Sal here! Sorry about the two-parter, things got too long and stupid again, and I don't like my updates to have too much happening at once, so I've cut this in half. Hope you enjoy what's here, and that you guys had a great Fourth of July, whether you're American or not! ;)
Freddie
Danny shut the water off with a little huff, pulling the stopper out of the sink. "I don't get why I have to go to the mall too, though."
"Because it's better than you just hanging around the house by yourself," his mother replied.
"I wouldn't be by myself, they're here too." He turned to me and John. "Right, guys?"
I shook my head. "We're going with her, actually."
The boy's face fell. "You are?"
"Your mum seems to need a little protection today- so we're going to be her bodyguards. At least, I am; I can't really speak for you, John."
"You might as well," he shrugged. "I'm not letting you out of my sight any time soon, just so you understand."
I made myself chuckle a bit at that, while on the inside I wasn't really sure how I felt about having an old man following me around everywhere, even if this particular old man was a close friend of mine, and seemed to be growing more comfortable with this mad situation as the minutes ticked past. Certainly I too would get used to it eventually- but I was nowhere near that point yet.
I wonder what has happened with Brian and Roger. Is that why they aren't here? Some sort of falling out? My God, I hope I wasn't the reason for it, whatever the problem. I mean, certainly, I may joke about it now and again, and we do drive each other absolutely mad sometimes, but- Good Lord, we don't really break up in the end, do we?
"Anyway," Julia added, "it'll give you a chance to go peek around for that gift for Lauren, unless you're still giving her the silent treatment."
"Oh, I'm not," he shook his head. "I texted her first thing this morning, and she responded, so, we're good."
"That's wonderful- but I wouldn't make that tactic a habit if I were you, Danny. Not everyone will forgive as easily as she does if you decide to try it on others-"
"I won't," he agreed, running back to his room.
Julia sighed and looked at John. "He didn't hear a word I said, did he?"
Stifling an amused little smile, John shook his head.
"That's what I thought." With a little eye-roll, Julia pushed her hair out of her face. "All right, fellas, I'm jumping in the shower now; if you need anything, holler. Okay?"
John nodded, drawing yet another cigarette out of his pack as she disappeared into her boudoir. As for me, I still wasn't satisfied with what little she had told us about her phone tête-à-tête with Gertrude- and now seemed like as good a time to officially confront her about it as any. I hurried back to the kitchen and drew one of the most voluptuous-looking red roses out of the vase. Just for fun I pretended to put it between my teeth while John watched, grinning. So equipped, I marched toward the shut bedroom door, about to knock when John's voice stopped me.
"Freddie, don't bother," he warned. "She won't tell you anything she hasn't already."
I admit, I was rather impressed. My God, even now he reads me like a book.
All the same, I tossed him a wink and said, "Don't underestimate me, dear," while silently I added, Besides, that's not all I'm going in for anyway.
Without any further hesitation, then, I knocked on the door. There was no response in the first few seconds I spent waiting for one, so I simply turned the knob and let myself inside.
I found Julia sitting before the mirror, drawing that long gold chain up over her head before letting it pool there in her palm and staring at it for a bit. She didn't know I had entered the room yet, otherwise she certainly would have said something. However, even in the glass I could see her cheeks appeared flushed, her lips a little tight even as she hummed "Made in Heaven" softly to herself.
"I'm having to learn to pay the price/ They're turning me upside down," she began to sing aloud. "Looking for possibilities/ Don't see too many around-"
"I think I like it better when you sing it," I put in quietly.
At last Julia whirled around, her face reddening even more. She slipped the fist clenched around her necklace into her pocket while in an ironic little tone she sighed, "Come on in, Freddie, it's open."
"I did knock, you know," I told her.
"Of course you did."
"I did! Really! Ask John, he was standing right there."
Julia didn't question that one, which meant she was thoroughly convinced. Then again, I would be, too; I tell you, swearing on John Deacon is just as serious as swearing on your mum. So assured, I crept in further, till I stood directly behind her as I had last Thursday, looking dead into the wide, hazy eyes of her reflection.
"Speaking of whom, actually- is he okay?" she asked suddenly.
"Darling, I only came in here about half a minute ago, and he was fine then, I doubt, um- doubt much has changed in the course of thirty seconds."
"Probably not." She pulled her now-empty hand out of her pocket. "Just out of curiosity, do you have Charles's number?"
