us know they were on there way to Stacy's a minute ago. He said he didn't think they were being followed anymore but it was hard to tell. He didn't want to talk for long. He said he's trying not to look suspicion." I looked at him questioningly. "Evidently the "car" he stole was actually a U-haul which now has about twenty changers in the back, including some who are hurt. If they get pulled over it won't matter if they are being followed or not."
"Shit."
"Yeah."
I was still angry at him, and myself. I was still thinking of Sean which made me think of Nate which made me feel like the worst person in the universe and then it struck me suddenly that I was going with Agent Knoll in a little over twelve hours and had not thought out a plan. I couldn't take much more more of this.
"If you're going to puke go over there." Ben moved his chair away from me.
"I have to..."
"Take a breath Jemma!" His fierce whisper pulled my eyes to him. "You got us in this and you are the only one that can get us out!" He visibly took control of himself before he went on. "And I think you can do it. At least if anyone can it's you. But you need to focus on what is important right now! It's not Nate and it's not Sean. It's nothing but that meeting tomorrow. That's it!"
He was right.. I tried push it all away. Even the guilt and worry. None of it mattered if I screwed this up. "You're right." I got up. "And thank you, Ben." He raised an eyebrow " I mean it."
"Yeah, I know."
I moved away from everyone. I didn't dare leave the room again. I wanted to be there when Nate called. I wished that was my only reason but I was hiding from Sean as well. I don't know what had come over me but I did not not want to risk it happening again. I sat cross legged in one of the overstuffed theater chairs. It took as much effort to push back unwanted thoughts as to form any kind of plan for tomorrow. I don't know how long I sat there, silently staring at the dark screen and battling with myself. I jumped when Kennedy said my name. "What!" He was right next to me.
"I didn't mean to startle you." He looked at me with concern, "You should be in bed Jemma. It has been a hard day for all of us but for you especially. We can handle anything that happens here."
"Thank you Kennedy but I'm ok, really. It's early still. I just need to think for a bit. I'll get some rest but just not yet."
"Well how about some dinner?" His cheerfulness returned quickly. "I hear Fletch whipped up a stew of some sort. I'm going to place an order. You want some?"
"Sure, thanks." I said it more to ease his mind than because I was actually hungry. "You better be careful though, you know Fletch doesn't like bringing food beyond the dining room."
"Ah, don't you worry about me! You're not the only one who knows how to negotiate!" He chuckled to himself as he left, closely followed by Stephen as usual. He was only gone a few minutes when I heard Nate's voice on the radio. I bound out of my chair and rushed to Ben with everyone else.
"...made it to Stacy's. No trouble so far."
"Is everyone ok?" Ben asked.
"Yes. Colin is awake. Stacy is checking him out. There are some injuries but I don't think anything serious. We are going out again to dump the truck but I need some answers first. Colin is going to want to know what we are doing here instead of home."
Everyone turned to me. I sat down and explained everything to him. I tried to keep it short, just hit the major points. I tried to sound confident, I managed to not sound desperate at least. When I finished there was silence for so long I thought I'd lost the connection with him.
"That's brilliant!"
"...What?"
"I mean, there is no way you're going with them alone. But if this works it could solve most of our problems. It is more than we could have ever hope for Jemma."
I couldn't answer him. I felt so grateful, so relieved, so damned ashamed. I wanted him to be here. I didn't know why, to tell him I was sorry for thinking he would hate me for this, to tell him how wonderful he was, to just look at his face. I was crying. Tears streaming freely down my face.
"Jemma...did you hear me?"
"Yes..."
"Ok, well I have to go. We have to get rid of this U-haul, they'll be looking for it soon. We'll talk over the details later."
Ben took over for me. I didn't hear anything else that was said. I was shaking and I couldn't stop the tears no matter how hard I tried.
"What happened? What's wrong?" I hadn't heard Kennedy come back. He quickly put down the tray he was carrying and rushed to me.
"Nothing...everything's ok. They made it there ok." I was surprised how steady my voice was but I must have looked a mess because Kennedy looked at me more sternly than I thought possible for the cheery man.
"You've had enough." He raised a had to stop my protest. "No, Jemma. You need rest. Now. Come on. I'm taking you to your room and I am going to put you into that bed if I have to."
I surprised myself by laughing. I really did love these people. All of them, even impossible Ben and his haughty Mel, even Stephen who had not spoken more than three sentences to me since I'd met him, even Kennedy who was standing with his hands on his wide hips telling me he was going to put me to bed like I was five. I loved them all so much it made my heart ache and it made me laugh with joy because until that moment, I realized, I had never really loved anyone before.
"Ok, ok. To bed then." I walked to the door. I looked back at Ben and he gave me the slightest nod. He would let me know if I was needed.
I was shocked when I read the clock by my bed. It was only 8:30. I felt like it should be close to dawn! I set the alarm for 5:00am and crawled into bed fully clothed.