"Lisa-"
"You said you missed me"
"Of course I did," I withdrew my hand from her chest. "But not this way"
"What way then?"
I sighed, lowering my head. I knew that she understood what I was talking about. She was just pretending that she didn't, probably avoiding to talk about it.
So I took her hands in mine as I leaned closer, trying to convince her to talk.
"Don't you miss me, Lisa?" I asked again even though I could tell she wouldn't respond to me regarding this matter. "I really missed you..." I tried to encourage her more, resting my cheek against hers.
She was still lost in the silence she had fallen for.
I turned my head, continuing to kiss her skin as gentle as I could.
"Talk to me, Lisa..."
I started to beg this time in whisper to her ear.
"I don't do talking," She finally made a sound by her mouth but her tone was different. She sounded like she was sad and still wanting to be cold towards me.
"I always know that, it's okay" I said as I stroked her nape, massaging it softly. "You don't have to talk to other people, you can just talk to me"
Her breathing was getting heavier since I could hear her clearly at this point. She could probably thinking if she should or shouldn't talk to me about it. I could sense how hesitated she was now as her jaw began to tremble.
"I won't get mad at you, Lisa" I tried harder and still in control of my tone. I didn't want to sound like I was pushing her or anything. So I kissed her ear in between speech, just as soft as she did to me earlier. "I promise"
Melissa's arms hugged me around my body, and she inhaled the scent of my hair since I could hear her sniffing.
"Do you hate me, Roseanne?"
Her voice cracked this time and I knew she was at the edge of breaking down again. So I held her face with both of my hands, resting my forehead against her.
"Lisa..." I sighed. "I don't hate you," I brushed her cheeks with my thumbs. "...I will never hate you"
"Why wouldn't you?"
I smiled.
"I love you, Lisa"
I knew what kind of person I was. Back then she had to tickle me just to make me say I love you to her. I was hard on telling directly about my love towards her. I would always prefer to show it with my actions, hoping that she would understand.
A 15 year old Melissa on the other hand, despite of being someone who didn't like talking since the very beginning, she used to be surprisingly opened about love and affections. She did it in both ways; talk and action. She used to tell me with her own mouth that she loved me for every single day. She even noticed that I would get tired of hearing that.
But both of us had changed now. I had decided to tell her everything about my feelings. I didn't want to continue being shy or uncomfortable in expressing my love. I had learned that moments didn't last long, and without you expected it, things could change in just a snap of fingers. That was what I was doing now, telling Melissa how much I had been missing her, and I was still in love with her no matter what happened in the past.
"Do you really, Roseanne?" She asked, sounding like she was in doubt. But I didn't mind about that. I would tell her that I loved her for how many times she wanted me to.
"Of course I do. I came here for you, Lisa" I brought my lips to the corner of her mouth and gave a soft kiss there before continuing. "I wouldn't be here if I don't want to marry you"
"You are here because of the money for your mum"
She loosened her arm that was previously around my waist, letting me go.
I was about to get mad when I heard what she just said. Was that really what she thought about me? She genuinely thought that I came back to Seoul after 10 years of living in Australia, just for her money? Didn't she ask Leon how I reacted when I first heard about dad wanted to borrow the money? I didn't agree to it at first because the money was never crucial.
But it was when Leon mentioned her name that put me into defeat. It was when he said the intention of him coming to Sydney to propose me for sister that attracted my heart. It was because of Melissa herself, that made me agree about the marriage deal.
I really wanted to get offended and get mad at her at that time. She talked like she never knew me before. Her thoughts about me were denying everything that I was as a blind, regular woman who didn't look at money and wealth like people who had eyesight would. How could she even think that way about me? But then I realised that getting mad at her wouldn't solve anything.
She misunderstood me, so it was my job to correct her.
"Lisa," I let go of her too, turning back to what I was doing earlier; ironing. "You can just cancel the deal, no need to pay for my mum's treatments," I moved my hands so fast, expressing my anger through the iron. I needed to speed up anyway so Melissa could have clothes to wear. "Let's see if I'm still going to be here tomorrow waiting for you"
It was my voice that cracked this time.
