I managed to get my sobbing under control. The streaks of my tears were drying on my face, making the skin feel dehydrated. Once I shed my last tear for myself, I decided that was enough. Using the house as leverage, I pushed myself back to my feet and wandered back inside. My little episode had made the pain in my elbow come back with a vengeance and the side I had landed on, screamed at me for my stupidity.
The kitchen was starting to fill up with shadows; later all we had to keep them at bay were the camping lanterns we found while searching the house. I wiped at my face, embarrassed by my behavior. Not only had I made a fool of myself, I got the infected all worked up right outside the fence. At least they seemed to have calmed down again for the time being.
I tip-toed back outside for my axe; it was now covered in blood and grass. Once back inside, I flipped the lock on the sliding doors and overturned the kitchen table up against them. If something or someone wanted inside, they would have to work for it. I made sure the front door was dead bolted and pushed the couch in front of it. My injured elbow made it difficult. The sound of the legs scraping across the hardwood floor echoed in the house; grooves appeared behind the trail. At least I didn't have to worry about repairing the damage.
Darkness was starting to set in and it made me nervous. This would be the first night without the others. I didn't have them to depend on, I had only myself. I found I missed them dearly. We were our own family, looking out for one another. Yet they had abandoned me. Or was I the abandoner? I didn't want to believe that anyone had left anyone behind. Maybe things would have been different if I had stayed behind, maybe they would have turned out exactly the same. There was no way to tell now.
All that mattered was surviving and finding our dysfunctional family.
Taylor smirked at me yet again, laughing to himself about my mishap. How was I to know you couldn't just smoke anything in the meat smoker? You could have smoked salmon, why not smoked trout? I hated the taste of fish and figured at least smoking it would make it edible.
We were all situated around the camp fire, the flames blazing like an inferno. Stars had started to peak out through the receding day light, now dotting the sky above us. The cabin was currently airing out the burnt fish smell. If you thought fish smelt bad before, just wait until it started on fire. Ethan had managed to put out the flames before any damage was done to the smoker, which reminded me of a tall safe without the lock on the front.
"Is it useable?" I asked timidly.
Ethan chuckled, "It'll live to smoke another day."
"Why would ya think puttin' trout in there on as high as it can go, would be a good idea?" Chloe cocked out her hip.
"You can smoke salmon can't you?"
"Alright, enough. Nothin' we can do about it now except let the place air out," Ethan interjected.
John and Ethan had went out earlier to catch the fish, apparently there was a small lake nearby that had lots to catch. Ethan said normally you would not have been able to take home so many, but there was no fish and wildlife police left to complain. There were poles and gear stashed in the cabin. We were damn lucky to have run into Ethan, he had pretty much everything we needed out here.
They had a grill set up on top of the fire pit, roasting the rest of the fish. I guess I won't be able to get myself out of eating this.
"Looks like you're not getting out of it this time," Zoe grinned, knowing full well how much I disliked fish.
"Well, I tried."
"I didn't know fish could catch on fire like that," Darren added his two sense in.
I sighed; I was never going to hear the end of this.
"Hey, ya gotta break a few eggs before you can make an omelet, right?" John winked at me, his eyes full of mirth.
"If my clothes stink, you'll be washin' them," Taylor quipped.
"That'll be the day," I snorted. "Maybe they will be the next thing to start on fire."
Chuckles rang out around the camp fire, all while the disgusting fish continued to sizzle.
I smiled at the random memory. It's strange all the stuff that starts to infiltrate your head when you're growing despondent. It's not the bad stuff, but rather the things that reminds you what you are living to fight for. We had been through so much, that there was no way I was giving up now. I started to feel hopeful.
We will find them.
I started to clean up the mess I had made in the living room when I had torn through the bags looking for the peroxide. Heading back into the kitchen, I went to grab my backpack to sort out. As I rummaged through my backpack, some items fell to the floor; the pink Benadryl package among them.
There was no way Chloe was going get any sleep tonight, not with what had happened and all the pain she must be in. I rooted through the kitchen cabinets for an opaque glass, and then twisted the top off of a water bottle. Using the blunt end of a butter knife, I crushed up two of the small, pink tablets. I mixed the powder with the water, hoping she would just drink it and get some much needed sleep. I grabbed a couple of granola bars as well as some over-the-counter painkillers.
I walked quietly up the stairs, like when I used to tiptoe into the house after going out to the bar. I found Chloe lying on the boy's bed with her back to me. She was sniffing softly.
