Sometimes I thought the nightmares had gone, but they lurked in the shadows, waiting.
They waited for the next time I tripped on a phase of triggers, then latched onto my depraved, vulnerable state. They tortured me with every fleeting moment as I was left to think of when the next dream would come.
My subconscious was supposed to be my counselor, but instead took the active role as Judas, justifiably punishing my transgressions in my turmoil. Yet I couldn't help wanting to peel my skin off or shed like a snake in hopes of becoming another person.
Maybe then those dreams would stop.
I slapped the notebook closed and tossed it next to me on the sheets. Every thing I wrote was wishful thinking. The nightmares would always be there to remind me, but I supposed in dreams there was hope of tomorrow. I couldn't say the same for hallucinations as they weren't as riveting; they were dangerous and it'd be so easy to hurt someone.
Find what you can be grateful for, I guess.
I continued to lay in bed, staring at streaks of light on the wall casted from the bedroom window. The Styrofoam board did a poor job in preventing the day from coming in and I flipped face down on my feather pillow. My eyes closed to find the cold, serene darkness.
I was about to fall asleep again until I heard the annoying, upbeat ringtone set for Rachel. I turned my head to look at the dresser, groaning, and the wall was lit up like the Fourth of July.
My entire body felt heavy as I rolled out of the comfort of my sheets to grab the phone. I squinted, staring at her name on the screen and took a deep breath. Wiping the sleep from my face, I answered it.
"Hey, I'm sorry I missed your call yesterday. I'm taking a couple of sick days, but I would still like to talk to you, um"—she sniffed her nose a couple of times—"would you like to come over?"
I glanced around my room before making my way out to the hall. "Sure, uh. I can come over within the hour if you want?" I reached into the dark hall closet, feeling for a towel and washrag.
"Yes, that'd be good. I'll see you then," she said, letting a couple moments linger, then hung up.
I felt my eyebrows come together as I pulled the phone away from my ear. It wasn't like we had a strict patient-therapist relationship. Considering Ben, we were practically friends, as much as people can be with a stream of lies flowing through every encounter.
I entered the master bathroom in my room and slid the shower door open. I reached in to turn the brushed-nickel lever and a cold waterfall hit my forearm, making me jump.
I wiped it off with the towel and grabbed my toothbrush and paste from the medicine cabinet. While brushing my teeth, I stared at myself in the mirror, going over the details of my face.
The dark circles under my eyes emphasized the paleness of my skin and the whites around my light blue irides had inflamed blood vessels, creating an unusual web. There were a couple of light wrinkles running across my shiny forehead, and to my surprise, I didn't have any gray hairs yet—just a black, greasy rat's nest in need of a good wash.
I rinsed my mouth, shuffled to the shower and put my hand in to feel the boiling water. One of my feet stepped up onto the travertine slabs as I reached around to turn the temperature down.
Pushing into the water, I stood under the lukewarm fountain, spacing off as I stared at the mud lines between the tiles on the wall. I thought of Melody and yesterday's dinner; the way her bare chest laid underneath my shirt and the thin fabric covering her pussy.
I deeply exhaled as my temperature rose, searing the water off my body. Then there was the thought of the taser in her neck and images of her naked body, covered in blood on plastic drop cloth, flashed into my mind.
My eyes snapped open as I fell backwards, hitting my ribs on the lever.
A yelp left my mouth as I slapped my hand against the wall, trying to gain some friction and prevent my ass from hitting the floor. After regaining my footing, I turned to face the lever with both hands on either side of it.
"I deserved that," I mumbled to myself.
My eyes drifted to the metal rack suction-cupped to the wall and all of the toiletries sitting in it. I was in here, taking a shower and enjoying simple pleasures while Melody was miserable in the other room. Gritting my teeth, I turned off the water and got out to dry off.
Half-assing my hair with a brush, I went back into my room to get the set of clean clothes waiting for me on the dresser and quickly got ready. I grabbed everything I needed, scraping the keys against the wooden top as I rushed out of the house.
The bottom of my Vans crunched against a patch of dying grass as I made my way to the car. My scalp started to burn as the sun came through my wet hair and brought blood to my face. The moment I opened the door, it was like opening an oven as a wave of heat hit my body.
