At dinner, Dorcas and Maeve sat together as they always did, except Silver wasn't with them – she was at the Hufflepuff table with her boyfriend, Benjy Fenwick, and her other friends. Dorcas noticed how Maeve purposefully chose a seat so that she wouldn't be facing the Hufflepuff table.
The food appeared on the plates after Dumbledore gave a short speech to welcome the ones who had gone home for Easter, and Dorcas immediately dug in. She had missed the sumptuous meals that Hogwarts provided. Maeve watched her with a smile as she piled up her plate with more food than she could possibly eat.
"Are you going to finish all of that?" asked Maeve, laughing.
"Watch me."
Leigh appeared at the Gryffindor table when she had almost emptied her plate, giving her a quick hug from behind. They exchanged greetings, asked about how the one week holiday went, although Dorcas wasn't paying much attention. Her eyes scanned the Great Hall to look for Juliet, and she found her easily – seated at the Ravenclaw table, laughing at something, looking as stunning as ever, with the lights of the hundred candles shining over her face. She looked away.
After she felt like she had eaten enough to last her a week, Dorcas rose to her feet. "Are you coming?" she asked Maeve, who shook her head.
"I need to look after the first years, make sure they don't run astray. And then patrol the corridors. You go on, I'll meet you in the common room."
With a nod, Dorcas turned and left, ducking below the crowd to leave the Great Hall as quickly as possible. She realised she was avoiding Juliet again, though she couldn't tell why.
Her attempts to make it to the Gryffindor tower unnoticed was foiled as she heard Juliet's voice calling her name. She stopped, bit her lips, then turned slowly. Juliet said goodbye to her friends before running over to her.
"Hey, Dorcas," she greeted. "You didn't tell me you were going home. I was looking for you, and Burton said that you had left."
She lowered her head, unable to meet her eyes. "Yes, I'm sorry. I was occupied, and it kind of skipped my mind."
She took two steps back, wanting to get away, but a frown weaved along Juliet's eyes, and she stepped forward, grabbing her arms. "You are avoiding me," she stated. "Have I done something to offend you?"
Dorcas sighed. Juliet didn't look like she was about to let her go easily.
"I'm not avoiding you, Juliet," she answered. Her voice came out small and shaky. She has always been nervous around the Ravenclaw girl, but it wasn't nervousness now that made her feel so detached. It was tiredness. She was tired. Tired of nurturing her feelings for Juliet, tired of staring at her discretely during choir practices or during dinner, tired of letting her feelings run wild in the hopes that Juliet would see her one day, actually see her, and perhaps reciprocate her feelings. Maybe Maeve was right. Maybe she should just let her go.
"But you are," Juliet insisted. "You have been avoiding me since before Easter. Is it because of the way I acted in the library? I know I shouldn't have yelled at the librarian, I was awful, but I have a short temper, and I usually can't control it. If you're mad at me, then I'm sorry. I even went to the library after I found out you have left, and apologised to her. You're such a nice person, Dorcas. And I feel awful about how I acted."
Dorcas was stunned. Whatever she had expected their conversation to be about, it certainly wasn't this. The picture she had painted of Juliet in her head has been slashed once, and she had hidden it safely in the confines of her mind in fear that it would eventually be destroyed and would crumble to pieces. She wasn't sure she could take that.
But what she was seeing now gave her the courage to bring the painting back and repair it, if only a little. Juliet wasn't the perfect angel as she had always envisioned her as, nor was she a horrible person who didn't respect her elders. She was a human being, just like her and Maeve and anyone else. She was talented, but not perfect. She got angry, out of control, but she was also the conscientious, caring person that was standing before Dorcas now, the same person who had gone back to apologise to the librarian for her behaviour.
Dorcas recalled the conversation she had had with her mother about Juliet. Jenna had told her that keeping her feelings a secret from Juliet would end up hurting her, although she had encouraged her to do what she felt right. Talking to Juliet about what she felt about her has always been a farfetched idea, utterly preposterous. She was content with just keeping it hidden and enjoying the short amount of time she spent with her.
