In the morning, my alarm goes off as usual. For a second the annoyance and anger I was feeling last night takes back over my thoughts. That is until I register Harry's warm body next to mine and the events which transpired after we got back to base. Harry and I had sex. I definitely know I wasn't dreaming by the ache present in my thighs.
Oh my god. I had sex with Harry. And then we agreed that we wouldn't share each other with anyone? Was I on crack? Harry and I hate each other. Well, hated each other. I don't hate him anymore and it's evident he doesn't hate me, either. But to think that our relationship has evolved from that of absolute loathing to... well... sex and exclusivity? If someone had told me this future when I first started training, I would have laughed in their face.
For a moment before Harry awakes an acute sort of panic takes over. What the hell was I thinking? I agreed when Harry asked me not to share. I'm sure he'll wake up this morning, realize his mistake, and tell me that we're over with. Perhaps it was all a ploy to get into my pants? Although he did suggest our status after all that was finished. What's going to happen to us in terms of MI6? I've never heard of partners who've ever had any sort of romantic relationship, except for one pairing, and it didn't end too well for them. I try to push the thought from my mind.
Nobody can find out about this. I have a feeling if General Sanders were to know that the recruits were doing more than just training together, he wouldn't be too forgiving. After all, why would you select agents focused more on their personal life than on the good of the country? Although after eavesdropping on all his shady conversations, I'm not sure that General Sanders has the good of the country on his mind either.
My thoughts are interrupted by the movement of Harry's body. He turns over and faces me as I sit up, trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes. I reach over and turn the lights on. It takes me a few seconds to adjust, but when I can see again harry is still laying beside me.
"Good morning." Harry greets me with a small smile on his lips. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and pushes his wild curls from his face. Well, that was a much warmer reception than I was expecting. I can't help a smile from overtaking my own face as I watch him. Still, I decide that I should stay a little guarded, just in case.
"How are you?" Is the only thing that comes to mind for me to ask. I watch Harry expectantly and see a cheeky grin take over his features.
"I feel absolutely fantastic, thanks for asking." He tells me confidently. I don't understand why he's in such a good mood until I remember what we did together last night. Well, ok, this is good. At least he's not ignoring the events that occurred as I half expected him to.
"I figured." I chuckle shyly, looking away. Harry continues to watch me for a second, staying silent.
"Is everything ok?" He questions, sounding much more attentive and caring than I've ever heard before. Despite a few outlying situations, Harry has never really been this nice at all.
"Yeah, yeah, everything is good." I force out, although I'm sure my expression says otherwise. Harry frowns.
"Something's wrong. You look worried." He states rather than asking. I sigh and finally match his gaze. I see the same expression of worry displayed across his own features. I didn't mean to ruin his morning already.
"I'm not worried. I just thought that maybe when we woke up that... that you would..." I trail off. Why is this so fucking hard for me to get out? It doesn't matter if I'm talking to Harry or to Sarah or even to myself. Delving into my deeper thoughts and notions leaves me feeling very uncomfortable.
"That I would start acting like a twat again?" Harry finishes my sentence for me. I let a small smile cover my face and he reciprocates.
"Yeah, a little." I confirm his suspicions. Harry giggles and rests his head on his hand as he lays back.
"I'll probably still act like a twat from time to time. It's in my nature, you know that. But I won't do it to spite you. I want you, really." He reassures me, being more eloquent and mature than ever before. Maybe Harry was such an asshole all this time because he hadn't been laid?
"I'd be upset if you stopped acting like an ass 100% of the time anyway." I giggle and Harry swats my leg.
"Lucky for you, then." He tells me. I smile, but it quickly fades as I stare back down at the floor.
"What? There's something else." He continues his inquiry. There's no sense in hiding things from him now. At least I know he doesn't regret his actions from last night.
"I don't want anybody else to know about us. If the General found out... I don't know what he would do. I don't want to get kicked out of training." I tell him, letting my words rush out quickly. Harry considers my proposal for a moment, then nods.
"Yeah, of course. Then we won't tell anyone." He complies with my request rather effortlessly.
"Well, that was easy." I retort, blurting the first thing that comes to mind. Harry smiles again.
"Expecting a fight, were you?"
"Well you can't go all soft on me, now can you?" I smirk and Harry rolls his eyes.