"Chloe, I know you're mad right now but you need to eat and drink something," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
She ignored me, so I just remained in the doorway. Eventually, she turned to me, glaring the whole time. As she stood up, she put out her hand for the items. I passed her the glass and she started to chug the contents as I opened the bars for her. With her arm out of commission, she would need some help.
Chloe passed me back the almost empty glass and tore into the first granola bar. After everything that happened, I'm surprised I wasn't just as famished.
"Here, I brought you something for the pain."
She eyed me warily as she chewed her second bar. I passed her two of the white pills and the glass back. She was smart enough to see that she needed the pills and took them without hesitation. She turned away from me, back to the bed.
I guess I had been dismissed. I hoped she would eventually see that what I did was for her own good. Although, that didn't look like it would be anytime soon. Maybe if she could forgive me, I could forgive myself.
I went down the hall into the main bedroom to find something to sleep in. The husband's large shirts would do. I grabbed a clean white one and the comforter from the bed and headed back downstairs. Even though I badly needed sleep, I would still have to be on alert. I could hear better if I was on the main floor.
I also needed to wash up somehow. You never realize how dependent you are on everyday things until they are forcefully taken from you. I didn't think the shower would work in the house and there was no well like Ethan's cabin. When I was cleaning up our supplies, I remembered the wipes we had scavenged from the store.
It took a whole 12-pack, but I was able to get the grime off of my skin. I placed my ruined clothes in a plastic bag and threw them in the kitchen garbage. I could smell the heavy baby powder scent clinging to me, but it beat the smell of rotten meat any day.
I lit up the lantern and the soft glow brightened the room. I made up my bed on the couch, which currently doubled as a brace against the door. Setting out my weapons within reach, I laid down. My stomach growled, finally catching up to all the exertion from today.
I gnawed on a granola bar and some trail mix to appease the hunger. I would kill for some fresh food right about now, but canned peaches would have to do. Luckily we had found a can opener in one of the kitchen drawers earlier, otherwise the canned found would have been useless. I would undoubtedly butcher the can if I tried to use my hunting knife. After I had stuffed my face, I wobbled back to the couch, dimming the light on the lantern.
Wariness was in my bones. My body was exhausted and my mind wasn't in the best shape either. Didn't people say things always look better in the morning? Somehow, I doubted that would be the case tonight. But as soon as I closed my eyes, sleep took me.
I woke to the sun pouring through the off-white lace curtains. They didn't do a very good job of blocking the light out and they were hideous to boot. I had no idea what time it was, but judging from the stiffness of my body, I had laid in this one position for hours. Everything popped and cracked as I sat up; I felt like I had aged twenty years.
I had meant to go check on Chloe before I fell asleep, so I headed upstairs first. I found her breathing deeply, still fast asleep in the boy's Transformer sheets. Apparently he had been a fan. I went to the bathroom and examined myself in the mirror. My elbow and a good chunk of my right arm were bruised, as was my side. The elbow was also slightly swollen.
I peered at the tub and tried the faucet just to see what would happen. The pipes groaned in the walls, but water started to pour from the tap. It was rusty at first, but cleared after a few seconds. They must have had water still in the tank. I laughed out loud as I plugged the drain and let the tub fill up a bit. The water was freezing since there was no power to heat it up, but it was better than nothing. I turned the tap off, not wanting to waste one drop.
I went down the stairs as fast as my creaky limbs would allow. Snatching up the soap and shampoo, I went back up to my frosty bath. Bathing in my books was a necessity, not an option. The water was only up to my ankles, but that was all I needed. My toes and fingers were almost blue by the time I had cleaned myself off and my teeth were chattering. I toweled off, not bothered in the least. Cold was something I could deal with, especially if it meant I could wash up.
A cleaner reflection peered back at me from the mirror. This was much better. I let the water out and left the supplies there for Chloe later. Once back downstairs, I started to lay out the maps. After a good thirty minutes, I tossed the map I had been looking at to the floor in frustration. Nothing was giving hints as to what this Hargrove place was. It wasn't a main building, it wasn't a suburb, it wasn't a park, and it wasn't on there. It wasn't even a fucking street name. How was I supposed to find it?
I felt useless without the internet. This place might as well have been across the country for all it was worth. With an angry sigh, I returned to the maps. I scanned a local one, a red cross icon catching my eye. According to the map, there was a medical center just off of Main Street. This was one of those small towns where everything was either on Main Street or just off of it. Chloe would need some antibiotics to keep an infection at bay.
Looks like I was making another run into town before we left this place.