Chapter 29:Cruel Intentions
Warning; (Triggers highly in this chapter! Also bring tissues!)
"Where's Dean?" echoed through her eardrums.
A wave of shock brushed through her as she collapsed into her brother's arms. Losing him was untimely, breaking a crack into the cement. She choked on her sobs as FP caught her in his arms. It hit him in one shock wave and he immediately rubbed her back with his hands. He knew his sister had been barely holding on before she met him, and now he's gone. He doesn't know if she'll ever be the same again.
Alice shattered when Lexie shook her head, tears spilling down her soft cheeks. Her brother was dead and her other younger brother just took off without saying goodbye.
Lexie cleared her throat, barely about to see," I-I'm going to lie down..." Her brother and Alice nodded their heads with sympathy.
Slowly, Agony penetrated her heart as soon as she plopped onto the mattress. She stared at the ceiling fan as it went around, around and around. Tears flowed down her cheeks, nicely tanned from the sun. The world spun from under her, awakening all the sleeping monsters from her truest nightmares.
A few days later, Lexie exited the bathroom, turned down the hallway and into her bedroom. She felt empty, unsure of herself and again her calls to Sam went to his voicemail.
This is Sam Winchester's voicemail. Leave a message after the— beep.
She groaned throwing the phone against the wall, and left an agitated growl when she realized it had shattered. She had broken the screen.
Tomorrow she will get her phone screen fixed, she thought before letting her head fall into the pillow.
"Lex... it's time for dinner..." Her brother's voice floats through the hollow wooden door.
She sat up in defeat, sighing before responding," I'll be right there..." Her voice wavered as she slowly slipped out of the bed sheets.
She took her time looking at her walls before discarding her thoughts and headed toward the kitchen. She sat beside JB, focusing on her meal before looking up at her brother's concerned look.
Dinner became short and quiet. Before she knew it. She was back in the bathroom digging in the drawer for something. She sat on the tile, holding the blade as she peered down at it. The tiny blade slowly pressed into her skin, leaving small river lines down her mid-thigh.
Lexie knows self-harm isn't the answer but she seems to fall for the lies her brain keeps telling her. Although her heart tells her another. Dean wouldn't want this. She tells herself to shut up and brings the blade down again.
This time she drags it deeper along and she let a tear slide down her cheek. She feels no pain. She laid her head against the wall, looking at the light slowly going dim.
She hears the water as she runs her bleeding thigh under the bathtub water. The water turns red as she reaches to pull the drain plug and watches it swirl around and around. Next she grabs a bandaged roll, wraps her thigh securely so it doesn't bleed through.
She hops into bed, letting the darkness wash-over her mind and drifts into a painful bliss. She wants to sleep forever. She doesn't want to spend life without him. She wants him.
Xx—xx
The sun rises high in the sky by the next morning. She groans at herself. What was the point? Try to think positive Lex, she tried to convince herself. She wants to be told it will be okay. He will be back. But she knows it all fucking lies.
Her mind shakes as she sits in class, Jamie looks at cautiously as if she might break if she looked at wrong.
"Lexie, are you okay?" Lexie nods her head and simply says," Yeah just didn't sleep the best last night." It was a lie. She didn't ever want to wake from her sleep that night.
Jamie seems to back off and the rest of the class went by extremely slowly. After she got up, the bell rang dismissing her and she went off. Twenty minutes later, she arrived at work.
Throughout her day at work, Alice kept pressing her about Dean. She told her to stop and Alice kept pestering. "I said SHUT UP, ALICE!" She finally snapped, causing her to fall shut.
For a moment she felt bad for snapping but then it passed and she continued to work on the papers. She tried to keep herself busy. That night she skipped dinner and spent an hour in the bathroom.
A week passed since Dean's passing and Lexie spent most of her day off cutting lines into her legs and small ones on her upper arms. Fred came by earlier that day asking if she would like to come out for some drinks.
She turned down his offer. FP wasn't blind he knew his sister was slowly slipping into depression. He is worried about her. He didn't want to go to his job interview for the Sheriff position.
After Hermione gave him the job to kill her husband. He decided that he didn't want to spend the rest of his days serving coffee and cleaning out the John. He wanted a stable life. One with a stable job that puts food on the table and really good money in his pockets. He never wanted his kids or sister to be stuck with this life.
