I've always loved the quiet. The silence that comes with it provides me great comfort. No matter what I was going through, I could always find sanity in hearing nothing. One of the few perks of growing up in a household where it was just my mother and I for years was that there was rarely any noise traveling down the halls. It had always been just us. It'd never get too loud, it never needed too and we never wanted it too.
But as I walk down the narrow hallway that's always separated my doorway from hers, I can't help but yearn for noise. Any sound that can serve as a sign that she's here and that she's okay.
It's just too quiet in the house. It might have always been this way, due to our always silent neighborhood and neither of us ever having guests over for too long, but there's something different about right now. There's something off about the silence in our home.
I turn around without continuing to her room to check if she's in there. The sick feeling in my stomach tells me that she's not. It screams at me that she's downstairs, and that I shouldn't go looking for her.
I don't listen to the feeling. I instead take off down the small hallway, running down the stairs. No matter how fast I feel my legs pushing me down each step, the stairway seems never ending. As if I'm not really going anywhere. As if I'm never going to get to her in time.
"Zaylee!"
All I hear is a voice screaming for me, and that voice somehow pushes me to go faster. I'm down the rest of the stairs in an instant, ending up in the kitchen, never stepping foot into the living room that the stairway should have led me too. It's as if something's taken over me—something that knows where I need to be right now is in this kitchen.
"Oh, Zaylee. How I have missed you."
It's the same voice speaking, and now that I'm closer, I know right away that it's not my mother's. Now that I think back, it was never my mother.
It wasn't her voice I heard screaming my name. It wasn't her that I had been looking for.
My fists clench with the realization that it had always been him. Anger courses through my body because everything always relates back to this monster.
I turn to the source of the voice, immediately looking into dark, forest green eyes. And when I see the look in his eyes, the look of pure determination, my fists unclench.
It's as if someone's dumped cold water over my entire body. The anger that was consuming me and the willpower I had to come down the stairs vanishes completely.
All I'm left feeling is fear. Absolute terror.
Because I am terrified of the monster with dark green eyes. I'd be stupid and naive to not fear him.
As the fear completely takes over my body, I decide that running away is my best option. Turning away from the monster and heading for the front door seems like the logical option... but my body doesn't agree with me.
The moment I turn and take all of three steps, I stop moving. My mind yells at me to keep going, telling me over and over again that if I don't move, it's all over. But no matter how desperately my mind wants me to go, my body won't allow it.
It then dawns on my mind why my body won't move. I realize why I completely skipped the living room once I came down the stairs.
Subconsciously, I knew where they'd each be. He would be here, and she would be there. And I chose to feel this fear over the other thousands of emotions I would feel if I saw her.
"Don't go."
That voice breaks me out of the darker places my mind was ready to travel too. It's closer now, and though I feel weaker than I ever have in my whole entire life, I still choose to turn around and meet his eyes again.
He advances closer and I try to scream. I open my mouth and scream as loud as I can for him to stop. I scream for help, for Ryder, for it all to end.
But no matter how loud I scream, no sounds come out. I can no longer hear his footfall as he makes his way closer to me. His mouth is moving but no words come out.
It's completely silent.
He keeps coming closer as tears stream down my face pathetically. He's saying what he believes to be comforting words to me and I'm screaming hopelessly for it all to just end... but there's still no sound.
As he reaches me and puts us within touching distance, I finally get my wish, and it ends.
My upper body jumps up from the bed at the same time my arms throw the blanket off of me. My neck and chest are soaked with sweat, and my breathing is coming out so harshly that someone would think I just came back from a run. I look around the room and take in my surroundings, and once I come to the conclusion that I'm in the Knight's house, my chest feels less tight.
"Breathe, Zaylee," I say to myself, lowly. "Just breathe."
After inhaling and exhaling a couple of times, I check the clock on my nightstand and see that it's already 6:28 a.m.
As if on cue, there's a gentle knock coming from the door that separates my room from the bathroom.
"Zay, are you up?" Hearing Ryder's voice calms my heart rate down. Though I knew right away when I opened my eyes that I'm not in my old house anymore, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was still in danger. Knowing that Ryder's here, and that he's okay, does wonders for the anxiety I feel slowly creeping up on me.