I forced myself inside, quickly turned on the engine and rolled down the windows. The gear stick seared my hand as it clicked into reverse. I cruised out of the driveway, playing patty-cake with the black urethane steering wheel. Beads of sweat formed on my neck as I carefully shifted into drive.
Before the car had the chance to cool down enough for me to turn on the AC, I arrived in Rachel's nice, high-class neighborhood. I entered the code to the gate she texted me months ago for a gathering and started driving through. All the houses had tile roofs and the exterior walls were done in a traditional tan stucco. It definitely lacked diversity in color, but it was beautiful nevertheless. Everyone's grass was cut, bushes trimmed and there weren't any homeless people lollygagging around.
What more could someone ask for?
When I parked and began strolling up the walkway, I admired how perfectly laid and clean the concrete was. There weren't any cracks or old black gum sticking to the surface and it was outlined by a few small, globed pathway lights.
My eyes shifted to the window on the left as one of the curtains drew back. Rachel made eye contact with me and let the curtain fall. By the time I stepped up to the grand door, she had it open, motioning for me to come inside.
"How have you been?" I asked as I hit the marble floor.
Her face was red, staring at me with glossy, bloodshot eyes. The corners of her mouth were pulled down and she wouldn't stop fidgeting with the straps of her pink sundress.
"I've seen better days," she said, uneasy.
I tore my eyes away from her and walked deeper in the house, hearing the door shut behind me. The cool, spacious living room welcomed me with the embrace of a soft, sectional couch and my entire body relaxed into it.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them, Rachel was still standing at the door, gripping the sides of her dress. My eyebrows pulled together when I pushed myself to the edge of the couch, leaning over with my forearms on my thighs.
"Tell me what's going on, Rachel," I said with genuine concern.
She teetered on her feet, hesitating, then walked towards me. She stood a great distance away before taking a seat across from me.
"How have things been the past couple of days?" Rachel inquired to deflect. There wasn't a hint of emotion in her voice this time.
I sighed. "Much better, actually. I think I've found a way to feel better and not think too much."
She folded her hands, looking at them as she rubbed her thumbs together. "How did you do that?"
I knew I couldn't tell her I was going to quite literally kill my problems, so I went with another half-truth. "I've been planning a trip to visit my little sister. The last time I was with you"—I paused with remembrance—"I, uh, was seeing Charlotte. I think with Daniel being out and me wanting things to be different, it reminded me of how guilty I felt when I left her."
Rachel tilted her head and looked up at me. "Well, I think that's a good idea. You get to see how she's doing now, rather than wallowing in guilt for something that happened years ago. Maybe you'll find it was all for nothing."
My eyes fluttered. "I just wanted you to know I'm going to be M.I.A. when I leave to see her in the next couple days. I didn't want you to think I was avoiding you."
Rachel gave me a weak smile. Her face was no longer red, but a bright pink.
"What's going on, Rachel? I can tell you've been crying."
Tears started to swell in her eyes. "How do you truly think Alice justified sleeping with you?" Her voice was shattered.
I took a deep breath and sat back. "I think you know the answer to that question more than I do."
"Well... my husband is cheating on me and I can't understand why. I've done everything I could to make him happy, but he still chose"—her face twitched with contempt—"that bitch."
I pushed myself off the couch and went to sit next to her. She choked on her breath, trying to hold back the tears, but the dam burst open. She wailed and I wrapped my arms around her. Her body trembled as she hugged me back.
"I did nothing wrong! Why would he leave me?" she cried out.
I squeezed her tighter. "It's going to be okay. If he can't love you for who you are, then it's his loss. No matter how he's justifying it in his head, it's not your fault."
Rachel stopped reciprocating and I released her. When I looked at her face, her eyes narrowed in, stirring with an amorous need. My heart dropped and stomach churned. I quickly stood up and she grabbed my hand.
"I'm sorry," she blurted out. "I shouldn't have told you to come over. It was manipulative and inconsiderate of your past."
I barely heard what she said as my heartbeat pounded in my ears. My eyes were wide, staring at her hand, and I swallowed. I glanced at her face, causing her to shift her gaze to the floor and she let go.