"If you keep sitting there in your bra like that I can assure you I won't be soft for long." He jokes and my face contorts with surprise. I let out a cry of (fake) disgust and Harry laughs loudly. I try not to dwell on what his suggestion might actually entail and stand from my spot on the floor.
"Get ready. We've got combat training this morning." I tell him, pulling on my shirt and pants which were discarded carelessly last night. Harry rolls his eyes but doesn't question me. I wander out of the gym and wait for him in the ring as usual.
To my utter delight, I beat Harry two out of the three times we spar. He doesn't look too happy about it, but I try to cheer him up to the best of my ability.
"I'm only so good because I've got the best teacher in the business." I say, trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. Harry scoffs disbelievingly and rolls his eyes.
"I'm supposed to be better than you. You're only supposed to be better than the other recruits." He sighs despondently. I step forward and nudge him in the shoulder.
"Now I can defend myself against anyone! Even you. That's good, isn't it?" I try once more.
"Yeah, yeah, I guess so. I still beat you once." He grasps for straws and I laugh.
"You did beat me once." I acknowledge. Harry looks to me and freezes for a moment. He seems to be deciding something in his head. Before I know what's happening, he's leaned forward and pecked me quickly on the lips.
"Good job." He says very awkwardly and stiffly. He's definitely not used to the niceties, but the effort alone creates a small bubble of warmth in my chest.
"Alright, softie, go take a shower." I tease, trying to shift the attention off him. I know he must be uncomfortable being so nice and supportive. I don't want him to overload.
"Take one with me." He demands rather than asks, but I know that's not an option.
"Communal showers, remember?"
Harry groans rather loudly before turning away and stomping out of the sports hall towards the bathroom. I laugh to myself and try to ignore the swell in my heart as I go to retrieve a fresh set of clothes.
We train for the first half of the day, mostly focusing on agility and shooting. Harry and I try to talk to each other as little as possible in order to fend off the mounting suspicion from the other recruits. I find it difficult, but I manage. I can go 5 hours without speaking to him.
When the General finally dismisses us early for the day and heads off to who knows where, I beeline for the mess hall, hunger filling my body. By the time I've sat down and started to eat, I realize that Harry is nowhere to be found. I doubt he's in the showers, but I don't want to get up and look for him. It would be weird if I did that, right? Probably.
So, I sit contentedly with Sarah and Mac as they chat. I can tell that Sarah wants to ask about what happened between Harry and I last night, but she doesn't bring the subject up while Mac is around. If she watched us this morning, she would have seen us completely ignoring each other. She must assume we're still fighting.
With Harry nowhere in sight and Mac having wandered off to talk to Adam, I'm not surprised when Sarah speaks.
"Do you want to go the dorm?" She questions, obviously itching to hear about what happened. I know that I told Harry we would keep our 'relationship' a secret from the other recruits, but I trust Sarah enough to give her some of the details. Not all, but a few.
I nod eagerly and we head off to her bed. Once we've sat down she barely gives me a moment to catch my breath before she begins.
"So, what happened?"
"We're not fighting anymore." I allow her a small piece of information. There's no harm in letting her know that I'm not feuding with my own partner any longer.
"Well, that's good. How did you make up?" She continues. I look down to the bedsheets instead of at her.
"He admitted he was a little jealous, I said the same, and we agreed not to be mad anymore."
"Really, just like that?" She asks. I want to tell her more, but I can't. I do trust Sarah more than anyone here, but I can't keep all my eggs in one basket.
"Yeah, it was a rather mature conversation if I'm honest." I tell her and smile. Mature in more ways than one, although she doesn't know what I'm alluding to. She accepts my answer and we begin to talk about Mac and how they fared at the night club yesterday. About an hour passes before we're interrupted.
"Sarah, come here for a second!" I hear Mac's gruff voice from just outside the dorm. Sarah shrugs apologetically and gets up to answer her summons. I wave her out and begin to get up to head back into the mess hall, when I trip on her duffel bag next to the bed.
A few items of clothing come tumbling out of the half-open top. I curse and bend down to begin to pick everything up, when I stop quickly in my tracks.
Underneath a red shirt and a pair of jeans lies a black, heavy piece of material. When I pick it up, I know it's cotton, and upon further examination I find three holes, two for the eyes and one for the mouth. I'm holding a ski mask, one that just came out of Sarah's bag. If I'm not wrong, when I was abducted and nearly drowned, my attacker was wearing a mask just like this one.