I don't answer right away. Ryder has assumed for months now that I don't wake up until seven, and though he'd always disapprove of me getting up only thirty minutes before we leave for school and therefore missing breakfast, he never once tried to get me up earlier. His willingness to let me do whatever I want has saved me from dealing with the argument we'd have over my sleeping issue returning.
The blanket I tossed earlier is thrown on the floor carelessly, and I notice that there's some pillows scattered around it, indicating that I was tossing and turning for a bit before finally waking up. With the nightmare I just had, it doesn't shock me at all.
I gather my things from the floor and place them onto my bed, then grab my towel. I showered before I went to sleep—like I usually do, as I'd always hope I could use those few extra minutes in the morning to instead cover up the dark circles on my eyes from not sleeping—but today, I need to shower before leaving.
Between the sweat on my body that's making my shirt disgustingly cling to me and the slight shake my hands are having since opening my eyes, I'm hoping the cold water will help.
I knock on the bathroom door, not wanting to open it and barge in on Ryder if he's still doing his morning routine in there.
The door opens to the reveal the boy's baby face to me, and seeing his clear, blue eyes brings a warm feeling to my chest.
"You're okay?" His voice comes out softly, almost like a whisper, as if we're back to being little kids sharing secrets on the swing set at Noxwood Park.
Nostalgia hits me as I think of those days when we'd be able to do that. When that park was a second home to me, and when my first home was a safe haven—nothing like how it was portrayed in my dream.
But his question does catch me off guard, and for a brief second I'm nervous he heard me yelling in my sleep. "Um, yeah," I reply, showing confusion on my face, hoping it masks the worry. "Why wouldn't I be?"
He eyes me curiously for a moment. I must pass whatever test he's mentally giving me, because with a slight nod of his head, he says, "Just find it weird that you're up this early."
We share a brief laugh over that, mine coming out much more forced due to the tension I'm still feeling. I'm better from the nightmare, but now I just want to forget it.
"Okay... so get out. I'm gonna shower," I say while pushing him towards his room.
"Shower?" He questions me, and I nod my head, shoving my towel in front of his eyes to emphasis my answer. "Just be quick. We're leaving in thirty five minutes, Zay."
"Alright, dad. I'll be much quicker if you'd just get the hell out of here."
He doesn't say anything else, and neither do I. I'm left alone to take my shower, with nothing but the running water and silence surrounding me.
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My first few classes are boring and feel dragged out, but I welcome the notion of nothing happening, relishing in the feeling of being a regular student, bored in class.
After waking up and finally calming down, the day has been, thankfully, uneventful. There were a few sly comments from Karina, and a few lingering stares from my judgmental classmates, but nothing out of the ordinary.
I wish they'd all just leave me alone, but today, I'm almost grateful for it. It's never quiet when I'm around, and everything has stood the same way it's always been for the past three years. It's a routine I've been stuck in, and though it can get annoying and make me sick, it's kept me in check and left me sane for the most part.
"So I told her, babe, if you really want me to wear that ugly ass red sweater, then you have to stop getting on my case about football practice. And you wanna know what she said?" Freddy's voice carries across our table with ease as he recalls his latest girlfriend horror story to Erick, who's just sat down.
Ryder and I already had the displeasure of hearing this one, and no surprise there, it ends with him agreeing to wear the red sweater and to miss today's practice. He tries to make it seem like he's the one who really won the little argument, not his older girlfriend Jenna, but we all know he caved because she forced him too, not because he wanted too. Erick emphasizes this by making a whip motion with his hands, Ryder making the loud noise as he does so. The three guys laugh as I smile, opting to remain as quiet as possible, like usual.
Their laughter dies down as someone joins us at our lunch table. This is something we find odd as, though it's a large enough table to fit at least twelve, it's only ever been us four sitting here.
I turn my head to my right and see that it's Aliya, the girl from my AP Literature class.
"Um, hello?" Erick says with a questioning tone, glancing from Aliya to Freddy and Ryder, as if they'll have the answer to his unasked question. Why is she here?
"Hi, I'm Aliya. Zaylee's friend," Aliya says.
The three boys look even more confused now, and I'm sad to say that I'm feeling just as confused as them. Zaylee's friend? I don't have any friends.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, thrown off by her enormous smile.
