"Come on, just tell me already!"
Jisoo had been whining to my ears about my book title ever since I started writing it. It wasn't only because it was a secret to build up the tension in her, which could make my book more interesting and appealing to her as the editor in chief, but also because I just loved to tease her like she always did to me.
"I can't tell you yet" I giggled as I was enjoying myself, being begged with her arm around my waist as we both walked towards the elevator.
"But you are almost done right?"
"According to the original plot, yeah I only have around 30% left but," I stopped my sentence intentionally as I pushed the going up button.
"But what?"
Jisoo asked with eagerness in her tone, causing her eyebrows to furrow a little while she kept her eyes on me, waiting for her question to be answered.
I decided to torture her more as I waited for the elevator door to part, and we both stepped inside with plastic bags of groceries we just bought.
"But the plot has changed" I finished the sentence with a playful grin and saw the surprise smeared all over Jisoo's face.
"What?!" She exclaimed. "Are you joking?"
"No I'm not," I let out soft giggles while my eyes darted to the screen, looking at which floor we were currently at as we went up floor by floor.
"You know about the drawbacks right?"
"I do, Jisoo. It won't change the existing story progression. I only add more growth to the characters, which means more chapters"
"More time complete too" She placed a point that I didn't even mention, but it was theoretically and technically true.
"Definitely"
"You already postponed it long enough, Rosé"
We stepped out from the elevator when we reached the 8th floor, where Jisoo's apartment was on.
"Yeah, about that" I sighed. "Will I get into trouble?"
"Of course!" Jisoo sounded like she was ready to nag, and she did. "You don't make money for the company for 3 years now. Houghton Mifflin has the right to void your contract"
"Ohh no," It was my turn to whine this time while Jisoo was unlocking the door. "I can go and see Mr. Wilson if I have to, but I really need more time"
"How much?"
"A year?"
"A freaking year?!" She received another surprise, shaking her head right after. "One year for you, but 6 months for Kookie and I to edit it Rosé!" Jisoo sounded so serious right now.
I placed the plastic bags on the kitchen counter, making my way to the water dispenser as she started to take out the things we bought.
"Printing, distribution, marketing," She continued. "Only then the company will earn money"
She was frowning now, making those soft wrinkles on her forehead looked even more visible.
"Jisoo, I'm so confident about this. I really need your help to back me up with Mr. Wilson" I walked to her with a glass of cold water in my grip. "This is going to be big!"
Her hands stopped, taking her eyes off the plastic bag to bring them to my face with curiosity that was obviously running in those round orbs.
"How big are you talking about?"
I leaned in, resting my elbows on top of the kitchen counter without breaking the eye contact between us. "New York big"
"What?!" Her eyes widened, staring into mine with questionable tone in her deep voice.
"Yes! New York, Jisoo"
"Are you-"
"One million copies for Houghton Mifflin" I cut her off immediately when I noticed she was about to argue. "This book will be my first market invasion"
She was looking at me without a word now while her eyes were back getting smaller, almost looking like they were shrinking to form another frown as her lips parted.
"Rosé," She sighed. "I'm not discouraging you or anything. I do believe in your writing" Jisoo took my hand in hers softly. "But you know how Mr. Wilson is"
"Yes, I know. But at least you can try. There's nothing to lose right?"
She shook her head, taking her attention back to the groceries. "I'll see what I can do, no promises though"
I jumped a little, grabbing her by the face and pushing myself until my lips met her cheek.
"Thank you, Jisoo!"
"Anyway, what about our plan?" She changed the topic straight away as she was getting annoyed with me, wiping the spot on her skin that I just kissed. "Has Lisa responded yet?"
"Ohh yes, about that" I took a sip of the cold water before continuing. "She said yes. I will buy the flight ticket by today"
I was so excited about my plan with Jisoo. She planned to go back to Seoul this weekend on holiday since she hadn't visited her parents for so long already. She offered if I would love to come with her, I could probably meet Lisa.
I knew that Melissa was still taking a break, and she didn't want to meet me yet since the last time I saw her was at the hospital. We were just keeping in touch through phone calls and messages now, never face to face.