Panic starts to flow through my veins and I look up quickly to make sure no one shares the room with me. I remain alone. Unable to help myself, I start to rifle through the rest of her belongings. After digging for a bit, I pull out another black piece of cloth. This one has no holes whatsoever and is shaped like a bag, just like the one which was stuffed over my head both times.
I quickly shove my discoveries back into Sarah's bag and zip it up quickly. Just as I've stood from the ground and turned from her bed, she returns.
"Alright, Rosy? Mac wanted to show me how fast he could run on the obstacle course." She says amiably. My mouth has gone completely dry but I try to keep a friendly expression on.
"Well, you couldn't miss that. It sounds very important." I give her a fake sarcastic response. She laughs and I shoot her a smile before leaving the dorm and walking stiffly back to the mess hall.
I take a wobbly seat at a table and stare into space. What the hell did I just find?
Surely Sarah would never. She would never do that to me. Although my attentions have been focused more on Harry lately, her and I have stuck together since the very first day we met. She heard all my complaints about Harry when I first got here, I told her that we kissed and filled her in on the details. How could she try to... try to kill me?
It couldn't have been her. Maybe it was a ski mask from a mission, from when we played capture the flag or when we went to France and infiltrated that building. I don't remember seeing it on her then, but I can't even remember what I wore those nights. And the sack? Maybe she just keeps her laundry in it or something like that. I can't believe she would ever do such a thing.
No. It's impossible. She couldn't. She's too kind, I've never doubted her. I know that we're supposed to be competing and I do win a lot of missions that she doesn't, but how could she betray me like this? No. She wouldn't. She wouldn't do that. Maybe someone planted it there. Left it in her bag to avoid blame and frame her. That must be it. She wouldn't do this to me.
My head begins to spin as I convince myself that's nothing wrong. I'm suddenly jerked out of my thoughts by someone clearing their throat at the entrance to the mess hall.
I look up quickly and see Harry standing, leaning against the entrance and waiting. I watch him expectantly and he waves his hand, beckoning me over. Putting my startling discovery out of mind, I approach. I feel like I haven't seen him for forever, although it's only been a few hours.
"Alright?" He asks. I don't want to worry him, so I put on a smile and nod.
"Yeah, of course. What's up?" I question. I see Harry looks a little nervous, which he rarely does.
"I wanna show you something. Follow me." He states before walking away without another look back. I try to stop the grin on my face from showing and follow obediently. It's no time to tease Harry about his nerves right now.
He leads me through the sports hall up the stairs and onto the field. It's deserted as it's nearly 6 PM. I find that I can just make out what Harry has planned to show me. As we get closer, it's hard to prevent the swell of warmth that overtakes my body.
I see one of the blankets from the dorm set out over the grass of the field like a picnic blanket. There are two plates of food, both consisting of just bread rolls and mashed potatoes, set out. I also see two glasses of water, about the only drink we're allowed access to. I step closer and Harry gestures for me to take a seat on the blanket. I oblige and he sits across from me. He pulls out, from under the blanket, about 7 wilted daisies he must have just picked. The weather is turning and they're obviously not in great shape, a bit lifeless and limp, but I take them anyway.
"Thank you, Harry." I tell him sincerely, taking the flowers from his hands. He watches me expectantly.
"What's all this for?" I question, but I'm careful to keep my voice kind and warm. I know that for Harry to pull a stunt like this must have taken all the effort he had. To badger him now would be insensitive.
"Um- I don't- I don't know. I just felt like it." He shrugs, mumbling out his response shyly. I let a small smile overtake my face and watch him keenly.
"You felt like it?" I continue. I don't think anyone has ever done something like this for me before.
"I don't fucking know- Look, it's a thank you for having sex with me, how's that?" He blurts, his voice raising in the slightest. Instead of feeling offended at his outburst, I only laugh loudly.
"Oh, of course. I understand, don't worry." I acknowledge his explanation. I know I shouldn't prod him any further. At the mention of sex I see Harry's stare wander from my face to the rest of my body, but he quickly snaps back to attention.