"I don't need your money, Lisa. I never care about the money at the first place"
I put the formal top to the side as I continued with the pants. The tears that had been hiding behind my eyeballs were now making their way to the front. "I just want you back, that's all I ask for"
Melissa sighed loudly, giving me a good sign in the situation we were in. She would do that kind of response whenever she realised that she was wrong. Well, she was a grown up now. She didn't need me or anyone to remind her that she needed to use her brain before saying hurtful things. I guessed she was already used to being petty, so it was just slipped off her mouth like water.
But still, she didn't say a thing. She was just standing behind me, probably squeezing her brain for what to say next. I didn't initiate any conversation either. I dismissed the urge to talk to her for the time being because I was getting angry. Therefore, I just focused on the pants that I placed on the ironing board.
I heard the bell seconds later, and I left the room to get the door since I knew who it was.
"I ordered you breakfast," I said as I brought the toast and jam to the dining table. "Please eat before you go to work"
I walked back to finish my business with the pants and finally giving it to Melissa who was still quiet.
"I'm going to have my shower now, take care"
That was the last thing I said to her before she caught my hand, stopping me from walking towards my room.
"Hey..." She tried to get my attention since I was facing the other way and not her. "Roseanne," She started to talk with short words now, probably because she was anxious. "I didn't mean that" She finally decided to stand for herself, maybe because of the disappointment in my cold gestures that I was giving to her.
"That's alright" I responded as fast as a heartbeat. "I'm just going to shower"
"No, wait" She disagreed softly, pulling me closer by the wrist. "You asked me to talk, so I did" She made a point. "You promised you won't get mad"
"So, that's really what you think of me?"
"No, Roseanne-"
"That's because you asked me to marry you for the money, Lisa"
This was the first time I cut her speech off since we met. Despite of Melissa being the most terrifying person so far, I was actually feeling confident now.
"If only you reached out to me earlier and asked me to marry you for love, you wouldn't have had such thoughts" I defended myself boldly. "It's you who started this money thing, don't you dare put it all on me"
"Then how the hell I should've started it?!"
She raised her voice, which I already saw it coming as her grip around my wrist became stronger.
"Maybe exclude the money thing," I still answered her even though she just yelled at me. The only difference was my voice was still calm, not intending to challenge hers or anything similar. I would just make my point by words instead of the volume of my voice.
"The way you said it like I could've done better!"
"Yes, Lisa" I stood firmly. "You could've done better. Because I would still marry you, with or without money"
I wouldn't withdraw myself in the first mouth fight we had no matter how loud her voice was since I wanted her to clear her mind off.
"I am going to marry you because of love, Melissa" I turned to her and took one step forward. "What are you marrying me for?" I put my voice even lower than before, so she would listen to me better. "Is it because of pity? Or just for the old time sake?"
I wanted to hear it. I wanted her to say that she loved me even though deep down my heart, I knew she did and the way she kissed me last night already proved it. She still kissed me the same. But still, she needed to say it directly to me because I deserved to know it from her own mouth.
And she didn't say a word, again.
I forced myself to smile. There was no way she would say it, at least for now. There was no use of forcing her as well, causing arguments and fights in the morning. She had to go to work so I would let her go. However, it was her who still had my hand in hers, refusing to let me go.
"Lisa, go to work" I said softly. "You are running late"
"Do you hate me now?" She started to question. "You keep pushing me away"
"No, Lisa. You make me feel unwanted,"
I shot her with my words without hesitation and she let go of my wrist almost immediately. That was when I left the living area, walking straight to the bathroom to clean myself with tears that just ran down on my cheeks after I locked the door.
She already left when I finished with my shower since I took a long one. I calmed myself in the bathtub as usual, failed to notice that I took more than an hour in the bathroom. Then I went to the living area just to make sure that Melissa had her breakfast.
Yes, the plate was empty.
I didn't know why it was hard for her to say that she loved me. She could say any hurtful thing to anyone, she even mocked about me being blind yesterday, but couldn't say nice words anymore? How bad her heart could possibly be? Because I didn't trust it.