But I told my wife about Jisoo's plan anyway, asking if I could meet her while I was in Seoul. She was hesitated at first, I could tell by her long pause and series of questions she asked only to buy her more time to decide. Well, I could just go there and surprise her with my visit. However, I didn't want to do surprises anymore.
I asked her frankly if she would be comfortable to meet me without insisting her to agree with me at all. I was actually worried if that could do more damage than I already did to her. But surprisingly, Melissa said yes. She said she would love to meet me since it would be our first anniversary too on the next day. I guessed she put that into consideration instead of just thinking about herself. She did think about me as well, considering we hadn't met for 3 months now. Only God knew how much I had been missing her.
It wasn't pretty at all.
Despite of the nervousness I had to bear by the idea of meeting Lisa, my hope for her and our marriage were much bigger. I knelt on the floor every single night just to pray to God so He would show me the truth.
I believed only His truth could tell and guide me to the right way, and whether or not what Melissa and I were working on would help us.
▪️▪️▪️
I glared through the window, being unsure of what I was actually looking at since we were moving fast. There were things that caught my attention but not more than 2 seconds. That was because my thoughts were not there, not in this city, not on this road.
"It's good to have you back, Ma'am"
A rough, manly voice snapped my mind in this familiar, luxurious car that I could finally see with my own eyes.
"Thank you, Yuan" I replied with a smile, taking my gaze to the front seat. "Did you miss me?"
That man was definitely hesitated to answer my question. Being one of Melissa's bodyguards compelled him to do and answer everything that was asked, but he was fighting between the order and the type of order to obey.
"A little" He answered with a normal tone apart from sounding like a military man he usually did in front of Lisa.
I liked these men since they were the ones who took care of me whenever I came to Seoul to visit my wife before. They were efficient and so kind to me, being considerate enough to the fact that I was blind. They really put extra efforts on that part.
Even now I could feel how happy they were when I came back after 3 months, and I was no longer blind. When people were sincere by the heart, you just knew it by the heart too as if sincerity wasn't an intangible thing to measure or scale up.
The heart definitely knew how and what to look for as it had windows as well. It only required another window from another heart to be accessed.
I didn't notice how much time had passed since these men picked me up at the hotel where Jisoo and I were staying, because we already reached Maas Corps Headquarters.
I was supposed to meet Lisa tomorrow, which was our first anniversary. She already made a reservation for dinner. But I just felt like I wanted to meet her first, probably had a few conversations just to familiarise things up. It was because tomorrow was our special day and it was so important to me. I didn't want to spoil it. I knew better if we only met tomorrow, I would act awkward with her.
Melissa asked me to wait for her at the lobby since she was having a meeting. But there were so many people, wearing formal attire that I guessed they could probably be candidates for job interviews or anything. There was no empty seat left for me to sit and wait for Lisa either, so I decided to go to the east wing of the building. It was on the same ground floor and I knew it would be very quiet there.
I continued to walk with Yuan who never left my side until we reached a security booth, another section in this entire building that I was familiar with.
"Ma'am Roseanne!"
One of the security guards greeted me from a distance before I could even reach him, standing up abruptly with surprise on his face. Seeing me approaching him without my usual walking stick could be the reason why he looked so shock, and I could tell that most of the staff that I walked by had the same look as him ever since I entered.
I went to the booth to greet security staff that I was close with, considering that was the first time I came back to the office in months. I was planning to sit on the sofa at this section because I knew it would be empty, and I was right about that. I thought I could just wait for Lisa here.
But as I talked to the guard, he placed something on the counter right in front of me. My eyes automatically drawn at it.
I received a sudden rush in my veins as soon as I saw it, signaling that my heart pumped a little faster than before. Just by looking at that thing, I felt like I was in a cave filled with everything else that were so valuable to the money, but not this thing.
I was looking at something that no money in the world would want to buy. It wasn't even in the same league as those diamonds and golds. But in my eyes, it was more than that; premium and meaningful to me by the soul, by love.
