~*E l l e r y*~
Hazel pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. One that caused my breathing to become labored. She held her cherry and chocolate covered vanilla frozen yogurt in her palm and smiled radiantly at me. She muttered a quick 'bye' and teetered back to across the street back to school to her car. Her lips moved strangely when she spoke..she might have had an accent?
I had a good time, she seemed really sweet and normal for a teenage girl. I didn't say much...sometimes I wrote down something on a napkin but she did most of the talking and seemed joyful about it. I learned that her mom was pregnant with her baby brother, she had three cats with the names Lester, Bart, and Gilbert and she had a normal typical life. She didn't ask about my deafness, didn't pry about my life or ask stupid questions.
She seemed like a win but unfortunately, I probably wouldn't be hanging with her much since she talked so fast I seldom had a hard time understanding her.
I finally pulled out my phone that I'd left on silent to avoid my brother's frantic texts. My phone was exploding with texts from Ryan both angry and worried about me. It was two hours ago Hipridge High was let out...he must be freaking out. As irritated as I was at him, I didn't want him to worry about my well-being.
Not after mom and Allie.
I sent him a quick text with my location, asking him to pick me up since I'd missed the bus. Not five minutes later he was flooring in and rearing in a parking spot near the sidewalk. His steps were harsh as he stalked towards me with his fists balled. Oh, God. He was furious. Or so I thought...he enveloped me in a tight hug and bound his arm around my waist. A shuddering, confused breath left my lips. He kissed the tip of my nose as relief flooded his features and a sad smile parted his lips.
He pulled back just enough to sign, Don't ever worry me like that again, ladybug. I was so afraid you weren't coming home or something had happened since you didn't answer my texts. I drove around but I didn't think to look right across the street. Please, don't do that again. At least text me back next time.
I saw the genuine panic in his eyes and wrapped my arms back around his broad shoulders. He held me tightly and kissed my head softly. Sorry, I was just angry and hurt because you didn't tell me. It was like I was back in that hospital bed again, receiving that text from her. His head dropped, he flickered his eyes up to mine.
She meant everything she said at the cafe', ladybug. Every word she said was real, none of that was planned. She is so sorry that she had said that and I'm sorry I didn't tell you...everything was going okay when we moved and I didn't want to ruin it. You were stressed with school and all and I just wanted things to be a little normal before entering in another person. A person who had hurt you in the past.
I think I understand. I'm sorry for ghosting you, I know how worried you get after mom and Allie. I know you mean well and I want you to be happy with Jenna. I don't want to take up all of your time, I've done that for five years already, I signed. Ryan took my hands to halt me and tipped his head.
You never took up my time, Els. I don't need Jenna to be happy, I just need you but I do like Jenna and she does make me happy and I enjoy being with her but I'd always chose you in a heartbeat, she knows that. I saw the happiness she was offering him and I wanted him to have that. Plus, Allies would've flipped if she was alive. I imagined her planning out their wedding and calling me her sister. She'd have been so excited.
I forgive her. I did that day at the cafe' I was just shocked I guess. Can we go home now? I miss Charlie. Ryan slung an arm around my shoulder and took a scoop from my frozen yogurt. I shoved his shoulder and he laughed lightly. A laugh I wished I could hear. She went home, she felt bad for running you off.
Tell her I'm sorry and I was overreacting.
You weren't overreacting, Els. I understand and I'm sure she does too. Also, I took care of Charlie and he's missing you but, how about I treat us all to dinner tonight after we make a stop home? We can work everything out and just have a nice...calm dinner. Yeah?
Yeah, that sounds nice.
~~**~~
We had gone to a nice restaurant only a few minutes away from Hipridge High. The lighting was dim and tinted a golden sun yellow. The crimson carpet rubbed the bottoms of my stubby black heels. I hadn't worn a dress in ages. Even if it was just a simple black mid-sleeved one. It made me feel kinda nice... like the old thirteen-year-old Ellery flaring her skirt and brushing on pink blush.
I pressed my napkin on my lap as I sat. Jenna smiled briefly and ran a manicured hand through her long hair. If it wasn't for the dark hair, she'd be a spitting image of Allie. Or Allie was a spitting image of her. Either way, I could tell by her looks that we were both thinking the same thing. Allie would've loved this.
The dinners and the small town, our siblings dating and a smaller school. I let my find wander vaguely to James...Allie would've liked him. They were practically the equivalent person just in different genders. Maybe she'd be signing...or maybe if she'd have never died I wouldn't be deaf. Or if I'd died and she breathed...would she be deaf?
Or my mom...would she be deaf if she'd lived and Allie and I would've died? Maybe if none of them had died, I'd still be aloof with Ryan and he'd still think of me as his annoying little sister? I'd have never moved to Hipridge and had never met James or gotten Charlie.
