SONG FOR THE CHAPTER: better off by Jeremy Zucker
"Can we play One Direction?" Savannah asked from the backseat, eagerness flashing through her hazel eyes.
"Yes, play some One Direction!" Willow, Savannah's best friend, chimed in.
"I will throw myself out of the window if you play it," I mumbled, a warning to Julian. If I heard Once Direction one more time, I knew I wouldn't survive.
We had just picked Savannah and Willow up from dance practice and somehow, they still had way too much energy. They hadn't stopped talking about everything and anything since they got in the car. Willow was the friend Savannah was having a "playdate" with today, but neither of them wanted to go home. They wanted to do something and expected Julian and me to facilitate it.
"You suck," Savannah said with a pout. "How about Taylor Swift?"
"No!" Julian and I exclaimed in unison. After his niece put all her music on his phone, we were both sick of Taylor Swift. And Julian being Julian, he hadn't gotten around to getting rid of all the music.
Savannah huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "You guys are so boring."
"Are not. We just have a better music taste than you," I shot back playfully.
"You do not. You're just old and boring," Savannah repeated, the look of frustration still on her face.
"Ouch. That's harsh, Sav," I said, placing a hand over my heart in mock offence.
Savannah shrugged. "I'm just telling the truth."
"How about we listen to some of that Billie Eyelash chick or something?" Julian cut in. "Didn't she just get really popular all of a sudden?"
"Eyelash?" I said with raised eyebrows. I hoped he was joking
"Yes, play 'Ocean Eyes'!" Willow exclaimed.
"No, play 'bury a friend'!" Savannah said shrilly.
I rolled my eyes. "So basic."
"Where are we going?" Savannah asked. Through the rear vision mirror, I could see her glance between Julian and me.
"I don't know. You haven't said what you guys wanted to do yet," Julian pointed out.
"Can we go ice skating?" Willow asked, clasping her hands together.
Savannah glanced at her friend, her face lighting up. "I've never been." Savannah's gaze shifted back to me. "Can we?"
Willow gasped. "You've never been ice skating?"
"Nope," Savanah answered. "But I really want to try it."
"It's so much fun! My brother took me last Christmas," Willow told us.
"Julian, can we?" Savannah pleaded.
Julian glanced over at me wearing a neutral expression. Ever since this morning, he'd been distant with me. I didn't really know how to act around him, either. Part of me wanted to take back everything I said and just return to the way things were. The other part of me, the far more rational part, knew this distance between us for the best.
"It's your call," Julian said to me.
"You're the one driving us around."
He shrugged. "All right, let's go ice skating."
"Yes!" Savannah and Willow cheered shrilly in unison, causing Julian and I both to cover our ears in pain.
"Have you ever been ice skating?" Julian asked, his head briefly turning in my direction.
"Yeah, a few times. I'm pretty average at it," I admitted. "Have you been?"
"No."
"What? Really?" I was a little surprised. Even with my less than pleasant upbringing, my mom had still taken us ice skating a few times.
"Yeah. Never had the chance, I guess."
I smirked. "Well, I'm glad I'll get to witness your first time doing it then."
***
"You have small feet for a guy," I mused as I watched Julian tug on a pair of ice skates. I was trying to lighten the mood as things were a little too awkward between us for my liking. If Julian wanted to be mad at me, then fine. But I didn't have the time nor the energy to deal with that, so I was just going to do my best to move on as though nothing had happened.
"Are you judging me?" Julian's head tilted up to look at me. A shard of sunlight touched his hair, making it look more golden than brown.
"No. Just making an observation," I said, putting on the sweetest-looking smile I could muster.
"Hurry up, old people! We want to get on the ice!" Savannah yelled, jumping up and down on the spot. How she managed to do that wearing ice skates and staying standing was beyond me.
"Jeez, it's like she turns into a whole different person around her friends," I muttered, loud enough for only Julian to hear me.
"She's excited," Julian said with a slight smile as he tied the laces on his skates.
"She's bossy," I stated.
"Just like you," Julian added, his smile widening a little.
"I am not bossy," I countered, shooting him a frown.
"You really are."
I rolled my eyes. "Just get on the ice, West."
Julian rose to his feet and hobbled over to the rink's entrance. "Case and point."
