{hey have angst}
You have to understand that
The one I kill is me
Changing what I was
For what you wanted me to be
I followed your direction
Did everything you asked
I hope it makes you happy
'Cause there's just no turning back
~~~Virgil~~~
Virgil's closet had changed.
Once it was full of black, grey, purple. Thick clothing that he could put on in layers, dark shirts with rips in them.
Now it was simple tees, light blues and greens. A few button downs, ties, even an admittedly nice grey suit.
Because that was what Patton liked.
Virgil's habits had changed.
Late nights were a thing of the past, so was sleeping in until noon. No more screaming along to loud punk music, no more applying dark eyeshadow for the aesthetic it provided.
Now it was quiet indie (he'd been able to keep a little bit of his old strangeness), bed by ten and up by eight for early morning jogs. Meal prep, a fresh face, smiling at strangers.
Because that was what Patton liked.
Virgil had forced his attitude to change.
It used to be attitude. He used to snap at everyone, insults were his specialty. He was the pessimist of his friend group, he always had the worst possible situation on his mind and he wasn't afraid to poke holes in people's excitement. He usually did it to relieve his own anxiety and stress.
Now it was nods in passing, keeping quiet when he couldn't think of something to say that was at least polite. Awkward smiles (but smiles nonetheless), small talk.
Because that was what Patton liked.
He stood in front of the mirror in his small apartment, staring at his appearance.
No more purple hair. A simple, traditional haircut, with gel to push it back a little bit.
No more eyeshadow. The bags on his eyes were still there, much smaller than before, but he didn't cover them anymore.
No more heavy black shirts. He was actually wearing a pale orange polo. A polo of all things.
No more ripped jeans. Slacks (black) or jeans. Jeans right now.
No more combat boots. A pair of simple tennis shoes today, old grey Nikes.
He had kept one of his old sweatshirts, a messy black zip-up hoodie with purple plaid patches sewn all over it. Some covered rips, some were just there for looks.
Virgil tried for a smile. It looked forced. It always did, but Patton never noticed.
He glared at himself. "You love him. He loves you. You two are happy and it doesn't matter what the cost of that is."
He'd lost a couple friends over this. They said he'd changed too much.
Virgil knew they were right. But he loved Patton so much, and he didn't want to lose him.
As Virgil made his way towards the front of the apartment, his roommate (and brother) stepped in front of him.
"Logan, c'mon. I'm going to be late for my date."
"Virgil this is not healthy." Logan crossed his arms. "You are losing who you are as a person for this boy and a relationship is not worth that."
"I'm not losing who I am."
"I've never seen you wear a polo in your life."
"Patton likes it."
Logan scoffed. "Does he like you turning into someone you're not?"
Virgil gritted his teeth. "I'm not turning into someone else. I'm just... suppressing some parts of myself. They're still there, I'm just making them quiet."
"That is incredibly bad for you."
"It's fine. what would you know about relationships anyway?"
Virgil saw the hurt in his brother's eyes, but he ignored it as he sidestepped Logan and left the apartment.
Logan frowned, staring at the front door. He pulled his phone out and dialed.
"He's still not listening."
~~~Patton~~~
Patton's closet had changed.
Once it had been too bright. Even though he loved it, he would admit that. Neon yellow hoodies, flowery button downs, wild colors and patterns.
Now it was gentle pastels, a few small blooms. Lots of soft cotton, gentle fabrics that tended to blend into a background.
Because that was what Virgil liked.
Patton's habits had changed.
It used to be eating so many cookies that he thought he was going to puke, grabbing any sweet he saw and not caring about what it was. He knew it wasn't good for him, but he would work out enough that it was a good enough trade-off in his opinion.
Now it was quiet afternoons. The occasional movie date, but usually just hanging out, talking. Sharing a (healthy) snack. Sitting in the park and watching pets run around.
Because that was what Virgil liked.
Patton forced his attitude to change.
He had always been bubbly, and he still was. He had been loud, excitable, childish. He was overly touchy, hugged a lot, cried easily. He loved to light up a room and make people smile, laugh until their sides hurt.
Now it was soft smiles, quiet giggles. Putting himself into the background, listening more than speaking. Letting others be the 'funny one' in a group.
Because that was what Virgil liked.
He stood in his bathroom, eyeing himself in the mirror.
No more wild curls. He argued them into submission every morning, until they were just soft waves.
