{Ellie}
I wake up in Beau's warm arms. I feel save. We're laying in his bed. "Goodmorning." He kisses my cheeck.
"How are you feeling my beautiful girlfriend?" He asked me. Omg?! Is he my boyfriend. I tought about Luke, i felt bad about it. I still feel so many feelings for him. At that moment a flashback is coming.
I hear Beau saying it again. That Luke's a player and don't even care about my feelings. But this time it feels different. This time I want to take revenge on him.
We go downstairs, holding hands. His arm around my shoulder. If we enter the kitchin everyone starts clapping I don't know why. "What's happening guys?" Beau questioned.
"That was a loud night guys." Jai explained.
It felt akwardly. Did we have sex? Loud sex? Everyone is here but I can't see Luke. "Where's Luke?" I asked.
"He said he's going to a magical place he ever spended with a nice girl he won't ever forget. It was hilarious. Luke and love. I will always remember that." Jai said while laughing his ass out.
I put on my clothes, when I'm about to leave the house Beau takes my hand. "Where are you going ?"
"Nothing special."
"Can it wait?" He asked.
"Uhm."
"Because me, the boys and ashley wanted to go shopping. We wanted you to come."
"Yeah sure. Is Luke coming?" I asked. I know it's not smart to ask Beau but he will understand. He knows I did feel something for Luke, I still do. But I promised to forget and start loving the ones who are actually good for me.
"No, we don't know where he is. Give him some time. This is the first time a girl choses me and not him."
I just leave the subject and go to the kitchin where everyone is making ready for a shopday.
"Let's go." Skip yelled way to loud.
All the boys are entering a bra shop.
"Since when is this your favourite shop." Asley asked.
"It always was. We like to have some bra's." James told us.
I don't even think that's weird. They're just not normal. So this isn't weird at all.
I check my phone, I have 5 messages.
Lil star (Luke):
nice to see you kissing my brother right in front of me. I tought you loved me
The best brother in the world:
I miss you, haven't seen you in a while. How is everything going?
The best brother in the world:
???
Terrible Jessica:
I've seen you kissig my boyfriend yesterday? Btw, Luke's lips taste good. You should try it sometimes.
This makes me so angry. Was that Jessica? The girl he kissed, did he kissed his brothers crazy ex girlfriend? Omg.
Terrible Jessica:
I know you've cutted before. Maybe you should start over again. You deserve to die.
I felt like I should probably ignore that. But I'm that kind of girl that thinks way to much about the meanings of other people. Even when they're bad. It just hits me.
When we finally get home I feel worde than I already did. I wanted to be alone for a minute.
I enter the bathroom and look for my little knifes. I know I should not do this but I have no choice. It made me feel better again. It doesn't even hurt.
Finally I found my knifes. They're so old. I took them with me from london because I just felt better when I had them. And now I actually need them.
I took the red one. I watch the hall if someone is coming but I can't see anyone. I Lock the door trying to make less noise. Sit down on the floor. Put of my pants. And slowly cut my wrist. The drupples blod are running down my wrist. Worthless' I cut into my wrist.
I'm bleeding. It's red like the love even tought love is becoming a bit more dark. More black but still red. Those single drupples of blood leave a small trace.
"Ellie are you in there?" Jai yelled.
"Almost ready!" I yelled back.
I quickly take a towel. It's wasn't the best choice to choose a white one. He's now white with some red stains.
I open to the door trying to cover the bloody towel. I go ouside and put the towel into the bin of the neighbors. Yes there's a bin ouside. Bc they think when someone wants to put it on te street and see the little bin they'd put it into the bin. They always watch it but people still trow it on te floor.
It's already dark outside. All those single stars are shining into the dark.
I didn't think of telling the boys were I'm going. It the place of me and Luke. They just don't have to know.
I just need to go to the forest. To think. Just be alone for a minute. Watch the stars shining.
If I enter the forest. The place I had that special conversation with Luke. I see him sitting there. Watching the stars. Without knowing I'm here too.
"Also trying to think?" I asked slowly.
"Exacly."
He doesn't look at me. Like he already knows the sound of my voice and is way to angry about what happend last night.
We're sitting there. Next to each other. Without even looking at each other.
"Angel, why are you doing this to me." He asked still looking at the stars.
"Beau told me. Your past with girls." I said.
"This is not like that. You're different than all those little sluts." He explained.
"I trudly love you." He looks right into my eyes while saying this. It hits me.
My feelings for Beau are gone in just a few seconds. His words are stronger.
"But I can't hurt Beau."
"Tell me. Do you love him the way you love me?" He asked.
"No. I love you more."
"And I love you."
"But you kisses Jessica, Beau's ex girlfriend."
"I was drunk."
He looks down. He comes quickly closer to me. "What's this?" He looks at my wrist. I forgot to changing my clothes. The nights here are just so warm, so why whould I put on some long trousers? My shorts are good but I just totally forgot about it.
"Nothing bad."
"Do you cut yourself? Why?" He's in shock.
"Jessica sends me hate. That I could better die. That your lips tast good. Stuff like that. I couldn't handle it anymore."
"How strong is your love for me?" He asked.
"strong."
"Strong enough to stop cutting?"
"You can't ask that." I said.
"But I do. Please, do it for me. Or for Beau. Skip. Jai. James. We all love you so much. And you let Jessica ruin that. Don't give her attention." He looks straight into my eyes.
his head moves quietly to mine. He closes his gorgeous eyes. his soft lips touches mine. It feels like I finally know what I want. I want him. I feel safe. His cold fingertips touches my jaw.
My toughts are freaking out. But I know who I want.
I'm slowly falling for Luke. but I can't hurt Beau.
I'm such a slut. A fucking bitch actually. I just have a boyfriend and I'm already falling for his brother. Actually this is the second time I fall for Luke.
How can this overcome me? Do I actually love Beau that way? But I swear, I can't hurt him. his already my best friend and he told me about Luke. That he had a depression. Maybe I have to work on my relationship with Beau. I can try it. I have to 'ignore' Luke so I can at least try it with Beau. But ignoring Luke will be the hardest thing I ever need to do.
my phone vibrates in my pocket
A text.
Terrible Jessica:
You're such a slut. How will Beau react of I tell him about your beautiful night with Luke. Looking at the stars and saying some stupid things. Beau will hate you frorever. And if you can't live with that, you can already start the proces. Start cutting and I hope you cut of your legs. And at least die slowly.
Is she even human. This girl is ready for going to the mad house.
Maybe I can go with her. I'm also a jerk. I'm falling for two guys, and they're brothers.
God help me?