AN: sorry I took so long to update, I've just gone through exams and musicals and some family stuff. BUT the next chapter is here and I hope you enjoy :) I'm on holidays now so regular, day to day updates :)
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It's Monday, the day of our project. And Grayson isn't here.
I'm only kind of freaking out because it isn't fourth period yet (which is when Modern History is) but it's recess and usually, I would've snuck off to see him in our usual make-out spot, but he wasn't there.
I check my phone for any messages but nothing is there. I start to freak out a little more because then the bell rings and Grayson still isn't here.
I quickly walk to Biology, chewing on my bottom lip. Why isn't he here yet?
Is he sick? That is the most plausible explanation but that doesn't stop me from wondering why he isn't here. Did his bus break down? Or crash? Is he stuck under a huge bus, getting crushed by it's ginormous weight? Did his house burn down? Did he get bitten by a rabid dog? Is he having a family crisis? Did he get abducted by aliens or attacked by mobsters or asked to join a gang or did he get caught selling elicit drugs and now he's in jail or-
Oh my god, what if he moved back to the UK?
That one stops me in my tracks. Move back to the UK? Would Grayson actually do that if he had the chance? I remember the phone background of him with his friends, all laughing - did he get sick of Australia and decide to move? Did he get sick of ME?
And suddenly, it's my fault he's not here. Did dinner with my family go really badly? Am I actually a really bad kisser and he doesn't want to say so he had to leave the COUNTRY in order to escape me? Am I just annoying and clingy? The phrase 'MY NAME'S DARCY WHITMORE AND I'M BETTER THAN YOU' flashes in my mind again - does he still think that? Are we not actually friends? Did I imagine the whole thing?
"Darcy, are you ok?" Avery asks me as we walk to Modern History from Biology. "You're doing that thing where your entire face freezes."
"Darcy Freaking Grayson isn't here and we have our project now and... and now I have to do it all!" I blurt out to a surprised Avery. Not really why I'm worried, but can't tell her that. "And I haven't practised his speech and now I'll crash and burn and fail and I'll be so humiliated and then they'll kick me out of the musical because what kind of leading lady stuffs up a public speaking presentation and-"
"Darcy, stop being so melodramatic," Avery says as we head into the classroom. "Look, you're Darcy Freaking Whitmore, ok? You'll be fine - you'll crush it. As for me..." she trails off, drawing a line across her neck with her finger and sticking her tongue out.
I can't even laugh because I'm just so... so freaking out! And worried! Where the hell is Grayson?
I sit down in my seat and watch the door, hoping beyond hope he shows up. To my surprise, he does.
He slinks in right as the bell rings. I can't help it - relief floods me. He's ok - he's not in the UK or crushed under a bus, dying a slow death.
He slumps down in his chair, not even acknowledge me as he does so. Not even a glance my way.
Um, no.
"Grayson! What the hell! Where have you been?" I hiss quietly at him.
No response. He stares stoically at his desk.
"Grayson?" I whisper, poking him on the shoulder. He swats my hand away, muttering.
I slap him on the shoulder. He looks at me, shocked.
"What the hell?" he whispers, glaring at me and taking out his headphones. The music is up so loud I can hear it from where I'm sitting.
"Answer me! Are you ok?" I ask before I realise that he most certainly isn't. His hair is not styled messy, it's just messy-messy and his uniform is more rumpled and crinkled than usual. The constant bags that drag under his eyes are darker, bigger, wider. And his lips are cracked and chapped and he just looks like complete shit.
"I'm fine," he hisses forcefully, glaring at me steadily.
"I thought you'd moved back to the UK or were stuck under a bus or-" I whisper frantically before his head whips around to face me. His expression makes me flinch. I haven't seen him this angry since... I don't even know.
"Would you just shut up?"
For once, I actually do. "I... sorry," I murmur, taken aback. He hasn't been this surly in weeks. I glance at him, taking in his hunched posture and the leather bracelets on his wrist. There's more today and he's gripping them so hard I'm scared he might rip them off. What the hell do they mean?
Mrs Hooper calls our names. We go up and present.
I do great. Grayson bombs.
He stumbles, doesn't even have his cue cards printed out. He won't make eye contact with anyone - what the actual hell is going on?
Grayson has never completely bombed a school assignment before.
Now I'm really worried about him. I'm angry, too, but mostly worried. What is going on? Something's really bothering him - but what?
After class, he rushes out of the door but I'm ready for it so I race after him, my books already packed up.
"Grayson! Grayson!" I yell, following him down the corridor, shoving people out of the way. "Darcy!" I yell. I never use his (our?) real name. He halts.
Thank god - I am not a track runner like Lucia, I cannot keep up running for long.
Panting, I catch up to him and drag him into an empty classroom, shutting the door behind us.
"What is going on?" I ask, spinning to face him.
"Nothing," he replies but his usual angry-venom isn't piercing his words anymore. Instead, he looks dejected, deflated, depressed.
I step closer to him. "I can tell you're not ok."
He won't meet my eye. "Look, I just... " he says before the words seem to tumble out of him. "My friends from the UK found out that I've been talking to Abby and he- they, all started messaging me and reminded me about what happened before I moved and it hurts because I'm trying to move on but it seems like every time I do, he's there, pushing me back down again, setting me back. I just-" he finishes, clenching his hands into fists, his neck strained. "I need to punch something."
Oh. Ok. Right.
"Well, I'd say me but I can't handle pain." What. The Frick frack froo. Am. I. Saying? I sound like a grade A IDIOT. "The wall! Punch the wall!" I supply, not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing. Should I not be encouraging violent behaviour? Is that... wrong? What else am I supposed to do? I am not equipped for this!
