[Chapter Forty-Seven]
Christmas morning held a rather bittersweet air to it within the Black Manor, something Éponine felt herself. Despite her own anger towards her parents for their lack of appearances, she still wished deep down that they would show up out of the blue for a surprise visit. She wanted them to arrive with plenty of apologies for why they had been so absent as of late. And yet, as Éponine woke to Kreacher scurrying around the Grimmauld Place to have everything neat and tidy, she didn't hear the voices of her parents.
Instead, she heard Orion and Walburga, sharing their morning tea in the company of each other as they waited for Regulus and Éponine to awake and make their way downstairs. There was a cosiness to their laughter as Orion whispered something that left Walburga rolling with youthful laughter. The night before had been another scene of their love for each other as Orion asked Walburga to dance with him time after time. Of course, she met his requests with a "yes" and the two seemed to dance as if no one was watching.
At one point, Éponine found herself staring at the couple, her future in-laws and couldn't help but smile. Her talk with Walburga earlier that day had proven that she had finally managed to accomplish what she had deemed impossible so early on in her life.
She was becoming part of the Black family.
The way Bellatrix had become fiercely defensive, protecting her from the likes of Ernest Nott, and the way she was included in family tradition, she no longer felt like an outsider in those moments. After years of struggling and everyone telling her what to do to make a good impression, she finally felt like she belonged somewhere; that she was wanted.
However, as she sat up in her bed, there was something that weighed heavy on her chest and in her mind as well.
Gian had crossed her mind far too many times during the holidays, enough that it left her uncomfortable to be around others. If they knew that she shared even an ounce of pity for a muggle-born, what would they make of it? She would more than likely fall out of their good graces after work so hard to find acceptance. Just the thought of having everything slip away from her left Éponine with a rather sour feeling in the pits of her stomach.
When she was able to be alone, she told herself time and time again to rid herself of the pity she shared for Gian. He was a "mudblood" she tried to convince herself and someone knew about it within the Slytherin house, it was best that she keep her distance. Any association with him would only give her trouble and she was so tired of being judged and scrutinised.
But no matter how many times she said it, no matter how many times she stared herself down in the mirror and demanded herself to rid of such thoughts, she simply couldn't do it.
Every time she tried, she was met with the innocent face that belonged to the eleven-year-old boy. The way he looked so fearful when he thought that someone was on the verge of finding out his secret heritage. She thought about how kind he was, which led her to think when was the last time a muggle-born had dared to attack a pureblood? When was the last time a muggle was so bold to organise a hunt?
Decades had passed and there hadn't been a single attack and yet, muggles were supposed to be the enemy, they were supposed to be monsters. Muggle-borns were those with tainted blood but they looked and acted no different. She had only come to witness those like Lily Evans and Gian, who only seemed concerned in protecting themselves from those who were so bold to judge them openly.
"Stop, stop, stop," she whispered to herself as she gripped the sides of her head, "what are you doing, Éponine? Stop thinking like this! Have you completely lost it? Think of Salazar Slytherin, think of ...of..."
There was a knock on her door that caused her to jump and immediately, she believed her thoughts had been overheard, even though she hadn't really said too much out loud. She nervously glanced in the direction of the door after dropping her hands into her lap. Swallowing her nerves and sitting up as straight as she could, she called in whoever stood on the other side to allow them in.
Thankfully, it was only Regulus.
Quickly, Éponine sighed in relief and pushed all previous thoughts and dilemmas to the back of her mind as Regulus entered her room. His smile worked well to settle her nerves and she appreciated the appearance of his bed hair and wrinkled pyjamas that distracted her from everything else.
"Good morning," he greeted her, " have you been awake long?"
Truth be told, she had been awake for the last couple of hours, but it was not something she was willing to admit, believing it would just lead to more questions.
"No, I only woke up a few minutes ago," she lied, "looks like you just woke up too."
Regulus countered her statement with a sheepish grin before sitting down next to her. "Well, there was no harm in sleeping in," he said, " I couldn't feel my legs after everything we did last night."
Suddenly, the room took on an awkward silence as Éponine's eyes widened and Regulus caught on to what he had said and how it actually sounded. Almost instantly, the two were flushed in the face, avoiding all eye contact as he tried to smoothe over the context with what he had actually meant.
"I meant dancing, I should have said after all the dancing we did last night!"
There was no point in attempting to explain, it was too late as they both wallowed in embarrassment. They both clearly remembered the discussion brought up by several of the adults when they had decided to take a break from dancing. It was just their luck as they were getting comfortable with the idea of their arranged marriage that the thought of having children was thrown into their faces.
