Time Period: 5021 A.S
Oh, cool! A bit futuristic, I see
Name: Duskwolf
Oh. I understand you're trying to do a NightWing compound name (or at least, I'm pretty sure that's what you're aiming for), but that's not how NightWing compound names work.
They usually have something to do with the dragon's occupation, or personality, or appearance, or even just there to sound generally NightWing-y.
So unless your character... actually, I've got no idea how that name could fit into those categories, sorry.
The point is, that doesn't look like an actual NightWing name.
Age: 9 Years
Okay, cool
Gender: female
Alright
Sexuality: Straight
'Kay
Tribe: Icewing-Nightwing mix (I know very original)
It's overused and frankly, after what I've seen from the rest of the form, I'm unimpressed.
Abilities: usually very weak fire breath and ice breath (It feels like something warm/ cold is just gliding over the affected dragon unless it goes down the throat it shall not kill anything) Mind reading, slightly serrated claws
Well, for the weak fire/frost breath, I recommend you only keep ONE (firebreathing or frost breath), since the abilities aren't codominant and realistically, they would not combine into a singular ability.
And, oh boy, mind reading... Oh well, I guess. As long as you do it right. Can't say it's very original, though.
Edit: You didn't do it right. This is the only time you even mention mind reading.
rank: ? When in the Icewing territory she was in the 5th circle, (1 year 2 months old at the time)
5th- 5th circle?!
Duskwolf shouldn't be in the circles at all, considering she is a Night/Ice hybrid. I know it's been a few years, but a few years CAN'T wipe away 2000+ years of conflict. I know they did that spell thing, and that's cool and all, but it doesn't make sense for a Night/Ice hybrid to suddenly be okay. That conflict didn't wash away yet, and the IceWings would still be a very proud tribe.
Realistically, Duskwolf wouldn't even be allowed near the nobles, let alone being one and in the freakin' circles.
Appearance: She is a pure white near the front end of her body, which slowly fades to almost jet black at the end of her tail, she has bright green eyes, the underside of her belly is a light blue, she has what seems to be a million stars under her wings both black and white, she has purple and blue colored horns, with a notiable scar on her eye and a scar on her chest which is usually covered by a bandanna and a Skyfire necklace, in which her father gave her both when she was young.
SCREECHES IN DISMAY
I know it's futuristic, I get that, but it was A FEW SMALL COMETS and the island is REALLY BIG (someone actually calculated an estimated size of Pyrrhia, and it's very large). Do you really expect anyone to be able to find one of the possible 2 comets on a whole continent? I get what the comets can do can be common knowledge, but I don't think the location would be, considering only 2 dragons happened upon one when/after they fell and I don't think either would remember its specific location at all.
Other than that, the scar on her eye is a little overused, but hey, two of my characters have one eye that's so badly damaged they can't see out of it, so I guess I'd be a hypocrite saying anything.
One more thing- you should add her height and weight, as well as her muscle mass. Is she buff? A little heavy? Skinny? Important details, you know.
Personality: She is known to pretty much a hot head that is very competitive. She may only do something if another challenges her, while to her close friends she is considered a weirdo, she is always striving for something interesting and is often unpatient and quiet, though it is noted that she does talk a lot and has a big mouth near close friends or her father.
I really like the personality! It's a nice one, and it's a nice change from the "shy, introverted, antisocial" OCs. There's nothing wrong with those OCs, but I appreciate the change.
I would recommend going into more detail, though. The amount of traits in general and the contrast is really nice; I'd just recommend more details, and detailing each of the traits a little more closely.
backstory: She was born in the Ice kingdom to a 2nd egg circle mother named Crystal, whom was full of her self.
Okay, I've got quite a few questions right off the bat:
1: if she's so proud and full of herself, AND not to mention the fact she's a 2nd circle noble, how on earth did she pair herself up with a NIGHTWING?
2: How did the NightWing and Crystal meet up anyway? I mean, they're kind of on complete opposites of Pyrrhia, PLUS the Ice cliff exists, PLUS there are not very many reasons for Crystal to be outside the palace at all. So how on earth?
3: So if her mother is a full-of-herself IceWing, why and how did Crystal name her daughter a NightWing name instead of an IceWing name?
4: Where's the father in all of this? This feels awfully yada-yada'd here. I mean, it's a NightWing and an IceWing... where's the father? How did this even happen? What happened to the father anyway?
