Steve led me to the end of our dock. He set down the lantern behind us as we sat together, kicking off our shoes and sliding our feet into the water. It was chilled water, we giggled about it, but it was tradition. Any serious talk we had took place at the end of this dock, with our feet in the water. We both knew this talk would change our relationship, as all the others had, and we were facing it bravely.
I put my hand on his. He wiggled his fingers between the cracks of my fingers to hold my hand. I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder.
"I love you, you know," I sang to him quietly.
"I do know," he whispered back, a smile in his voice. "Why this time?"
"On the battlefield, when the shots were raining down, and you told me to do the thing I did at the Triskelelion. It was you. I've just come so far from that, you know? It was barely an option for me to use my portals when I have just power, now. I can throw my body into an army and burn everything. I just... I don't know. Such a simple reminder just reminded me of who I was before Agamotto. I've almost forgotten who I was before it."
"But I'm proud of how far you've come. Thor's right with the whole strongest Avenger, and all."
"Second."
Steve and I shared a laugh that died out quickly. What started as a quiet, unsure talk failed entirely as I mentioned my powers. A tense air fell over our conversation. As I took my head from his shoulder, we found ourselves staring at our laps, wondering who was going to speak first. The topic was easy: the return of my powers. Deciding who was going to divulge first was the hard part. Thinking about what the end of the conversation held for us gave me a horrid feeling in my stomach. I feared for his words as equally as he feared mine.
"I saw your face back in New York," I rambled quickly, at the same time he said, "I know exactly what you're going to do."
We both paused. I squinted my eyes at him, he raised his eyebrow at me. He decided to continue. Our hands found themselves back in our laps. We stared at our swinging feet in the water instead of looking at each other.
"I know exactly what you're going to do," he repeated quietly. "You're going to go back up there. You're gonna do what you dreamed of doing for the last five years. Everyone knows it. I know it, you do. I can't compete with that."
"You can," I disagreed. "If I asked you what you want me to do, if I offered to stay, you would still say no, Steve. It's me before you. That's how this has always been. But even if I stay here on Earth, I would travel, and you don't want that. You want to settle and I don't. We just want different things for where we are in life, and I-I've thought about every scenario, every compromise."
"What's the verdict?" he wondered.
"This Steve, this tired, overworked, partly retired Steve," I whispered, reaching to caress his face. He chuckled. "And this other-worldly Clara aren't meant to be together. We grew up together, we changed each other. But my verdict is we weren't meant to last forever. I think we were supposed to be together for these wonderful ten years. I believe that so dearly, Steve, but..."
"I know. I feel it, too," he mumbled.
"We lived the domestic life. We lived the Superhero life. But if I'm meant to go to the Stars... I think you're meant to settle," I continued. "'Nothing that we do in our past affects our future.'"
Steve's eyebrows came closer together. "What are you talking about?"
"You're not going to ask me to stay here with you. This is the end of our road. I'm going back to the Stars. I think you deserve to get your dream, to settle down. I think you deserve to do that with someone who can," I said. I tried not to let my voice quiver, though I felt a lump start to form in my throat.
"You want me to go back?" he asked, dumbfounded, and I nodded. "Go back to where, somewhere when you were human? Convince you to run away with me and settle down?"
"No, no, Steve. Stop choosing me," I told him. I couldn't find the strength to say her name. I could barely find it in me to look at his eyes.
"Clara, we're married, I can't just stop choosing--"
"You know where I have to go. I can't leave you here alone again. It's not fair. You deserve someone who can give you what you want. You want that life, you want a family, and I can't give you that. It's not me. I'm sorry it isn't," I rambled, frustrated.
Tears fell from my eyes, but my voice didn't crack, and I never gasped for breath. I couldn't find it in me to sob. I cried softly for the end of our love and I grieved the end of Steve and I, but so long as I was going to live my dream, I needed him to do what he dreamed of before I could truly follow my destiny. I needed him to be okay before I could leave him behind again.
I couldn't stop shaking my head. I was forcing my eyes to stay shut, though I felt his eyes on me. He hadn't connected a single dot from my words. I was the only woman on his mind.
"It doesn't hurt me to do what you want to do. I need you to do what you want to do, without me involved in your decision," I told him, after I took a shaky deep breath. "I promised I would love you through everything. I promised I'd do whatever and all that was in my power to make you happy. So, this is what I'm proposing: when you take the Stones back, make a final trip back to the past and settle down with Peggy."
Steve exhaled a quiet hum. I didn't look at him. I knew he was shocked by my words. We hadn't spoken of Peggy almost entirely since her funeral. I had found him staring at his old watch once or twice In the last few years; I was never bothered by it. We both had chosen each other, over and over, every day. We were in love. We would continue to be in love, no matter what happened, the same way he still loved Peggy even after all this time. It didn't sadden me to think of him with another woman. Steve deserved the life he wanted. I wanted him to have that by any means, even if it wasn't with me.
"But... But you were my dream."
"You were mine," I cried, digging my palms into my eyes. I let my hands fall once I saw stars in the darkness of my eyes and I looked at him. He was crying, too. "But we just aren't meant to be forever. I'm going to live a life alone up there. I was lucky to be here at all, to be human for as long as I was, to know love because of you. I knew life, because of you. You changed me into the person I am today. I'm a brave fighter because of you, I'm smarter, I'm kinder, I'm more me because of you. You have been my entire world and you've put me first for ten years, Steve. Stop. Don't think about me. Make this decision for you."