"This is my first full day here, meaning it's my first time in this cafeteria... was I supposed to sit in the bathroom stall eating my sandwich alone, like a loser?" She questions, looking at all of our faces as she speaks.
"Uh, no. You didn't have to do that. What I wanna know is, why'd you choose to sit here?" I clarify my previous question to her. There are a thousand other tables around us, and although I barely know the girl, I can tell she'd be able to sit anywhere and keep up a conversation with whoever she speaks too.
She lightly laughs, tosses her hair over her shoulder, and begins unwrapping her sandwich. "Because you're sitting here, and you're my friend."
Freddy interjects at this point. "Yeah, you keep saying that. Since when were you friends with Zaylee? I'm Freddy by the way, pleasure to meet you."
Aliya shakes the hand he extends towards her, and returns his flirty smile with one of her own. "Pleasure to meet you, too." They slowly release hands as I narrow my eyes at Freddy, who's obviously forgotten all about Jenna.
"And to answer your question, Dee... can I call you Dee?" He nods his head eagerly at the nickname for a nickname he already has, and she smiles at him once again before saying, "We've been friends since yesterday. I went to maybe three classes and I hated everybody in them. Oh my goodness, are the people at this school over dramatic or what? Constantly questioning me just because I'm the new girl."
Aliya shakes her head, takes a bite of her sandwich, and swallows it down before continuing talking. And in that time no one said a word. Freddy is completely entranced by the girl, while Erick, Ryder, and I are curious as to why she'd sit here after knowing who I am.
"Everyone was just on my ass, either directly asking me or asking each other super loudly. But once I finally found my AP Lit class, which took forever because this cheap school has no working elevators and eight fucking floors, I got partnered up with Zaylee. And she was the first non-annoying person I've talked to since I got here. You're really chill, Lee. Can I call you Lee?"
"Only if I can call you Lee, too."
She takes a moment to think it over, and once she realizes we both have the Lee sound in our names, she laughs. "Oh damn, would you look at that. We're both Lee. That's it, it's meant to be. You are officially my friend. I was gonna let you back out, as I saw it all over your face when I sat down that you really don't wanna be my friend, but now you have to."
"Wait, wait, wait. You do know that this is Zaylee Zervos you're saying all of this too, right?" Erick cuts in, panic written all over his face.
"Yes, I am aware of Lee's government name. But I don't know yours, or why you look worried as hell right now..." Aliya trails off, narrowing her eyes at Erick.
"This is Erick. Call him Rick, it annoys him." Freddy leans his arms onto the table, pulling himself closer to Aliya as he says in a stage whisper, "Excuse his mouth. It's obviously been awhile since he's tried talking to a pretty girl. He's usually only seventy-five percent annoying, not ninety."
Ryder snorts at Freddy's comment, before asking, "Weren't you supposed to call Jenna ten minutes ago?"
"Ah, fuck," Freddy curses, moving away from Aliya and checking his phone. I can see the three missed calls from the college freshman from where I'm sitting. "I'll be right back."
As Freddy moves away from the table and brings his phone up to his ear, Erick yells out, "No you won't! You know you're in trouble!"
Freddy flips him the bird before disappearing from the cafeteria.
"So, Dee has a girlfriend, Rick has no game, Lee's still deciding if she wants to be my friend... what about you?" Aliya directs her gaze to Ryder as she finishes talking. A sly grin overtakes her face as she shifts her body forward to get a clearer view of him.
Ryder shifts his own body forward, to be able to see Aliya from around me, and says jokingly, "I'm Ryder, Zaylee's best friend, so don't try fighting me for the title."
"You mean Zaylee's only friend," Erick corrects him, and though the comment annoys me, I can't discredit it. He's right.
Ryder sends a glare Erick's way, resulting in him raising his hands in the air and shrugging, before sending a sympathetic smile my way. "I'm sorry, but it's true," he says to me, then turns to Aliya. "You should know that. I'm sure you've heard all about her and can tell why he's her only friend."
"Enough," Ryder says harshly to Erick, and before anyone can say anything else, the bell rings, ending lunch and our awkward conversation.
"C'mon," Ryder mutters to me, already grabbing our bags and heading towards the exit.