"I see we've got mash and bread- always a good start. You know, the potatoes here are surprisingly good." I compliment his picnic set-up. Although Harry tries hard to keep a straight face, I see a small hint of a smile attempting to break through. I take a spoonful of mash and shovel it into my mouth. It's freezing cold and and completely dried out, but I don't let that show on my face. Instead, I chew and swallow normally before affording Harry a reassuring grin.
"So, what have you been doing then?" He starts, eager to get the attention off himself I'm sure. For the first time since I came up here, I'm reminded of the startling discovery I just made in the dorm. For some reason, I feel as though I shouldn't tell Harry what I've happened upon. First of all, I'd like to believe that Sarah has some other explanation for having those items in her bag besides the fact that she wants to kill me. Second of all, I don't need Harry to worry about anything else, especially not when we've got General Sanders on our mind already.
"Sarah and I were just having a chat." I tell him honestly. That is what we were doing, after all.
"Hmm, exciting stuff." He murmurs sarcastically. I can't help but laugh.
"What? What's wrong with Sarah?" I pull the conversation forward, realizing how my words are a little ironic at a time like this.
"Absolutely nothing. But you'll have more fun talking to me." Harry asserts. I snort skeptically.
"So, what? Now we're like this I'm not allowed to talk to anyone else?" I tease, joking of course.
"I don't." Harry tells me bluntly. I guess when I think about it, Harry hasn't really talked to anyone since we started getting along.
"Yeah, alright, that's because you're obsessed with me, obviously." I carry on the banter, choosing to ignore his liberal confession.
"And you're not obsessed with me?"
"Do you want me to give the evidence for you being obsessed with me?!" I ask him with astonishment. Harry quickly shakes his head no and chuckles.
"I'm alright, thanks. I'll take your word for it." He laughs softly. We both go quiet and I realize there are more pressing matters on my mind right now. Should I keep the conversation light or get answers to at least some of the questions I have? Oh, what the hell. Harry can't ignore me now that we're... together?
"Why did you, anyway?" I ask, only getting about half my question out.
"Why did I what?"
"Ask me to... not share." I continue, hesitating as I always do. I look at Harry and I see him freeze for a second. I know he's not used to talking about his feelings and emotions and being nice and all that, but I guess he'll have to try. Judging from today alone, he really is putting in an effort.
"Because I want you." He tells me. That's the same as what he told me last night, too.
"Yeah, I know, but why?"
Harry sighs and looks to the ground for a second. I know he doesn't want to answer this question, but after gritting his teeth for a few seconds he begins to speak.
"I like being around you. It makes me... feel good, I guess. Also you're fucking hot." He states. Although I laugh loudly at the second part of his assertion, I don't miss the deeper meaning behind the first.
"I like to be around you, too. Even though you're a pain in the ass." I tell him. Harry smiles.
"What, you're not going to tell me I'm hot?" He pokes fun. I roll my eyes.
"You're decent, I guess."
"You can pretend you don't stare at me while we're swimming, but I can see you when you do." Harry tells me and I blush. He really noticed that? I guess I'm less discrete than I thought. I look away and Harry chuckles.
"Don't be embarrassed. I stare, too." He tells me. I find the courage to look him in the face again and deliver an expression of mock disbelief.
"Stare? Stare at what?!" I question sarcastically.
"Well, I mean, you know..." Harry trails off, before looking down at his own chest, bringing his hands up to cup it, and moving them outwards.
"Absolutely disgusting. I'm astounded." I tell him, trying to stop from laughing. Harry's brows raise and he starts once more.
"Nice ass, too." He tells me. I cover my ears and laugh. When he's finally stopped talking about the different parts of my body, we go silent again.
"Have you told anyone?" He questions. I shake my head.
"I told Sarah that we stopped fighting, but nothing else. I mean, everybody already knows we kissed."
"Yeah, good. I know you're worried about finishing training and stuff. I'm not going to tell anybody." He reassures me and I do feel a little relief. Although we already agreed upon it, I feel better that Harry has promised me for a second time to keep our 'relationship' under wraps.
"Why did you want to come here in the first place?" I ask. I can't believe it, but I've never thought to ask this question before. You'd think it would be the first one out when we met, but obviously Harry and I were too busy hating each other back then to make small talk.
"To become an agent, you mean?"
I nod and wait patiently for him to start.