"Shut up," I said, but I couldn't stop a smile from making its way onto my lips.
Despite all the awkwardness between us, we'd somehow fallen into our usual pattern of easy banter. I could tell Julian was still slightly wary, but it was better than him shutting me out completely.
I didn't want to lose Julian, no matter how much he terrified me.
Julian stepped forward onto the ice. I only had to blink before his foot slid forward and his whole body thudded against the ice.
I burst out laughing, clutching my stomach. "Oh my goodness, I wish I got that on video."
"I think I broke my tailbone," Julian groaned as he lay sprawled out across the ice.
"You're so dramatic. Get up and try again," I told him, trying to bite back a laugh.
Julian struggled to his feet, wobbling as he tried to stand. Once he steadied himself, he lifted each leg and tried to move across the ice. It was the most painful thing I had ever witnessed.
"Slowly. It's not like walking, you idiot. You have to, like, glide," I instructed him. When he continued to try and walk across the ice as though he was just walking down the path, I winced.
"I am gliding," Julian protested wearing a frown.
I shook my head in exasperation. "No, you're not. You're stomping. You look like you're trying to impersonate a dinosaur."
"Well, how do you glide then?"
"Like this." I demonstrated the correct way to ice skate as slowly as I could. I honestly didn't understand why he was struggling so much. I was nowhere near a pro, but gliding
Julian sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I'm trying."
"Yeah, well, you're failing miserably. This is the first time Savannah has ever been ice skating and she's doing a lot better than you. Look." I gestured to a few metres away from us to where my sister was chasing Willow across the ice, a wide grin lighting up her entire face.
"It's a much longer way for me to fall. I'm being cautious," Julian said, staring glumly at my sister.
"Here, let's try this another way."
I skated around Julian, putting my hands on his waist. I'd never taught someone to ice skate before so I had no idea what I was doing.
"Okay, how does feeling me up help me learn how to ice skate?"
My eyes widened and my lips parted. "W-what? I am not feeling you up. Get your head out of the gutter, West."
"It's always in the gutter when it comes to you," Julian said, his voice lower than usual.
I swallowed. My heart stuttered in my chest. This was not supposed to be happening.
"What happened to 'just friends'? Or 'just a game'?" I asked quietly.
"It's hard when you're touching me like that," Julian breathed, then cleared his throat.
I tugged my hands away. "Seriously, West?"
Julian swivelled around and opened his mouth to speak.
The metal of his skate clanged with mine and I felt my legs give way beneath me. The air whooshed from my lungs as my body connected with Julian's torso and the ice. We both groaned in unison.
"Yep, I definitely broke my tailbone," Julian wheezed, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Yeah, well, I think I broke my wrist," I mumbled. Lifting my arm, I flexed my wrist and felt a sharp pain shoot through it.
"Do you want to get off me now?" Julian said through gritted teeth.
Glancing down, I realised I was half lying on him and probably squishing him. I slowly rose to my feet and put my hand out for Julian. He grabbed it and wobbled to his feet.
"Okay, let's–"
Julian jerked, this time his knee smacking into mine. We went down again, slamming into the ice. Julian's body was smothering my sore arm, his legs were somehow threaded through mine
"That's it. I hate ice skating," I whimpered as sharp pains flittered through my entire being. Never before had ice skating been this agonising for me.
"It was your idea," Julian moaned.
"No, it was Willow's. Evil child."
"I agree with you there. I can't believe people do this for enjoyment."
I lifted my head to look at him. "Well, I can't believe you're this uncoordinated. Didn't you play a sport or something as a kid?"
A shadow fell across the ice. "Um, what are you two doing?" Savannah asked, peering down at us. Her brows were pinched together as if she couldn't quite figure out why we would lie on the ice by choice.
"Don't ask," I grumbled.
Savannah crouched down beside me and brushed a few flecks of ice from my arm. "People are giving you weird looks, which is probably because you guys do look really weird. You're supposed to skate across the ice, not lie on it."
"Hey, Sav, there's a cute boy over there! Let's go say hi!" Willow called, clasping her hands together and grinning widely.
"Okay!" Savannah sprung up.
"No! Stay away from boys, they're bad for you!" I yelled to her as she glided gracefully over to her best friend.
Julian raised his eyebrows. "Speaking from experience?"
"Absolutely."