I look in Aliya's direction one last time and catch the curious look she's giving me, but I don't look long enough to tell what she's thinking. I quickly follow after Ryder, the only person that I have, a fact that everyone—including myself—loves to remind me of.
═══════════════════════
Free periods is something that's always been around at Noxwood High. It's the school's way of giving students extra time to focus on their studies. It was a time I used to use to get extra help and bring up my grades. Usually seniors are given a free during their last class, allowing us to leave the building an hour earlier than the rest of the students.
Ironically, I'm one of the few seniors who has a free before their last class. It's no surprise that I can never be included in something as normal as getting out of school earlier. But it's not set up this way because someone went out of their way to leave me out, again. It's because of the AP classes I chose to take. The only time Mr. Richardson wanted to teach the class was at the end of the day, so me and some other seniors got screwed over.
Aliya happens to be one of those seniors. I had almost forgotten all about her and the way she invited herself to our lunch table, and basically told me we had to be friends. But it's as if she has a way of just barging into everything, as the second I found peace during my free and stopped letting my mind focus on what happened at lunch, she called out for me.
"Lee, oh my gosh, you have a free period right now, too?" After I had acknowledged her with a nod, she had continued to babble on about how frees worked back at her old school, prompting me to want to ask why she moved here before realizing that I could barely get a word in with all of her rambling.
"I just wish we could leave, leave, you know? I heard from other students that we can technically leave the premises, but we only have, like, forty-five minutes? How are we supposed to go do anything with that little time? But, whatever, at least it gives us time to hang out. I love this little place you sit at, by the way. In a nice corner by the stairs, on the window ledge. It's real cozy."
I finally take the opening she gives me to speak, as she remains quiet for a few seconds taking in our surroundings. "Yup. I've been sitting here since my sophomore year. It's my quiet place, my time to finally be alone."
I can tell by the way she averts her gaze to me sharply that she doesn't miss my hidden message. Leave me the fuck alone, is what I basically said. And with the look she's giving me, I can tell that she's saying, not a chance in Hell.
"Lee, how many times do I have to say this? You are my friend. I am forcing you to be. I literally cannot stand anyone else," she says, exasperated.
"Aliya, look..." I begin saying, before I'm abruptly cut off.
"It's Lee, now! Come on, it's gonna be our cute, little nickname thing. Everyone will be so jealous of our friendship."
The innocent smile on her face tells me that she truly believes this. It causes me to release a humorless laugh. "I promise you, no one will ever envy this friendship."
She places her hand over her heart. "Aw, you said this friendship. You're accepting it."
I roll my eyes and sigh. "Honestly, it's your demise that you're walking into. You said it yourself, the people here are over dramatic. They all hate me and will make your life miserable if they think we're friends."
Aliya nonchalantly shrugs her shoulders. "What, are they going to whisper about me when I pass them in the halls? Maybe work up enough courage one day to say something to my face? Lee, I don't care about what they'll say, or what they've been saying about you. I know what it's like to be the odd one out. People create their own realities in their heads, and once they do that, there's no stopping them. I barely listen to what they say because it doesn't matter to me. I hate people who judge others and make them feel like shit. I'm not going to be fake and pretend to be their friends. I'd much rather be a social piranha with you."
"Well, that makes you an idiot, especially in their eyes," I say, though I can't stop the smile that comes to my face when her words sink in. Does she really not care?
"If that's the biggest insult that these people will throw my way, then bring it the fuck on." She moves her head side to side as she says it, purposely making her ponytail sway, both of us laughing at the action.
That's how we spend the rest of our free period together. Laughing at the supposed insults the students of Noxwood High could throw at her. We walk to our last class together, not letting our conversation or laughter die down as people watch us enter the room and take our seats. AP Literature goes by in the same fashion. We discuss Hamlet, share our thoughts on the small reading assignment Mr. Richardson hands out, and exchange numbers at the end of class. When the final bell rings, we all but jump up out of our seats and head towards the front entrance parking lot.
"Damn it. I just remembered my brother's picking me up," Aliya announces, slightly rolling her eyes. "I love him and all, but I can't wait to get my car back from the shop. I don't like going according to someone else's schedule."
I nod my head, agreeing with her. I love Ryder, but I can sometimes get agitated with having to go according to his schedule. But after all that he and his family have done for me, it'd be selfish and impolite of me to complain about our arrangement and ask for my own car.