No more rainbow glasses frames. They were simple now, dark blue. Most people assumed they were black.
No more rainbow cat shirts. He tugged at his light blue tee with a sigh.
The pants were the same. Patton had always been partial to jeans. Sometimes he wore slacks, but usually it was just this.
No more bright pink tennis shoes. Pale ones now, they used to be a similar blue to his shirt.
He had kept one goofy shirt, a gift from a family member a few years back. It was tucked in the back of his closet, the black tee spread with galaxy print and a cat riding a unicorn shooting lasers. Patton's last childish indulgence.
Patton smiled at his reflection, trying to put the happiness that teenage him once had back into his smile. He never quite got it, but Virgil never noticed.
"You love him. He loves you. It's perfectly fine for two people in a relationship to change for their significant other." He reminded himself quietly.
His friends were worried about him. Some of them thought he was sick, others who knew about his relationship kept trying to tell him it was a bad idea.
Maybe they were right, but Patton loved Virgil so much. He was going to do whatever he needed to so that they would work.
Patton headed downstairs to the front door of his little house. He was stopped in the kitchen by his roommate.
"Roman I've gotta go, I'm gonna be late."
Roman frowned. "Patton, we need to talk about this again. This isn't good for you. You're not the same guy I moved in with and I'm worried-"
"I'm still me!" Patton smiled, hoping it looked like it used to. "I'm okay."
"Patton, a year ago your signature would have been your glasses. Now I couldn't pick your frames out from a lineup of one."
Patton shrugged. "Some things change, Roman. It's not the end of the world. And besides, Virgil likes it."
Roman started to protest, but he cut him off. "I've gotta go, Roman, I don't wanna keep him waiting."
Roman sighed heavily as his roommate went out the door. His phone started ringing and he grabbed it off the counter.
"Patton won't listen to me either. We need to do something."
~~~The Date~~~
Virgil poked at his salad with his fork. He glanced up at Patton and smiled when their eyes met. Patton smiled back and then they went back to their food.
Even with how much they'd changed, they'd never been this gloomy on a date. Both men knew something was wrong, but neither of them wanted to talk about it.
"I'll pay." Virgil offered when the bill came around. Patton smiled.
"It's my turn."
"No it isn't, you payed for lunch the other day."
"Did I? Oh yeah...."
Virgil paid. They got up and walked out of the restaurant, holding hands.
Virgil hoped his hand wasn't shaking.
Patton hoped his hand wasn't clammy.
"Well you two look miserable."
Patton frowned, confused. "Dor?"
His cousin tipped is chin in greeting. "Hey. I'm here to pick you up."
"I drove here..."
"Yeah, Roman's got your car. His buddy dropped him off to take it. C'mon."
"But I've got to drive Virgil home." Patton protested. Virgil scuffed his shoe on the pavement.
"Nope, he's coming with. Get in." Dorrian pressed a button on his key fob and his car beeped, the doors unlocking.
The couple glanced at each other, then Virgil shrugged and let go of Patton's hand to get in the car.
"Where are we going?" Was the only question asked in the car. Dorrian didn't answer.
They pulled up to Patton's house. "Living room."
"What, that's all we get?" Virgil complained as he and Patton got out.
Dorrian just pulled away from the curb.
"Well, I guess we go inside." Patton sighed, taking Virgil's hand.
He pulled his keys out as they approached the door. Virgil could see someone moving in the front window, which had the curtains drawn.
Patton peeked inside and made a face. "What's going on?"
"If both of you would come in here."
Virgil pushed through the door. "Logan?"
His brother and Patton's roommate were sitting on the couch. Each of them had a folder sitting in front of them.
"What is this, an intervention?" Patton chuckled.
"Pretty much." Roman shrugged. "Sit down."
Virgil rolled his eyes, but the two of them took seats.
Logan opened the discussion. "You two are hurting yourselves too much with this relationship, if you cannot accept each other at your fullest you should not be together."
Both of them froze, glancing at each other.
How each was, that was what the other liked... right?
{Okay Moxiety is an incredibly wholesome and sweet ship, and it's amazing, but it also has a huge potential for this style of angst. They're so different, and while the opposites attract philosophy works well with them, I feel like their dynamic can also open up the the opportunity for this drama where they try to change themselves for the other without realizing that their partner would readily take them for who they are at the start... also this song works so well with that exact type of angst so enjoy that}