Sadly his wife came back in record time. He had to break off his affair with Alice and start acting like a real man. He had his kids to support.
—xxx—
Her mind couldn't stop replaying that night no matter how much she wished it wouldn't. It officially been a month since — Dean died. Her stomach ached at the lack of touch. She missed him so much. His laugh kept torturing her in every way humanly possible. All she wanted was to hear it again.
She went into the drawer again, pulling out that blade she had been using ever since she got back from trying— failing to sell her soul for Dean. To bring him back— she failed to do that.
She sent her brother to get Coffee, Jughead was at Archie's for a study party and Alice is well at the farm. She didn't want them to see this. She tried everything to bring him back. There was no remedy to heal her pain.
Her soul disappeared when he died.
I'm sorry, she whispered as she used her shaky hand to grip the small box-cutter blade that was resting against her slim wrists. She let the tears flow down her cheeks as she slowly slid the sharp edge down the middle of her right wrist. She blinked at the agony as the red blood dripped down her bleeding wrist. She then ran the blade down her left wrist and let the blood just run.
She sat in the bathroom watching the water as she sunk her slitted-wrists into the clear tub. She had thought about this for weeks. There were many ways to do this. She could've used a noose— hanging herself. But the ceiling was too low.
Her heart pounded as her eyes began to weaken. Her body was fighting the riot she caused. She didn't even try to take a breath. She knew she was disappearing within minutes. She thought about seeing him again. She would in hell with him. Why?
Suicide is a sin. Why is that? She honestly didn't know nor was she that religious person anyways. All she knew was that she would reuniting with Dean.
Goodbye, Brother - was written in red blood on the shower tiled wall as her eyes started fluttering shut. She wouldn't be in pain anymore. She would be with her love. Here I come baby... and then the world turned dark instantly after her eyes shut.
Xxxx—xxxx
FP pulled up to the house, parking the truck with s pit in his stomach. Something wasn't right. He thought back to look on little sister's face. All there was a blank stare and almost like she was dead. He quickly gripped the coffee cups in his hands as his head pounded. Something wasn't right, he thought to himself again as the pit grew bigger in his stomach.
"Lexie! I got your coffee!" He announced as he walked through the front door.
When he looked around the house was neat— almost like it was a brand new house. His legs became to feel heavy and drawn to something.
Recently they had moved into the house after Gladys secretly bought it for him and their kids. Gladys was at work and there were days he wondered what she was up to. But he couldn't bring himself to care. He only loved one person — woman — named Alice Smith. He's been in-love with her for as long as he'd known her.
"Lexie... your coffee is gonna get cold!" He said again as he looked through the house.
He goes unanswered again. Fear starts kicking in and he shouts for her. His stomach had a gripping pain as he approached the bathroom door. He knocks gently at the door hoping to get a response.
"Lexie? Are you in there?" He feels like he's having a bad dream as he gets silence. He starts banging his knuckles against the wood hard. "Alexandra, open this door! You're starting to worry me!" He barked, fear penetrating into his voice.
His patience had gone a long time ago as he kicked and kicked at the wooden pane door. He didn't bother trying to pick at the lock. It would take too much time. He didn't like the feeling as the final layer of the door came crashing down. He raced inside, dropping the coffee cups onto the floor.
"LEXIE!" He screamed in horror, tears welling up quickly in his eyes as he caught a glimpse of the bathroom tub. He dashed to pull her out of the freezing cold water. Red stained his shirt but he didn't care. He kept muttering," No,no, no, no!" Underneath his breath.
This couldn't be happening. This had to be nightmare. His sister wasn't bleeding from her wrists. This is just your imagination, FP. He knew he was in denial. His son would be back from Archie's soon. Fred? He had to call him. He will know what to do.
He sat with Lexie in his lap, holding a white towel to stop the bleeding as the other hand tried to dial his friend. His vision blurred made it harder to touch the numbers into his phone. He fought back the tears as he brought the phone to his ear.
"Hello? FP, What's—- oh god... what's going on FP?" Fred's voice broke through.
FP tried his best to explain what happened. His voice shook violently as he rocked his sister in his arms. The thought of losing her — killed him inside.
"F-Freddie... can you come— it's bad..."
"What's bad? F, talked to me." Fred encouraged him.