We continue our walk into the parking lot. I'm ready to say goodbye to Aliya, as she's walking further down to where I assume her brother told her to meet him, and Ryder's car is parked on the other side of the lot, but I'm stopped in my tracks when she grabs my arm, points in front of us, and says, "There's the jackass now, smoking of course."
The disapproval is clear in her voice. I follow her line of sight to the man standing by a black sports car, leaning against the passengers side with a cigarette in hand. The first thought that comes to my mind is beautiful. The second is dark.
His hair is blacker than the sky at night, but looks like it is as soft as cotton. His jawline is sharp, made more prominent by the scowl on his face as he takes one last pull from the cigarette. As he discards it to the ground, I allow my eyes to travel down his body. He's dressed in mostly all back, with the only colorful thing on him being the red flannel he has on over his black under shirt. The flannel is unbuttoned and the sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and my eyesight becomes stuck there for a minute. It's not the veins in his arms that catch my attention, it's the fact that his right arm is covered in tattoos while his left appears to have none.
Aliya pulls me along with her until we're standing a few feet away from her brother. She dramatically waves her free arm around, pushing away any traces of smoke.
"Really, Zane?" She coughs for more affect.
He acknowledges her with a quick look before turning his gaze to me. From this close, I can see how incredibly long his eyelashes are and how full his lips seem to be, but his sharp jawline and scar along his right cheekbone make him look rugged.
I can feel his eyes trailing over me, from head to toe. Though I'm used to people looking at me and being scrutinized, I can't help but feel nervous under his eyes. When he's done looking me over, he makes eye contact, and I can't help but admire the extremely light brown eyes he has. They almost look yellow.
"You were later than you said you'd be. I needed to do something to occupy my time," he finally responds back to her after removing his eyes from me. His voice is deep and low as he slowly speaks, not in a rush to get the words out. He takes his time, unlike his sister.
"By like two minutes, brother," she spits out.
He simply shrugs his shoulders and begins moving towards the driver's side of his car.
"Um, hello, don't be rude, Zane," Aliya calls out to him, making him turn around to face us again. "This is my friend, Zaylee. Zaylee, this is my brother, Zane."
I'm ready to say hello to him, but before I can get the words out, he asks, "Zaylee Zervos?"
Why am I not surprised that he already knows my full name and what he's assuming is my full story? I can tell by the new look on his face. Before, there was just disinterest there. He wanted to pick his sister up and head home. Now, there's actually emotion, and not the good kind.
"This is who you've decided to be friends with, Aliya?" It comes out more like a statement than a question, and with the tone he's using, it's sounding more like he's her father than her brother.
"Zane..." Aliya trails off, tone sounding defeated.
"We're leaving. Say bye," is all he replies, continuing his previous action of getting into the driver's seat.
Aliya squeezes my arm gently, having never let go of it throughout the brief exchange. "Sorry, that was so not the way someone should react when meeting someone," she mutters lowly before releasing me.
I shake my head and manage a smile. "Don't sweat it. That's a normal reaction around here. You're the weird one."
I'm hoping my smile and tone lightens the mood, and it kind of does when she laughs and agrees that she's weird. But as she gets in the car, I can see sympathy forming in her eyes. And that pisses me off.
She was the one person, besides Ryder, that hadn't ever looked at me like that. She was going to be the friend I finally made after everything.
But her brother ruined it. I regret calling him beautiful and dark. He's just dark.
I hope I never have to see him again.
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After getting home, eating Ryder's mother's amazing dinner, and finishing up some homework, I take my second shower for the day. When I make my way out of the bathroom and into my room, I find Ryder laying on my bed.
"You lost, Rybread?" I ask while trying to dry my wet hair with my towel.
He stays quiet, causing me to turn around to face him and check if he's asleep. His eyes are wide open, staring up at the ceiling.
"Ryder?" I question, worry filling me as I move closer to the bed.
He shifts his eyes to me, taking in the worried look on my face. He opens his mouth as if he's about to say something, but closes it a second later, diverting his gaze to the ceiling again.
"Spit it out, jackass. You're scaring me," I tell him as I take a seat next to him on my bed, reaching out to shake his arm.
He shakes his head and laughs, causing me to grab my pillow and begin hitting him with it.
