Scarlett still isn't talking to me.
She's gone radio silent. Abandoned me with no sign of survival. Left the chat for no reason. To cut it short, I'm lonely, very lonely. That's how I find myself back at Gabe's house again Sunday afternoon, the silence is eating at me.
I'm a people person and Scarlett and Sage are my gateway into our entire friend group. James is usually preoccupied with Stella, although he should be here today, and ever since my conversation with Ella, I've been avoiding her like the plague.
Very mature.
Plopping myself on Gabe's bed, I eat a slice of pizza as I wait for him to come back. James enters the room, bottles of soda in hand. Nodding hello, I take one and start to drink it. Something I regret seconds later when Zev walks through the door.
Automatically soda goes through my nose as I choke on the bubbles. What the hell is he doing here?
"Dude, you okay?" He asks, handing me a napkin.
Eyeing him, I snag it from his hand. "Yeah, dude, I'm fine." But I was doing a lot better before you walked into the room.
I watch him take a seat on the edge of the bed, fighting the urge to kick him onto the floor. That would be petty. As Gabe comes back, I shake my head. How long do I have to stay until it's socially acceptable to leave?
Thirty minutes later I'm about to just get up and leave. It doesn't matter what I do, Zev has to make a comment. I lose a game, he tells me it's no big deal. I win a game he's the first to congratulate me. I can't handle it.
Gabe seems to read my annoyance, finally pausing the game before I strangle his best friend with the controller cord. "So, James, how's Stella?"
He shrugs, that stupid grin appearing on his face. "Good, it's weird to feel like a person with valid opinions."
I snort at his sarcasm as I tear into a piece of pizza, relationships are the last thing I want to talk about. Zev seems a little too happy to be on this topic of conversation.
"So, you've already found out if you're... compatible?" Zev asks.
We all share a look before James laughs, "You want to know if I'm sleeping with her yet?"
"Well, yeah, but you're a more emotional dude." He says, "I didn't want to upset you."
James stops laughing, "No, what's wrong with you? It's only been two weeks. I know you idiots are foreign to real relationships but good ones don't work like that." He slaps Zev upside the head.
"I'd just be curious to know who's better." He says, rubbing the side of his face.
Why are we talking about this? I have to look Stella in the eyes tomorrow and she scares me too much to be listening to this.
"First of all, I wouldn't answer that question even if we had slept together so stop being weird. Secondly, Avery and I only did it a couple times so it's not like I'm super hung up on her."
Gabe coughs, pounding on his chest. "You only slept with Avery a few times?" James nods his head, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"We didn't like each other. We both knew that months, maybe even over a year ago." He clarifies.
That's so much wasted time on someone. Imagine all the gifts he bought her. The money he spent on food and time spent listening to her bitch.
"But you guys dated for almost four years." Gabe mumbles out in complete disbelief.
I must agree that it sounds crazy and painful.
"Don't remind me." He spits out.
Zev nods his head, but Gabe starts to connect the dots. "So that means Stella's slept with more people than you have?"
James punches him in the gut, "Thanks, I totally haven't been replaying that thought in my mind."
Wait a second, are we talking about the same Stella? "Stella's not a virgin?"
All three guys share a look before dying with laughter. "Hell no, for a second there she was the female version of Gabe." James explains casually.
I sit there, completely shocked. I guess it's a good thing he's not hung up about it, but I did not picture her as someone with that skill set. Especially with her mother there to kill anyone who looks at her the wrong way. "Damn, I did not see that coming."
"What were you thinking?" Gabe asks, drying a tear.
"I don't know, I just assumed Ella was the only one who partook in those activities." That's what I get for using my head.
"Ashton, Ella's the only one in that trio who hasn't done anything." He clarifies between laughs, overly amused by how wrong I was.
I let his words sink in, the more I think about it, that more I wonder how I ever thought Sage and Ella would be the ones. They're still stuck in whatever limbo they're in and that seems to consume the majority of their time.
I go for another sip of drink when the final pieces finally click in my mind. "Wait a second, so you mean... Scarlett's not a... she's done the..."
It's a struggle to string a sentence together, confused by how to react. She had told that story and I assumed that was it, she didn't want to have sex yet.