Oh, and also, for the record, "Crystal" is an overused name.
Her mother was always expecting a lot from the dragonet
It's a NightWing/IceWing hybrid, why and how would Crystal expect ANYTHING good from the dragonet? This implies she had expectations, which, realistically, if Crystal was a full-of-herself IceWing second circle noble, who SOMEHOW got a hybrid kid, Crystal would expect Duskwolf to be a mistake, and tell Duskwolf as much (which, considering it was also a HALF-NIGHT HYBRID KID, and she's a PROUD ICEWING NOBLE, the only reasonable explanation I can come up with is that Crystal got pregnant with Duskwolf by mistake; by accident. But really I shouldn't have to be assuming here-).
and always punished her, when she was a year old she got thrown out for talking back for the 100th time.
Thrown out of where? Don't IceWing nobles live in the palace? And if Crystal is living in the palace (which would only make sense), how is Duskwolf even allowed INSIDE the palace in the first place? To the IceWings' eyes, Duskwolf is the epitome of betrayal and everything awful and horrible.
And, that brings up another question- why don't you explain how Crystal's ranking is affected by this? Because I'd imagine it'd be pretty badly damaged, considering Crystal mothered a Night/Ice hybrid.
She decided to go and try to find her father, who her mother only called 'stupid'.
So Crystal just refrained from speaking her mate's name? This just makes me more confused as to why Crystal named her only daughter a NIGHTWING name.
She wondered around until she got caught up in the Skywing palace.
what
how the heck did we end up from "IceWing palace" to "SkyWing palace"?? With no explanation, as well! You're really not going to explain how this happened?
Are you straight up just going "oh ye she wandered around then poof, SkyWing palace, haha"
No explanation? At all?
Whom at the time was ruled by Queen Scarlet.
Now I'm even MORE confused
HOW DID A NIGHT/ICE HYBRID GET "CAUGHT UP" IN THEEE QUEEN SCARLET'S PALACE
AND WHY AREN'T YOU EXPLAINING THIS IN FURTHER DETAIL
AND ISN'T SCARLET DEAD?
She was put onto one trial
Oh, now she's... she's on trial. Or something.
This has gone beyond "missing details;" it's like you've pulled out ACTUAL CHUNKS of information from her backstory.
against an Icewing named Ursa (Latin for Bear). To make it long story short, she won by blasting his throat with fire.
Blasting fire?
Isn't the fire supposed to be weak?
How on earth did she blast fire?
I feel like if it was weak, it'd come out in less of a blast, and in more of spurts of flame or something.
Replies has the rest, why? because there a 2000 word limit.
Then a Nightwing came and just took her out of the arena, as for right now.
Okay, so later on, we learn it's her father.
How on earth did a lone NightWing just pick up a Night/Ice hybrid and leave? Why did Scarlet let him? (Remember, it probably only worked with Starflight because there was more than one, and they were all likely pretty big). And now that I'm thinking about it— why didn't Scarlet keep Duskwolf as a present for Burn? Because I think that's the likeliest thing that would happen, here.
Its unknown if Ursa survived.
Probably not, I'd imagine
The Nightwing took her to cave, not to far from Jade Mountain. He explained who he was, and an Icewing who he also once loved but now hates. Duskwolf declared that was her mother.
So, wait, did the NightWing know Duskwolf was his daughter? If not, why did he rescue Duskwolf at all? And if he DID know, A) why didn't he tell Duskwolf this at the beginning, and B), how did the NightWing know where Duskwolf was?
As she found her father like she planned, was glad.
Doesn't Duskwolf have questions? Like, I don't know, WHERE THE HECK HE HAD BEEN?
She hunted and played with him. Then when she became 9 years of age he declared that she shall be going to Jade Mountain Academy.
How did she even know that it existed? Did Sunny just wander in and be like "hey, I know you're there, come join my cult- I mean, my academy" and yeet or? Because like. I get that they're nearby Jade Mountain but that's a whole mountain. I feel like an explanation of how she discovered the academy's existence is in order.
Also, I actually completely forgot that Duskwolf could read minds until I proofread everything. So now I'm asking: Why isn't Duskwolf's mind-reading power mentioned at all in the backstory?
residence: Well technically Jade Mountain, but she lived with her father back in an old cave about five mountains away from Jade Mountain. It was just a hole with carved out hallways and rooms, that probably took years.