The whole cave was decorated by shining and expensive things, but not this thing, yet I was looking at it with sparkling, big eyes; lured and tempted.
I swallowed my throat as I brought my hand up, reaching for it after I moistened my own lips. I hadn't blinked since I saw it, feeling so nervous as if I could hear my own heart thumping against my chest, and that thing finally secured in my grip, in my own hand.
I breathed out this heavy air in me while my fingers continued to feel it. This was definitely it as I could still remember about it in my mind; light weight even though slightly thicker, flat and new trait began to mark its spot in my memory, and it was definitely its colour; red.
"Have a good day ahead Ma'am"
The guard's voice almost startled me from my thoughts, taking my gaze off this most valuable and priceless thing in the world that was now in my hand, my possession; Melissa's trust.
I looked at him dead eyed, empty in surprise and the irristable temptation that tensed up every single one of my blood vessel.
I should have returned this to him. He had mistaken my intention of coming to his desk, thinking that I might want to take the red pass to Lisa's personal, secret office. That was the usual whenever I came here before this. But that wasn't the truth.
Lisa never asked me to wait for her in the secret chamber, and I guessed she had forgotten to inform her security, so they followed the previous order from her, which was the red pass should only be given to Ma'am Roseanne and no one else.
But my inner voice told me to just walk away even though my brain said otherwise. If Lisa wanted me to enter her office, she wouldn't have asked me to wait at the lobby until she finished her meeting. I was technically not allowed to enter that place, but my heart kept pushing me to do so, until it brought my legs standing right in front of her door.
My eyes now staring at the small access machine against the wall, as no one greeted me when I left the elevator. No even Irene was here since the chair was empty. The machine had a tiny LED light that was blinking in red, waiting for the right pass card to be scanned.
I had no idea what was the real reason behind this sea wave of feelings in me, but I never felt so nervous to enter Lisa's office before. This room had already been my playground for 9 months, it was like my third home. But now it felt so different, so intimidating yet, it called for me in, causing a clash in swords between the brain and my heart.
Was it because I knew how important this room was to Lisa and to this entire business empire of The Maas? Was it because what I was about to do was definitely illegal and I could be imprisoned just by entering without The President's permission even though the access card was technically mine?
But I guessed it didn't matter. I had no bad intention after all. I wasn't a threat to this company and no private and confidential stuff in there would be leaked by me. I just wanted to be alone, lying on the comfy sofa I loved to rest on while waiting for my wife.
I lifted my hand that had the red pass in it after I took a very deep breath, and I finally placed it there, only to see the light turned into green as it made a beep sound that I had gotten used to since Lisa and I got married.
And I opened the door.
The room was silent as I walked in and I noticed how dimmed it was when I closed the door behind me. There was no strong lights entering the space so I walked further in, heading towards the closed curtain beside a desk that must had been Lisa's work station.
I pulled the fabric to its maximum, letting the natural light in as it attacked my eyes. I didn't really like to use the lamps in daytime, thinking that the sun could do a better job and it wouldn't waste any energy. My handbag was now on the desk along with the red pass because I didn't want to worry about it anymore. I already asked Yuan to inform Melissa that I would be waiting in her office, so she wouldn't need to walk down to the lobby only to find out that I wasn't there. That could spark her anger for wasting her time, considering how big this building is to walk around.
As I was standing at her desk, my eyes started to wander around. A small smile appeared on my face when I saw an office chair, probably the same one that Melissa sat on and I was on her lap, talking about corneal tissue transplant 3 months ago.
My smile went even bigger as I repositioned my glasses, leaning over to the table when my gaze locked at a standing frame with a picture of Lisa and I secured in it. I could tell by our outfits and smile as we hugged chest to chest with my arms around her neck, that this was taken on our wedding day just outside of the church.
I never got the chance to see the wedding album before, and even though I was looking at one of the pictures now, I was sure that I would feel even happier if I could see all of them together.
I pulled my attention away from the frame, wandering my eyes again until I saw storage racks, placed and arranged next to another which I believed contained all the files and important documents for her business.
