I spent another hour to familiarise myself with the whole suite after dinner. I did order a room service just like Melissa asked me to, but with appropriate amount this time since I ate alone. The comfort this hotel offered was beyond imagination, having a master suite that was big enough to fit another wide sofa. I guessed it was a sofa bed, and I had another TV in front of the king sized bed.
I rested on the sofa bed while having my dessert; some assorted fruits and salads. I planned to have them in the living area but I felt alone by its massive space. So I moved to my own master suite and placed the dessert plate on a small table just beside the sofa bed. I also turned on the TV just to create noise because I didn't want the room to be so quiet.
I was thinking about what Melissa might be doing now. Was she still in her secret chamber? Was she still looking at every report on her desk at this hour? Was she sleepy but restrained her eyes? She could just come and sleep here with me if she wanted to since her office was nearer than the big house. I was actually waiting for her, just in case she would show up. I knew it was impossible but again, who knew.
Walking to the kitchen, I cleaned up and hit the bed shortly after because I was really sleepy, feeling like I was done waiting for someone who wouldn't come.
I survived a day with Melissa, and more days to come.
The king bed was so comfy that I didn't realise how fast I dozed off. Or maybe it was because I was really tired from the long flight. I had my comfortable singlet on me that I always wore to sleep in my own bedroom, which was a perfect combination for how to fall asleep faster. A new place would feel much better when I acted like how I would if I was at my own home.
I was woken up by the sound of a thunder. Groaning, I turned my body to face the ceiling and I sighed when I finally realised it was raining. My hand reached to both sides of my temples, massaging them as I started to think about Melissa again. I would always do that whenever it rained. I didn't know how to describe it but rain brought a strange sadness to me.
It reminded me of someone who wasn't with me.
Then I heard something, sounding like a vibration against a table near me. I recognised that kind of sound. It was almost identical to a phone that was put on a vibrate mode. I knew it because Jisoo loved to use that for her phone.
The sound was clearly in this room, close to me to be exact. I had my phone under my pillow, thinking that there was no way it was mine. Then I noticed that the TV was silent. I left it on earlier because I didn't want to feel alone. Somebody must have switched it off when I already asleep I guessed.
I got up from my lying position, rubbing my eyes as I yawned. Letting out a sigh, I left the bed after taking my own time. It was a struggle for me ever since I was a teen. I just loved to sleep and hated to wake up early. I guessed everyone was like that too. Plus, I was really really sleepy at that time. I wouldn't get up if I wasn't that curious.
My steps were slow as they made their way to the source of the sound, hand trailing the bed. When I could no longer feel the mattress, I knew I was going towards the sofa bed at the right side of the room. I kept on following my ears as the vibration was getting louder.
I was right. The sound came from the small table where I had my dessert earlier. So I put my hands at front, walking carefully until my legs met that wooden furniture.
Stopping right away, I roamed my hands on the table surface until I touched a vibrating cell phone. Somebody was calling so many times, sounding like it wouldn't stop any time soon.
But that wasn't my concern. I began to worry to the smell of Melissa's perfume that triggered my sense. So I bent my knees until they met the floor, fingers trailing along the sofa bed frame until I felt a cold hand that was hanging out without energy it in.
My heart raced, pumping blood to my whole body with a great pressure since I knew it was her. It was Melissa who was sleeping on the sofa bed, in the same room as me. It was weird that I didn't even hear any noise she made earlier. I guessed I was in a deep sleep.
Being careful enough not to wake her, I touched Melissa arm that was hanging out. Her skin was so cold. I bet she was freezing because she didn't have any blanket with her. I trailed my hand up along hers until I reached her shoulder, and that was when I found out that she slept on the side of her body, shivering a little. She was definitely cold with the air conditioning and also the rain outside.
I wanted to wake her up, thinking maybe she wanted to sleep on the bed so she would be more comfortable. But I stopped my intention since I pitied her. She must be really tired and if she wanted to sleep on my bed together with me, she would have done that when she arrived. But she didn't.
Then I got up and returned to the bed, grasping the thick blanket. I pulled it with me as I walked back to Melissa. She could use a blanket at this time. I felt bad towards her that she was sleeping with coldness for God knew how long it had been.
I gently spread the blanket to the air, refusing to make any noise and it landed smoothly on her body. I fixed it a little bit to make sure it covered her entire legs.
I went back on the floor, bending my knees there at same spot where her hand hung out. I curled my fingers and released them back, repeating that gesture as it helped me to stay calm. She was there with me, sleeping peacefully. My chest was heavy again as I closed my eyes, only to open them back again for a couple of times.
Should I?
That was the question that lingered at the back of my head. This had happened before. Even though it was long time ago, it still happened and almost the same. Melissa was sleeping just right there. If I didn't kiss her 10 years ago, probably nothing would have happened now. It was my courage back then that led us both to this state, and I should try to finish it the way I wanted.