YEAH OKAY NOW I'M REALLY WONDERING HOW THE HECK DUSKWOLF KNOWS OF THE ACADEMY
Isn't she, like, secluded or something??? How the heck would she know of the academy
Family and Friends: SoulSlayer
That's the worst name ever, and I'm not sorry about saying it.
A pure black retired Nightwing Assassin,
Sorry, bud, but it was actually kind of confirmed that Deathbringer was the only, and I mean only proper assassin in the NightWing tribe at the time. Doesn't really fit in with the canon.
(although I might have found out that there is evidence that there was once a CLAN of assassins that Deathbringer's mentor was apart of... but I'm pretty sure they're all dead or something, so oops.)
hes much more friendly and is very protective of Duskwolf. He is noted to seem to have colors like green and blue in his wings and a brown on his snout.
Brown is a little odd. How'd he get brown?
Crystal, an Icewing who pretty much could be considered royalty at this point,
Which, again, brings up many questions, like how she got away with mating a NightWing, or how she even got to keep Duskwolf (even if it was only for a short while), or why Duskwolf was allowed in the palace, or how Crystal even managed to meet up with the NightWing in the first place, or how she even fell in love/ was with him for a little while since she's a 2nd circle noble IceWing in a palace.
Lots of questions.
she loves jewels and diamonds. She is known to be pure pearly white and has small and almost unnoticable light blue stripes like diamonds, She is always angry and hates dragonets funnily, she always has some sort of necklace or bracelet on her and tells lies often,
Overall, not that in-depth and boring characters that feel like REALLY minor side-characters, both Crystal AND Soulslayer (who I'm going to assume is the dad).
Mate: N/A
Crush: N/A
Dragonets: N/A
Other: She is not resitant to ice or fire. But she does have a stronger firebreath than her frostbreath.
Alright, I guess
She loves wolves and the night. When younger she was self concious and always shy towards others. her favorite food is moose.
That's all cool, I suppose.
She was put to a duel against Ursa by some shady Skywings in a very VERY small town, since Queen Scarlet was dead when she was born anyways.
I-
I don't know where to begin with this.
First of all, is this just... changing the backstory? I know you said you were changing it up, which is why I asked if it was just an addition to the "other section," but maybe I should have taken a closer look at this before I asked that question.
First of all, I thought that the duel was because of a trial? In the arena?
Second of all, you literally said Scarlet was alive and ruling the kingdom earlier. "Whom at the time was ruled by Queen Scarlet." ???
Third of all, "born." I won't take any points off but dragonets are hatched, not born.
She got the bandana when she was very young to help her breath better after a very nasty scar in that fight.
This is a cool, realistic addition. I like it. Now onto the "Skyfire necklace" part.
The Skyfire Necklace She has was given to her by her mother, which was stolen from her fathers familyline
By the time the Skyfire could have been an official heirloom (which is what I assume you're going for), the Skyfire couldn't even have been on Pyrrhia yet. Unless he's some sort of alien I really doubt he would have had it at all, much less established as an heirloom (remember: heirlooms are passed down from several generations).
Not to mention- how the heck did he found it?? ONLY, LIKE, ONE OR TWO COMETS. IN A REMOTE LOCATION. ON A MASSIVE CONTINENT.
it's animus cursed to make the individual wearing take the appearance to be pure white, but it once could turn that dragon into an Icewing when it was first made.
Why and how and where did it change? Who animus-cursed it? How did her father find it?
Also, why that particular enchantment? I can understand if it was made to infiltrate the IceWing palace, but that implies it was enchanted during the SandWing war, and the comet didn't crash to Pyrrhia until AFTER the war ended, so I'm a little puzzled.
As I was writing this, I kind of figured out that you were implying the enchantment aged so much it changed the enchantment, which I know it's fictional and it's literally dragon magic and I shouldn't be so nit-picky, but from what we've seen in the series, the enchantment can like... fall apart after thousands of years, but they don't completely alter themselves within a decade. That doesn't make sense.
She has a sister named Nightfall who is pure white with strikes of a dark blue across her body, but doesn't remember her.
Nightfall is overused. I like her design though.
... why is she important again?
Overall Review:
The Good Parts::
— The personality is actually really good. I like how different and contrasting it is, and you've definitely paid a good amount of attention to what she's like and who she is. There is room for improvement, admittedly, but this is better than a lot of other OC personalities I've seen. It's also a nice change from the norm.
