【playing..】
Stray Kids (스트레이 키즈) - I am WHO
불면증 Insomnia
❚❚ ►_____________________________ 3:26
Jeongguk looked up at the ceiling, head spinning with pain from getting barely any sleep for 2 days, seeing the rising sunlight peak in through his closed curtains.
He heard Coconut's soft snores beside him on the window bench, sleeping peacefully without a worry -- oh, how he wished he could sleep too.
Eversince Taehyung had been over and they had their, well -- conversation, he felt different, used and not worth.
His tears wouldn't stop that night, even having to face the older one with wet eyes while giving him a blanket and not trying to sob too loudly when scooping some food into Coconut's bowl that evening.
(a/n: see she was fed :,))
Taehyung left the next morning at around 7am, probably thinking Gguk was deep asleep -- he wasn't, he was awake all night, insomnia eating him up as he got lost in an endless maze of bad thoughts, fueling even more tears to stream down his face.
The whole day was laced with bad thoughts and tears.
Him and his coworkers all had a day off since they just returned from the competition the day before, everyone probably going out, enjoying the nice weather and socialising.
Jeongguk on the other hand locked himself in his apartment, staying in his bed with Coconut beside him or in his lap, just needing time to himself, trying to recollect and just get over everything that happened.
Jeongguk didn't want to do anything, his thoughts were telling him that he's useless, unwanted, even blocking off Nayoo's innocent attempts to get him outside to theie favorite café.
He really wasn't himself from the lack of sleep and thoughts of self-hatred.
Gguk turned on his side, releasing his phone from the cable unlocking it to see 6:14am shine back at him, sighing he slowly rose up careful not to make any noise not wanting to wake his princess up.
Rubbing his eyes he got up on his feet slightly wobbily, seeing white spots scattered across his vision as he gripped the side of his drawer to stabilize himself.
He sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head once before blinking and opening them again and tiredly dragging himself to the bathroom.
He hopped under the shower, the water droplets hitting his skin refreshingly, convincing himself it would help to wash all worries off, mostly worries and the dread of probably encountering Taehyung today.
Grabbing his favorite lemongrass scented shampoo, he squeezed a decent amount into his hands, rubbing them together to get a lather going and massaging it into his hair before washing it out.
Jeongguk closed his eyes, letting the fresh and bubbly scent wash over him, before clogged nose now free and eyes not feeling as heavy anymore.
The shower actually made him feel a lot better like the layer of tiredness and heartbreak was washed away, making him feel more ready for the upcoming day.
He continued with his morning routine; quickly brushing his teeth, scooping Coconut her food and having a quick breakfast of his favorite cereal using banana milk instead of the regular one -- his favorite combination -- and putting on his regular attire for work, grey puma sweats and a black t-shirt.
After he was done, he snatched his keys from the kitchen table, giving Coconut a goodbye pat as her face completely disappeared into her bowl before leaving his apartment.
A cold breeze fanned through his freshly washed hair, Gguk taking a deep breath, closing his eyes and really inhalting the early summer air.
He felt a small smile form across his face as the day seemed to start to be good one like the usually so cruel universe wanted to tell him that everything was going to be alright.
Taking out his phone, he wanted to look at the time again, noticing that he had more than enough time to walk to the studio.
His first class was actually at 10am but he still wanted to go in earlier since Hoseok told him during their drive back from the competition that he wanted to give Jeongguk more responsibility.
The smile that was tugging on the corners of his mouth widened upon the thought of finally being praised for his accomplishments that he worked so hard for, something he never got to experience when he was younger.
It was all just unenthusiastic nods and not even a single word of praise uttered.
Smile quickly fading again as a shiver ran down his spine thinking about it again, what he vowed not to do, head spinning and eyes watering instantly upon recalling those memories -- he keeps making promises to himself that he can't seem to hold, so damn weak like he was always told he is.
He looked up from the ground, trying to blame his teary eyes on the wind that was blowing right into his face, the studio pretty much infront of him, leaning against the heavy glass door and going inside.
Strolling around the halls, he tried greeting everyone with a smile, an obviously fake one but no one cares anyways, why would anyone ever care about his feelings in the first place? Taehyung showed him that again.
Jeongguk looked around seeing Hoseok in front of his office looking at various papers, deciding to get the thing he's here for early in the first place out of the way.
"Hoseok hyung." Gguk walked over to his boss who immediately looked up, smile decorating his face and raising his hand to wave at him.
"Ah Jeongguk! Good that you are here, let's go into my office really quickly? Go over everything?" Hoseok smiled even brighter with enthusiasm, opening the wide glass door and signaling Gguk to get inside.
They went over the papers rather quickly since not much would change besides getting a slightly higher salary and exchanging one of his morning beginners courses to an advanced course, doing the same with one of his afternoon classes.
"So just sign here and we are done." Hoseok pointed at the bottom of the paper, Gguk taking the pen and signing at the prepeared space with a flick of his wrist.
He looked up seeing Hoseok's signature smile still glued to his face as he scooted the papers in front of him again, giving them one last look across. "Good job Jeongguk. I knew you had potential to much bigger things the day i met you. Be proud of yourself."