"I don't know. I guess I grew up mostly on my own and I didn't have a family to worry about anyway. When I turned 21 I joined the army, but I didn't really like following the rules all that much. A couple months after I quit someone from here came and asked me to join. I thought I might as well." He explains. I nod with understanding. So his aspiration was never really to be an agent, it just happened to fall into his lap. Although before I might have found his reason meagre, now i'm just thankful those events lead him to where he is today. With me.
"And you? Why did you join?" He asks before I can make a comment. I tense a little as he prods the subject. I don't usually like to talk about this, but I know I should be honest. Harry's my partner, with MI6 and otherwise, I guess. What's the point in lying?
"It's a long story..." I begin, looking to Harry for approval. He nods.
"I'm patient."
"Not really..." I chuckle nervously, trying to cover up my apprehension with a joke.
"I can be if I want to." Harry encourages. I take a deep breath, but I know it's better to tell him now than later.
"When I was young, my parents were both alive. They, well, they worked for MI6. They were agents." I start. Harry looks very surprised.
"From what I can remember, they were great. Sometimes they worked together, sometimes alone, but they were good at what they did. When they were both away on missions, they would leave me with someone called Andrew Phillips- my dad's best friend and basically my uncle at that point." I continue. I pause for a while but Harry doesn't interrupt.
"Andrew worked with MI6, too, as a coordinator. Anyway, they always say that agents shouldn't have families for a reason, and my parents proved them right. I guess they were away on a mission one day and it didn't go very well. I think I was 6 or 7. Andrew came over and told me they weren't coming back." I confess, trying to keep my breathing normal and stay calm. I don't want to cry right now. Harry remains silent.
"So, Andrew raised me until I was 18, then he sent me to Oxford. All the time I was growing up he told me these stories about my parents and how they saved lives and served their country. He told me they didn't mean to leave me alone, but that they did it to help millions and all that. When I got to Oxford all I ever heard about was MI6. I guess I wanted to do something that would make them proud."
"So Andrew sent you here?" Harry finally speaks. I nod and finally allow myself to meet his gaze. I do see that his brows are turned down sadly and there's a glimmer of pity in his eye, but I don't let it anger me. Most people get upset when they hear the story, which is why I never tell it.
"Yeah. I thought maybe if I could help people like they did, follow in their footsteps and stuff, then they won't have died for nothing." I finish. I don't want to touch on the subject any longer. Harry can tell this, too, so he doesn't ask anymore questions.
"Well, I guess that's a good reason to be here." He tells me. I nod solemnly, trying not to get sucked into my depressing past.
"I don't know. It's been my goal for so long to be an agent. I just- I need it to happen." I tell him. Harry seems to finally understand why I take all this stuff so seriously. He's always been nonchalant and a little detached when it comes to missions, but for me... I have to win. I have to become an agent. He knows why now.
"Look at us. Two orphans eating freezing mash potatoes in the middle of a field." He states. His announcement makes me laugh sharply.
"The mash potatoes are good!" I lie. Harry shoots me a skeptical look.
"No they're not, Rosy. Don't worry, you're not going to hurt my feelings." Harry announces and I slowly set my plate of food down. I'm not eager to eat anymore than I have to. Harry smirks and looks me up and down once again.
"You look nice." He tells me, his speech stiff and awkward once again.
"Hmm, that sounds really genuine." I finally call out his complete inability to be nice. At least to be nice convincingly.
"Trust me, you don't want to know what I'm actually thinking about." Harry tells me and I scoff with surprise once more. Harry seems to be a fan of inappropriate jokes.
"You know, I'm sure you're right." I chuckle, trying to push the dirty thoughts from my mind. The middle of a field is no place to get worked up. Before I can totally calm down, though, Harry has leant forward and kissed me softly. I'm surprised, to say the least, but don't pull away.
We stop after a minute and he only sits and stares at me. I can't help from scrunching my face into that of disbelief once more.
"I told you not to go soft on me." I tease, wagging my finger warningly.
"Can you honestly say that you hate it?" He questions with a smirk on his face.
"It's hard to tell."
"I fucking hate you. Do you feel better now?" He inquires. I laugh, falling back into the dewy grass.
"Yeah, much better."
Harry shakes his head and laughs with me. We remain up on the field until the sun has completely set over the rolling hills and we're left with nothing but the dim glow of the lamps lining the track to light our way. For a time, just being with Harry, I forget about the worries that await me back down inside the base and instead only focus on the sound of his laugh and the curve of his smile.