"I do, actually," I nodded.
"Well- can you please tell me what it is? I have something I need to ask him."
"I suppose I could tell you- but I don't think it will help very much."
"Why not?"
"Because I have his phone."
"You what?"
"He left his phone with me. Remember?"
"Oh. Yeah." Julia slowly stood up, rubbed at her eyes. "Well, so much for that, then. Shit."
"Why? What was it you wanted to say?"
She shook her head, then fell silent for a moment or two until finally she asked, "So what is it, Freddie?"
I blinked. "What's what?"
"I mean," she cleared her throat uneasily, "you- must have come in here for a reason, did you need something?"
"Not really, just sort of- felt like annoying you I suppose," I chuckled, handing her the rose.
"Well, why didn't you say so?" she replied. "You're welcome to come annoy me anytime you like."
"Careful what you wish for, dear," I whispered, kissing her shoulder while she ran her finger over the petal tips, "or you'll never be able to get rid of me."
"You say that like it's a bad thing," she murmured, somehow sounding very far away now.
I didn't answer. Already I had more or less forgotten that the main reason I had so much as come in here was to try and pick her brain about the phone call with Gertrude; without even thinking about it I let my arms slip around her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder. Even in the early days, we seemed to always fit so nicely around one another.
In spite of her light sarcasm, her body still felt rigid in my grasp, not relaxing even a little the longer I held her this way. I looked at her face in the mirror, but I couldn't see even the slightest trace of joy there. In fact, Julia looked sadder now than when I had walked in, even the vibrant red of the flower seeming to fade a bit in her hands. Clearly there were things weighing on her heart, some of which she very likely still hadn't told me about.
However, I didn't allow myself to feel responsible for her unhappiness, as much as I knew it probably had to do with, even perhaps happened as a result of, me. Guilt is a very crippling thing, and can be absolutely paralyzing if there's enough of it- and on a more personal note, one thing I simply refuse to do anyway is waste time lamenting all the ways I could have better handled a situation. I had given it enough thought and emotion already; now was the time to fix it, if I could. I had a whole damn week to do it in, too. That certainly would be more than enough time.
But first, I wanted to cheer Julia up. As I recalled, she had always thought it funny when I made myself turn flamboyant around other people, especially in the case of Gertrude. For she was indeed one of the few that knew it was all an act, knew that I really wasn't that sort of person at heart (at least, that's what I preferred to believe)- and while I didn't currently feel like putting on a show, I wanted to ease her mind even more. So, with a bit of effort, I managed to slip into a milder version of my performer self, letting go of her to fold my arms in affected displeasure.
"I thought so," I declared with a poncy lift of the chin.
She frowned. "What?"
"I knew there was something missing here, I just couldn't put my finger on it- but now I know."
"What's missing?"
"What do you mean, what's missing?" I blustered, sweeping my arms around. "Isn't it obvious?"
Her expression shifted from melancholy to slight bemusement. "What are you talking about?"
"Only the most indispensable part of your face! You're scarcely even recognizable without it, I tell you!"
She blinked. "Mascara?"
"Oh, God, don't start that again, you know what I mean! Don't you?"
"Not really. Why don't you tell me?"
I sighed, held my hands out to either side. "A smile, of course."
Julia said nothing, simply blinked at me.
Needless to say, my stray kitten was being neither encouraging, nor helpful- but as always, I kept trying. "I mean, after all, such a sweet mouth was meant to wear a smile- and since you got off the phone with that reptile, I've yet to see so much as a whole one."
And of course, Julia immediately flashed me an absurdly wide, insincere grin. "How's that?"
"Oh I mean, really," I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
"What? You wanted a smile, there's a smile."
"That wasn't a smile, that was- I don't fucking know what that was, but it was no smile. More sort of a grimace, I'd say."
"Then next time, specify," she said flippantly. "Now, what else can I do for you?"
"Smile again," I commanded, "but this time, like you mean it."
"Sure, just give me half an hour or so and I'll be glad to oblige."
"I can't wait that long."
"Too bad."
"Why not now?"
"Because I don't feel like it, that's why," she stated, her voice thickening a bit as she spoke. I should have taken this as a warning, but I did not.