I presented my soul to God at that time. I didn't care of what would happen to me after this. I would just let the universe play its tricks on me like it usually did, because I was that powerless and blind. I went for a deep breath, exhaled it in one go and I took her hanging hand by her wrist.
Getting up, I pushed her hand and sneaked myself in. I placed my legs first, tangling them with Melissa's and I laid my head on her arm that was lying on the cushion. I looked for her other hand to wrap it around my waist later, and I snuggled into her.
I pushed myself forward, gripping by her waist with my left hand. I had her so tight in my arm that I didn't want to let go. Our skin touched as my forehead pressed against her chin. Keeping my eyes shut, I ignored all the possibilities that could happen since I wanted to hug her so bad.
Then I heard her whimper, probably waking up since her sleep got disturbed.
She exhaled loudly, shifting to adjust the position like how she was comfortable with. That was what I thought at first. But Melissa scooted to the back so I would have enough room since I was at the edge of the sofa bed. Her hand that was hung like it was lifeless earlier now wrapped itself around my shoulders, pulling me close and I moved to her at the same time.
It was strong. There was no softness in the way she pulled me, but that was okay. At least she didn't push me off or anything. She closed her arms until there was no enough room for my body to go, almost squeezing me into that tight space in between us. The strength she put on my body didn't feel like it would loose at any moment, making me wonder if she was okay.
Did you miss me that much, Lisa?
The tighter the space, the closer I got to everything that was on her. This was sort of like the first hug we had after 10 years of not meeting each other. She had grown so much, obviously, since her body felt different now. The frame had expanded along with her chest; so broad and leaned. Her arms felt different. They were stronger with bigger bones and tight muscles. Her waist was small, just enough for me to hug her just by one hand and it felt so right.
I memorised them all; every single curve of her to my familiarity. After all these years, I couldn't believe I just mapped her body features while she was half asleep. It was because I was sure that I wouldn't be able to do that while she was wide awake. Melissa didn't even hug me when we first met yesterday. So I was glad that I took this chance no matter what might happen next.
Her breathing quickened in merely seconds after she pulled me close. Her broad chest didn't help her at all since she sounded like all spaces in her were shrinking. And her heavy breath rushed out without a steady cadence at all.
"You didn't put the latch on," She mumbled in a croaky voice, pushing out warmed air through her mouth after battling with the cold temperature.
"I wanted you to come" I replied in whisper and she didn't say anything back.
She was being silent again and that was my mistake 10 years ago. I finally realised it at that time as she was hugging me, while both of us were in pain and not lost in happiness. A broken heart did teach me to feel things differently than a good one.
My wounded heart was what taught me to feel Melissa better.
Her silence was never silent. I used to be so close to her until I overlooked her feelings. She didn't say anything but she did talk to me. Her mouth was shut but she did scream. She was never weak but she did ask for help. It was me who couldn't hear her while I was the one who taught her to speak up.
Her sad soul screamed at me back then, just like how it was screaming at me now, but only after 10 long years, I finally could hear her. And I would continue to listen to her because I wasn't that 15 year old Roseanne anymore.
She did come at me at the locker as our body pressed together, almost as tight as now. She did stay quiet at that time, almost as quiet as now. But these gestures of hers were no longer confusing for me to understand like they were 10 years ago. I didn't get her back then, but now I did.
Her breathing was loud that I was sure if I put my hand on her chest, I could feel the thumping. She was getting desperate now as she began to tug at the hem of my singlet, clenching her hand into a fist. She was getting needy as her breath was interrupted for so many times already, and I stayed there, letting her to have me.
I heard you, Lisa.
I promised this time, I would let her to have me.
She started to make a move, lowering her head until her lips met my forehead. She stayed there as she inhaled my scent, allowing it to consume her. My eyes were tightly shut, feeling every touch she was making on me even though she did it with slight hesitation. But then she moved her lips off my skin, probably realising the poison she inhaled and knowing what it could do to her.
Lisa, it's okay.
She took seconds of her time, maybe still considering with her battling mind. Me on the other hand refused to initiate anything since I wanted her to make her own decision, undisturbed. She could take every second of my time too; collecting and making it a day, a week, a month, or even a year. I would still wait for her. When she thought she had made up her mind, Melissa went lower one more time, using her nose this time to sniff the whole scent of me directly into her, and I smiled.
She still took it in even though it consumed her. She still took it in even though it destroyed her. Her tight chest was moving heavy as her breath started to hitch, and that was when I moved my head away, stopping her from taking in the poison again and resting my cheek against her chest.
I was right.
Melissa pulled me by the waist, turning her body a little so swiftly as I positioned myself better. She put me in a tight embrace that was nearly impossible for me to free myself, and I didn't want to anyway.