Steve took his time to think. I stayed quiet, calming my breathing. I let him ponder my words. It was hard to imagine what was going on his head. He had let go of Peggy and thrown himself into loving me with everything he had. Once more, we found ourselves in a position of having to let each other go, saying goodbye, although, this time, might be our final one. I was asking him to move on and, after ten years, stop thinking of me.
"Standing there on the remains of the Compound... Going from myself to all those people... It just resonated in me that we aren't alone. It feels like there's a torch to pass here, like I don't have to be doing this any longer. I thought about what that meant these last five years-- retiring. I thought it would include you. Then, you got your powers back, and I knew automatically our days were numbered. You weren't mine anymore. You're the Universe's," explained Steve. The corner of his lips lifted sadly. "You make me proud, Clara. It makes me happy to see you want to help people even in the far off corners of the Universe. It reminds me of myself before the Serum. A will, just trying to find a way. But you found it. I can't be upset that you want to help people."
Steve drew his foot from the water and bent it, turning to face me. He pressed his lips to my cheek, lingering, before he tucked my hair behind my ear and left his hand on the back of my neck. He brought me close to him and held me tight to him as I held onto his arm. I tried not to sob.
"I first loved you so because you reminded me of home, of the 40s, but you are also a staple for me in this time. I've always been the Man Out of Time. I found my other half with you, so I never thought about going back when I found out you had the new powers, when the Time Heist became a thing. I had no reason to because I never thought we wouldn't end up together," he said. "I would have followed you anywhere. I was going to."
"If you don't want to, then you don't. You can ask me to stay and I will be here with you. I'll give up the Universe for you--"
"I can't ask you to do that---"
"And that's my point," I sighed. "You won't let me stay with you. I can't leave you behind again. We have the family back, Steve, but you wanted a love that could grow. Peggy can give you that. You got your life with me. Get your life with her. Let me leave here knowing you lived a full life that you were happy with."
"I thought she was the love of my life. But it's you, isn't it?" he muttered. I looked up long enough for him to kiss me. "You are the love of my life, Clara, and you're right. I'll go back and give her that dance. I can't promise I'll stay there. You and I are still married, my love, how am I supposed to let go of that and live a life with someone else?"
"I'm not telling you to. I'm telling you to chase your dreams, and not mine, not ours. You were my dream and I was yours, but I have to go do what I'm meant to, and you deserve to live out your other dream, too. This is your only chance to do it," I told him.
"We do this mutually now and appreciate what we had for what it was, or we stay together until we figure out too late we aren't supposed to last, or until we ignore that fact and I am too old for you to be with anymore," he said.
I laughed, which brought him to smile.
He shook his head. "Do you really think I should do it?"
"She deserves to know what it's like to be loved by you. You deserve to be loved by someone who can stay," I breathed.
"I never wanted to lose you," he whispered.
"I know," I said, kissing him softly. He kissed me once, then twice. I kissed him once more. "I know. It's okay. I promise. I just want you to be happy. I can't put you through not being enough anymore. I want you to be with someone who will be enough, someone that'll give you your happy ending. I'm just sorry I can't give you what you want."
Steve pursed his lips as he nodded, empathizing with my view. If he didn't share it, he understood it. He understood our parting ways was necessary. He scratched his neck. "Will I, um, ever see you again?"
"You're my best friend," I scoffed. "How could you say that? Of course you'll see me again. I'll always find a way to come back to you."
"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled. "But what about Sam and Bucky? Wanda?"
"They're grown, Steve. They have each other. Besides, I'll check in every few years and make sure they haven't killed each other accidentally," I insisted.
"And Kona?"
"If you do this, you'll come back in a few minutes. She will still be here waiting for you. She'll be happy to stay with you," I guessed. "I think she always did like you more than me."
"Are you sure, Clara?" he asked, and I knew he wasn't asking about Kona.
"Of course I'm not sure," I sighed, "But you know this isn't gonna work anymore. I can't put you through waiting for me again. I need you to do what you want to do. I'm sorry."
Once more, Steve fell into silence. He was still facing me as he sat down. He kicked my leg softly underneath the water. His lips kissed my head, my cheek. He rested his forehead on my shoulder. I put my head on his. We found comfort in each other, a resonating sense of longing, but understanding. Our time together had been precious. It was just time to move onto the next adventure.
I wiggled with the ring around my finger.
"Can you just... Can you keep it?" he asked quickly, reaching to hold my hand. "I want you to have yours. I just think maybe it would be nice for you to have you with me. I don't know. You don't have to--"
"Of course I'll keep mine," I agreed, caressing his cheek with my hand. "What will you do with yours?"
Steve took his off. He played with it between his fingers. "I'm gonna keep it, too. If I do stay with Peggy, I'll tell her about you. I'll lock it away somewhere and when I go..."
"Stop," I mumbled.
"It'll go with me."
I shook my head. Through tears, I rolled my eyes. "I don't want to think about life without you."
"That's what'll happen if I stay back, isn't it? I'll grow old and pass and you'll still be here, saving the universe without me," he said.
I nodded.
Steve kissed my hand. "We're gonna be okay. I don't know where our paths lead anymore, but I'm glad they crossed at all. I was lucky to love you, Clara Rogers. I hope we find everything we're looking for."