I shook my head. "Sorry, my dear, that's just not a good enough reason-"
"Well, you know what, Freddie, I really don't care." As quiet and exhausted as she sounded, the words shook with emotion. "The point is, I can't smile right this minute, and to be honest I don't think I could do it in thirty, either, or sixty, or ninety, or five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred. I'm sorry, but this time I just can't accommodate you."
There were tears shimmering in her eyes now; at once I stopped playing the haughty, dust-for-brains clown and reached for her. This time, she met my embrace whole-heartedly, threw her arms around me and held me tight, her fingertips pressing so hard into my back I would not be surprised if they left bruises. As moist as her eyes looked, however, and as much as she might have wanted to, Julia did not cry. Not even while she pressed her face into my neck, dotting my throat with sporadic kisses.
"Go ahead and cry, if it helps, dear," I whispered, stroking her hair. "I don't mind."
"Did you leave the bedroom door open?" she asked.
I tried to remember. "I might have."
"Knowing you, you did."
I squinted. "What does that mean?"
"You don't like to close doors." She rubbed a light circle into my shoulder blade. "Danny gets that from you, I think."
"Really?" God, what a feeling, to hear her compare that boy to me now that I knew he was mine- like warm electricity coursing through my veins that simultaneously eased and excited the beat of my heart.
"Well, he certainly didn't get it from me," Julia whispered, making me chuckle softly for a moment. "Either way, I'll wait. I don't want him to come in and find me upset."
That much, I could understand. Neither of us were fond of tears, and liked showing them even less. So instead I simply held her close to me, and when Julia lifted her head to look deep into my eyes, I gave in to the impulse I had resisted earlier. Taking a single split second to look and ensure the bedroom door was in fact closed (in case of any prying-eyed phantoms, naturally), I kissed her - not lustfully, mind you, not in a way that leads straight to one choking on the other's tongue, but I will admit that I would not have minded one bit if even these tender, loving caresses had indeed escalated to something more fiery.
Before that could happen, however, she drew herself back, just enough to murmur unhappily against my ear, "I'm so sorry, my prince, I never meant to get you mixed up in all this."
"I'm sorry I got you mixed up in all this," I replied. "After all, it was me who came along-"
"No, no, I mean- from the very start, when I popped up in your flat that day."
I stared at her. "What are you saying?"
"Nothing, just- you would have been so much better off if we had never met-"
"Why would you say something like that?" I exclaimed, her words digging into me. "I can't even imagine- And- and after all, if we hadn't met then, we wouldn't be standing here now- and there would be no Danny. Right?"
"I know, but-"
"Right?"
"Yes, but-"
"No buts, darling. That's all there is to be said as far as that's concerned. Understand?"
Julia hesitated, then nodded slowly while her flesh turned as pale as her tone. "I just - I just want you to know that I love you, Freddie. I love you more than words can express."
"I know you do," I smiled, touching her cheek.
"And I won't ever stop feeling the way I do for you, whatever happens to us. You- you deserve all the love, all the happiness in the w-"
"Darling, why are you talking like this?" I cut her off.
Julia frowned. "Talking like what?"
"Like we're about to be- like I'm about to board a plane to someplace and leave you."
"No, I'm not. Really I'm not. I'm just-"
"Yes, you are! Do you hear yourself? One would think we're breaking up or some-" Then I stopped when it hit me. There was something terribly final in her words, something almost defeated in sound- rather like it had seemed that day long ago. The last day, to be exact, during that last phone call- the last time I heard her speak. Suddenly I knew what was wrong- and it reminded me.
My blood ran cold. "What did he say to you, Julia?"
"Who? Stuart?"
"Yes."
She swallowed. "Who wants to-"
"Darling, I love you, but there is absolutely no fucking place for that now," I growled. "I'm serious. What did that prick say?"
"I already told you what he said."
"All of it?"
A pause. "Most of it."
"Right. Then let's have the rest. Go on."
"I can't tell you."
"Can't tell me?" My voice rose on its own accord. "Why the fuck not?"
"Call it plausible deniability if you like-"
"Plausible deniability, my arse. If he's got some new sordid thing up his sleeve, haven't I a right to know about it too?"
She drew a heavy sigh. "Yes."
"So tell me!"
Julia rubbed at her temple as though she had just been attacked by some vicious headache. "I can't."
"My God!" I cried, walking a few paces away from her before coming back again, waving my hands around in frustration. "I thought we were past all this!"
