Two weeks - two weeks of endless sailing and absolutely nothing has been seen that could be the blue star. Two weeks we've been stuck out here in the middle of the ocean, trapped in the middle of the storm. Thunder and lightening everyday and a constant pour of heavy rain - its a wonder why I haven't fallen over board yet with how rocky this boat has become. As another lightening bolt strikes down, I jump slightly as it scares me - the light blinding me for a few seconds and the noise deafening. However, I calm myself down enough to sit down on the end of the bed - gazing across at Gael who us tucked into bed with her small teddy gripped tightly in her hand. I send her a comforting smile before glancing across at Lucy - the girl sitting comfortably in the bay window. Things haven't quite been the same with us, the events at Coriakin's throwing a slight wedge into the friendship no matter how hard we try and get passed it or I try to help her get over her insecurities.
"We are never going to find the blue star in this weather."
I mutter, watching the rain beat down heavily on the window panes - drumming so hard I'm afraid the glass is going to break. Lucy hums in agreement as she waltz's toward the bed - sitting comfortably beside me with a small sigh.
"I know. This is horrible."
An awkward silence overcomes the two of us, neither knowing what to say to one another. However, a soft yawn from Gael catches my attention - the eleven year old snuggling down into the pillows with a sigh.
"I'm tired."
I nod in agreement, trying to stifle a yawn of my own - shuffling into bed next to the young girl, my head hitting the soft pillow with a thud. I can hear Lucy and Gael muttering goodnight, to which I return before darkness surrounds me - the lights having been turned off by Lucy. Sighing, I stare at the ceiling - the sound of the storm outside lulling me to sleep, despite the fear that penetrates my body every clap of thunder and every bolt of lightening. Still, my eyes begin to drift close as my mind falls asleep - the world around me fading into nothing.
~
I stare around in horror at the sight in front of me, wanting nothing more than to simply run away and cry in peace. But my feet are stuck in place, keeping me trapped despite my desire to escape - even my pleas for mercy come out muffled and mocked. I stare into the face of my brother, his once kind green eyes sparkling with mischief - laughing at my expense from his place on his throne. Cair Paravell's throne room is bright and vibrant, sunshine beating down through the glass roof - however, the comfort it usually brings has practically disappeared. I try to scream out again, trying to tell them all to stop but its as though I'm mute - my voice only coming out in scratches and stutters, rather than words. Its as though this makes it more amusing for them all - watching me struggle for sanity. Locking eyes with Peter, I try to plead with him but the High King simply watches with a grin on his face - finding my misfortune absolutely hilarious. Beside him, Susan snorts with glee - a wicked smirk on her face and her arms wrapped around the many suitors that come to her beck and call. She mutters about how she loves that they torture me - my heart breaking at the thought of her going out of her way to make me feel awful about this. She no longer acts as my older sister - watching over me with care and comfort. Struggling against myself, I'm able to take a few steps backward before I am glued once again to the ground - my body shuddering as I try to escape this torture.
"Oh please, stop trying. Its never going to happen."
My throat goes dry as Lucy's words bounce through me - the double meaning causing me to whimper. Not that she can hear, the sounds I wish to make still muffled by this magic that is surrounding me. Instead, I stare at the girl I call my best friend - the wicked glint in her eye shocking me to my core. She had always been such a caring soul, including everyone no matter their differences or flaws. Yet as I stare at her now, I know she is no longer as such - a sinister cackles escaping her lips as I struggle to leave.
"She's right you know."
I stop cold in my attempts at escaping, gulping in pain as tears well up in my eyes. Edmund's voice is cold and distant - the way it used to be before Narnia, and his eyes are just as cruel and harsh. I try to beg with him, but my mouth won't open - my eyes glued on his every move as he saunters forward, a sickening smirk on his face.
"Why would I want to be with you? You're hardly even my friend, I only put up with you because I have to. No one is ever capable of loving you, ever."
~
Jolting awake, I pant heavily as I try to regain my breath - tears pooling in the side of my eyes as the dream replays in mind. His words, so cold and harsh - and so full of the truth. I can feel my hands shaking slightly as I try to control myself - not wanting to wake up the peaceful girls sleeping next to me. Letting out a long, soft breath, I run my hands along my face - wanting to clear my mind and everything that just happened. Suddenly, Lucy sits upright with a look f pure sadness on her face - her voice echoing throughout the bedroom.
"Aslan!"
Glancing at her, the two of us lock eyes for a few seconds - neither of us having the energy to talk it seems. However, Lucy practically throws herself on me - holding me tight and hugging me for dear life. I squeeze back, trying to convey all of my emotions in the one hug - wanting to apologise for my recent behaviour and forget the words her voice said in my mind.
