Lily literally gripped her bed sheets and let off a silent scream when she opened her eyes the next morning to the Hospital wing surroundings, and more importantly, to a new Half Blood Prince letter on her bed sheet.
"Madam Pomfrey," she sat up further in her bed, addressing the witch across the room that was tidying beds, "Did you see who put this here?" She wagged the letter in her hand.
"No, I'm sorry, Miss Evans," the woman smiled weakly, before continuing her job.
Lily cursed inwardly and rubbed her eyelids as a way to soothe herself. Breathing out a ragged breath, she opened the letter as she did with all the others, and began to read.
The magic of first love
Is our ignorance
That it can never end.
She reread over the words again until a headache started to form on the tip of her temple. The letter was so short, yet what was it so strongly implying? That her and James' love was ignorant? That it was doomed to end? Was this Half Blood Prince going to sweep her off her feet and steal her away from James? Who was the Half Blood Prince, for heavens sake?
There was so many questions left unanswered and she gripped the bed sheet again in frustration. She scrunched up the small piece of parchment and slipped it into her pocket. She sighed, rubbing traces of Goosebumps on her arms.
"Anything wrong?" Madam Pomfrey raised her brow, standing at her bedside.
Everything was wrong.
"No, no, everything's fine," Lily reassured her.
Madam Pomfrey noticed her disgruntled face. "Cheer up, Miss Evans. You're allowed to leave today."
Somehow this wasn't happy news to Lily. She rather liked the Hospital wing; staying there had been a method of getting away from problems of life.
Unfortunately, the problem had still reached her, evidence shown from the parchment in her pocket. It was unbelievable to her how simple words on parchment could cause so much difficulty for her.
As Madam Pomfrey looked satisfied at her answer, she resumed folding bed sheets with her wand.
Lily looked up when she heard the opening of the oak doors, expecting James. At the unwanted guest, she pulled her bed sheets further up and shot the person a glare. "What are you doing here?"
It was Derrick.
She eyed the flowers in his hand he was gesturing to with odd shyness. "I heard you were in here, and I just came to see how you are and drop these off-"
"I don't want your flowers, and I don't want you here," Lily snapped, all frustration from the Half Blood Prince's taken out on him. Madam Pomfrey stopped folding the sheets, watching at the sidelines with a probing look.
Derrick stepped forward, putting the flowers on her bedside. "I'll just leave them here, then." He eyed her with concern. "Are you o-"
"Get out."
Derrick's mouth opened a little in injury. "But, Lily-"
"I said, get out!" Lily shouted. She looked at Madam Pomfrey for help. "Madam Pomfrey, I don't want him here."
"Boy, I suggest you leave," the witch more than ordered.
Derrick stood his stance.
The three looked to sound of the oak doors opening once more, where James walked through looking obliviously happy, but not for long. Pleasure was instantly wiped away and replaced with fume as he came across Derrick and the upset look upon Lily's face. Storming across the room, Lily let out a, "No, James!" as he pinned Derrick against a wall with a loud slam.
"Get. Out," he hissed, tightening his grip around Derrick's neck.
"Mr. Potter!" Madam Pomfrey hurried forward, while Lily also whipped the bed sheet off herself and rushed toward the boys.
"I can't...exactly leave...when you're strangling me..." Derrick managed to say in between breaths, turning red in the face.
"Mr. Potter, release him!" Madam Pomfrey commanded, pointing her wand threateningly. "Now!"
"James!"
Grudgingly, he let go of Derrick and the boy heaved for breath, feeling at his neck that had turned a violent purple. Worried, Madam Pomfrey stepped forwards to see if he was alright, but Derrick had automatically recoiled and left the room in urgency.
---------------------
"You're mad at me."
"No I'm not."
James rolled his eyes as he followed Lily down the corridor, trying to keep up with her fast pace. Since Lily had just been released from the Hospital wing after the strangling occurrence, she had been shooting him a displeased stare all the way back to Head Tower, while muttering, "Un-believe-able..."
Grabbing her by the waist, he stopped Lily from walking any further and steered her to face him. "If you're not angry, then kiss me," he said, closing his eyes.
Lily turned away from him. "Don't feel like it," she said childishly, crossing her arms.
"Please tell me why you're angry at me so we can make up again and snog."
Clearly that was the wrong thing to say.
"Is that all I am to you?" Lily exploded, putting her hands onto her hips. "Some sort of FLOOZY?"
James chuckled at the word usage, partly because 'floozy' sounded funny and because Lily has used such a peculiar word. "Orange peel, your vocabulary is so cute sometimes-"
Lily hit him in the arm.