"Scarlett's had sex before." Gabe tells me, like he's guiding a lost puppy.
"But Bennett was an asshole." I state, that's the only possible option.
Gabe snorts, "He is, and she regrets it so what you just learned doesn't leave this room but wipe the dumbfounded look off your face. She's a human being, she was allowed to make that decision, even if it was poorly made."
Shutting my mouth, I try to calm my thoughts down. I don't even know why I'm bothered; I've slept with more people than I care to remember. But he's hurt her so many times and that's something she'll have to carry for the rest of her life. Life really sucks sometimes, so many other people would've been a better option. And not only that but he then decided that it was just something he could demand whenever.
God, I really hate people sometimes.
Just as I think I'm no longer wanting to punch a certain scumbag, Zev clears his throat. "So, about Scarlett..."
Someone shoot me now; I won't make it through this conversation without making an ass out of myself. Fighting a groan, I lean against the wall, don't say it.
"I'm thinking about asking her out." He finishes.
Reaching for another slice of pizza, I'm pissed to discover there's no more left. "You think or you are?" I demand, damnit, someone shove a sock in my mouth.
He looks me dead in the eye, a small grin on his face. "I am, tomorrow morning before school starts, I'm going to ask her to get coffee."
That's such a generic idea but she loves coffee, way too much to be healthy. "You think she's going to say yes?" Because I don't.
He tilts his head to the side, enjoying this way too much. "Yeah, I think she will. I've known her for years. Plus, I think we'd be a good paring."
Bullshit.
Gabe spits his soda out, James looks at me in complete shock. I just said that out loud, this is why I should've left when I had the chance. Well, there goes my new friends.
"What makes you say that?" Zev pushes, seemingly unbothered by my outburst.
Clamping my mouth shut, I try to find the nicest words possible. "You're a womanizer, literally it's all you're known for. So why in your right mind would you suddenly decide you want to actually date someone, let alone Scarlett?"
He's Gabe's best friend for a reason and it's not because he's good at UNO, let's not beat around the bush.
"You don't believe people can change, decide to follow a new path?" He asks.
I snort, he wants to ask me about following a new path. Buddy, I'm the Hansel to your Gretel. "You don't make that decision over night and if you really meant it then you wouldn't be so eager to try a relationship out."
I want to leave the conversation there, but Zev just doesn't give up. "What makes you so sure?"
"Because I was just like you and I'm terrified to be in a relationship because I'm afraid I'll mess it up!" I shout, finally having enough of his constant pushing. Doesn't he ever know when to shut up? "You don't suddenly decide to ask someone out and expect the best. No, you freak out, convince yourself you'll mess it up, and then decide to do nothing so you don't hurt the other person. That's why I call bullshit."
"So what you're telling me is that you have feelings for someone?" He asks, not even acknowledging my entire rant.
"Yes, I do, and you're kinda about to ruin whatever small chance I have!" The words jump from my mouth before I can stop them. "No, wait, I didn't mean that."
It's too late for me to try and correct myself, the damage has been done. Grabbing the nearest pillow, I cover my face. Ashton, this is why you need to learn self-control. You wouldn't be three seconds away from freaking out if you had just kept your mouth shut. But nope, you had to speak.
Pathetic.
Counting to five I face the three idiots that are surly staring at me, fighting back a groan I ignore their eyes. Yup, I called it. "I think I'm going to leave now."
Reaching for my keys, Gabe shoves me back onto the bed. "Hell no, you don't get to say something like that then just leave."
"Do you have any idea how much planning went into this?" Zev asks, relaxing on a pillow.
I'm sorry, come again. "Planning. You played me?" Again.
The three guys share a look, silently debating before Gabe shrugs his shoulders. "Of course, you're difficult to break my friend and I was getting tired of the denial."
It takes a second to pick my jaw up off the ground. "So you baited me to see if I was jealous. Then you baited me into getting a confession out of me just so you could be happy?" I recall everything they've done.
"Basically."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I demand, seriously reconsidering why I'm friends with them.
"Nothing, we just wanted to move things along and Zev was the way to do it." Gabe explains.
"Why?" They make no sense.