A penny for your thoughts? Ryan signed densely. Jenna peeped between us obliviously and parted her soft lips. She muttered something and lifted her menu, scattering her bright green eyes down it. I couldn't see well in here...the lighting was too dark.
I was just thinking about all the outcomes if mom and Allie hadn't died is all or if Allie and I had died and mom had lived... It's all so inevitable.
Ryan's eyes dropped to my hands as I signed. He hugged his lips together for a moment and nodded his understanding. I used to do that...what if I'd driven you guys to the mall instead of going to be with Ruth...would mom still be alive? Would you have your hearing still but also, would we be close like we are now? Would I have moved out and never talked to you again? It goes both ways, I guess.
Ryan and I were forced to get along after the accident. We weren't connected before then...at all. We didn't even talk on a daily basis. I barely cast him a glance every day, we always thought of each other as irritating siblings. Now, I wouldn't have it any other way.
We were both worried that Ryan wouldn't get custody of me...since he was only eighteen at the time but thankfully, he just barely made it. He was able to convince him that he was suitable and able to get a stable job and care for me properly.
Ryan must've told Jenna about our conversation because they sputtered into a long conversation of moving lips and soft expressions. I dipped my breadstick onto some sauce and gnawed on it aimlessly. Just as flavors erupted in my mouth, someone crashed into my shoulder and almost out of my chair wholly. I wobbled, Ryan's hand shot out to stabilize me.
My eyes peered up to find Sarah standing above me and crushing her teeth together. I dumped the breadstick from my mouth and stood up straight against my chair. She glowered at me and tracked off without a word, her eyes showed me everything she intended to say, if she'd talked.
Do you know her? Ryan signed and spoke, Jenna leaned in to catch my answer. She seemed to recognize a little ASL...she could pick up certain signs. Most people could. Yeah...she goes to Hipridge High. She's just one of the popular girls that don't like me and she was dating James some months ago and they broke up now she's jealous.
Why would she need to be jealous if you aren't dating?
You know how teenage girls are...they get really jealous really easily. She hasn't done anything bad, just kinda glared at me angrily. She's just obsessed with James and getting him back. I actively left out the bus catastrophe. Ryan twirled his drink and glanced at Jenna, I wasn't sure how much she caught of that. What's so good about this James guy? Huh?
Nothing...I guess. She's just insecure about herself. It's not that big of a deal and I don't care.
Just as he was about to sign again, thankfully our food arrived and a plate of steaming pasta and creamy sauce was set in front of me. I licked my lips anxiously and inhaled the scentful steam.
Ryan seemed to let the subject fall. I was thankful for that. I told my brother most things, I spent nights with him sobbing as he held me after the accident, spent days moping around until he cheered me up but school drama wasn't something I guess I wanted to share.
~~**~~
Once my stomach was full, I got up gracefully and headed off to the bathroom. A cold gust blew my curls as I shuffled in. I ran a brush through my hair, having long thick curls required frequent brushings throughout the day to keep them at bay. I twirled one around my slender finger and gazed at my reflection.
The door busted open swiftly and heels shuffled on the floor from my view. I tipped my head up, I should've known she'd follow me here when she saw it fit. It made me feel bad for her...that she was so desperate that she needed clarity.
Sarah pressed her hand on my shoulder and smiled. I drew my brows and stepped back but she hastily shoved me against the wall and scrunched her nose. My eyes became blurry as she started to speak things but I couldn't see her lips due to the light glaring right into my eyes. Before I knew it, she hurried back with an utterly calm face and a deadly glare.
Sorry, I can't hear you, I signed. She must've picked up some of it because her arm wound up and her palm spread down on my cheek. A stinging sensation pulsated through my face, I gripped it and shivered, I felt the skin heating under my fingers. Sarah herself looked astounded that she'd done such a thing but offered no apology when she'd marched out. I poked my head up from my position to see four scratch marks flourishing on my cheek.
I spread my hair over my cheek and wobbled out to where Jenna and Ryan were paying. I said nothing else as we retreated home after dropping Jenna off at her hotel, not before Ryan smacked a kiss on her cheek though.
I wish I was outraged at Sarah...but I wasn't. I just felt sorry that she felt the need to do that...and I'd provoked her which was so unlike me. Why had I done that? For James or for myself?
I attempted to sleep with Charlie curled at my side but sleep ceased to come. I writhed and wiggled under my blankets, losing and gaining thoughts in the process. My cheek was still burning hours later.
I perked up when a vibration tingled my arm noting that I'd gotten a text. I smirked as I spurred into a conversation with Olivia about the past few weeks.