— The design, aside from the Skyfire part, is nice. It's simple, but it's cute, and it's not too unrealistic, either. It fits the character and you've added necessary parts to her appearance.
— The abilities, while they do have their problems (I'll get to them in a moment), are pretty good, especially in comparison to the majority of the Night/Ice characters (AKA Darkstalker Clones). They need improvement, but still; at the very least you can, and should, congratulate yourself on the fact you didn't give your character animus magic.
The Bad Parts::
— The name Duskwolf. It doesn't make for a good NightWing compound name, which I thinnnk is what you were going for. It didn't really hit the mark, considering that it's not a realistic NightWing name at all.
Also, aside from that, why did Crystal name her daughter a NightWing name if she was so high and mighty and a noble IceWing that kept calling her NightWing ex "stupid"? It doesn't make sense for her to name her only daughter as a NightWing.
— The overall names are pretty bad. Soulslayer is the worst name ever, Crystal is overused as all hell, Nightfall is overused as all hell, and I already mentioned the problems with Duskwolf's name.
— The hybridism. There have been worse Ice/Night OCs, but that doesn't mean that this is any good, either. The appearance is fine, and the abilities (while not great) could definitely be worse, but mostly, it's just how unrealistic. It's like the IceWings don't even care that Duskwolf is a night/ice hybrid.
Let's get everything straight:
-Duskwolf would NOT be allowed in the circles.
-Duskwolf would NOT be allowed in the palace.
-Duskwolf would NOT be allowed near nobles.
-Duskwolf would NOT be a noble.
-Crystal would be IN THE SEVENTH CIRCLE.
-Crystal would be PUNISHED.
-Crystal would LOSE her nobility.
-Crystal would be shunned.
^ This SHOULD be the series of events in the backstory, but it doesn't happen, and if it does, you never mention it (note: you should mention these kinds of things.)
Why are you leaving out Crystal's and Duskwolf's lifestyle? The new, damaged one Crystal had to cope with, and the one Duskwolf was raised in? Why is it missing from the backstory? Why aren't you mentioning these things?
— The abilities, while could be worse, are not that realistic, because fire-breathing and ice-breathing are NOT codominant, and would not combine in a hybrid. Duskwolf would not have a combinatiom.
The mindreading part isn't excusable either, considering it's overused and you only mention it once in the abilities. I'd forgotten about it. Mindreading should be a MUCH bigger part of her, and in the backstory, it's never even mentioned.
— The rank is not realistic, considering she is a Night/Ice hybrid and she would never be allowed in the circles. This implies nobility; I feel like I shouldn't have to tell you that Duskwolf, as a night/ice hybrid, would never be a noble, regardless of her mother's rank.
Please refer to what I have to say above ^^^ about her hybridism.
— The Skyfire. I have so many things to say about the Skyfire.
Let's start with the fact that it doesn't make sense for Duskwolf to have it, period. Her father shouldn't have had it as an heirloom since it didn't exist when it could have been established as such.
Secondly, even if he just randomly took it, it would have to be right around the time Duskwolf hatched, and by that time, I can't imagine that Crystal and Soulslayer were in contact at that point. How did Crystal steal it?
Thirdly, why did Crystal give it to Duskwolf? I got the impression that Crystal didn't like Duskwolf, so why give her anything? Why isn't this interaction more detailed, since if Crystal gave Duskwolf a gift, an enchanted HEIRLOOM, surely their relationship went deeper than hatred?
Fourthly, the enchantment makes no sense. Why that enchantment? What was it being used for and why? Is this ever explained? Does Soulslayer know? And if he doesn't, why not?
Furthermore, why did it change? It couldn't have completely altered itself within a decade due to age, that completely contradicts the canon. So why? Who changed it, and how?
Fifthly, this is unoriginal. The enchantment is unrealistic, the fact that Soulslayer had it at all doesn't make sense, and lastly, it is very, very unoriginal. So, on top of everything, it's overused.
It doesn't really seem to make a big impact on the backstory at all. In fact, it is only mentioned in the appearance and the "other" section, so it would definitely help if you removed the Skyfire altogether.
— The Backstory.
Here are ALL the questions I had in the backstory:
If Crystal is so proud and full of herself, and she's a 2nd circle ICEWING noble, why did she pair herself up with a NightWing?
How did Crystal and the NightWing meet? The NightWings would have kept to their volcanic island, and Crystal would have stayed in the IceWing palace. They're also on the opposite ends of Pyrrhia. How?
