HEY, ARE YOU OKAY?"
Amber looked up, "No, Sean. I'm not okay."
Sean sat beside her on the steps of the back porch. Inakbayan siya at hinapit palapit dito, "It's gonna ba okay."
Maybe tragedy does bring people together, she thought.
"It doesn't feel that way." Umiling siya, all the while basking in the warmth that was Sean, "E-Everything is not okay. I can't understand anymore...i..i want to understand--"
Bumuntonghininga si Sean, "She wanted out. It was her decision."
Ganoon na lang ang iling ni Amber, "I'm her friend, I should have seen the signs. I should have been there for her more--"
Sean pressed his face against her head, "You can't blame yourself. We can't blame ourselves."
"How come I don't feel like that? How come I feel that it's my fault? I feel that there's something I could have done to prevent it?" Ramdam niya na mas hinigpitan pa ni Sean ang yakap sa kanya. She was right about him. He was a gentle, loving soul beneath that arrogant exterior. "She didn't want to be with us anymore, who's to blame for that, Sean? What made her feel that way? It's got to be someone's fault. We should all blame ourselves.We are all accountable, Sean."
"No..will you stop it? Tama na." Kumalas ito sa kanya. Nagulat siya nang makitang namumula ang mukha nito, basa ng luha ang mga mata.
"Oh, Sean---" she touched his face. She had no idea he was this shaken. She had no idea Blanche was important to him. O baka sobrang guilty lang ngayon ni Sean. He watched and shared Blanche's sex video.
Lalo pang nagulat si Amber nang humagulhol na si Sean. He buried his face in his hands, his massive shoulders shook.
"Sean--" hinagod niya ang likod nito pagkatapos ay siya naman ang umakbay dito. She rested her chin on his shoulder, "What is it, Sean?" Bulong niya.
"I...found my cousin hanging from a tree when I was fourteen." Sabi nito, nangangatal ang boses.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Were you close?"
Umiling ito, "He was..different. I was always making fun of him. Nagbabakasyon kami sa farm ng mga lola. I was bored. Ayoko sa probinsya. 'Yung asar ko, binuhos ko lahat kay Enzo. Binabatukan ko s'ya..i called him names. I..told him to just kill himself, wala naman s'yang silbi--" he sobbed louder.
"Oh, God, Sean." Niyakap niya ito ng mahigpit.
"Tama ka. Hindi pwedeng wala tayong kasalanan. Niloloko lang natin ang mga sarili natin. Whether directly or indirectly, we all pushed them over the edge--"
Sa kaso ni Blanche, literally. Damn, she never thought Sean would end up breaking down. At hindi alam ni Amber ang sasabihin. Siya ang nagsabi na dapat nilang sisihin ang sarili nila, alangan namang bawiin niya? Malay ba niyang may kinikimkim na guilt si Sean?
It was totally unexpected but she'd bet, no one had seen him cry like this...being so vulnerable...
I feel honored, Sean.
Masuyo niyang hinagod ang balikat nito. Tumingin ito sa kanya...sa mga labi niya. Soon they were kissing passionately and he was tugging at her clothes.
Of course, he'd want sex after a break down.
And she'd give it to him because now, she got power over him.