I don't know what to do.
It hasn't even been a full 24 hours since I last saw Scarlett. She tried calling me, so did Sage, I didn't answer.
They lied.
They lied straight to my face for two months. No guilt or shame, just lies. But their parents are dead.
Okay, I wouldn't have forced them to tell me, but they could've just been vague and then moved on. There was no need for in depth stories to explain where they were.
It's horrible.
Their situation is horrible.
But I love Scarlett and I left her all alone, on the one day she actually needed me. Can I really love someone I've only known two months, that's more than a little soon? Is it really love when she lied and I left?
Abuela was wrong.
Then add on the threats Stella sent my way promising she'd send me back to Atlanta in a body bag if I didn't get back to that house and apologize to Scar. Even Ella promised to never speak to me again and delete all of her pictures of me if I didn't come to my senses.
All James told me was to take a day and come back when I'm not upset. It's not how I think it is.
Well it's been a fucking day and I'm not okay. They lied to me too.
Every single one of my so-called friends lied and I can't get over that.
There's a knock on the door, "Ashton, Hun, we need to talk."
Groaning, I call for mom to come in. I'm not in the mood to hear one of her lectures of how bad Scarlett is. She sits on the edge of my bed, a knowing look in her eyes.
"How did you find out?"
I tell her about Avery and the one-sided conversation I had at Scarlett's. I even go as far as to describe the text messages Stella and Ella sent me.
"It bothers me that she lied about where they were constantly." I finish up.
"Did you ever think about how this situation is for her?" She asks.
Yes, her parents are dead.
"Ashton, who do you think takes care of them?"
I open my mouth, but stop myself, I have no idea. I've never seen anyone but her around. "Oh, no."
Please tell me what she's insinuating isn't true. Mom nods grimly, "Ashton, Scarlett's the one who takes care of her family. She handles a lot every day that no one, even you, has ever dealt with."
I'm literally the worst person I know, and that includes my father.
My mind spirals with all this new information but something catches my attention, "How do you know all this?"
She freezes, "Saffron told me the first time she spent the night."
Is she kidding me? "And you never thought to tell your son? The same son who spent all of his time with this family. The son who has been lied to for so long that you knew how this would go."
Mom winces, "Hun, it was difficult but-"
"But what, you knew and didn't tell me anything. Get out." I spit, not in the mood to see her face.
How could she be so okay about hiding information from me? That's the worst possible thing she could've ever done.
*****
I don't leave my room. I sleep. Run through my conversation with Scarlett on repeat, getting angrier with myself the more I'm reminded by how rude I sounded. Reliving that hurts but what stings is reminding myself how broken she looked.
And I just left.
What the hell is wrong with me? No decent person does that.
No decent person lies to your face for that long.
Shut up.
God, I wish I could just shut my own conscious out. My life would be so much easier if I could think this out in peace. My inner monologue is interrupted by a brief knock.
"Ashton, dude, we need to talk."
I don't get out of bed, Gabe can leave. Sadly, the door opens and he walks into my room. "Get out."
"Look, you know, which is great." He starts, resting his feet on the bed.
"What is so fucking great about being lied to?" I demand.
"That's not so great, but the fact that you know now is wonderful." He offers.
I scoff, it doesn't feel wonderful.
"The way you found out was shitty but Scarlett-"
"But Scarlett what?" I cut him off. "She lied to me and I couldn't tell the difference." I was stupid.
"She lied, yeah, but you don't get to act without hearing her out." He snaps, the grin gone from his face.
And I finally get out of bed, "I get to react however I want to. You don't get to come lecture me."
"No, I came to talk some fucking sense into you. She hid the truth, big fucking deal."
"Big deal?" I repeat, "You want to know why that's a big deal?"
He nods, having the common sense to appear a little afraid.
"My father lied to me our entire relationship and those lies were used to manipulate me into doing some really shitty things. I was too blind to understand what he was doing, and I'll be damned if I go down that same path of hurt again." Too many times have I fallen for sweet words and kind smiles. I know the poison that lies within.
I can't willingly drink from the cup again.
"Ashton, I didn't know but she didn't mean for it to end up like this." Gabe apologizes.
"But it did, and I can't just forget that because everyone says she didn't mean it." I shot back. "It's done. Whatever foolish thoughts I've had are done."
Or they will be.
Gabe stares at me for a long moment, no kindness on his face. "You know, I'm happy you got this out now because if anything you've said these last few weeks is true, you aren't proving it. So be done with the Rhodes kids, they deserve a whole hell of a lot better than you."
And with that he stands up and shoves past me, making sure to slam his shoulder into mine.
Going for the door, he speaks again. "Scarlett's already been through hell, every day is more stressful than you could imagine. You've had a hard life, Ashton, I've heard it, but you don't know their pain." I glare at him, wanting to shove him through the window. "You said you could never be mad at her so who's the liar now?"
The door slams shut as his parting words rattle through my mind.
*****
Another day has passed and I'm beginning to go insane as I fixate on my situation.
I'm mad at Scarlett.
I miss Scarlett.
I miss listening to her laugh at whatever stupid thing comes out of my mouth. I miss her curling into me as we watch tv, her head resting lightly on my shoulder in attempt to hide the fact she's doing it. I always notice. I miss being around her, just being around her is satisfying.