Why did Crystal name her only daughter a NightWing name if she's a full-of-herself IceWing?Where's the father in all of this? What happened to him? At least give an explanation as to why he's not even mentioned.
You mention that Crystal expected a lot from Duskwolf, which doesn't make sense. Why and how would Crystal expect anything moderately good from the dragonet?
Where was Duskwolf thrown out of? Because she sure as hell wouldn't be allowed inside the palace.
Why haven't you explained how Crystal's lifestyle changed since she mothered a night/ice dragonet? Or the lifestyle Duskwolf is forced to grow up in due to her hybridism? These are very important details, yet you neglect to mention anything regarding this.
How the heck did Duskwolf "wander" into the SkyWing palace? Why isn't this explained further? Why don't you give more detail as to how this even happened, because you basically just jumped from "kicked out" to "oops, imprisoned by Scarlet"Why isn't Scarlet dead? I would assume this is a mistake on your part if it weren't for the fact that Duskwolf is imprisoned, which wouldn't be the case if you had meant that Ruby was the queen instead.
You don't explain why she's on trial, now. Wouldn't she just be a prisoner?
How does she blast fire if her fire is supposed to be weak?
How did a singular NightWing pick up a Night/ice hybrid and leave? That wouldn't have worked no matter which way you look at it. And why did he do this? Did he know Duskwolf was his daughter? If not, why did he rescue her? If he did know, why didn't he tell Duskwolf this from the beginning? How did the NightWing know where she was at all? Doesn't Duskwolf have questions?
How did Duskwolf know that JMA existed? It's not like there's a daily newspaper that they collect or anything.
Why isn't Duskwolf's mind-reading mentioned?
— The inconsistency in the "other" section. It's just conflicting what you already have in the backstory.
— The small lack of details in the appearance; namely, the lack of information regarding the weight, height, and muscle mass. Nothing too big, but they're important details that present a clearer picture of what your character looks like.
How To Improve + Suggestions:
For the name Duskwolf — Your options are limited, here, and I'm pretty sure there's only one if you want an improvement, which is erasing the name altogether. I can understand if you would prefer to keep the name, but keep in mind that it doesn't fit in with the canon.
If you're going to change it, I also recommend changing it to an IceWing name, unless you have a reasonable explanation ready for why Crystal named her only dragonet a NightWing name.
Or, at the very least, if not an IceWing name, then still probably not a NightWing name. Like a neutral name that is neither IceWing nor NightWing yet describes her appearance or something.
Like, for example, the name Gradient (also a suggestion), since Duskwolf has a kind of slight gradient from white to black on her scales. It's a better idea than a NightWing name, especially one that doesn't make much sense.
For the overall names — Namely Nightfall, Soulslayer, and Crystal. These names aren't that good; to be blunt, and more detailed than the "The Bad..." section:
Crystal is very overused and I've seen the name far too many times.
Nightfall is also overused, and while it isn't as overused as Crystal, I have also seen it plenty of times (not to mention the fact that it's kind of a lazy name. Crystal could maybe be considered a lazy name because of how overused it is, but Nightfall is lazy just because it's one of the most predictable NightWing names ever.)
Soulslayer is a needlessly mystical and Deathbringer-esque name that, while technically more plausible than Duskwolf's name, wouldn't make sense just because of how overly mystical it sounds. Deathbringer is an edgy name, don't get me wrong, but if the NightWings want a name that says "this character kills/brings death/is an assassin/etc." it's going to be blunt and non-mystical because that's how compound NightWing names are structured: they are supposed to be very literal, very blunt, and not at all mystical (some characters can have compound mystical names, but these names normally refer to their abilities/supposed abilities, and those are simply categorized as a NightWing-esque name).
(one more thing to note is that the "non-mystical" thing seems to be specifically tied to compound NightWing names; non-compound names can probably bend that rule a little)
If you want name suggestions (because I have a REALLY good few suggestions for the name Nightfall), please PM me.
For the hybridism — I won't tell you to get rid of her hybridism, simply because it seems like her backstory is centered entirely around her hybridism and her family problems (and if you wrote her family problems more realistically, then this is fine for a backstory, considering that she's only 9 years old), but you do need to write it a lot better.
See the following sections for details on how to improve Duskwolf's hybridism.