But one of them caught my eyes since it was the only one that had a magnet decoration on it. I chuckled as the memory of 15 year old Melissa Maas who loved to decorate her locker, came back into my mind. She even got me one to put on my own locker. It was couple thing, she said. And I just remembered that I left it when I took all of my things on the very last day I entered the school.
I made my way to that one particular storage rack, just to take a look at the magnet and it got me thinking if Lisa still loved this kind of decoration that I could see a lot on Jisoo's fridge. But the closer I got, the clearer its shape and colour was, and I stopped my legs when I finally reached the rack.
It was a red rose, fully bloomed with all perfect petals shaped. My eyebrows furrowed instantly as I continued to scan its physical, while my heart whispered to me again to touch it.
And I did.
I took it off from that metal storage rack and felt it with my fingers. It was almost the same with the one she gave to me 10 years ago since I recognised it by its sharp texture. My magnet had this kind of sharp thing while Lisa's was just smooth and flat. I started thinking if it was really the same magnet that used to be on my locker, and my thoughts were proven right when I flipped it over and saw Roseanne Pearce initial printed at the back of it.
My mouth was slightly opened as my heart started to pump harder again. This magnet was definitely mine and Lisa still kept it until now even though I left it at the locker. I placed it back on the rack as adrenaline gushed in me, streaming freely without restrain in my veins with that inner voice whispered again.
Lisa had so many storage racks in here, but she placed the magnet on this particular one right in front of me. My heart raced so bad, fighting against my thoughtful mind that this wasn't right. But I had this heaviness in my chest that I called curiosity, and it ached me every second.
I had my fingers gripped on its handle now, waiting to be pulled as I could feel the tensed wave of fear and nervousness at the same time welling up from my stomach. But nothing else felt stronger than those temptations in me at this time and I finally pulled it open with one swift move of hand.
A blue covered file was the first thing that I saw in it, and I sneaked my hand in to take it out. I positioned my fingers at the corner of the file, taking my own time before I could open it. My heart was pounding against my chest as my eyes were blinking so many times, and I waited for any other reason that could stop me from opening this file rather than it wasn't my right to do so, and it was wrong to look at someone's private stuffs.
But nothing else managed to convince me whatsoever, so I opened it in a thump of my heart until those printed logo and words were visible for me to read.
"NSW Eye Bank" I muttered some of the things my eyes could read as the blood now rushed up to my head. "Corneal tissues purchase-"
I frowned in a second with my eyes shrunken their vision to focus like a tunnel, where everything else in the background was blurred.
"80 thousand dollars for a pair?" My breath started to get heavy. "St. Vincent Private Hospital-"
My hands began to shake. "Patient, Roseanne Pearce"
Air was coming out from my mouth as I could feel my own breath ragged in my throat. And I continued to flip page after page, reading all the purchasing details under the name of Melissa Maas.
But my chest started to cramp, almost closing my airway as it tightened, causing my shoulders to move along while I was trying to breathe when another printed page came into my clear vision.
"Houghton Mifflin-"
I gasped.
"No, no, please-"
My lips started to tremble as my eyes were running left to right, reading every word stated on a piece of paper that torn up my heart like a knife.
"1.3 million dollar donation-"
I could feel the veins at the sides of my head started to push out against my skin as my eyes went bigger. "Donation to publish-" My voice now was merely a gasping breath.
"Author, Roseanne Pearce"
A spread of tears formed at the back of my eyeballs, reading every detail and stated date that occured 5 years ago with Melissa's signature on the agreement until the very last page.
I closed the file, placing it on the desk that was just behind me as my jaw trembled in anger, feeling the deceit and betrayal that continued to stab me right in the gut without any sense of sympathy.
I pressed my lips together, holding the wrath that already terrorised every side of my brain as it burned everything that I knew was once truth, but only lies.
I walked closer to the storage again, taking a look inside it to make sure it was empty, and no more, but I took one last thing out and I had my own book in my grip.
I ran my fingers on it from the top to the bottom, feeling those popped out letters designed cover; It Is Not All Roses, by Roseanne Pearce.