"Thank you, hyung." Jeongguk slightly bowed, finally a real smile smoothing over his face, pride and shyness spreading through his gut at the compliment, eventhough there was always this voice in the back of his head telling him that people lie and that they don't actually care about him.
"You're very welcome. Now go, your class is at 10, isn't it?" Jeongguk looked at the clock standing on Hoseok's desk noticing he only had about 10 minutes left, standing up bowing one more time and uttering a 'thank you' before going back to the training rooms.
He placed himself infront of the one he would hold his class in, noticing people inside dancing in a strict fashion before noticing -- him.
He saw Taehyung standing infront, looking at his class with glaring eyes.
Hair now dyed back to his natural black, brownish color, hanging almost in his line of vision, clothes not as expensive looking as usual, his vibe overall just -- off.
His heart clenched, trying his best to look elsewhere, he actually wanted to try his best and avoid him until whatever he was feeling for him fades or until they are forced to train together again but now it was only a glass door seperating the two.
Jeongguk didn't want to see him nor felt ready to do so yet after Taehyung told him he's basically only a toy for him, something he wanted only in lust.
Biting his inner cheek to resist the urge to just cry again, his eyes wandered around, hands crossing themselved over his chest and foot tapping on the ground impatiently.
Well until he accidentally caught the other one's eyes, time felt like it stopped for a second, heart beat increasing and water in his eyes starting to pool as he looked right into Taehyung's deep brown eyes from a couple feet away.
And he might even say that he saw something in his eyes, something that he might even describe as pain and sadness but he was sure it was just his mind playing tricks again, trying to convince him that Taehyung was feeling just as bad as he was.
He noticed the class stopping their dance, waiting for something to happen, instructions, anything, but Taehyung was frozen, eyes still glued to Jeongguk's own until -- Yunee came up to the front almost throwing herself onto the now black haired, trying to bring him back to the present, startling him before he shook his head, shoved her off to the side, not interested in her advances at all and continued with the lesson.
Jeongguk pried his vision off the older one before any tears could run down his cheek, looking off to the side, bottom lip caught inbetween his teeth, breathing out though his nose.
How could he ever have thought he would have a chance with Taehyung? Asshole, overly confident, manipulative Taehyung. He was naive, dumb to think so and it's all his fault for getting into this.
He let himself be vulnerable, all because of what? Revenge? It was stupid to think that life works that way.
"He's outstanding, isn't he?" Jeongguk suddenly heard a manly voice come from his other side, making him jump slightly and turn his head.
He saw a tall man, bright blonde hair, shoulders broad, face the most handsome he's ever seen if he was quiet honest, looking right at him.
"U-uhm- i guess so." Gguk stuttered out not really knowing what to say, the beauty of this guy also slightly intimidating him.
"Just look how clean his movements are. Taehyung is really one of a kind when it comes to dancing." He watched as the man pointed to Taehyung who was now going through the moves with his class, looking like he was about to wrap up the lesson, Jeongguk only allowing himself to watch for a split second -- he can't cry infront of a stranger.
"Yeah." He whispered, voice cracked, almost for only himself to hear, looking at the ground, knowing Taehyung would head out the glass door right infront of him soon and he just cannot face him, he can't.
He heard the door screech open, multiple pairs of feet passing his vision as he took a deep breath telling himself to just not look up.
He heard the high pitched sound one more time, seeing those too familiar shoes almost right infront of him.
"Jin, what are you doing here?" Gguk heard Taehyung's deep voice that usually somehow made butterflies churn in his gut but now his heart ached in deep pain, eyes still glued to the floor.
"Just picking you up, babe." He heard the other one who's name was apparently Jin answer in a suggestive tone and that was all Gguk needed to hear as he pushed past the two, right into the practice room, door falling shut behind him as he walked over to the very corner were surely nobody could see him right now, sinking down to his knees, tears of both even more heartbreak and anger threatening to roll down.
He breathed in and out as heat rose to his head, betrayal the only word that was flashing through his mind.
That fucking asshole has a boyfriend, another fling or whatever the fuck they are. Why else would that Jin guy call him 'babe'? Of course they are together or some shit.
Closing his eyes, he tried to calm down his rapid heart beat, only thought that he had right now that; yes, indeed he was always just a toy for Taehyung and that it would never change.
The day could have been so good but everything always gets ruined.
°***°
Well that was unexpected wasnt it :,)
i really wanted to capture how jk wants to try and be happy but is constantly pulled down by everything around him and himself -- i hope that somehow worked-
and i finally found a reference that i liked for coconut! imagine her something close to this little beauty <3
also what yall think about bts world? honestly 2 years wait for a literal y/n ff.. i expected smth just .. better also no option to chose pronouns and the option to literaly flirt with JK whos UNDERAGED in the game sigh i really had a vision of what i wanted but this isnt really it ): but thats just my opinion tell me yours, agree or disagree!!
anyways i'll be off to prom in a few <3
have a nice day everyone!