"Ow! What was that for! I was complimenting you!"
"Only for canoodling!"
James tried to keep a straight face but erupted into chortles again. "I'm sorry," he put up his hands, struggling not to laugh, "Give me a second..."
Lily hit him again.
"Ow! Merlin, please file your nails..." James rubbed the scram marks on his arm.
"I'm sorry, alright," she apologized with great difficulty, "it's just you didn't exactly handle the situation very well back there."
"I admit that maybe I overreacted a little-"
"You nearly killed him!" Lily butted in.
James couldn't understand her irritation. "Why are you sticking up for him, Lily?"
"I'm not!" she insisted. "It's just...when I see you like that, you know, Potential Death Eater mode," she said with a frightened look, "it kind of...scares me."
"Lily..."
"No, don't 'Lily' me."
"C'mere," he said softly.
Not needing telling twice, she stepped into his embrace.
"You don't seriously think I'd ever strangle you, do you?" he asked her, almost laughing. "You know how much I hate Derrick, and you know how much I love...your lovely bottom."
"That's...that's charming, James," Lily rolled her eyes at him for ruining such a moment, but nonetheless hungrily kissed him on the lips. "You know," she pulled away with a mischievous smile, "After all this arguing and me staying in the Hospital Wing for so long, I'm feeling oddly..." she paused, raising her eyebrows. "You know?"
"Eh?"
She raised her brow again, winking. "You know."
"Eh?"
"Excited," Lily tried again, hoping he'd get the message.
"...Eh?"
"Libido, James."
He blinked. Blinked again. And blinked once more. "Oh! Oh...wait, here?"
"Thin. Ice," she warned.
"Empty Head Tower?" James guessed correctly for once.
"Love to."
After some fast walking -or to some extent, jogging- the couple were nearing the Head Tower when suddenly Lily stopped in her tracks, making James stop in addition looking exceedingly confused.
"What?" he queried.
Lily pointed to the wall where a portrait was currently suffocated by the sign bearing the words, "REMUS LUPIN REPLACEMENT AUDTIONS, THIS WAY," followed by an arrow.
"That's Sirius' writing, isn't it?"
Lily nodded.
James massaged his head, shutting his eyes. "Where is it pointing to, Lily?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
"The Head Tower."
"You have got to be kidding me," James groaned.
"Excuse me," a passing boy in the corridor accidentally bumped into James' back, "Sorry, I'm in a hurry."
The two examined the light haired boy, wearing a sweater vest, carrying a bar of chocolate and a dictionary in his hand.
"I'm on my way to the auditions," the boy smiled. "Wish me good luck!" He put his thumbs up before disappearing down the corridor.
"That was Frank Longbottom, wasn't it?"
"Yes."
"Fantastic."
----------------
"Wormtail," Sirius sighed, resting his elbows on the table that had been positioned in the Head Tower for The Remus Lupin Marauder Replacement auditions, and basically because Sirius couldn't survive without leaning on some kind of surface. Peter, sitting beside him, raised an eyebrow at the call of his name. "We've been seeing guys all morning and we haven't found one good replacement for Moony!" Sirius flicked through the pages of his clipboard, glancing at a few headshots of the applicants, before groaning and slapping the clipboard back on the table. "I need coffee," he publicized. "Fetch me some coffee, Wormtail."
"Fetch it yourself."
Sirius gawked at his friend. "When did you grow a pair of balls?"
Peter shrugged, chewing on the end of his quill as he wrote a few notes on his own clipboard.
Eventually giving in to his thirsty throat, Sirius swished his wand and made a mug of coffee appear, with the saying, "Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support" printed across it.
"Ready for the next one?" Sirius asked Peter, sipping his hot drink. Peter nodded in return. "Fat man," Sirius addressed the Head Tower portrait, and the portrait opened in slightly to listen to what Sirius had to say, albeit with a scowl. "Send the next one in!"
"You know, I'm only supposed to follow orders of the Head Boy or Girl-" the Fat Man started.
"Don't make me come over there!"
"For the love of Merlin..." The Fat Man flicked Sirius off before addressing the long queue lined up outside. "Next!"
"I hope he's better than the last one," Sirius grumbled, rubbing a coffee stain on his notes. "Did you see the size of that mole, Wormtail? He can't have a mole. Moony didn't have a mole." The portrait swung open and a boy stepped inside, standing in front of Sirius and Peter who hadn't looked up to acknowledge him yet. It became quite apparent that he was not going to stand around all day, and he coughed a rude, "AHEM."