"What?" He questions, laughing through my assault.
"Don't what me, Ryder! You freaked me out. What did you want to say?" I'm trying to come off as annoyed with him, but the smile won't drop from my face as he continues trying to dodge my pillow attacks.
He grabs the pillow and smiles up at me, hair slightly ruffled. There's a lazy smile on his face, he looks so relaxed just laying there. He looks similar to when he was just a little boy—the same little boy I met and befriended way before I could even form coherent sentences.
"I want you to be happy."
"That's what you wanted to tell me?" I roll my eyes and whack him once more with the pillow, before laying down next to him, resting my head on his shoulder.
"It's what I wanted to remind you of."
I already know he wants me happy. I want him happy, too.
He takes a moment to think, before continuing speaking. "You shouldn't push that girl away. I know Freddy and Erick gave you, and her, a hard time at lunch because of it... but they're wrong. I don't have to be your only friend. I shouldn't be your only friend. I can see you and her getting along great. She's kind of like you, just in a more talkative way."
He ends his rant with a laugh, probably thinking back to how long Aliya was able to babble for at lunch. His laughter and my response is cut short by my phone vibrating on the nightstand next to my bed. I reach over for it.
Unknown Number: hey lee. it's lee. just making sure you gave me the right number, bitch.
Unknown Number: omg if you didn't and this isn't lee, then sorry for the misunderstanding & profanity.
Unknown Number: but seriously, if this is you, let a bitch know so i can save it.
Unknown Number: save my number too. don't be rude and ignore me, it's not a good look.
I laugh to myself at how she even rambles on in text messages, and I can feel Ryder looking down at the messages and laughing slightly, too.
With a shake of my head and smile still on my face, I save her number under the ridiculous nickname Lee, and type back, of course i gave the right number, i'd never hear the end of it if i didn't.
Lee: damn right you wouldn't.
As I begin typing another response, Ryder gets up from the bed.
"You're going to sleep, Rybread?" I ask, setting my phone to the side.
"Yeah, it's already past my bedtime. Some of us get up before seven so they can start the day right with a run and breakfast," he says, grinning at me while making his way to the bathroom that's connected to our rooms.
"Mm," I reply, "those types of people are rare creatures I will never understand, my friend."
Once Ryder's left the room and closed the door behind him, I hear my phone begin to vibrate. I look to it, ready to answer, believing it's Aliya calling because I've taken too long to reply. But as I reach for the phone, the contact name throws me off.
Adam Torres
I'm not sure if answering is the smartest thing to do, but Adam hasn't called my phone in years. Curiosity is getting the best of me, and I hit accept before I can think it over any further.
"Hello?" I say into the phone, but I'm met with nothing.
"Hello? Adam?" I say again.
No one responds. It's silent on the other side before the call is ended.
"What the hell?" I wonder out loud, staring down at my phone in confusion.
I'm left staring at my messages with Aliya, my unfinished reply still waiting to be sent. I'm about to continue my response before my phone starts ringing again. And it's Adam's caller ID, again.
"Adam, what the hell is going on?" I choose to say this time when I answer, throwing polite greetings out the window.
But all I'm greeted with is silence, again.
This time, I'm the one who ends the call. I look around my room before telling myself that I need to calm down. It's probably just a stupid prank Karina or Gregory are having him play on me. They've probably figured out that he has my number and are taking advantage of this new way they can bother me.
My phone vibrates again, another call from Adam. This time I don't answer.
Everything is silent in my room, except for the buzzing noise my phone makes. When the sound dies down, I'm left only hearing my breathing that's picked up since the second call.
A brief thought crosses my mind in this moment: what if it's him? What if he stole Adam's phone, what if he stole my phone and saved his number under Adam's name, what if, what if, what if...
The different possibilities run through my head, and I have to close my eyes and rub my temples to stop them. To just stop thinking for a second. To bring myself back to reality. To stop going to that dark place.
Because they're all impossible. My nightmare last night was just that: a nightmare.
He's gone and won't be coming back.
I don't know why Adam's calling or why he won't talk when I answer. All I know is that it's not him on the other end of the line.
And that thought alone is what helps me ignore the phone calls and lay in bed, attempting to fall asleep, though I know it's a lost cause.