Clearly, it was not something that had crossed either of their minds, they were still getting used to just kissing each other regularly and when having children had been mentioned, Éponine had damn near choked on the breath she had been inhaling at the time. Everyone thought the panicked look on their faces was "adorable" and "sweet," meanwhile the two teenagers wanted nothing more than to disappear into the dead of night.
Regulus and Éponine didn't dance after that, instead, they seemed to distance themselves from each for the rest of the night. It was only her conflicting thoughts about Gian that had caused Éponine to forget the events of the party, but suddenly, she realised why Regulus had come to knock on her door that morning rather than waiting until she joined all of them downstairs.
"I'm really sorry about last night," Regulus whispered to her after a few minutes," my family, they shouldn't have said that. It's none of their business-"
"Well, it sort of is though, isn't it?"Éponine looked over at him. "After all, we weren't arranged to be married just for the sake of names, Regulus. You know what our families expect of us...when the time comes. I suppose it shouldn't have come as much of a shock that they said it, they were going to eventually."
She could see his jaw clench as he bit back a frown before speaking. "They might have set us up together, but you know, once we're of age, we can make our own decisions," he said. "We don't have to go by everything our families say."
Éponine wished that were true, but she knew better. Not following the traditions of either of their families would come with harsh consequences. It was the entire reason as to why she was fighting any sort of wanting to be Gian's friend. She wanted to settle things with Sirius and his friends, thinking there might have been some truth to his beliefs, even if he didn't come across the best way when it came to debating his views. She didn't want that fight, she wanted to trust that her parents had done everything with the right intention to send her down the right path.
"I think we do," she said, only to watch him shake his head.
"No, we don't, we can do things are way too. I mean, look at Bellatrix, for example. She doesn't have any children."
"Regulus, I don't think that was by choice," Éponine said in a low voice, " according to my mother, it's because she can't have them."
"I know, but I'm saying, if you don't want them, you don't have to have them. Bellatrix still remains part of this family, even if she doesn't follow every traditional aspect and the same will be held for you."
For a moment, Éponine stared at Regulus, taking in everything he was attempting to tell her. To her, it sounded like if she chose to not have children, he would lie or do something that would justify it to his family. It was a sweet gesture, but for some reason, she had a feeling that it wouldn't work like he would want it to. She and Bellatrix were very different in many respects, she was born into the Black family and her lack of children only carried for the Lestrange line, whereas Éponine felt her duties were greater.
Feeling a headache coming on from everything she had been going over, she simply reached out her hand and placed it over Regulus' hand, forcing a smile to her face. "Let's not talk about this anymore, alright? Regardless of what your family said or what we think, we still have a couple of years left of Hogwarts. We don't have to worry about it. Besides, it's Christmas, shouldn't we be excited about presents?"
Instantly, relief washed over Regulus' face as she told him to basically drop the topic. The idea of presents seemed to light up a new mood where he was smiling again, grabbing her by both hands to pull her up to her feet.
"That's right!" he said as if he had forgotten all about Christmas. "Come on, we should head downstairs! I'll race you down!"
She couldn't help but laugh as Regulus had all newfound energy, running out of the room as she could hear him seconds later making his way downstairs. Of course, she ended up losing the race rather quickly, but she was thankful that the awkward topic had been brushed aside for the time being. She had enough to deal with without having to worry about having children.
Regulus probably wouldn't even dare to consider marrying her, let alone be the father to her future children if he knew what traitorous thoughts went through her head. He had turned his back on his own brother, someone he loved and adored, what made her so special that he wouldn't do the same to her, or worse?
Once it was noted that Regulus and Éponine were awake, breakfast was placed on hold as presents became a priority to be opened. It was a rather intimate setting, just Orion, Walburga, Regulus, and Éponine gathered around the massive fireplace. Kreacher had been standing off to the side until Regulus noticed Éponine eyeing the house elf every few seconds, and finally, he invited Kreacher to join them.
Walburga opened her mouth, about to deem it inappropriate but Orion silenced her, allowing the two teens to simply enjoy the holiday as they wished.
Gifts were passed around with Regulus and Éponine giving the adults little things that they had picked up from the Hogsmeade shops, which mainly consisted of sweets. While the two of them were given books to their likings, new clothes and robes, jewellery, and whatever was thought to be desired at the time.
Eventually, they were coming upon the last gifts under the tree and Éponine couldn't believe there was anything else awaiting her. After all, she had found herself beyond spoilt that Christmas with everything she had been given. But the final gift came to rest in her lap, a rather small box wrapped up in gold paper. It was addressed to her from her mother and part of Éponine didn't want to open it.