"Because Gabe already told you he didn't like her, and James is dating her best friend so that just left me. Plus, Gabe sorta said he'd already been punched by you, so it was my turn to take the risk." Zev says.
Okay, I wouldn't have punched him. Well, I mean, if he had kept running his mouth maybe but– damn, I might've. "So you don't want to ask Scarlett out?"
Way to keep my priorities straight.
"No, not at all." He says before hurrying to explain why. "I like Scarlett, she's nice and funny. We could be good friends but I'm rather fond of the single life."
It suddenly gets a lot easier to breath, so I don't have to worry about anything just yet.
"The question is, now that you've admitted it, what are you going to do about it?" Gabe asks.
"Absolutely nothing." I say glumly. I'm a big, feathery chicken.
"What the hell are you smoking?" Gabe demands, shoving Zev out of the way to fully face me.
Does he need me to paint him a picture, I'm not asking her out? "Nothing, we're friends and that's more than enough."
Zev nods his head understandingly, but James and Gabe look like they want to throttle me. "You don't understand how she works, do you?"
Like every other human being. She eats, breathes oxygen, and sleeps. Holding my sarcasm inside, I remain silent.
"She likes you." James says.
I snort, this isn't about to become a trust me, bro, it's true, type of conversation.
"Listen, because I'm only gonna say this once." Gabe tells me. "Scarlett likes you. Scarlett wouldn't talk to you every day if she didn't like you."
"She isn't even-"
"Right now doesn't count, Thursday night was rough so she needs space. Learn that she needs it and she doesn't give warning before she takes it. She talks to you during class, between breaks, you sit with her at lunch, and hang out with her all the time. She likes you." He explains.
"Those all point to friendship." I argue but deep down, I know she doesn't do those things with most people. She won't even talk to Ella and Stella while the teacher is talking but she never ignores me, unless I've pissed her off.
"Scarlett wouldn't have kissed you if she thought you were just a friend, so stop trying to ignore it." He says seriously.
Apparently James and Zev didn't know about the kiss because they're eyes bulge out of their heads. "Stella and I are so going to have a talk later." He mumbles.
"She admitted it was something she did on impulse and apologized for it." I try to fight him. Why can't I let myself hold onto the thought without completely ruining it?
"Bullshit, and you know it. Scarlett over thinks every decision of her life so don't use that card with me. If you want to keep playing the denial game, that's fine, but you don't have the right to get jealous every time someone else shows an interest." Gabe states, challenging me.
This is my choice. Listen to my brain and sit on the sidelines, accept that all I want is friendship. Or I can listen to that small part of me that never stops smiling when I'm around her. Jealousy is toxic and it's already caused so many problems with her, I didn't talk to her for almost a week because... because I have... feelings.
Taking a second to make sure I haven't been drugged, I nod my head, "So what do I do?"
"You ask her out, idiot." James says.
*****
"McClain, you were supposed to be the lookout." A voice shouts, footsteps echoing down the alleyway.
"I was." I feel myself protest, bowing my chest up to prove myself to the guy running towards me. Fifteen year old Ashton just had to run with the big dogs.
Why does this feel so familiar? I've lived this before, I realize as Chase's hooded face towers over me, blood dripping from his nose. "And that's the problem, you suck."
Before I can react, knowing what's going to happen, a fist flies at my face. I wake up, just as the pain settles in my mind.
It was a dream. A horrible, miserable dream that I've spent the last two nights trying to run from.
Taking shallow gasps of air, I try to ground myself in my room, lacking anything to focus on besides the gray paint. Wiping sweat off my brow, I'm disgusted to discover my entire bed drenched from my body.
I'm okay, I repeat that phrase in my mind, slowly losing confidence the more I repeat it. Of course, now is the time they choose to reappear.
The peace was nice while it lasted, I decide as I lay back down on my sweaty pillow.
*****
Another chapter to make up for being MIA. The Fiction awards nominations close tomorrow so if you haven't, and a special thank you to everyone who have, please do so!
LIC is about to hit 3million so to celebrate I'm currently working on a bonus chapter that might just melt your heart. But thank you guys for everything!!
Lots of love- Mo