I'm Seth Montez and I'm 17 years old. I've been mistaken for a girl because I have my hair long and I'm skinny and soft spoken. I'm a guy who is attracted to girls.. Most people around me don't think so. I grew up with three older sisters and my grandmother in Chicago. My grandma Wilma always threatened to cut off my hair because I looked like Rapunzel. I always laughed my head off when she said it. I consider my long hair my beauty and strength like Sampson from the bible.
My thoughts one year ago
In my high school, I'm a loner because I'm quite shy. I always wanted to get to know this cute chubby girl called Sabrina.
She's always around her friends who are like outcasts in school. Whenever I walk past her, I smile at her hoping that one day she would like me back. I spent my days in the science lab working on my own experiments or on the computer creating a web page. The times I went in were when everyone was on recess or during lunch.
2 months later
I was forced to take the bus since my dad's car was by the mechanic fixing. When I entered I heard people blurt out ' fag, homo, freak' as I tried to find a seat and lo and behold Sabrina went around and gave me a seat. She told me to ignore the haters.
Sabrina: it's the first time I've seen you take the bus. I always see you around school but I never got your name.
Me: I'm Seth. I always smile at you when I pass by. My dad's car is fixing so I'm here.
Sabrina: are you taking it this evening too?
Me: most likely
Sabrina: I'll look out for you. If you see me during lunch you can come and hang out around the lunch table. We accept all.
Me: thanks. By the way, I'm not gay.
Sabrina: OK. That's fine. You can still join us.
Me: thanks.
Sabrina: what grade are you in? What subjects are you doing?
Me: 11th grade. I'm doing sciences and IT. How about you?
Sabrina: same but I'm doing modern studies which include history, literature, Spanish and geography. Are you the guy that's always in the computer lab?
Me: that's me alright. I don't have friends so science and It keep me company..
Sabrina: that's kinda sad. No one befriended you in school?
Me: not really. People just make fun of me. I'm shy. I always smile at you hoping you'd come talk to me. I could use the company.
Sabrina: wow. I'm so sorry to hear that. Come sit by me lunch time and I'd introduce you to my friends. They'll like you.
Soon after, we reached to school and we parted to our separate ways. I went to physics class and Sabrina went to Spanish class. Time seemed to drag before lunch. I was excited to meet Sabrina for lunch. I had a crush on her and was dying to talk to her but was too shy. I thought it must be the universe bringing us together.
At lunch, there was a big crowd in the hallway then I felt a hand grab and pull me into the cafeteria. When I looked back, it was one of Sabrina's friends. She told him to look out for me and bring me over by them. The cafeteria served mash potatoes, green beans, gravy and baked chicken or fish for those who were vegetarian.
When I sat down by Sabrina, she had a bright smile on her face when she saw me. Her eyes lit up as she introduced me to her friends, Calvin, Joey, Patricia and Lucy. They were all happy to see me. It turned out that everyone there was into anime, Sci fi movies and astronomy like me. They put a big smile on my face. Patricia was hyper, impulsive then she told me she had Adhd. Calvin had dyslexia. The popular kids at school always made snarky comments at them for being different. Joey seemed distant and a bit dark which was my assumption of him.
Picture of Joey
Picture of Calvin
Picture of Patricia
Picture of Lucy
After school, Sabrina looked out for me to go in the bus with her.
Me: wait on me Sabrina.
Sabrina: I thought you stood me up.
Me: no I won't.
Sabrina: you look happier from since lunch time.
Me: your friends are great. Thanks a lot. They're cool.
Sabrina: did joey seem distant to you?
Me: he did but I didn't want to say anything. Has he always been that way?
Sabrina: since his mom died last year, he has never been the same. It worries me but he doesn't ever want to talk about it.
Me: I'm so sorry it happened. What are you going to do when you get home?
Sabrina: study, practice for the Julius Ceasar play. I'm Portia in it. There are still openings for male characters. Do you think you'll be interested?
Me: I'm not much of an outspoken guy. I get stage fright.
Sabrina: it kinda sucks. Maybe I could help you overcome your fear. I'm not forcing you to be in the play but we could practice sometime if you're up for it.
Me: sure. Thanks. So here's my stop. I gotta go but I'll catch you around.
Sabrina: sure. Nice talking.
Me: same.
I went home and worked on my animation video from scratch. I looked forward to seeing Sabrina again tomorrow.
For the next few weeks, I invited Sabrina over to my house to help boost my self confidence. She set up all my action figure toys on my bed and asked me to introduce myself to the toys and pretend they were real people. She gave me a little makeover by giving me a haircut, removing my black contact lenses and removing all the makeup I wore.
When I walked in school, everyone turned their heads and stared at me shockingly. They didn't know where I went. I didn't appreciate all the attention on me. I liked my makeover but I was not an attention seeking person. I still sat with Sabrina's friends. Joey seemed jealous. When I approached the table, he immediately left. He didn't even act like I existed.