"Soph, I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you when you said I didn't need to change."
I hold the girl tight, letting her babble on about her nightmare - listening intently as she realises her self worth and beauty. Pulling away slowly, I send her a soft smile before noticing the torn parchment beside her. As though understanding where my gaze is set, Lucy suddenly snatches it and storms toward the raging fire - throwing the paper into the flames and watching them burn.
"I'm proud of you, Lu."
The girl sends me a grateful smile before frowning - quickly making her way back to bed, her eyes never leaving mine.
"What happened? You look like you also had a nightmare."
Taking a deep breath, I explain what I had seen and heard - playing with my fingers and never once looking up. I don't think I could ever deal with seeing that smirk ever again, no matter how hard I try to make myself believe that she won't. However, I am pulled back into a soft hug as I trail off - my dream slowly disappearing from my mind and the comfort I feel with Lucy.
"Sophia Edith Mason, you have nothing to worry about. If Edmund truly has been playing with your feelings all this time than I will personally throw my dagger at him."
I snort softly, pulling away to see Lucy holding her heart in one hand and the other raised as though she is taking an oath. Rolling my eyes, I pull her hand and shake my head - letting the small amount of happiness seep into my body. The two of us sit in silence, the only noise that can be heard is from the storm outside - which seems to be softening very slightly. That is until Lucy lets out a soft shudder, obviously still thinking about her dream.
"Do you mind if I go see Edmund? He usually helps me calm down."
I nod with a small smile before taking a deep breath, knowing I have to know whether my mind's version of Edmund is based off real emotions.
"Can I come too? I just need to know something."
Lucy sends me a sympathetic smile before gesturing for me to follow - the two of us leaving Gael peacefully sleeping and oblivious to the danger the mind can have on the body.
~
The crew's sleeping quarters are underneath the main deck, scattered across two wide spaces - after all, they do sleep in hammocks. Silently, Lucy and I weave our way through the dangling sleeping arrangements - making our way to Edmund. My hands cannot stop shaking, but whether its from the cold or the fear I'm not sure. Slowly, the two of us approach Edmund's hammock which is situated beside Caspian - the latter tossing and turning loudly with soft mumbles escaping his lips. The closer we get, however, I realise that Edmund is already awake - his sword pointed toward the ship wall beside.
"Edmund."
The boy in question jumps at the sound of his sister's voice - his eyes drifting toward us despite the sword never lowering aim. His eyes suddenly widen, snapping back toward the wall with his breath quickening slightly - only for a sigh to escape his mouth as he realises nothing is here.
"Lucy, Sophia."
A sudden clap of thunder echoes throughout the large space, causing me to jump in surprise and Caspian to jolt awake - his eyes wide and hands running widely through his hair. I send him a sympathetic smile before focusing on Edmund, the boy staring at Lucy and I with a comforting gaze.
"We can't sleep."
Lucy mutters, myself nodding in agreement as my hands begin to shake faster. It definitely is not due to the cold, my heart beat increasing slightly as my dream replays in my mind. As though realising this, Edmund sighs softly - catching my attention, and brining me out of my mind.
"Let me guess. Nightmares?"
Biting my lip, I nod as does Lucy - silence enveloping us all as we all try to calm ourselves down. Edmund stares at the two of us before slowly laying back down - his voice bouncing across the walls in the eerily silent space.
"Either we're all going mad or something's playing with our minds."
Humming in agreement, I share a soft gaze with Lucy before taking a deep breath - wanting to get these thoughts out of my mind for good, no matter how hard they want to stay.
"Ed, do you just like me because I'm Lucy's friend? Because you have to?"
I whimper slightly at the end, feeling the tears I have tried so hard to hide drop slowly down my face. Sniffling, I try to wipe them off my face - only just hearing Edmund splutter in surprise over the sound of my sniffs.
"Soph, of course I don't. You're one of my closest friends - in fact, I think you're the only one. Come here."
I feel his hand grip my shaky one, pulling me closer to his hammock - the tears still flowing down my face, as there is more I want to ask him but I'm too afraid of the answer. All of a sudden, Edmund practically pulls me into his hammock - holding me close to his chest as I cry and whimper softly. I can hear him talking softly with his sister and Caspian, but I simply focusing on stopping the tears - knowing if he doesn't recuperate my feelings, I always have his friendship that brings me warmth and joy no matter how badly I want more. As I feel Edmund tighten his grip around my waist, I begin to calm down - my eyes fluttering shut and the world around my fading away into an abyss.