Sirius hadn't looked up yet, doodling butterflies on his parchment. "Please state your name, age and—KINGSLEY?" He stared, wide-eyed.
The tall Kingsley Shacklebolt stood with his chin held high, looking at the boys with a blank expression. "Carry on, Black," he urged.
"Er..." Sirius was rather fazed by Kingsley's appearance, shuffling parchment nervously. "Er, please state your, er, name, age and...whether or not you're here to kill me."
Kingsley barked a laugh, and Sirius and Peter exchanged edgy looks.
"I'm completely over that incident where you imposed on my privacy," Kingsley insisted, recalling the broom closet interruption. "But when we get out of Hogwarts, I will follow you, and I will be watching you." He pointed to his eyes with his forefingers, and then pointed them at Sirius.
Sirius gulped. "Right... Lets get this audition started then, shall we?" he pushed on. "As you can see, only two Marauders are present this morning," he gestured to himself and Peter, "James not being here obviously because...he doesn't really know we're doing this...let's not tell him, shall we? Harharharhar, ANYWAY, moving on...Wormtail, please continue."
"I'd like to begin with some questions." Peter peeked at his notes. "We want you to answer in the mind of Remus Lupin."
Kingsley nodded.
"What is your favourite word?" Sirius asked the first inquiry.
Kingsley scratched his chin. "Ooo, that's a tricky one," he commented. "Is it...logical? Rational?"
"Close, but no banana, I'm afraid. The correct answer was: grammatical," Sirius answered like a game show host.
"What's your favourite food?" Peter asked.
"Chocolate."
"The answer we were looking for is Shepherd's pie, as a meal. We'll give you half a point as he does have a chocolate fetish." Sirius went on to question three, "If you won the lottery, what would you spend the money on?"
"I'd probably save all of it, or buy a giant library with a chocolate fountain."
Sirius looked impressed. "Very good, Kingsley! Ticks for truth and originality!" He jotted down on his parchment.
"What being do you think you were in a past life?" Peter questioned.
"I don't believe in past lives. That's a ludicrous theory that cannot be scientifically proved. However, if I were forced to chose, I would be a book."
"Good answer. Now, what is your secret weapon?"
"Er..." Kingsley fumbled. "Giving people dead legs?"
"Incorrect! The right answer is: nipple crippling."
Kingsley muttered, "Damn, I should've known that one!"
"If you had six months to live, what would you spend it doing?" Peter asked.
"Reading any important books I haven't already read -which isn't many- and writing directions to Sirius on post-its on how to live and use a Muggle microwave, and sticking them to his fridge."
"Correct," Sirius nodded, sipping his coffee. "Some great answers there, Kingsley. Now for a few general knowledge questions about Remus. What is his middle name?"
"...Joanne?"
"Incorrect. Who is Remus' role model?"
"Albert Einstein."
"Correct. What is Remus' favourite beverage?"
"Tea."
"Correct. Who's more attractive, me or Peter?"
Kingsley blinked. "What kind of question is that? What has that got anything to do with-"
Sirius slammed his mug down on the table. "Answer the question, dammit!"
"Pettigrew."
Sirius was floored by such an answer. "Bollocks," he said low under his breath, writing down definite crosses under Kingsley's name. The candidate saw this and panicked.
"I take that last answer back."
"Too late," Sirius said snootily, moving onto the next question. "What is Remus' dream job?"
"Teacher or librarian."
"Correct. Now, finish these song lyrics: cause baby there ain't no mountain..."
Kingsley blinked again, thoroughly confused and again wondering how on earth this was relating to the subject of Remus Lupin. He hadn't known Remus as a singer. "...High enough?" he finished uncertainly.
"Ain't no valley...?"
"...Low enough."
"Ain't no river...?" Sirius sang with much enthusiasm, most probably the coffee kicking in.
"...Wide enough."
"To keep me from getting you, babe! NO WIND, NO RAI-"
"Padfoot, I think that's enough of the song lyrics question," Peter butted in, looking embarrassed for Sirius' actions in front of Kingsley, the scary boy he was.
"Oh alright, then," Sirius said disappointedly, sitting back down as he'd been currently been doing the 'walk like an Egyptian dance' on the table.
"Well, Mr. Shacklebolt, I think this audition has come to an end. We'll mail you by owl if we're interested in you," Peter informed him.
Kingsley stepped forward to shake their hands, more strongly with Sirius who let out a whimper at his manly handshake.
"I quite liked him," Peter said once Kingsley had disappeared through the portrait.
"Definite no-no." Sirius scoffed, drawing a giant cross on Kingsley's headshot and scrunching up his profile on parchment, tossing it to the other side of the room.