Melissa wasn't and would never be bad.
She didn't come later at night. I waited for her though but she didn't arrive. So I went to bed when I could no longer hold my eyes for another second. But it wasn't that easy to just sleep when I had her in my head. So I just closed my eyes, resting them.
This feeling was familiar. I used to feel this kind of heaviness in my chest whenever I had a fight with Melissa at school. I couldn't even sleep because of the heartache, and now I was feeling the same thing again.
I managed to fall asleep for a while, at last. I wasn't sure when or how long I got my sleep. All I knew was my phone rang just below the next pillow, waking me up.
I groaned as I struggled to move, stretching my body to get rid of the muscle soreness. I didn't get to answer it the first time, but it rang again so I turned my body to the right side of the bed, lying on my stomach while my hand slid under the pillow to take the device.
"Lisa?"
That was the first word that came out from my mouth when I answered the call. It was because she was the only person I wanted to call me. Only Melissa was allowed to disturb my sleep.
"Hello, Lisa. Where are you?" I talked as my eyes remained closed. "Please sleep here with me,"
She didn't respond. I remembered this; she used to be this silent when she first called me back then.
"Lisa, I-"
"It's Jeongkook"
That male voice made my eyes open.
"Kookie?!" I groaned louder, stretching my other arm. "Why are you calling me?"
"I have been trying to call you since you left Sydney" He began to complain. "But you never answered me. You only answered Jisoo"
"I won't know who's calling, Kookie. I just answer whenever I want to and it happens to be her"
I lied about that. Actually I did know when Jisoo was calling. Because she set a different ringtone for her number, so I always knew it was her and answered it. She did that in the same week when I received the ring from Leon, where Jeongkook called me non stop just to try to convince me not to accept the proposal. I told Jisoo about it because I avoided answering my phone, including calls from her. So she set a different ringtone for herself.
"And you thought I was Lisa"
"How are you, Kookie?" I changed the subject, asking how he had been doing. Actually I kind of missed him. He was still my best friend and I just wanted to have a small chat.
"Have you slept with Lisa already?"
He dodged my question with other things that caught his attention more.
Frowning, I questioned him. "What?"
"You literally asked her to come and sleep with you, Rosie" He sounded strict now. "You guys are not married yet, right?"
"Kookie, that's not your-"
"Since when you became a slut? What happened to you Rosie?"
My blood started to boil when he used that slut word on me. Since when sleeping with partner; married or not married, made any lady a slut?
"What happened to me?" I asked him back in hidden anger.
"Yeah"
"Love happened, Kookie"
I dropped the call after that, pressing the button at the upper corner of my phone long enough until it vibrated, indicating that it was turning off. He really got on my nerves these days. I couldn't even talk to him nicely like we used to.
I pushed the phone back under the pillow, thinking that I would turn it back on when I woke up later. I knew he would be calling again and again so I didn't want him to keep bugging me. I would be pissed.
Sighing, I tried to sleep back but I just couldn't. The side of my face was pressed on the pillow as my arms were up around my head. I wasn't really comfortable lying on my stomach like that but it was a good position for stretching. I would always do that whenever I tried to get up from sleep, or struggle to sleep. The only time I knew this position would be comfortable enough was definitely when I was lying on top of Melissa.
I got carried away with my thoughts about having her there with me, which followed by the heartache until I didn't even notice that I had been wasting time without going back to sleep. But then I heard noises coming from the living area, telling me that someone just came in.
The noises now travelled into my room as the door was opened, so I shut my eyes instantly, pretending to sleep.
It was definitely Melissa. I smelled her perfume that was mixed with her sweat, and it made me smile. I didn't know someone could smell so appealing just by the sweat until I knew her back then, when I had her sweat all over me as she was on my bed. We were just 15 at that time!
The fact that those sexual memories of her began to replay in mind now while she was wandering in my room, really surprised me. Even her sweat could trigger my brain. What kind of magic she had put on me?
But I didn't feel so good when she made noises with her stuffs. She sounded like she just threw her briefcase or something on the sofa bed. She even slammed her other things on the side table. I knew straight away that she was mad. I just didn't know why.