He sobbed out," F-Freddie, Lexie slit her wrists— I need you. Now. Please—"
"Oh god! I will be right there, F!" He rushed out," F, Call 911 and stay put. I'll be there as soon as I can."
He did as he was told. Less than ten minutes later, Fred arrived at the bathroom. He nearly collapsed at the site. All the blood made him nervous. Lexie was like a sister he'd never had— he couldn't lose her.
As the ambulance pulls up and places Lexie's frail, almost lifeless body on the stretcher. Fred held onto FP as they carried her out of the house and into the ambulance. His friend's sobs killed him. He never heard such pain before in his life. Lexie is FP's world. FP couldn't handle calling his son. He asked Fred to call him. He didn't want to but it had to be done.
After calling Jughead to inform him about his aunt, He called Alice. He knew that FP needed someone to comfort him. He tried to get a hold of Gladys but he went straight to voicemail. Alice sobbed as he told her. She told him she will be right there. It seemed like hours before the doctor came out.
Jughead, JB and FP clinged for good news. Their hearts wouldn't be able to handle to heartbreak if it wasn't good news. Fred stayed by his side as the doctor slowly approached them with an expression that was unreadable.
"Mr. Jones?" FP's head shot up, looking directly at his little sister's doctor with an ounce of hope.
His mind spun at uncontrollable rate as the doctor's expression hadn't fluctuated. He wasn't sure what to expect. He knew the statistics were low for attempted suicides.
"Yes. I am. How is she?" His mind racing as he asked that dreaded question that he was waiting desperately for an answer; any answer.
The doctor had a sympathetic look on his face as he sat down beside FP," Mr. Jones, Alexandra is in extremely critical condition. We were able to stabilize the bleeding but she lost a lot of blood. And, since Ms. Jones has such a rare blood type; a blood transfusion may be difficult. As of right now, here chances for survival are pretty slim to nothing without a proper blood transport."
FP nearly collapsed when he heard the news. His sister might not make it. And if she did; since her blood type is rare. She would need a perfect match. She is type O blood.
"Can we get tested for a match?"
Her doctor nodded," Yes. I'll have our blood center know and we'll test your blood."
Xxx—-xxx
Alice decided that she would call her brother. It only had been a few hours since Lexie was admitted. Her heart throbbed in pain as she paced the hospital hallway. She felt as if she was drowning. Lexie was her best friend; besides Hermione and Fred.
The phone kept ringing and ringing until she heard a voice answer. She was stunned at first. She'd been trying to get a hold of him for weeks now. She needed to hear his voice.
"Hello? This is Sam Winchester—-"
"Samuel!" She gasped, trying to hold back a sob from escaping her throat.
"Alice? Why are you calling? Has another ghost showed up or—" she abruptly cut him off.
"Samuel, this is no time for games! I need you — Uh... Lexie—"
"What's wrong, Al? Is Lexie okay?" She tried to stay strong but this was unbelievably hard.
How was she supposed to tell her brother that Lexie was in the hospital due to a suicide attempt? Her mind was in a battlefield with her own thoughts. She didn't know how to break this to Sammy.
She swallows the gapping lump down her throat and exhaled," Sammy... this is going to hard to take but... Lexie's in the hospital..."
"What?! She's in what?" He gasped in shock.
"Yeah... Sammy... She tried to kill herself... Sammy? Are you still there?" Alice asked below a bare whisper.
Sam stood in the middle of the motel room with his mouth quivering from the sobs he was trying to keep from exiting his mouth. This wouldn't happened if he kept in touch. She wouldn't be in that damn hospital if he would've answered. He should've known it was something serious.
He heard Alice's concerned voice come through the phone. He could hear slight sobs as he cleared his throat. He felt as if he let her down.
"Uh..." He cleared his throat again," Yeah I'm still here. I'll be there as soon as I can, Allie."
"Alright, see you then." And then the line went dead.
He sank to floor on his knees and just broke down sobbing into his hands. His head fell into his palms as he cried or more like weeped. After several minutes he finally gained the courage to call Bobby.
"Balls!" Bobby cursed," I will inform Ellen and Jo. Hang in there, Sam." Sam broke down again after line went dead.
This is all my fault, he thought. First he lost his dad, then Dean and now Lexie. He can't lose her. He wouldn't be able to deal with it. She had to live.