Peter looked confused. "What was wrong with him?"
"Too tall," Sirius said dismissively.
"You're much too fussy, Padfoot."
"Moony is a hard person to replace," Sirius mumbled, continuing to doodle butterflies.
"I know, and I don't even fully understand why Remus has left us," Peter said in sad tone.
"Neither do I, to be honest," Sirius admitted. He sighed, took a final sip of his coffee, and summoned the portrait of the Fat Man again. "Next!"
"Next!" the Fat Man echoed outside.
Immediately, Sirius started grinning at the person who entered. "Frankie, mate!" he greeted Frank Longbottom.
"Hullo," he said, quite nervously.
"There's no need to be nervous, Mr. Longbottom," Peter reassured him. "We're all professionals here."
Sirius didn't quite understand what Peter had said, but instead took in Frank's appearance. "You dressed in character too, Frank! Definite bonus points for you," Sirius said, scribbling some ticks on to parchment. "I see you're wearing a knitted sweater vest?" Frank nodded. "And I can also spot some chocolate in your hand. Bribing is permitted here." He gestured to hand over the chocolate and Frank distributed it obediently. "And you're carrying a dictionary too!" Sirius said, in between munching on chocolate he shared with Peter. "Very Remus Lupin."
"You really like it?" Frank said excitedly. "My mum makes me these knitted sweater vests every season." He turned round, displaying the back of his jumper. "I'm wearing Autumn, see?" He pointed to the knitted leaves.
"That's lovely," Peter commented. "Now, tell me Mr. Longbottom," he clasped his hands together in front of him, "why do you want to be the replacement Remus Lupin?"
Frank thought for a second, looking upwards. "Well, I've always wanted to be a m-...moo..." He reddened embarrassingly. "Er, what are you guys called again?"
"The Marauders," Sirius prompted with an eye roll. "Honestly, how can you forget a name like that? We're famous in Hogwarts. Our names are practically plastered across the walls."
"No they're not."
"Mentally," Sirius added.
There were sounds of a commotion going on outside as furious shouts were directed at the Fat Man.
"Let us in, you flabby man!"
"I'm not allowed, stupid girl with...vagina blood hair! It's a private audition only--OI, don't prod me with that wand!"
"Let us in! We're Head Boy and Girl! This is our tower!"
"I'm under strict orders by Mr. Black to only let applicants come in one at a time and—ow, OW! Alright!"
The portrait swung open and James and Lily stormed in, both with furious faces. Sirius was oblivious to their anger, despite their teeth gnashing.
"Glad you're here, Prongsie mate. I was just gonna ask Frank to finish some Diana Ross lyrics-"
"Padfoot, what the hell are you doing?"
Sirius was rather shocked by his shrill and angry voice. "Do you not know? Didn't you read the signs? I put up quite a few around the castle-"
"I'm not going to ask right now why exactly you're replacing Moony, I'm going to ask why you're holding these stupid auditions here," James said furiously.
"It's roomy."
"R-...ro...ROOMY?" James exploded. "I WAS GOING TO HAVE SEX, PADFOOT. SEX. WITH A GIRL!"
"James!" Lily punched him in the arm and James actually stumbled embarrassedly at such a hit. "Don't broadcast it to the whole wizarding world, you bloody idiot!"
She heated thoroughly in the face as Sirius cocked an eyebrow, smirking cheekily, "Oh ruh-heally?"
Peter also attempted the same facial expressions. "Oh really?" he repeated to the couple, accompanied by a wink.
Frank also joined in on the act. "Oh-"
"FRANK LONGBOTTOM!"
"-Poo," he finished, grimacing at the sound of Alice's voice as she stepped through the portrait.
"Sorry, mate," the Fat Man apologized, "I couldn't stop her."
Though Frank tried to shuffle away, Alice quickly grabbed him by the back of the sweater vest, and he whimpered.
"What are you doing here, Frank? I cannot believe you came to these stupid auditions after I specifically told you not to!"
Frank pouted. "But I want to be a Marauder, Al..."
"There's nothing good about being a Marauder, Frank," Alice insisted. "The four of them bum each other-"
"HEY!" the three boys shouted.
"-And there's no way I'm going to marry a Marauder either-"
"Hey," Lily said, looking affronted as she held James' arm.
"Sorry, Lily," Alice apologized, forgetting she was present. "Come on, Frank. We're leaving." She gave no option for the boy as she grasped his arm and dragged him towards the portrait hole.
"Owl me!" Frank mouthed to Sirius and Peter on his exit.