I took few steps back until I could feel Lisa's desk stopping me, and I rested against it as my knees started to weaken my stand. Tears finally made their way out, running in a steady pace as they were thick as blood while my fingers opened the book from the back, opening the very last page to see my own autograph on it.
"Oh God,"
My eyes squeezed shut, pushing out more tears on my cheeks as I began to sob my heart out.
It was all a lie.
Lisa was right about herself, she wasn't a good person I thought she was, and that I had mistaken her. It was me who had been blind for so long, blinded by my own feelings, imaginations and hope for things that were too good to be true. And they came with a combo price to be paid with my own heart that was placed to bet.
Everything that I believed in was all a big lie, made up by someone I thought was an angel, but she wasn't even that close to be one, while she was just a mere one of the Legion.
She, as what said and warned in the bible, was actually living with me, married to me as she dressed in disguise to hide her true self; demon.
I realised it now as I prayed to God to show me the truth, and He did open my eyes now. He whispered to me for I, no longer blinded by one of His creatures that owned my heart.
I opened my eyes back, getting my breath steady because I didn't want to cry anymore. I felt so tired, emotionally and physically, and it was so exhausting to be weak. So I straightened my body back, trying to stand with my legs again.
And I heard the door beep.
I sighed as I heard the door, seeing a figure that stood by the door from the corner of my eye.
"Roseanne?"
Her sweet, soft voice made me smirk as I didn't buy that anymore. I couldn't feel anything else at that time except for massive anger.
She began to walk towards me and I brought my eyes to look at her, putting my book on the desk before I stood on my legs, walking towards her too.
I didn't stop my stare at her as I continued my steps, looking at how she was coming towards me with black wings wide opened at her back that were impossible for her to hide from my eyes anymore.
We stopped in the middle, just enough distance to look at each other's eyes. She was looking into me with hellfire burning in her dark gaze while I just walked myself in her playground.
"You look skinny, Roseanne" She expressed her concern, still trying to deceive me with her charm. "Do you eat less?"
One thing I knew about demons was they were always gentlemen, and this one in front of me was no less.
I was standing in front of someone who had been playing with my life in her hands. I was in love with someone who had been lying behind and straight in front of my face. I was married to someone who had fooled me with my own love and hope.
And I wouldn't let her do it again.
"Are you satisfied, Lisa?" I asked her with gritted teeth, unwilling to yell, yet. "Do you feel good toying with my life?"
I didn't even blink as I continued to give her a deadly glare.
"Roseanne-"
"You bought me these corneal tissues only for you to dislike my eyes"
I cut her sentence off and saw her anger building up in her eyes, just like the burning fire.
"Yeah, my dad and I left you back then but how bad your heart has turned?"
Her whole face changed now, exposing her true colours.
"My book, was the only thing that made me feel good about myself back then" I said while Lisa remained silent. "That book was the only thing I could be proud of" I breathed in as my eyes watered again. "How could you, Lisa? What happened to your heart until you hate me so much?"
I pulled my face away from her gaze, walking back to the desk to grab my handbag and I left the red pass there since Melissa left the door opened. I could just walk out anytime I wanted now but I just had one more thing to say to her.
"You are indeed not a good person I thought you were," I continued, stopping in front of her once again. "All you ever done was lying"
Her face turned red as I continued to ignite her anger, banishing her patience that I wasn't sure if that one was real too.
"I shouldn't have trusted you, Lisa, who am I kidding?"
I chuckled a little while looking at someone who had lied to me, and still had the guts to get mad.
"You are still a Maas after all, a whole family of heartless people and liars"
Her hand opened into a full force of palm, sending a sharp, stinging blow across my face in an instant.
"Fuck off and never show your fucking face in front of me again!" She yelled the loudest that sent a different kind of hurt in her words than the one she gave by her slap.
I brought my eyes back to hers as I could taste my own blood in my mouth.
"You want me to leave?"
"Whatever Roseanne! Go die even and see if I care!"
I took a few seconds more to stare at her face with tears streamed down on mine, remembering every single feature to the core of my memory before I took our wedding ring off my finger, and threw it to her chest.