She was angry with her parents for not showing up. No matter how Walburga had put it the other day in trying to comfort her, Éponine wanted her parents to prove it wrong and show that they still cared for her by being there for her. But not wishing to make a scene in front of the others, she started ripping off the paper and littering the floor.
The gift itself was beautiful and actually familiar to Éponine. It was an enchanted music box that played beautiful songs, with figurines of a man and woman dancing around so elegantly. It had belonged to her mother and she remembered all the times she would sneak into her parents' room to wind it up and watch as the man would bow to the woman before asking her hand to dance. They performed all sorts of dances that she loved watching over and over, and at the end of it, the couple would turn into a pair of swans, their heads leaning towards each other leaving their necks to form a heart.
She had always wanted the music box for herself, but even though her mother had finally gifted it to her, she wished it had been in person.
After the present opening, Walburga requested that Regulus help her with something in the kitchen, while Orion greeted family members that were coming for yet another visit. Éponine sat on the sofa with her music box and Kreacher at her side.
"Does something trouble you, Miss Rosier?"
It bothered her that Kreacher could not address her as Éponine as she wished, but she knew better than to put the house elf in a compromising position.
"No, no," she shook her head, " I just have a lot of my mind right now that I need to sort through myself. Thank you, Kreacher."
Before Kreacher could respond, someone else butted into their conversation. "Well, if you need a listening ear, let me be of service."
The two looked up, only to see that Bellatrix had arrived, making her way into the room. With just a snap of her fingers, she had demanded that Kreacher leave the room, leaving the two alone.
Normally, Éponine would have gladly taken to the idea of spending time with Bellatrix, especially after the day before. Bellatrix held the power to send Ernest Nott crawling out of the Grimmauld Place with his tail tucked between his legs. But that morning, she found herself rather nervous under Bellatrix's gaze, as if she were under interrogation. Her hands gripped her mother's music box as if it would offer any comfort as Bellatrix sat next to her.
However, perhaps she had worked herself up for nothing because Bellatrix seemed to only be making herself comfortable as she pulled her legs up onto the sofa and draped her arm over the back. Her expression eased and it was the softest that Éponine had witnessed emit from her.
"What seems to be troubling you?"
"I don't even know where to begin," she said with a nervous laugh, hoping she didn't have to continue, but it was clear, she had to give more than that. " I-I-I guess between my parents missing out on the holidays and what was said last night, it's just been a lot for me to handle. I mean no disrespect-"
Bellatrix snorted. "Let's drop the formal act, shall we? I've said far worse and I've never apologised for it. If you have something to say, say it. Everyone else is preoccupied with whatever is going on in the kitchen. Come on, let it out."
Still not convinced that she wouldn't be overheard, Éponine glanced around the room once more before looking at Bellatrix. "Alright, I think my mother is a downright cow for not being here, my dad too. And everyone spooked Regulus and me last night with the talk of having children when we're not even out of Hogwarts."
"Even when you're angry you still come across as polite," Bellatrix said with a shake of her head, " but that was better, I suppose. As for your mother, she is a cow, nothing you can do about though, right? It's what she was taught, it's what all of our mothers were taught to do. Prepare us to be married off and that's about it. And don't worry what the adults around you say, half of them are so old they don't even know what they're talking about."
"But they expect us to have children, right?"
"Of course they do. They think that's what all of us women in the family are good for. Whether you were raised a Black or married into the family."
The softness disappeared, quickly turning into anger.
"We're expected to be good little girls until we're old enough to get married and have children, then we become good little wives and mothers. That's it, our educations at Hogwarts are practically for nothing once you have the basics down, it's not like you have to do much when you have a man around," Bellatrix continued in a mocking tone. "We just have to look pretty and raise the children with the right thoughts."
How was Éponine supposed to respond to such words? She was fearful that any moment, someone would overhear them and she would find herself in trouble. But Bellatrix didn't have a care in the world at the time as to who heard her and who didn't. She spoke with such anger, but Éponine thought it was all just to disguise the hurt that Bellatrix truly felt.
"Can you imagine, seven years just wasted?" Bellatrix said in a quiet voice. "Being at the top of all of your classes, beating out every witch and wizard to get to the top and for what? To get married and that was it. And no matter what, you continue to bring disappointment to your family because you can't have children. They think you're a waste. But I didn't settle for that, I've made my own plans, made my own strides without anyone telling me to do it."
"Wh-what do you mean?" Éponine questioned. "What did you do?"
Bellatrix grinned before leaning in. "You've heard about the one they call the Dark Lord, haven't you?"