I took deep breath. "We all have problems we need to deal with. You're too close to this to think clearly about your situation." I glimpsed back at the door. "You need some time to collect your thoughts and accept your husband's... decisions. After that, you'll see through him."
Rachel buried her face in her hands, letting out a cry. "I shouldn't be your or anyone else's therapist."
"Everyone has moments of weakness and I won't ever hold this against you. You've helped me and many others and when I get back, I expect you to be there for me."
Rachel lifted her head, sniffling. "Call me when you get back and we can reschedule your appointments." She nodded.
I knelt down in front of her, grabbing one of her hands. "And to answer your question, Alice was selfish. That's all there was to it."
I thought of what to say next, giving her time to have some input, but she didn't utter a word. She just stared down at my grasp and wrapped her free hand over my fingers.
"The only way you're going to understand what's going on is by asking your husband. If he doesn't want to talk about it, don't feel bad or hesitate when signing those divorce papers. He'll look back and see what he lost."
I stood up, pulling my hand away and the feeling rushed back into my legs. My steps echoed as I made my way to the door. When it shut behind me, I couldn't bear to look back. Her eyes were on me—I was sure of it—and I didn't want to give her the wrong impression any more than I have.
~~~
After I made it back home, I started to think of the things I needed to get ready for tonight. It's amazing—being able to see your plans and dreams flourish. Five years was long enough to make sure all the ways I wanted to torture him could be brought to life.
I couldn't help but let my mind wander, however I wasn't naïve. I knew whatever I imagined to happen, it wouldn't unfold that way. My entire life has been the accumulation of imperfection because I never thought anything through—not entirely. Although, with how much I contemplated this, I hoped I could at least get close to how I imagined my revenge.
To make the most of the day, I went outside to complete some yard work. I started by making my rounds with the weed eater, then eventually went through and mowed the grass. Hopefully that's something Daniel has done for his family by now.
I watered the few plants I had, such as ferns, sweet basil, lantanas, and a red hibiscus. There were also tomatoes and peppers in the garden bed and I had a newly planted lemon tree. The tree's leaves had wilted and looked like it was ready to fall over. I always forgot it was there; it was an adjustment, like everything else.
Taking care of all of them seemed like tedious work, but it had to be done if I wanted my house to seem semi-animated. My neighbors would probably think of me as a shut-in or serial killer if I didn't.
Afterwards, I headed inside to clean the rest of the house. I drug the laundry basket from my room and put my clothes in the washer. In the meantime, I dusted, swept and mopped, making sure to never miss a spot. Eventually, I noticed the loud noises stopped coming from the garage and I went out there to put everything in the dryer.
As soon as I got back into the kitchen, I picked up a chair and went to see Melody.
"Wakey, wakey," I said as I put the chair in the corner behind her. She didn't reply and I removed the ball gag from her mouth to give her the chance to talk. "Come on, wake up!"
She groaned as her head popped up and rolled back to her shoulder.
"Did you get enough sleep?" I asked, but she still didn't respond. My feet slid against the concrete and I moved towards the wall behind me. Leaning on it, I waited.
There was a vast amount of saliva running down her chin and onto my shirt, but it didn't hinder her beauty. No matter what state I found her in, she was always able to maintain it. I rested my head against the wall behind me, using one of the pads as a pillow and thinking about what happened in the shower.
While looking at her, I could feel my pants getting tighter as the temptation to cut my shirt off her rose.
I could get one last look at her perfect body and burn the image into my mind before everything was set in motion, but then her green eyes snapped open, attentive to my presence. Feeling exposed, a wave of guilt crashed through me.
"What's this?" she asked, still a little drowsy. I ignored her baffling question and started to pace back and forth, biting my bottom lip in thought.
I walked out of the room and worked my way back to the garage to grab a dozen rolls of plastic sheeting and two rolls of Blue Painters tape. When I got back, I dropped the bundle from my arms onto the floor and started to cover The Room.
Just before I went underneath her chair, she fearfully asked, "What are you doing?"
No answer left my mouth. Wasn't it obvious? I was Dexter-ing the entire room. It was a method I rarely used to this extreme, but I didn't want to clean the padding on the walls as I intended for things to get messy.