I miss her.
My door is thrown open, I close my eyes in hopes of mom leaving me alone.
"Ashton Brecken, I've have enough of your inconsiderate attitude."
Oh no. My eye snap open as I slowly move to a sitting position, I'm not prepared for another conversation with Abuela. "Go aw-"
"Finish that sentence, I dare you." She challenges me and my voice dies off. I'm a dead man.
Watching as she takes the spot next to me, I find my pillow very interesting.
"What are you thinking, mi Amor?"
It's a trap. "I'm angry, hurt, confused, in pain." I've never felt this conflicted in my life.
She nods, "You hurt her."
"She hurt me too."
"When are you going to learn that not everything is about you? She lied, but it was not to hurt you, it was to protect her family." She caresses my face.
I remain silent, it still hurt.
"You told me her love for her family was something you loved about her."
It is. "I don't love her." I couldn't love someone and treat them that way. I couldn't love someone who acted that way towards me.
"What about Sage, he's your best friend?" She reminds me and I scoff bitterly.
"He's just as forgotten as she is. He lied to me just as much, do you know how many conversations we've had where it could've come up?" I shout.
"And the twins, only 13, do you blame them too?"
"Yeah, I sorta do. They could've been honest, and they weren't."
None of them were honest.
She goes to open her mouth, but I cut her off. "No, for two months I've heard about this unknown life altering thing that made life complicated from everyone but the Rhodes. Ella mentions it, it's completely ruined Gabe's relationship with them. Everyone knew, everyone, and no one told me a damn thing. I'm the fool kept in the dark."
Everyone gets a good laugh out of me in the end anyways.
"Your selfishness disappoints me." She mutters and it feels like I've taken a punch to the gut. "You aren't upset, you're looking for a way out and if you do that you let him win. This fear can't ruin your life."
My father has no control over me, that's exactly why I'm doing this. "I'm not selfish, I'm protecting myself."
It's okay for Scarlett to protect herself but when I do it, I'm an ass.
"No, you are pushing away the one beautiful thing in your life and someone needs to slap some sense into you. You need to stop pitying yourself and start admiring the strength that girl has." She snaps firmly.
"My parents passed when I was nineteen, do you know how difficult it was to be in a new country with no one around?"
I shake my head no. "I could never imagine that."
The triumph in her eyes confirms that I've walked right into her trap. "No, you can't, because you've never experienced it. So stop pouting and then attempt to imagine what her life is like."
I'm stunned into silence, she's right. I can't fixate on my hurt when I don't understand why it was caused.
"Taking care of yourself is self-preservation. Taking care of others, that's selflessness. I think you could use a dose of it right about now." She pinches my cheek as she goes to stand.
Why is she always right?
Stopping by the door, ancient eyes glance back at me. "You claim to not love her but the fact you're so heartbroken proves otherwise."
I'm the worst.
I'm a selfish asshole and I've always been this way. I can't share, I won't share. I was an only child for so long, my father prayed on that part of my life knowing I wanted it to be about me. Team sports were difficult whenever I wasn't the star.
The adjustment to Ronnie was difficult and while I love her with my whole heart, there were and still are times when I resent the attention my mom gives her when I'm right here.
But I've finally found my greatest struggle. I hate sharing Scarlett, she's the number one person I want all to myself.
My outburst as she hugged James. The pencil breaking. The numerous times I've considered punching Zev in the face just because he smiled or helped her.
It's wrong beyond compare but it's a part of me.
And my own selfishness shoved me into cutting her out. That choice is killing me on the inside. I don't need Scarlett to suddenly fall in love with me. I don't need to do anything but be around her.
And I've ruined it.
The guilt builds as I attempt to put myself in her shoes. I'm seventeen and I can barely make a pb&j. Ronnie is okay under my care, meaning I can dress and put her to bed, but I can't handle more than a few days.
To be fully in charge of myself sounds terrible. I've learned enough to know I need my mom. I'm irresponsible. Scarlett doesn't have a mom.
She is so strong.
She's fully capable of caring for four other living souls and she does a good job. The Rhodes kids seem more put together than some adults I've met. They always look perfect in clothes that match with combed hair and brushed teeth. Smiles always on their faces, besides Scarlett but I understand why now.
She's so admirable.
She lost both parents and didn't give up. She forged forward to be there for them and that makes her more of a badass then I'll ever be. I gave up when life got hard, she didn't.
My eyes land on the sketch she did of us, and the other half of Abuelas speech comes to mind. Maybe I am pushing her away not because of what she didn't do but because of what she does do.
I've never tried so hard for someone's attention. I've never wanted to please someone else so bad, and that includes my father. In the last two months, I've turned down extreme parties, rejected alcohol and random hookups. I've only had one fight, which was for a deserving cause. My parents trust me again. Even from day one, I went to class because of her.
I don't hate Scarlett for nothing, I owe her for everything.
And I've lost her.
*****
I hit 6k followers, thank you all!!!!!
Also currently panicking because it's July and there's so much of this story I need to write before LiL can be unleashed
...it's fine... totally fine.
But big girl moves, I started buying things for my dorm!
Love you all~ Mo