Then I heard she removed her clothes, even the pants as I heard the zipper. Her movements were so fast and rough, making me guess if she had always been like that for 10 years. She acted like she already used to this. Didn't she get tired? Anger really consumed energy. Where did she get energy from anyway?
I kept my eyes closed even though I could feel her climbing on the bed now, putting heavy pressure on the mattress like she didn't even care if I was sleeping and she might wake me. It was like she intended to wake me, but indirectly.
Melissa surprised me so good when she got on my back. She sat on my buttocks, leaning over with her arms sliding underneath my body, and she wrapped them around my chest.
"Lisa-"
"You didn't greet me," She whispered as she put her weight on me, pinning and locking me in that position.
"I was sleeping"
"No you weren't" Melissa began to kiss my ear, sending shivers to my whole body. "I can feel your heartbeat with my hands, Roseanne"
I was doomed. She caught me lying straight away since it was my heartbeat that gave myself away. I didn't notice it was beating so hard that it was impossible for someone to have such heart rate while sleeping. That was because I wasn't.
"Hey Lisa," I greeted her with a nervous chuckle, hugging the head pillow like it was a floating life buoy that I depended on to save myself from drowning in the ocean of fright.
"Too late for that"
She used her teeth this time, nibbling my ear and giggling.
"Li-Lisa!" My chuckles had turned into laughter in merely seconds, squeezing my eyes shut at the same time.
I removed my hands from the pillow, bringing them to the back until I could touch her and tapping on her body. "That tickles!"
"I don't care" She continued to suck my earlobe now, blowing strong breath out from her nostrils straight to my ear intentionally.
I was struggling to move as a response to the tickling she tortured me with. My legs kept kicking on the fabric, eyes watered almost immediately and I felt her arms tighten around my chest, making it harder for me to free myself.
"Lisa!" My voice went louder this time as I thought I was about faint, bringing my hand up and tugging her hair softly. "Lisa please..."
She finally stopped, giving soft kisses on my head instead. Her nose now sniffing my hair, trailing down to the back of my neck. And that was my Lisa, the mood switcher.
Her soft lips gave the best caress on my skin, causing my body to tremble under her strong embrace. Her giggles were gone, and so did my laughter that was replaced by moans.
Melissa brushed off the ticklish feeling just in a heartbeat, switching it to something that was known as pleasure when she sucked on my skin. Her mouth then travelled down to my shoulder blades, arms still holding me by the chest as my breath quickened.
I got goosebumps now, applauding a continuous tremble in between those kisses she marked on my skin.
"Lisa?" I called her one more time with a low tone since she didn't respond to me at all.
And she still didn't. But she loosened her embrace slowly, letting me go from the pinning when she used her arms to hold her body weight this time. So I took that chance to turn around and lie on my back.
Melissa didn't move. She was still on top, straddling me. She was giving me space to breathe and get comfortable first, until she decided to give me more.
She was giving me the serenity that no sound of birds chirping could give just by her lips on my forehead. She was giving me the tranquility that no sound of waves could serve by her soft strokes on my arms. And she was giving me the intimacy that no one else could avail just by the love she had to offer.
I held her neck with my hands, massaging her there and waiting patiently for her to go lower. Closing my eyes, I released all the feelings I had for her when I felt her lips on mine. And just like that, she took everything in me to her possession.
Her kiss was so passionate and slow that brought tears in my eyes as she took my sadness away. The way she moved her lips on mine; no word in the world could ever explain how tender it was, worked in mystery like a pair of hearts that never been out of love ever since they started beating.
I love you, Lisa.
Was there any way for me to stay like that with her until the end of my time? I wanted her to kiss me until I stopped breathing. I needed her warmth on my skin until it finally turned pale. I ached for her embrace around my body until it finally became stiff.
Melissa would always be the one who gave her best as if she could hear my inner voice. She knew how I loved her kisses and she gave her whole heart to kiss me. Me on the contrary would always be the one who surrendered to her, and I burned my own desires in feeling of her lips.