Once I finished covering the floors, walls and ceiling, I moved the step ladder and hung a pair of cuffs from one of the many suspension points poking through the plastic. Instead of using a chain, it was best to use rope in order to pull Daniel's weight. Truth be told, I was a brawny guy, but nowhere near strong enough to pull off everything I needed to do at once.
I got down from the ladder and put it in the closet after carefully pushing the plastic aside. In my room, there was a bag of gray rose petals and I made a trail from the front door, down the hall and up to The Room.
It reminded me of one night with Alice, when I chose to do this—one of the cheesiest romantic gestures—for her. She wasn't impressed with my effort, but she still slept with me. This was quite the method to remind Daniel of all the times I fucked his wife.
Not just once, but multiple times.
Meanwhile, Melody didn't say much or anything at all. Her silence gave me an unsettling feeling, but I understood her mouth was sore and even if it wasn't, what could be said?
Soon after I was done and sitting in front of Melody, nightfall came. I let my legs fall straight as I leaned over to squeeze my fingers into my front pocket and fished out Melody's phone. It didn't take long to find Daniel's number, yet I hesitated before calling. Thoughts of all the transpired events swarmed my head, causing my hands to shake, so I put the phone down.
I took a deep breath and heard Melody murmur, "What? Can't do it?"
"What was that?" I asked roughly. There was no way I heard her right.
She lifted her head off of her shoulder and looked down at me as I remained sitting. Her eyes were ablaze with a sort of intense loathing I could only usually give myself.
"I said, 'What? Can't do it?'" Her condescending voice was louder. "You scared of my dad? Confrontation doesn't seem like your forte."
I chuckled. If The Room said anything at all, it was that confrontation was a prime aspect of my life—that and sex.
I got up and stood in front of her. "My dumbass didn't think of your phone two nights ago. The location history is going to get me in a pinch with the police. Even though I turned it off and deleted it, it won't delay my capture. After all, nothing is truly ever gone. But it's not something you should rely on to save you because you and your father are going to be buried in a grave up North where nobody will ever find you."
She swallowed hard and started to tremble.
"Then"—I took my phone out—"I'll be able to make a few calls to rid myself of this mistake."
She scoffed. "Are you trying to scare me?"
"No, no," I said as I leaned down towards her face, putting my phone back in my pocket. "I'm just explaining my thoughts. I also think it would be best if you talk to your dad."
I pressed call immediately and put it on speaker, squandering any time for her to protest. Her face flushed and the phone only had to ring a couple times for him to pick up.
"Hey, Mel. What's going on?" Daniel asked with surprise and Melody's face drained of color. I raised my eyebrows, urging her to say something.
"Um, I need you to... come and get me?" Her voice raised in question and I rolled my eyes at her uncertainty.
"Where are you?" he asked without suspicion. Melody's eyes threw daggers in my direction and with a bit of courage, she was able to tell him.
"I'm with... Alistair."
There was an uncomfortable silence that didn't break until he asked if I was there. I nodded my head. "Yes, he's with me right now, we are at his house."
I immediately turned the phone to speak to him directly, bluffing. "I have people watching you right now. You will come alone and not tell anyone, not even your wife. If you reach out to the police, I'll blow your daughter's head off. And don't think about bringing a weapon; they will kill you."
I hung up on him and walked into the hallway bathroom, leaving The Room open. I turned on the faucet and threw her phone into the sink; the screen lit up, showing Daniel's name calling her back, but the screen faded as the water encompassed it. A smile grew on my face, knowing he'd come through.
"You're really just going to kill us, aren't you?" she inquired. "You would throw your life away like that?"
I turned off the water and went into the hallway. "Of course! I thought we already established that and how much I hate your fucking family." The contempt in my voice was palpable.
She squirmed in the chair as I was standing in front of her again.
I leaned in. "Do you really think you can escape Death? Hmm? There is nothing in this world I want more than to see your parents suffer."
I reached for the ball gag and forced it into her mouth. I stepped back to get a good look and her livid eyes caught my stare.
"You're helpless and even though your dad doesn't know it yet, so is he. Your lives are mine to do with as I please. Don't forget it."
~~~
AN: I think I'll eventually split this into two chapters when I have more details for the last bit.
I'm sorry for the length... 😅