But the time they spent now was anything but short. She has had a few lessons with Juliet, but they had ended for an hour, sometimes even two. Her feelings for Juliet had changed. She didn't know how, but it has. It wasn't lust, nor was it love. It was something different, inexplicable.
And as Juliet stood before her and apologised to her for something she wasn't even mad at her about, she decided then and there that she would tell her. Not now, not the next day. She would take her time, spend more time with her, get to know her better. She would repair and repaint the picture she had in her mind, drawing not just the perfect beauty and unimaginable talent of the Ravenclaw girl, but also acknowledging the flaws and imperfections that made her a human of flesh and bone.
And if her feelings still remained afterwards, she would sit down and tell her everything. Not to ask her to be her girlfriend, but simply to let her know.
Dorcas smiled warmly at her and took her hands, enjoying the feel of her skin against hers, of the long thin fingers over her palms. "I'm not mad at you, Juliet. And I'm sorry, I have been avoiding you. I had quite a lot on my mind. Nothing you need to worry about," she added quickly. "And again, I'm sorry. I know you need the Potions lessons, and it was selfish of me –"
"Oh, don't worry about Potions," Juliet said with a dismissive wave of her hands. "I don't care about that. Besides, I ignored all sorts of social activities this last week and stayed at the common room day and night to study. I revised the Potions books like you told me to, and I think I'm getting a hang of it. I wrote an essay that I'm going to have to submit next Wednesday, could you read it and tell me if it's alright?"
"Of course," she answered as they turned to head back to their respective towers. "When do you want our next lesson to be?"
Juliet thought for a moment. "I'm free after lunch tomorrow. If you have no class, we can head to the library, and hopefully I'll keep my cool with the librarian."
They laughed, and Dorcas began to feel increasingly better. Out of the corner of her eyes, she noticed Juliet raise her hands to tie up her blonde hair into a knot, although unruly strands fell out and dangled in front of her face. She resisted the urge to stare, or to tuck the strands behind her ears. She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her pants just for safe measure.
They stopped as they reached an intersection. "Well," said Juliet. "See you tomorrow."
Dorcas nodded. "Good night, Juliet," she said, her voice unwittingly lowering into a whisper as she uttered her name.
Dorcas entered the common room with a mild spring in her steps. She decided to fetch a book from her dorms and make herself comfortable on one of the sofas as she waited for Maeve to arrive from her prefect duties. But she did nothing of the sort when her eyes fell upon Silver, who was half lying on a couch, reading a book. After a moment's hesitation, she passed across the room to reach her.
She sat down on one end of the sofa. A momentary feeling of sadness passed through her when she saw the look of surprise on Silver's face. The latter closed her book and smiled.
"Do you really want to sit with me?" she asked. "Maeve might throw a fit."
"She won't."
They didn't speak for several minutes. It hurt Dorcas to think how they have changed so much that they didn't even have anything to talk about. She leaned back on the sofa and sighed.
"Maeve really hates me, doesn't she?" asked Silver.
"She doesn't," Dorcas answered, confidently. "Trust me, she doesn't. But, you know how she gets. She is basically our mum, and she doesn't really talk to anyone other than us, does she?"
It was true. Maeve wasn't as friendly as either of her friends. She liked having authority over other people, which was precisely why she was selected as a prefect, although that kind of attitude has really lowered her chances of having a lot of friends. Maeve didn't seem bothered by this prospect at all though – she loved being friends with just the two of them, which was perhaps why the distance with Silver hurt her so much.
"Can we hang out tomorrow?" Silver asked, surprising Dorcas. They had never been as formal as to ask if they could hang out – they simply just did it out of undiscussed agreement. "I don't know if Maeve will agree though."
"Of course she will," Dorcas said. "I have a lesson with Juliet after lunch, but we can sit down somewhere in the evening and well, do something. Play Exploding Snap, eat cookies, whatever."
Silver smiled. "Thank you."