She put a little pressure in the kiss. It was just enough to make me part my mouth, and she started to suck my bottom lip while her hands slid to my back.
"Lisa..." I moaned in her mouth, struggling in controlling my own breath. She deepened the kiss so swiftly that I could barely feel any aggression in that gesture. I was panting to let the air in, almost got lost in the heated kiss without rest that had been going for minutes now.
She never let go.
Melissa did a good job in controlling her own breathing since she was the one who was in charged of the pace. The kiss was just slow and relaxing but it already made me out of breath. I wouldn't want to imagine what would happen to me if she quickened it. But she was facing her own battle in the kiss she initiated. It was a fight that I knew she would never win.
I was right again about that as she parted her mouth from mine.
"I missed you Roseanne..." She finally said it, as our lips still brushed against each other. And her breath hitched. "I have missed you for 10 years" She caught my lips back, pressing my bottom lip with her tongue. "I won't let you go again this time..."
I felt something dripped on my cheek, thinking it must have came from Melissa's eyes. Something had been torturing her heart all these while and I didn't want it to stay there anymore. She deserved the same peace she gave me, so I would do anything to make sure of it.
I took over the kiss this time with a faster pace, which she gladly followed afterwards.
"Promise me that, Lisa" I asked her in between the kiss.
"I promise..." She responded when she stole a breath, making me smile against her lips.
I believed her. I would always believe her no matter what. Even if she was lying, I would still say it was the truth. It was because Melissa would be the last person to hurt me with her lies, which she never did. And I didn't want her to let me go again just like she did at the locker back then.
That really crushed my heart.
"Roseanne...?" She called out for me when she broke the kiss, resting her forehead against mine to keep the distance between our mouths. Just for the record, our lips had became magnets now. We would keep kissing each other even though we had so many things to say and they got interrupted.
I just hummed in response since I was catching my breath.
She removed her hands around me and cupped my face instead, probably wanting to get my attention on her now.
"Would you make me the happiest woman?"
I opened my eyes immediately when I heard that question with tears that were still waiting for their time.
"Marry me, Roseanne?" She whispered as her voice had became raspy. "Would you marry me, for love?"
And that was how someone named Melissa Maas, proposed me to marry her with her own mouth while straddling me on a king sized bed, in a hotel room, in the earliest morning when the whole world was silent.
Who was I complaining? She was the same person who ignited the sexual desires out of me in our school library back then. It was in the library, let me repeat that one more time; in the library. So I didn't even want to talk about how she just proposed me; wearing only bra and underwear while sitting above me. All of the sudden a candle light dinner at an expensive restaurant became overrated to me.
I preferred this way better.
"Yes" I answered her with a low voice, trying so hard to hold myself from smiling. This was supposed to be a romantic and intense proposal, but I had this imagination of her wearing only underwears right now.
And she was proposing me, how cute she must have looked like?!
"Yes?" She asked again for confirmation, sounding like she was excited.
"Yes..." I repeated myself as I couldn't hold my smile anymore.
Then I felt another tickle around my waist.
"Lisa!" I squealed in an instant when she poked the side of my body, right below my ribcage with both of her hands.
"I can't hear you, baby"
"Yes!!!" I half yelled, laughing and closing my eyes so tight as I kicked myself up against the fabric. My hands were trying to push hers with all the strength left in me.
"What? I can't hear you"
She curled her fingers, probably attempting to shove them in between my ribs, giggling.
"Yes!!!" I screamed this time. "I will-" My speech was interrupted by my own laughter as I pushed my head back. "-I will marry you, Lisa!!!"
She finally stopped torturing me. I guessed she was satisfied with the enjoyment of seeing me wiggle on the bed.
I felt her lips on my chest later when she closed her arms around my body again, giving kisses against my beating heart while I was still struggling to steady my breathing from the laughter I had earlier.
"I love you Roseanne..." She breathed out, telling it as it was, directly to my heart.
I smiled with my cheeks that were already hurt from all the amusements she caused me.
"I love you one second more every day, Lisa"
Hanging on to that, she sealed our feelings together with the kiss on the lips that lasted throughout the night.