He breathed out a laugh and then grimaced, clutching his ribs. "I need to go sit down. I can't do this anymore."
I nodded. "All right. Let's get off the ice. Slowly."
When we were safely off the ice and sitting on a wooden bench facing the rink, Julian asked, "Once again, how do people find falling over on cold, hard ice fun?"
"Well, people don't usefully fall over as much as you just did," I pointed out. Bending my wrist, I noticed that the pain was lessening over time, meaning it wasn't broken or sprained.
"You fell over, too."
"No, you knocked me over. Twice," I said bitterly. "I'm usually a fairly competent ice skater."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Kincaid."
I wanted to jab him with my elbow, but I was afraid he'd accuse me of feeling him up again. Before on the ice, I hadn't even thought about what it would mean if I touched him. Over the past few months, we'd grown so comfortable with one another that physical contact wasn't something that was weird. Now, I understood why we couldn't touch anymore.
I just didn't realise how empty it would make me feel.
"We could be here forever with those two." Julian broke through my thoughts. He gestured to Savannah and Willow who were standing with a terrified-looking boy.
"True. I'll go grab us a hot drink." I stood up, brushing my hair away from my face. Before I left, I looked down at him. Vanilla latte with one sugar, right?"
Amusement passed over his face. "You remember my coffee order."
"Of course I do. It's weird," I told him.
"It's not weird. Lots of people drink vanilla lattes," Julian defended, rolling his eyes at me.
"I just think that if you drink coffee, you shouldn't add weird syrups to it," I said with a shrug.
"Well, you're weird for not even drinking coffee. Coffee is the greatest discovery yet."
I scrunched my face up. "I don't think I'm weird for not liking a drink that tastes exactly like dirt from a paddock or something."
Julian shook his head. "You are so annoying."
Without replying, I spun around and headed over to the beverage stand and ordered to hot drinks. Ten minutes later, I returned to Julian with a vanilla latte and a hot chocolate in hand.
Julian thanked me as I handed him his coffee. "Mmm. This almost makes this horrific experience worth it."
"Really? The coffee can't be that good. I am in so much pain right now and my bones are still frozen stiff."
"Well, this coffee does taste like dirt from a paddock, but it's hot so I don't even care."
My mouth tipped up into a smile. "My hot chocolate is pretty average as well."
Silence descended over us as we both sipped our beverages. It was warming my insides so I didn't really care that it was terrible, either.
"So, we're just friends now, huh? That means I can't kiss you anymore."
My breath caught in my throat. It took me a moment before I could speak without the fear of my voice shaking. "We've always been just friends."
"Are you sure about that, Isa?" Julian asked, his voice quiet.
I shifted so that I was looking at him, my eyes darting around his face. "It was all just a game. We both agreed. Nothing's changed."
Julian exhaled, placing his drink down on the bench beside him. "Isa, I–"
"You were right. Boys are bad for you. Can we go home now?" Savannah appeared beside me, placing a hand on my arm, and I jolted.
"Yeah, I'm really cold," Willow added.
Julian held my gaze. Something was swirling through his blue eyes, something that made my heart clench within my chest.
Something that also terrified me, too.
"Isa?" Savannah said.
"All right. Let's go." My voice came out hoarser than I intended.
After we all returned our ice skates, we headed back to the car. Savannah and Willow scrambled inside as quickly as they could, claiming they had hypothermia and were about to die.
Before Julian and I got in the car, I forced the next sentence out of my mouth. "Let's...let's not make this complicated? We're better off just forgetting all of this ever happened between...between us."
Julian pressed his lips together. "If that's what you want."
"It is," I lied with a firm nod. "We're just better off this way."
I may have meant every word, but it didn't stop a sharp pain from slicing through my chest.
But I ignored it.
It was for the best.
If I repeat that enough times, maybe I'll eventually believe it.
_
Hey friends. Sorry for not updating in a while. Uni has been pretty hectic this past month and even though I'm about to finish the semester, I still have two assignments left to do UGH. I'm a huge procrastinator so I'll probably end up doing them both the day before they're due (something I strongly advise against!!).
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's a bit of a filler chapter but it needed to be done. You know, for the unnecessary angst and all that. Why do Isa and Julian have to be so stupid??
Don't forget to vote and comment!
-Adelle.