"It's for your own protection, I swear!" she protested. "I couldn't live with myself if he-"
"Fuck my protection. What about you? What about Danny?"
'We'll be fine! All right? Now let's just let it go, I don't want to talk about this anymore-"
"Not until you tell me what he said. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on!"
"I didn't ask you to help, Freddie."
That struck a raw nerve. "Yes, I know," I seethed. "In fact, you don't ask anything from me. Do you?"
She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Freddie, all I wanted to tell you is that I love you, I wasn't trying to start a fight-"
"Nobody's fighting, I just don't know why you expect so little from me- why you trust so little in me-"
"Freddie, I trust you now as much as I ever did," Julia whispered.
"Exactly! You don't!" (Needless to say, I take no pride in this exchange. God, my timing here was so atrocious.) "You never once, even in the older days- I mean, that's the real reason you left, isn't it? You didn't trust me?"
Her jaw clenched, the wide hazel eyes flashing even as her voice remained hushed. "I told you why I did it, I wrote it down in plain black and white for you. I have apologized, and you forgave me- or so I thought anyway."
"I have! Really, I just don't understand why-"
"What does it matter? Why all of a sudden do you consider it a bad thing that I don't expect anything of you? Isn't it better to be a free agent? Isn't it better not to be tied down, to be able to do exactly as you please without worrying about what anyone else thinks?"
I was far too interested in getting my points across to read between the lines of her own. "Darling, what I please is to help you!"
"You want to help me?" she repeated.
"That's what I've been trying to tell you for the last five minutes!"
She nodded. "Fine. Then take two steps backward."
"What?"
"I said, take two steps back!"
Confused, I did as she commanded. "Right, what was the point of-"
BAM!
I stood utterly stunned there in front of the bathroom door, which she had slammed in my face. Whatever half-baked whims involving me bursting in on her again disintegrated at the click of the lock seconds later.
I do not take well to having a door literally fucking slammed in my face under any circumstances. My eyes narrowed. Oh, that's good, darling. Brilliant move. Nobody does that to me. No one. Not even you. I'm going to wait right here until you finally come out and absolutely lay into you for-
I cut my thoughts short. For on the other side of the door I heard one long sniff, followed closely by a series of quiet, muffled sobs. The poor dear was crying- and too late I realized how callously I had resurrected what had indeed been laid to rest just last night. I certainly knew she regretted leaving me, it hadn't been my intent to use that against her just now. And by no means did I have any idea just what kind of damage I was dealing whenever I brought it up to her. All I knew was that she didn't like it, all I could sense was that it hurt- and hurt enough to finally start those stubborn tears flowing.
Pangs of guilt attacking my heart, I rapped my fist against the door. "Darling," I began, much less angrily than before, "I'm- look, I didn't mean to-"
"I'll be out in a second, Freddie, I just want to clean up and- sort myself out first," she interrupted wearily.
"Couldn't I at least- I don't know-"
"No. You're fine. Really. I didn't mean to slam the door like that, I just needed a little room to myself. All right?"
I nodded, swallowing hard. "All right."
She's distancing herself from me again, I thought while I numbly made my way to the exit. Not a big surprise I suppose, what with old habits and all that- but I really thought we were getting somewhere. Oh, she'll tell me she loves me- but it seems that's as deep as she's willing to get. My God. I was right: we really are right back where we left off eight (or is it ten? Or fifty? Lord, who can fucking say anymore) years ago- but who's to say we'll ever get any further?
John was sitting at the kitchen table when I emerged. "So, how did it go?"
"Oh, swimmingly," I lied. "She told me everything I wanted to know."
He nodded slowly, looking for all the world like a wise old ostrich. "Did you know the walls of this house are like sheets of paper?"
"Well, then, you know that I'm telling the truth," I crooned- or tried to croon, that is; I'm afraid it probably came off more canned than crooned. Not that it mattered, of course. There was no pulling the wool over John's eyes this time, he was too clear-headed by this point for that.
"'Bout what?" Danny padded out of his room.
Thank God for you, Mr. Phantom, I said to myself. Just barely I forced a passably authentic smile. "Nothing. Your mum and I were, um- just chatting."
"Oh, cool," he hummed in a sweet, thoughtless ignorance that I envied. "Is she in the shower?"
"I think so."
The boy's bespectacled eyes lit up. "Okay, then, wanna see the box now?"