She was showing the dominance she had over me, and I let her. She was stating how majestic she was on her own throne, and I declared her. She was exposing how intimidating she was, and I believed her. She was claiming how frightening she was, and I accepted her. She was telling how violent she was, and I loved her.
Thus, I still buried my face into her chest as she burst into tears.
Her strong arms were now weak. Her tight muscles were now loose. Her mighty embrace was now softened. But I kept the same energy as if she was still strong on me. I kept the same position as if she was still captivating me. And I kept being tender as if her embrace was still powerful.
I heard her sobs, along with the scream in her mind. Her hands were shaky, and her fingers were trembling as if they were on piano keys, playing the saddest song I ever heard in my whole life. Her heart-wrenching melody spread all over; in each and every string, creating the greatest melancholic tune to my ears.
And I was there, alone, witnessing the best orchestral performance that she was giving her whole heart out to. She didn't need a massive crowd to certify her, my tears and the claps of my hands would make enough noise for her to be proud of herself.
All she needed to do was to open her eyes while she was lost in the melody her fingers made and look at her only audience, who was sitting at the front row.
All she got to do was to smile and appreciate the only audience she had, who would keep coming to her empty show, looking at her with a set of blind eyes like she was the most beautiful, angelic person.
All she had to do was to walk to the centre of the stage, and take a bow to her only audience, who would keep admiring her like she was the greatest performer at all time.
And she finally did.
I pulled away gently, lifting my head up while my fingers began to touch her wet face and I brushed those tears off her skin, hoping that they would stop hurting her with the caress of my big love to her. Melissa didn't show any objection to my gesture. Instead, she brought her head down until the tip of our noses touched.
Her breathing was calmer as our breath clashed. I kept my hands there, holding her face softly like she was the most precious to me; my dearest Melissa. Her chest had slowly relaxed, which gave me another cue.
So I moved my head slightly while our noses nudged, hoping that she would hear me this time. She did.
Melissa tilted her head, going down in a slow, love parade and finally, she brought her lips to where they were longed for; mine.
There was a thump in the hole of my heart that had been empty for 10 years, like it started to get occupied again. There was nothing sexual around her lips, only a slow, burning longing and desires. Melissa had my lips in her mouth, kissing me so tenderly with the whole love she got to offer. She put the right amount of pressure on them; delicate yet strong enough to leave me breathless.
The stroke of her lips threw me back to the memories of 15 year old us, and I kissed her back the way I used to; no doubt, no fear, trapped in the slow roll of old films we kept in our chests. It felt like raining of sadness in the wetness we gave to each other's lips, watering our love back and growing under the sun as it shined, telling that we would make it bloom into a garden of flowers.
Her hand was stroking my back, moving so gentle like I was so vulnerable. As her touches worked like wonders, I started to believe again that no matter what, she was the only person who would do her very best to take care of me. As her kisses persuaded my broken feelings, I trusted her to be the only person who would give everything out, no matter how hard, how drenched tired, how painful, just to love me.
Melissa broke the kiss carefully, probably waiting to see if I was still tempted for more but I was paralysed. So she made soft moves, pecking my nose and going up to my forehead to give more sweet kisses on it. My lips that were meant for her to kiss, arched a smile that fluttered my own heart as I ran my hands down, holding around her neck and brushing her cold skin.
"Lisa?" I finally could make a sound.
"Roseanne..." Her breath brushed against my baby hair, sending warmth in that cold temperature we were both in.
"Could you please-" I stopped all of the sudden, rethinking whether I should ask. But she continued to stroke my back, making me brave enough. "Please kiss me to sleep?"
She was silent after that. I began to worry if I was being too much, too needy. But that was the truth about me. After 10 years without all of these, no one, not even Melissa had the right to say I couldn't be needy.
I would forever in need for her lips.
"Only if you can do something for me,"
She brought her hand to my cheek, brushing it softly with her thumb and trailing towards the frame of my lips.
"Tell me, Lisa" I said with my mouth that would only have her name to breathe with.
"Don't leave me again, Roseanne..."
My eyes almost watered when I could hear how broken she sounded like. At that point, I realised that she was just my Melissa, a sophisticated woman and feared by people who worked for her. Still, she was just a woman who got tamed in the hands of a blind lady she used to claim she loved so much. She was just a woman who got scared too; scared to be left.
Nodding, I assured her with my smile.
"Okay" I gave her my word right after as a sign that I agreed on it.
It was amended into my realisation how important that okay word to Melissa. She probably buried it deep inside her mind and her swollen heart. It was because she was willing to return the favour to me.
Then I felt her lips again, closing my sleepy eyes with the softness of her mouth in mine, and they drove me to the most satisfying sleep I had ever had.