For the abilities — The first, and less problematic issue (out of two), is the fire/ice breath combo. So far, these kinds of abilities are NOT codominant, which essentially means that it's one or the other, and they would not combine.
So, choose: fire breathing, or frost breath?
As for the more problematic of the couple, the mind-reading, you have two options:
A) Delete mind-reading altogether. It's only mentioned in the abilities, and it's very easy to do. It's probably the better option, but it's up to you.
B) Keep the mind-reading but frequently mention it in the backstory; make it a much, much bigger part of her life. This would probably require some rewriting of the backstory, at the very least some extra additions.
Take Moonwatcher, for example; her abilities as a mindreader are a HUGE part of her life, as it should be. It's an overwhelming thing to be able to do; it should be as, if not more, overwhelming for the mindreader.
Mindreading shouldn't be kept as a side-note. Future-seeing could probably be kept as a side-note if it's weak enough (which, by the way, is a secret third option; adding future-seeing but taking the mindreading off), but mindreading is a constant thing that, unless you know exactly what you're doing, will constantly affect you and those around you. And even if you do know what you're doing, it will STILL affect you and those around you.
I mean, seriously, think about it. As a human, if you could read minds, do you know what that could change? Do you know how many people would hate you, or be afraid of you, or avoid you? Maybe all three at once? Do you know how worried you'd be, how guilty you'd feel, listening in on people's thoughts, even if it's accidental?
Especially if you can't turn it off, it'd be hell; it'd be the hell that Moonwatcher experienced.
For the rank — Take Duskwolf out of the circles, out of the palace, maybe even out of the Ice Kingdom. And that could very well go for Crystal, too; she should not, and I mean NOT be considered royalty at this point as you mention her to be looked upon as.
She literally had a kid with the enemy of two thousand years. Why is she still held in such high esteem?
For the Skyfire — Nothing really makes sense. For the timeline, it couldn't have been established as an heirloom, the father shouldn't have been able to find it period, and the enchantment makes no sense. So many questions, and also, why did Crystal give the skyfire to Duskwolf at all? It's a no from me.
So, here are a few options:
A) Get rid of it.
B) Get rid of it.
And
C) Get rid of it.
I really hope you pick the option where you get rid of it.
Seriously, though. You COULD answer all those questions, if you've got the time, but the easier option is to remove it altogether.
Plus, Skyfires are overused and they make no sense. There's another reason to just remove it.
For The Backstory — Either rewrite it altogether or answer each and every single question I posed. I even included a list. It's still probably gonna be long and feel a little tedious, but honestly, this is exactly the reason why you include EVERY. SINGLE. DETAIL.
I include every single detail that happens exactly because this is what happens when you don't include every single detail: there are holes, missing parts of the backstory. And then there are questions, and if there are too many, it's just gonna be hard to do.
For the inconsistency — This should be pretty easy. Just sort out the inconsistency, namely the whole "SkyWing/Scarlet trial" thing that is contradicting each other in the "other" section and in the backstory you provided respectively.
For the lack of details in the appearance — Again, another easy one. Add the height, weight, and muscle mass to the appearance to paint a better picture of what Duskwolf looks like.
I suggest — Going into detail with the personality traits you already have. Maybe provide instances or exceptions to certain traits, or maybe examples, or times it becomes more prominent. Add specific parts to some personality traits; she's probably not hotheaded all the time, so at one points does she become hotheaded? If she's usually hotheaded, what calms her? What makes her especially hotheaded?
I suggest — Going into detail with the side characters. Crystal and Soulslayer, as characters, are confusing at best, and insignificant at worst. Why? These characters seem to be very important to Duskwolf, so why are their personalities so vague, if there at all? Why do their opinions remain undetailed and unexplained? Who are they? If they're so important, giving a more detailed version of their character (and keeping it consistent, too, because you're not keeping Crystal very consistent) is pretty important.
My Rating:
4.3/10
Originality: 22/25 (3 points knocked off for the names Nightfall and Crystal)
Realism: -2/25 (4 points knocked off for Duskwolf's name + why Crystal named her a NightWing name?, 1 point knocked off for Soulslayer's name, 2 points knocked off for the abilities, 5 points knocked off for the Skyfire + all unanswered questions about Skyfire, 13 points knocked off for the inconsistency in the backstory + the "other" section, 2 points knocked off for the rank)
Interest: 8/25 (I'm not very interested in this character)
Uniqueness: 15/25 (This character is not very unique)