Patricia, Lucy and Calvin all complimented me on the makeover. I informed them that Sabrina did my makeover. They then asked her for a makeover to show off her skills.
Behind all of Sabrina's skills, I saw a sensitive, damaged and broken girl. There were a few times when Sabrina looked me directly in the eye while talking about her life then broke down crying. Her tears were usually unrelated to the conversation. When I tried to hug away she pulled away and cried even more. It was as though she had flashbacks of a traumatic event but never told anyone about it. I advised her to see the school counsellor but she refused. She preferred to be left alone in her moments of grave sorrow.
One day, Sabrina pulled me into a classroom crying begging me to give her time to open up. Sabrina got inspiration to do makeup so well because she looked at how well her mom did her makeup to cover up the bruises she got from abuse. She was sexually abused by her uncle, aunt and dad for 10 years. She always got flashbacks about the abuse when she was in close contact with someone.
After we spoke, I called the police and child protective services for Sabrina's family. She was moved to Los Angeles in a foster home to protect her from the abuse.
We exchanged emails and kept in contact. Joey stopped speaking to me completely so Patricia, Calvin and Lucy became my close friends.
After a few months, I realised that Patricia wanted my attention. She invited me home a lot and tried to get me in a room alone with her to talk or just be close to me. She often asked me if I had a crush on anyone in school, if I ever was kissed, if I ever had a girlfriend or wanted one. I often laughed it off and never answered the question. She also tried to hold my hand from time to time. When I was sleeping in her guest room, I often felt her kissing my lips then I would picture Sabrina.
One day I overheard a conversation between Lucy and Patricia.
Patricia: how do I get a guy to notice me?
Lucy: be yourself.
Patricia: I tried but he doesn't have a clue. I tried holding his hands, asking him certain questions, kissing him while he slept but it doesn't seem to work.
Lucy: you need to move on. He clearly does not want you.
Patricia: ill ask him to prom and if he says no then I'll move on.
Lucy: I'm guessing it's Seth. He's probably gay.
Patricia: he's not. I spent enough time with him to know he's straight. He just looks gay.
Lucy: maybe I'm right and you're wrong. You remember the times you had crushes on gay dudes and convinced me they were straight?
Patricia: I do but Seth is different.
Lucy: stop forcing yourself on Seth. The right guy will come your way. You'll get that feminine straight guy you always wanted. What do you think of Calvin?
Patricia: he's okay. Not someone I ever saw as boyfriend material.
Lucy: you stand a better chance of getting him to go to prom with you than Seth.
Patricia: I'll see but I think Seth is getting sexier each day. I could get some of his meat if he gave me a chance.
Lucy: Calvin is better for you than Seth. You two are going to end up together.
I realised that Patricia had a crush on me when we became close but my heart was on Sabrina. She blushed and got nervous around me. My suspicions were confirmed even further closer to prom.
Patricia: so Seth, are you taking anyone to prom?
Me: no I'm not going. How about you?
Patricia: I wanted to go with you.
Me: I prefer to sit and work on my computer program. Im not a fan of social settings.
After that, Patricia walked away trying to hold back her tears.
Calvin: I don't know much about girls but I think Patricia likes you.
Me: really? What should I do?
Calvin: go to prom for her sake.
Me: I'm not trying to lead her on.
Calvin: if you can't see how beautiful Patricia is then I'll take her to prom.
Me: OK. Good luck..
Calvin: you're still hung up on Sabrina. She's gone. She'll get a boyfriend and you'll be stuck to the past. I know it's not easy but give Patricia a chance.
Me: I just don't want anyone else. I dreamt of Sabrina and I going to prom together.
Calvin: you're 18 and never had your first kiss, never had a girlfriend. Patricia is crying over you. You have a shot with her before I do. If you don't ask her to go to prom I will.
Me: go ahead.
I stayed home for prom working on my computer program while Calvin and Patricia went to prom. Lucy went with Eric, a foreign exchange student from Colombia.
Picture of Eric
The day after prom, Calvin called me and told me about the great time he had in prom. He kissed Patricia and she decided to give him a chance to be her boyfriend. Eric and Lucy were together before they went prom. I was left alone, single and without Sabrina.
I hoped that someday Sabrina and I would be together.
Throughout the years, Sabrina and I communicated via email but I did not know how she looked after she moved to Los Angeles. I wanted to see her badly but time was not in our hands.
3 years later
I met up with Sabrina for coffee and I realized she lost weight and looked fit. She was glowing.
She was in colonary school so she could become a chef. She came to tell me that she ws moving to Canada and wanted to say her last goodbyes to me. As I was about to confess my feelings for her, she introduced her boyfriend, Chase to me. He was unusual looking. I waited for Sabrina for three years but I let her slip through my hands. I held back my tears. I knew that Sabrina and I were not meant to me. She was moving to Canada with Chase. I was crushed because my waiting for Sabrina was in vain.