Grayson shakes his head. "No, I can't, what if I punch a hole in it?" he snaps, beginning to pace as if the restless and angry energy in him just needs to get out. And... 'a hole'? Good lord, he's really angry.
I get an idea. I pull out my phone and start playing a random song. It's popular at the moment and I begin to (oh my god I can't believe I'm doing this) dance.
Grayson looks at me like I've lost my mind. I'm pretty sure that I have.
Oh well. Too late to go back.
"Dance, Grayson! Let the energy flow," I say, wincing at how cheesy I sound. I sound like I'm in a Step Up movie or something.
"I... I have no words," he says. His hands unclench.
I start to sing along. "C'mon, sing with me!" I say, shouting the lyrics as badly as I can.
I'm dancing awkwardly, my heart pounding and my mind screaming 'YOU AWKWARD LUNATIC FREAK!' for about a minute before it happens.
Grayson's mouth quirks into a trace of a smile.
Small, but I saw it. I did it.
Distraction.
I stop and turn the music off, my neck flaming red. I motion for him to follow me and I walk to the back of the classroom, sit on the floor and lean against the wall.
Grayson does the same.
"Do you want to talk about it now that you've calmed down?" I ask quietly. Its like a sleeping bear - I don't want to poke it too hard. I've done that to him waaaaay too many times and this time, I really don't want my eyes mauled out.
Grayson sighs. A deep and heavy sigh that seems to heighten his weary face.
What he says surprises me. "Do you have a quality that you hate about yourself?" he asks, his voice soft.
The answer bubbles out of me immediately. "I'm scared that I'm too dramatic. And I'm scared that I'm arrogant and selfish and too much work for people to deal with. I'm scared that I annoy people to the point where one day, I'll look around and realise that I'm alone." My answer doesn't surprise me - the fact that I answered something so... personal to him does.
I can feel Grayson looking at me but I can't look at him. Telling someone those things... It makes in harder to look them in the eye, knowing that they know your deepest insecurities and most innate flaws, the flaws you just can't change. His voice surprises me. "I hate that I can't... express myself. The words just... don't... they just don't. And when my feelings get... too intense... I'm scared of myself. Of what I'm capable of."
We sit in silence. For once, it's not awkward.
It's heavy, pressing down on us, yet peaceful in it's own way.
"What happened?" I ask again, quietly, not wanting to disrupt our new found peace.
He doesn't answer immediately. "I didn't want to move here," he says before heaving a sigh. Grayson drops his head and runs his hands through his hair, frustrated. "Well, something... happened, in the UK. With my friends. They all... hate me now. And they really don't want me to talk to Abby. Neither do my parents, or her parents but... she's helped me. And she reached out to me first, so we both needed to talk but... well, my friends, they found out. And... told me to stop talking to Abby. Among other things," he says bitterly, fiddling with his leather bracelets.
I stay quiet - I don't know what else to do. This is the most he's ever shared about his life before Australia. It shocks me, to say the least.
"What happened in the UK?" I ask tentatively.
"I can't... I can't talk about it," Grayson says, shaking his head and burying his head in his hands.
I'm at a loss. I haven't ever seen him... so un-Grayson. For once, he's not surly or angry or annoyed or grumpy or cold. He's just... utterly crushed. I feel like, for the first time, I've got a glimpse of the real real Darcy Grayson, of what lies buried deep within him, surrounded by a mess of intense, flaring emotions.
"Hey," I murmur, sidling closer to him and wrapping my arm around his shoulders. I rub his arm in circular motions as he breathes deeply, his breath hitching now and then. "You don't have to tell me." And it's true, he doesn't have to tell me - even though I desperately want to know what happened in the UK that was so bad, he was forced to move the freaking country. "Just... I'm here for you," I say. It's the truth.
We've become friends over the past few weeks. Good friends. I care about him, surly or not - I can't help it.
We stay like that until the bell rings and I slowly stand up, giving Grayson my hand. "C'mon," I say, as he takes it. His fingers are slender and cool in mine. His hand, stained and smudged with grey, feels rough, calloused. How have I never noticed that before?
He stands and we face each other. I give him an encouraging smile, one he shakily returns. "Thank you," he says, his hand still wrapped around mine. I don't want him to let it go. "You really helped me," he says, his eyes imploring mine. We're standing close. His eyes are on 'gooey-chocolate' mode (as usual), but... I really look into them and realise they're not just 'gooey-chocolate'. They're inky rays of cinnamon and spices and burnt toast and gingerbread and walnuts and pecans.
How have I never noticed that before?
He lets go of me and steps back. I feel... cooler. I didn't realise he'd been so warm.
"Thanks again," he says, before leaving, ducking his head and not meeting my eyes.
Um.
What. Just. Happened.
Seriously, I haven't the faintest CLUE as to what just happened.
But, there's one thing I do know and that's that I care quite a lot about Darcy Freaking Grayson.
A LOT, a lot. Like, a lot. So much that I'm so relieved that my initial thoughts of him moving to the UK were false and so much that I'm not the slightest bit annoyed at how he treated me in class. I get it, now.
I get him.
I'm so glad he's ok, and even more glad that he's still here.
And this is the moment where I realise I'm in BIG trouble.
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Thank you for reading this chapter, I hope you like where it's going! I'll try update every day now :)
Let me know your thoughts - what happened in the UK?
I really appreciate you reading this and please vote if you enjoyed
Kat xx